AGB Footy

BLAST FROM THE POST

Or: Two Miners Were Kicked.

Missed this article about life in the Pilbara in The Australian Literary Review: Memory is all we have. (Via Adrian.)

Now, I could try my hand at a long, evocative post full of spinfex, red dust and vast distances, but I don't do that, I do football.

I twice played footy at Goldsworthy, once in 1980 and again in 1981. In the second match I played at full forward and early on took a mark about 45 metres out on about a 45 degree angle; on the wrong side for a right footer, as they say. Lining up, the full-back gave me the usual "chewy on yer boot" stuff but I was pretty confident of slotting the sausage. I connected well enough, allowing for the slight breeze, and the ball looked set to sail through but it faded late and lobbed smack bang on the knob on top of the right goal-post. The full back turned to me and said "I bet you never do that again." Soon after the ball came our way and I pantsed him on the lead, this time marking 45 metres out on a 45 degree angle on the other side; what Channels Nine & Ten call the reverse angle. "Remember what I said," he offered by way of advice. This time, to counter the wind, I decided to drill the ball harder and lower. Connecting neatly, I watched the ball tracer into the same post about a foot below the knob. "Told you," said the fullback.

All's well that ends well, though, I kicked five and we won comfortably.

THREE TO AIR

Was the footy coverage on Nine, Ten and Foxtel any good? Well, it could have been worse, it could have ALL been on Foxtel. And it could have been utterly hideous, it could have ALL been on Seven, like it once was. (Shudder.) Two articles from the Weekend Oz addressed our strange broadcasting arrangements and the anti-siphoning laws.

Sam Maiden:

Tougher tests for big-game TV rights

FREE-TO-AIR television stations face a tougher "use it or lose it" test for sports broadcasts under a push by Coalition MPs to stop hoarding by networks.

Matt Price:

Fox Footy's demise still hard to take

THE familiar October melancholy looms greyer than ever. Fremantle's improbably enthralling September run, followed by an electrifying, epic AFL grand final, makes this year's brutally instant footy fast even tougher to stomach. Compounded, cruelly, by the manslaughter of Fox Footy Channel.

We have anti-siphoning regulations to make sure nationally significant sporting events are kept on free-to-air television. Looking at the list, it seems there's plenty of room for flexibility, but it's fair to say there'd be one hell of a ruckus if, say, the AFL grand final, the NRL State of Origin or the Melbourne Cup suddenly found themselves on cable telly.

Nor is it likely governments of either stripe would abolish the present situation. The Liberal government instigated the regs and are looking at "use it or lose it" amendments. While Labor are firmly behind the status quo: "There are millions of Australian families who cannot afford pay-TV who rely on an effective anti-siphoning list" ~~ Senator Conroy. Abolition is in courageous decision territory, so we're pretty much stuck with things the way they are.

Every now and again I'm tempted to want all footy and cricket on Foxtel. Cricket here in summer would certainly benefit from a change away from Nine. But to be perfectly frank, while Nine and Ten have their faults with the footy, I can't see Foxtel doing it any better if they had all the rights. You need only look at ESPN to see why full cable coverage could be poison. They and Fox in the states have had to stump up so much moolah for the rights to the NFL that they need to have advertisements during all stoppages. Same with the Baseball. That's not the case here - so far. ESPN Straya have the gall to show all the ads during their replays. It's a flippin' disgrace. What compounds the pain is that we don't even get to see the American ads, some of which are pretty damn fine, we just get Tommy Smyth with a Woy relentlessly inciting us to "put it in the old onion bag" and plugs for rubbish like the Strayan version of Pardon the Interruption. Ads on subscription television are just wrong, wrong, wrong.

To be perfectly frank, I'm pretty, generally, roughly happy to have my footy spread across free to air and subscription telly. Although that may change given my pathalogical hatred of Channel Seven.

By the way, can anyone make sense of this Matt Price paragraph? The manslaughter of Fox Footy is ALL the federal government's fault, except the bits that aren't.

It's tempting to blame the AFL for diving into the oceans of cash before locking in national coverage. Tempting, but misguided; all blame resides with the federal Government. It's illegal for the AFL politburo to deal directly with pay TV since all games must first be offered to free-to-air networks. Andrew Demetriou is a mighty powerful chief comrade, but the AFL boss held no sway here since under an old, misguided deal Seven held last bid rights to match or trump the Nine/Fox offer.

POINTS OF ORDER

Are you sick of it? I know I am. Every time you open a paper or turn on the radio there it is, they can't help themselves: "The last five times Sydney has played West Coast ... [dramatic pause] ... the combined margin has been 12 points." I dispute that.

The last five times Sydney has played West Coast the Swans have won twice by an accrued margin of 5 points, while the Eagles have won three times by an accrued margin of 7. Quite obviously the combined margin for the last five matches is not the 12 points relentlessly cited, but TWO points in favour of The Eagles.

This is not an isolated misconception.

Historians tell us that during WWII Russia lost 10 million points, while Germany lost 5 million for a combined margin of 15 million. Wrong. Had the Taylors, Glantzes and Beavors done their due negligence, like me, they would have arrived at the rather more valid tally of 5 million.

So you see, numbers have a habit of making even the most learned gentlemen look foolish.

The International Federation of Competetive Eating throws up these anomalies all the time.

AND JUSTICE FOR HALL

BARRY CROCKER
I would have preferred Sydney to win, or rather, I would have preferred West Coast to lose. But Barry Hall playing an absolute shocker was a satisfactory portion of what goes around comes around.

SOAR POINT
The Eagles winning by a point has put paid to "the closest margin since 1966." Now we can look forward to getting sick of "the closest margin since 2006."

SITUATION NORMY: ALL FUCKED UP
It's not a new thing for the Norm Smith Medal voting to be a surprise, in fact, it's almost a tradition. Wayne Harmes won the first in 1979, but Wayne Johnston was clearly the best player that day. Now Andrew Embley has joined the list of surprise winners. Not one of my West Coast friends picked him, neither did I, yet the papers have him as the overwhelming winner. Balls! He was pretty good but he didn't make the AGB top five:

5. Kerr
4. Cox
3. Glass
2. Kirk
1. Judd

WHOLE LOTTA CHOKING GOING ON
Sydney had a shocking first quarter, bumbling, erring, umming and being spanked all over the ground. But astonishingly, if it wasn't for the yips, they would have been in front at quarter time. That really tells you something about the way The Pinks go about their business - they are extraordinarily hard to beat in tight games. If they hadn't been so strikingly off-key, they would have won the game. In fact, once they started their surge in the last quarter you would have sworn they were home. It's a testament to West Coast ability that they were probably the only side in the comp capable of holding Sydney out in that situation. Just.

UN SYNC
The pre-game entertainment was ... why bother.