AGB Footy

TALKING FOOTY TALKING

You know, ever since Matt Price wrote two Saturdays ago that footy radio commentary is "chicken soup for the soul" I've been working up a longish post on the current state of footy coverage.

This was going to be a Big Event Post. I mean, we're talking an extravaganza of Grand Final pregame proportions. There'd be more giant sized deflatable caricatures than you could poke a sharp stick at. More fireworks than a Reuters photo. More children waving ribbons than ... EVER! We'd be Doin' The Lloydy on the footy fraternity's ass.

Naturally, the post was to contain assorted usual suspects, the recent indulgence fandango, thin skins, over-reactions, AFL drivel, radio rights, telly rights and clichés galore, by golly!

But that's not all; not by a long chalk.

There was self-indulgence AND over-indulgence. There was Wally Foreman, George Grljusich, Pat Love, Neil Clancy, Smokey Dawson, Douglas (not Doug) Bigelow, Geoff Leek, Steven Rielly, Jake Niall, Caroline Wilson, Mike Royko, Joe Buck, Chris Collinsworth, Troy Aikman, an allegedly uncritical Martin Tyler, Phil Liggett, Damian Lovelock, Ed Wyatt, Mark Allen, Liam Pickering, Jason Richardson, Cameron Noakes, Leaping Larry L, talkback callers, Anfernee from Chippendale, official broadcasters, conflicts of interest, Friday Night Footy, unsynchronised signals vis-a-vis television versus radio, stupid graphics, reverse angles, close-ups, crowd shots, those bastard Bunnings ads, beauticians, boofheads, "Dooks, Brian!", riboflavin, niacin, iron and a complete and utter lack of research.

Bugger me, though, if I can't put the swine together.

In lieu of this sudden dearth of coherency, why don't you tell me what's getting up your nose.

PING

~ "What is it, Sparks?"

~ "A cliché, Sir. Cavitation suggests a Soviet AFL class Under the Radar.'"

~ "Direction?"

~ "Back to base, Sir. He's putting his cue in the rack."

GNO COMMENT!

TROUBLE STANDARDS?

You know how the old saying goes - timing's something. Well, here's Mick Malthouse writing just last Saturday that Brisbane had been too lenient on Jason Akermanis.

Too late to shorten Jason's leash

I understand the Lions have been one of the most successful modern clubs and coach Leigh Matthews is both a legend of the game and a legendary straight shooter.

And I'm no close associate of Akermanis; I've probably met and spoken to Jason only a handful of times over the years, and always found him to be a pleasant enough bloke.

But the way the relationship between player and club has degenerated in recent weeks strikes me as extraordinary.

It's been obvious for years that the marvellously skilful Brownlow medal winner gets special treatment at Brisbane. He's always been extremely outspoken and appears to have had a licence to do and say things not permitted by other players.

Collingwood has copped a spray from Jason over recent years. He has called us soft and scared and flabby in various interviews.

It's all a bit of theatre. It's hard to take this kind of criticism too seriously when you remember Akermanis is paid and encouraged to court controversy by his various media bosses.

I guess you reap what you sow.

In short: Aker's a lair and a blabbermouth, but because he's a gun, Brizroy were content to turn a blind eye just so long as they were winning. BUT! according to Mick, they let him carry on for too long, so that it eventually it became a problem.

(Really, the Boobs should have made him shave off his black "beard". It's a hideous look with a blonde rinse.)

Of course, as is the way of these things - surprise, surprise! This week Mick has roughly the same problem at Collingwood, he obviously didn't touch wood. Chris Tarrant and Ben Johnson broke team rules, getting in a boozy fight last Sunday morning. But has Malthouse seen fit to sanction the two players? No, he's shown his own leniency and picked them for tonight's game against the Cows because they are good players. (At least he's honest.)

Mick Malthouse: Why I stuck by troubled Magpie stars

FIRST, let's make one thing absolutely crystal clear.

The decision to include Chris Tarrant and Ben Johnson in Collingwood's squad for the Adelaide game tomorrow night was mine.

Sure, you can debate until sunrise whether what Aker did, again, is worse than what Tarrant and Johnson did, again. But the point is, Mick believes Aker should have had his leash yanked ages ago, whereas he thinks his own players were merely "out of line" and deserved only a 5,000 buck slap on the wrist. This despite a long history of leniency shown to Tarrant, in particular. Tony Shaw, a bit of a goose, yes, has been banging on about Tarrant's behaviour for years.

(By the way, Aker is a far better player than the overrated Tarrant, so going by Mick's rules, deserves a far longer leash.)

I agree with Mick that "so-called "consistency" is overrated. You make decisions on a case-by-case, week-by-week basis - getting it right is the key." But that doesn't mean "consistency" is a bad thing, even in quotation marks with a so-called. And as for getting it right? Does he really care? Fobbing the issue off with a trite "the last time I looked we lived in a democracy, etc" smacks of fuck-you. That's not the issue, mind, the issue is Tarrant and Johnson being granted excessive leniency in the face of Mick just last week criticising Brisbane for doing exactly the same thing.

As for the morality/ramifications/right-and-wrong of the decision? You better go and ask Patrick Smith what he thinks. That's not my area of expertise.