AGB Footy

BELINDA NEIL?

Was Neil Mitchell doing a Belinda Neal?

"Do you know who I am?"

Judge for yourselves: audio here.

There's the wry, almost harumpfy laugh after "what station?", and 3AW played the audio relentlessly over the weekend.

Howard still tops for salesman Sylvia

COLIN Sylvia might not have heard of top-rating radio station 3AW nor recognise the 2007 change of Federal Governments but he can sure sell a membership.

Dean Bailey was disappointed Sylvia's good work had been overshadowed by an apparent gaffe about who was the current Prime Minister made during a call to one lapsed member, 3AW radio presenter Neil Mitchell.

Mitchell relayed his conversation with Sylvia on air last week.

Sylvia had contacted Mitchell during the Melbourne membership drive because he had not renewed.

The Demon asked the high profile Melbourne-based radio personality what he did for a living, as he had not heard of him or 3AW.

Mitchell told Sylvia he worked on radio and that he could tune in the following morning, as he was interviewing the Prime Minister. Sylvia replied: 'So how is John Howard?'

WHO'S THE BOSSIALSHIP?

"He's Ricky Nixon's... his manager, and a lot of his coaches are under Ricky's managerialship... have got that in July."

~~ Danny Frawley, Before The Bounce

Danny was explaining the intricate details of Terry Wallace's contact.

TOO QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT

Meanwhile, at The Somme, Grandpa AGB can't contain his excitement at the prospect of yet another Essendon Collingwood match.

OOZE YOUR DADDY?

"You could see the genuine love dripping out of their bodies."

~~ Caroline Wilson, Footy Classified

Can't remember who Caro was talking about, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't the North Melbourne chickens.

YOU REAP WHAT YOU PLOUGH

Trevor Grant comes as close as a journalist can to calling Terry Wallace a slimy, back-stabbing liar:

Game's up as wily fox backs into a corner

From the moment he was told he was too slow to play in the centre at Hawthorn in the 1980s, he got crafty and took charge of his destiny.

Richmond and Melbourne seem to be engaged in a one-on-one coach killing battle. In 1997, Melbourne beat Richmond, who then sacked Walls to unleash the Giesh. In 2007, Richmond beat Melbourne, who then all-but sacked Daniher, who then sacked himself. Now, in 2009, Melbourne beat Richmond, who have sacked Wallace... I mean, embarked on a contingency Plan B.

All the sweeter in light of last week's media which was full of talk about Wallace being OK for now... but if they lose to Melbourne.

THE ONCE AND FUTURE SACKING #

Leapster puts Wallace to the sword, and fillets a few other fish:

LIKE EXCALIBUR IN THE STONE, DIGIT REMAINS FIRMLY LODGED

So, from what has been said in the media, Richmond is fully committed to Terry Wallace staying on as coach, but according to RFC president Gary March, has a ‘contingency plan’ in place for Season 2009 in case he goes.

FAULTY THREESEARCH

See. See what I mean. This (abridged) exchange, between Brian Taylor and Liam Pickering on Fox AFL Teams, is what I'm talking about:

BT: "Zip and three at Richmond. Only three sides before have made it to the finals from that position."

LP: "Even those three you mentioned: Geelong in 2004; Adelaide in 2001 finished 8th; Sydney in 1999 finished 8th. So, even if they make it they are going to be at the bottom end."

Were I at work today, and not on a well-earned holiday, you could put all your magic beans on a co-league saying something like "Did you see the stats on AFL Teams last night? The Tigers are gone."

Not so fast.

First: selective omission. Pickers conveniently left out that Geelong just missed the grand final when they lost a preliminary final squeaker to Brisbane in 2004 and therefore, by finishing fourth, did not finish in the bottom end of the eight.

Second: missing a year. Melbourne lost the first three games of 2006 and finished sixth.

Third: only? Rather than "Only" three sides making it to the eight after losing the first three games of a season, four sides have made it to the eight... since 1999. There's no "only" to it. In ten seasons a side who lost the first three has made it to the finals 40% of the time. Near on once every two years. If the Tigers make the eight this year it will be five from out of eleven and 45%. It's almost, not quite, bordering on the edge of a necessity to lose the first three games. Fremantle and Melbourne are certain to make this year's eight.

AAMI SHAAMI

Is there a side with a more dismal record than Melbourne at AAMI? I used to go to Melbourne games in Adelaide, now I don't even bother watching them on telly. The aggravation is such that the occasional score on the radio is about all I can endure.

Speaking of radio:

"There were five or six handballs in that link of chain."

~~ Shane Wakelin, SEN

Still, on the outside chance Melbourne somehow manage to conquer the unalloyed heights of a respectable loss, I always record the game to watch later. In the case of Melbourne vs Port, just the second half because the machine ate the first half of the tape.

