AGB Footy

THE HUMAN LIGHTWEIGHT

If Derryn Hinch was the hard core Demon supporter he claimed to once be, there is no way in the known world he would have mistaken Jim Stynes running over the mark in the 1987 preliminary final at Waverley, with Jim Stynes running over the mark in the 1987 preliminary final at the MCG:

Banishing my Demons

Was back at the MCG with Ron Walker the day Jim Stynes ran across the mark and incurred the 15-yard penalty from which Buckenara scored and we missed out on the grand final.

Niggled? Didn't check?

HumanHeadline Derryn Hinch

@Jesse_Hogan Correct. Niggled me when writing. Didn't check. I remember Pat Cash abused me for no reason.

What real Melbourne fan needs to check that?

BARE-FACED LIVE

When I first read the following article I thought "pushed back 10 minutes" meant the Seven telecast would be delayed by ten minutes, which is not exactly live, and which would have been a monumental piece of skullduggery. But then I realised it meant the games themselves were to be pushed back 10 minutes, which apparently is a piece of skullduggery - at least according to Caro:

AFL's $1bn rights deal

FRIDAY night football would be televised live every week for the first time and pay TV operator Foxtel would get to show finals live under a landmark $1 billion deal being negotiated between the big networks and the AFL.

As the deal moves towards its ambitious $1 billion price tag, it has emerged that Seven is close to a compromise with the league to make all Friday night telecasts live - in return for match starting times being pushed back 10 minutes.

In what could prove to be a controversial change among fans who attend matches - particularly families with young children - Friday games would be shifted from their current 7.40pm start to 7.50pm.

Andy Dollars & his three amigos will have done a sensational job if they manage to get the TV networks to go live as well as cough up the famous billion dollars.

Still, the ink is not yet dry. It remains to be seen whether Friday Night Footy is absolutely live as opposed to almost live. There's always The Delay. The TV stations will not want to lose listeners to the radio broadcasts, so a little time-shift tweaking is likely to happen as the TV network tries to scramble the radio & picture feeds. If you don't want to listen to the ads, you can always investigate the effectiveness of a delay-o-tron or IQ it.

DR. RICHARDSON, I PRESUME

If you saw the highlights of last night's Richmond -v- St Kilda match you would have seen Jack Riewoldt smack his head into the deck, get up with jelly legs, be assisted from the field, shamble down the race to see the doctors for a concussion test, then re-emerge to crack the shits at the Tiger medical staff for not letting him return to play.

Whether Jack's tantrum was warranted is worthy of debate. Should he have carried on like a pork chop? Should he have sucked it up and accepted the medical verdict? How bad was his concussion? Could he have continued to play without impairment? How much residual damage is he likely to incur, if any? Was he in fact fine and cracking the shits with a clear head as he thought the medical staff were over-reacting? Was he totally addled to the point where he was oblivious to his dummy-spit? All fair questions which could have been debated on the 3AW pre-match when they discussed last night's match. Instead Matty Richardson jumped in with an alacrity that suggests he may have been previously worded up by the Tigers. I paraphrase:

"Jack's reaction was understandable in the circumstances, since emotional and angry responses are classic symptoms of concussion."

This was followed by a blithe acceptance from the other members of the AW footy panel and the debate ended right there. Richo, Riewoldt's friend and former team-mate, had neatly shut down the discussion via a statement of fact.

Now, I am no doctor, so following Dr. Richo's diagnosis I sought a second opinion from my local internet. Signs and symptoms of a concussion may include:

• Headache or a feeling of pressure in the head
• Temporary loss of consciousness
• Confusion or feeling as if in a fog
• Amnesia surrounding the traumatic event
• Dizziness or "seeing stars"
• Ringing in the ears
• Nausea or vomiting
• Slurred speech
• Fatigue

That list was from the Mayo Clinic and several other sites failed to list "emotional and angry responses" as classic symptoms of concussion.

That is not to reject Richo's medical expertise. One site listed irritability as a symptom, while Wikipedia mentions "crankiness" and "displays of emotion that are inappropriate to the situation."

But at least one question came immediately to mind: how often have you seen players blowing up after copping a concussion?

NON SOQUITUR

A caller to SEN explains why Casey - and by extension, Melbourne - should recruit Brendan Fevola:

"You've got to walk the walk so you can talk the talk so the proof is in the pudding."

CALAMITY JONE

Yet another in a long line of callers to radio stations who wait patiently on line - some not so patiently; but that's another post - to reveal their cherished memories... only to get it wrong:

Caller: "One of the great calamities in sport was when Justin Madden kicked the post."

KB: "That was Percy Jones."

Caller: "Oh."

Guess the bloke was confusing Justin Madden the footballer with Justin Madden the former Victorian ALP minister for Calamities.

AWKWORD

Nothing ventured, nothing ungained when you use words that mean what they don't mean:

"Shane Neaves was ungangly."

~~ Stoney, SEN, VFL grand final.

Picture a cross between a giraffe and a giraffe.

SLIT OF THE TONGUE

Last Saturday night Stephen Fry told a story about Diana Dors, whose original name was Diana Fluck. At a function in her home town of Swindon the MC was terrified he would bungle her name and commit an embarrassing faux pas. He called her Diana Clunt.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tony Shaw during the 3AW pre-game:

"North have a good list of youngsters. I particularly like Ben Cuntington. Cuntington will be a fine player. See! I told you I would say it right."

Astonishingly, Tony was completely unaware he had it back to front. He eventually realised his mistake and apologized, sort of, but not before a volley of jibes and sniggers from the other commentators gave it extra publicity. Any listener who had missed the original was left in no doubt as to the nature of Tony's howler. It was up to Caroline Wilson to tell the commentary box to stop behaving like children, shut up, and get on with it.

SILLY IS AS STUPID SAYS

"In the words of Captain Mainwaring from Dad's Army: 'You silly boy'."

~~ Dermott Brereton, SEN, Crunch Time

BREAD SHTICK

"Bone, someone needs to tap them on the head with a crusty."

~~ The Rowie & Bone Show, 5AA, Adelaide v. Richmond

ASHES TO SLASHES

"Freo are about to put a knife in the coffin."

~~ Matty Granland nails the hammer, SEN, Dockers v. Loins