AGB Footy

DREARY BELOVED

Geoff McClure in The Age ...

Which is probably as good a time as any to put on record one of Collo's last accomplishments before those most unexpected events of April 9 when he suffered a heart attack after watching his beloved Blues go down to Collingwood at the MCG.

In footy the term beloved is a nauseating cliché. Do I love my football team? No, not in the slightest. Am I obsessed with them? Yes, absolutely. But that is because I'm am an unbalanced halfwit, unable to separate the real satisfaction attached to personal success from the vicarious satisfaction attached to someone else's success.

I am addicted to football. Giving up booze is easy. Ciggies? A doddle. But do you think I can give footy away? Not a bloody chance. The only way for me to kick -- ho ho, I won't be giving up puns anytime soon -- the habit would be for the club I support to disband. Then, perhaps, I could forget about what some other highly paid oaf does with his life, and get on with mine. Do something worthwhile, even. Read a book, learn Russian or prune the hedges.

Until then, though; Go Demons!

LOST POST

Ignoring the obvious, it seems to me there's a slightly different emphasis to irreverence and irreverant? The noun seems kind of rude, retaining as it does, it's abusive intent. The adjective, on the other hand, conjures up a spot of friendly mischief, cheeky monkeys and their like. Just saying, is all. Just saying.

Anyhoo, almost completely unrelated. Today was Anzac Day, a day of deep national reflection. Naturally, in keeping with tradition, I did what many of my countymen do on this auspicious occasion. I got up around 10:30, cooked breakfast, read the papers then watched television all day.

There was a lot of good stuff on, as it happened. And some crap. An appalling movie called SWAT and about ten episodes of The A-Team of which I lasted about five minutes into one. Jesus, that show is rubbish! Even allowing for a slightly likable dag-factor. The makers must look at it now and cringe in their Armani.

Also caught up with last week's Lost. Is it my imagination, or is the show already starting to drag? Get on with it. And not only is it getting slightly boring, but that Aussie girl's shreiking was unbearable. "Christ, girl, shut the f~~k up," I muttered at the screen while pressing the fast-forward. With luck someone will feed her to the monster. And Shelly's right about Aussie/American accent matches. Where the hell does the screeching little poppet's so-called Aussie boyfriend come from? Namibia? The Americans do rotten Australian accents. Although in the bad accent department, it would be hard to top Anthony La Paglia's bizarre turn as Daphne's brother in Frasier.

Speaking of stupid language issues. Yesterday Dwayne Russell referred to Ashley Hansen having a shot at goal "from just outside the paint." You hipster, pig, you're not cool. If I was at a game and someone used such a gratuitious and ill-suited Americanism I'd rub a hot pie in their face. It's worse than "dishing off", which is really saying something.

LEST THEY FORGET

"Innovative," Gerard Healy called it during On The Couch. And Jon Ralph in the Hun called it "a bit of a masterstroke." Yes. It certainly was a good move to put Brad Miller at full-back on Saturday night. But it's not the first time it's been done.

The Age ...

Miller has Hall's measure

If you wondered why coaching staff earn so much money in football, you ought to have watched Melbourne's dismantling of Sydney at the SCG on Saturday night. With a couple of deft positional moves in their back half, the Demons eclipsed the Swans, notably the shifting of centre half-forward Brad Miller to full-back for the game to match up with Barry Hall.

The Australian ...

Miller beefs up defence to out-muscle Hall

THE image of St Kilda's Fraser Gehrig slamming home six goals was fresh in the mind of Melbourne coach Neale Daniher last week when he cast his eyes towards bulked-up youngster Brad Miller. Gehrig had demolished Melbourne's backline a few days earlier, and Daniher had to find a way to stop Sydney's Barry Hall from doing the same on Saturday night at the SCG. So last Tuesday he sat down and told Miller, who has spent the past year developing as a key forward, he would be switched to defence.

But, really, it wasn't that surprising ...

As far as the back line is concerned, Melbourne need that one big mobile player capable of shutting down opponents' big forwards. The style of player you can build a backline around. Nicholson is better than is generally credited, in fact he's had a fine year, but Melbourne need a satisfactory alternative for when he's ill-suited to a job. Rivers is good, although still very young and light, and hopefully will develop into a Chris Mew type of player. Ferguson, who spent the year injured, is similar to Rivers. Whelan, Wheatley, Brown and Yze are all fantastic attacking backs, but aren't big. Hopefully someone like Bell, who has grunt and, as a bonus, looks like a natural footballer, will develop into a strong, long-term defender. My pick for full-back would be Brad Miller who kept Barry Hall to one goal at the SCG in 2003 and has all the makings of a 200 game key defender. Daniher, though, seems to want him at centre half-forward. However, I doubt he has the innate smarts or is a good enough kick to hold down CHF full time. So it's the lack of that one key Fletcher-style big backman that's dogging the Dees defence at the moment.

Just look at Fletcher again today.

PS: Just between you, me and the internet, Sydney don't seem to be any good.