AGB Footy

ALLPARK FIGURE

Michael Coulter in The Sunday Age:

A watching brief: confessions of a sporting tragic

Comfortingly, or disturbingly, depending on your point of view, I'm not alone. More than 6.7 million people went to an AFL game in 2012, while in the past few weeks the top-rating shows in Australia were the AFL and NRL grand finals. Meanwhile, in the rest of the world, Americans buy upwards of 270 million tickets to sporting events each year, while England's Premier League is watched by 4.7 billion people in more than 600 million homes.

When you see "more than 6.7 million people went to an AFL game in 2012" do you think 6.7 million individuals attended an AFL match in 2012, or do you think 6.7 million is the gross gate for 2012 with many people attending multiple matches? Personally, I think it means exactly 3.85 million people went to two games each in 2012.

THIS IS GREATESTNESS

Leaping Larry:

The greatest column ever - and that's official

LAST Saturday saw the greatest grand final ever. On Sunday there was another one. Since then we've experienced one of the Wednesday-est Wednesdays ever. Also, I took a leak only recently that, as the trend goes, was presumably the greatest one ever of those as well.

Right on cue, Mike Atherton:

Luck's a fortune to be absorbed in the greatest sporting occasion I have seen

EXULTING in the "miracle of Medinah" in the Ryder Cup, my colleague John Hopkins rightly pointed out that sports writing is an "enviable gig".

The "greatest sporting occasion I have seen" is not 100% on brief, but stroll on over to the newspaper where the headline reads: "From first drive to final putt, Medinah magic greatest sporting spectacle ever." Not only is it a bollocks of a headline, the article is laden with perspective-setting disclaimers, so you need to go to a usual suspect: the subby.

CUT A SHORT STORY LONG

"One week is too long for trade week, so we will cut it to three weeks."

~~ The Shorter AFL 

TWO TONE

Compare the tone of the two reviews of the grand final entertainment. One review is from astute music, television, film, sports and sports entertainment pundit, Leaping Larry L; the other "review" is from News Limited music industry shill, Nui te Koha, who has never seen a show he did not like, for fear of losing his free concert tickets.

Leapster:

AFL Grand Final: Caution, May Contain “Entertainment”

“Local talent time,” was Andrew Demetriou’s stated policy regarding this year’s grand final entertainment.

Although his inspiration was reportedly the London Olympics (?!) many might suggest the new orientation more particularly stemmed from Meat Loaf’s famously aromatic crash’n’burn routine from the previous year, a spectacular debacle which came at a six-figure premium.

At any rate, Channel Seven’s policy before the match largely appeared to be “No talent time”.

Nui:

Tim Rogers, Paul Kelly and Temper Trap owned the stage for AFL Grand Final entertainment

MEAT Loaf was on the menu last year. But the painful indigestion from his disastrous performance lingered until today.

However, hometown heroes Tim Rogers, Paul Kelly and Temper Trap restored the AFL Grand Final entertainment from a laughing stock to world-class rock.

My own source of painful indigestion was Nui describing Temper Trap as "The Trap" as if a nick name would somehow convey a sense of familiarity if not fame when, in reality, I grizzled "Temper Who?".

Fortunately my indigestion was alleviated by the guffaws generated by Nui's references to Denis Cometti:

Footy caller Dennis Cometti tweeted: "Good to see Katut stop flirting with Rhonda long enough to front Temper Trap at halftime."

Again, Cometti the comedian put his thoughts to Twitter: "Paul Kelly looks like Carl Barron's unfunny older brother."

Nui obviously failed to see the "Dennis Cometti" header:

No-one is safe from the quickest wit on twitter. Dont follow if easily offended or cant take a joke. ''... funnier than the real one'' - Dennis Cometti's son a centimetre perfect parody