(Note to self: get IQ.)

You've almost certainly had a Monday's experts disagreement over an aspect of a match. You: "Jeez, Joe Bloggs was dreadful." Contrary Other: "Really? TV Pundit said Bloggs had a blinder." See what I'm driving at? Punters often cite the commentators as the last word. No idea why. A small percentage of what they say is worthwhile, much of it is the bleedin' obvious, a lot of the rest is complete pants. The last quarter and a bit of the Dees/Power game was a case in point.

"You need to kick the ball to the dangerous space, not the dangerous spot."

Danny Frawley makes a comparison between footy now and footy in the old days. Pretty sure he was trying to say you can no longer bomb it to a contest in the goal square, but surely dangerous is dangerous.

DR: "That's bread and butter for a man of Cameron Bruce's experience."

LP: "A good finisher in Cameron Bruce."

Dwayne Russell and Liam Pickering describe Cameron Bruce's goal-kicking expertise. They must have forgotten Bruce had previously missed a sitter, and also been unaware that not one Melbourne fan would put money on a Bruce shot for goal... sorry, shot on goal.

"And you just see Davey here. Kicked the ball. That's the new rule."

Danny Frawley dissects the replay of an incident in which Melbourne were awarded a free kick down field after Aaron Davey had been decked after getting rid of the ball. Why is this a "new rule" to Danny? Down field frees have been around since at least when he played.

Incidentally, on a 1998 trip to Adelaide to watch Melbourne and Port, we went to Adelaide Oval to watch Norwood and Westies. At half time in the bar watching Adelaide and Geelong on the TV there was a local oaf bouncing around the bar chanting "FAD, Mods" over and over. FAD is checkside speak for "free after disposal".

"He hasn't moved, Dunn."

Danny Frawley pronounces Dunn done after he was dropped by Dom Cassisi. Danny's definition of "has not moved" conflicts starkly with reality's "is lying face-down on the ground but is waving his legs around." (And not in a knocked-out flinchy way, either.)

DR: "Colby, what did he do wrong?"

LC: "What did he do right? I've done plenty of that over the journey, so no questions 'ere."

Dwayne asks boundary rider Leigh Colbert for input after Alipate Carlile fumbled the footy. Colby started off fine: sharp come-back. But if he's going to give it the "no comment" treatment because he fumbled when he was playing he may as well give the caper away. That's assuming his "no questions 'ere" equates to the more likely "no comment 'ere".

"It's a perfect short pass."

Dwayne Russell, anticipating a Port move, waxes rhapsodic about a mongrel short kick that hit Dean Brogan in the shins and almost tripped him up. Should have waited until the ball was kicked.

"That's the new rule. Whether you agree with it or not is another thing. But the umpires are told 'that's the rule, you've got to pay it'."

Danny Frawley should steer clear of the rules. Cam Bruce had been awarded a 50 metre penalty when a Port Player ran over the mark. This rule has been around since Jim Stynes played full back for Ballyboden.

"It's a love-all draw at the moment in this last quarter. Both sides have kicked five goals."

Danny Frawley, again.

Then there was the customary confusion about how a push in the back is not a push in the back if you use your fore-arms. Yes. Danny. Once again he was tangled up in the rules.

The regular inconsistency over "ducked into it" raised its head. When Josh Carr was "just too clever" because he "dropped to his knees" to "milk himself a goal" there was clear approval from the team, but every other instance of ducking was met with disapproval.

Imagine if I'd seen the whole game. Surely it's not this bad every week?

WORTH THE WEIGHT

"Stick fat through thick and thin."

~~ Nathan Buckley, 3AW

Bucks' sage advice was to a Richmond caller who said she would not go to another Richmond match until Terry Wallace was gone.

... BUT I TRANSGRESS

"I have no doubt the AFL will punish those who digress."

~~ Mick McGuane, 927 Sport

Adrian Anderson just called. Henceforth, and from here on in going forward, there will be a mandatory six weeks suspension for players who take the indirect route to goal.

"The direct route to goal is sacrosanct."

AUTUMN ALMANAC

"I like my football on a Saturday." When the philosopher Davies wrote that back in 1967 he can scarcely have anticipated the technical advancements that have facilitated the sporting phenomenon (AFL press release: "as read by an estimated three billion people each week.") that is The Footy Almanac Online:

2009 Footy Almanac
The AFL season - one game at a time.

This website emerges out of the book The Footy Almanac, which is now in its third year. The Footy Almanac is a game by game account of the AFL season, with dozens of contributors, edited by Paul Daffey and John Harms.

We have had such a response from footy-lovers who want to write for The Footy Almanac that we just won’t be able to fit all the stories into the book. So we decided to create a place where they could be read - this website. And if you show a bit of form on the website you will thrust your name before the selectors and may even get a run in the book itself.