AGB Footy

JEFF WRITE

A while back, I arrived home from work to find a message on my phone asking if I'd like to write an article for the Melbourne Football Club annual magazine about Club Best & Fairest winner Jeff White.

Now, The Demon magazine is hardly the New Yorker, Spectator or even Knitting Monthly, but it's still a proper magazine and what's more, has it's own gang of writers, so I deemed the offer as something of an honour. An honour which occasioned a deep and reflective one-point-two seconds of consideration that consisted primarily of "They've gotta have the wrong person!"

Seeking confirmation, I rang back to be told that, yes, they did mean me, so I said I'd love to do it.

Those complex overtures done with, I followed up all gung-ho with an enquiry as to when the piece was required. I'd seen journos do that in movies. Casually, as if I'd been granted an ABSOLUTE EON to bang out a rough draft of War and Peace, came the blithe reply; "Ohh, not until tomorrow afternoon."

Choking back a reflex WTF, I replied cool as the underside of a pillow; "Tomorrow? No problem."

They said they'd send out a set of quotes from relevant people at the club around which I could build the article. Sounds great, I said and hung up.

At this point I suddenly realised here was ONE not insignificant dilemma. I'd never actually written anything. Well, apart from this blog, but that doesn't count. I can put any old rubbish in here, and frequently do, but a proper printed type article for a proper printed type magazine, however moderate the circulation, was another kettle of kippers entirely. Dammit. It's a SHINY magazine.

The upshot was that not a million miles from the thrust of "never written anything before", it dawned on me that I didn't have a blind clue what I was supposed to do. I certainly didn't think I'd be able to serve up my usual ... ahem ... vibrant and multi-layered pun-fest.

Nope. This project called for a "just get it and kick it" approach. Straight down the guts.

So drawing on years of experience as a reader of some of Uncle Rupert's finer publications and sticking roughly to a policy of "taking it one word at a time", I managed to cobble together the quotes with enough platitudes to serve up the article.

Now, I was under no illusions the article would be submitted for Walkley consideration and, in fact, would probably just form the basis of a shiny fluff piece polished up by someone else. Hell, I was only being paid with a lunch. However, I was generally surprised when the article appeared largely as submitted, but with the following salient differences.

1) It was missing the zest I'd included just to see if I could sneak sly jibes past the censors.

2) I don't know from "heartwarming tales".

3) Even though they loved mine, headlines are my long-suit; their's is lame.

Compare the two articles and see what you think. I invite you to be hyper critical of the tarted version, and highly copmlimentary of my original effort. Should you think otherwise, well, I'm a big boy; fire away.

WHERE STRENGTH OVERCOMES ADVERSITY

In his role as Melbourne's unofficial barometer, ruckman Jeff White spearheaded Melbournes rise from a disappointing fourteenth in 2003 up to finals contention in 2004. In the process, he also achieved Melbourne's most brownlow votes, won All-Australian honours and took out the Club's prestigious Keith "Bluey" Truscott Memorial Trophy by one vote from self-proclaimed battler Nathan Brown as Melbourne’s Best and Fairest player for the season.

It is a heartwarming tale of strength overcoming adversity, and one which should inspire young players for years to come.

After a spate of injuries contributed to a season White would probably "put down to experience", the Melbourne faithful were in no mood for excuses after the Demons endured the disappointment of 2003.

However, few fans knew the depth of White's problems throughout last season. He first had to deal with a debilitating shin injury, then suffered a telling knock to the knee against West Coast at the MCG. Combine the two injuries and Jeff was rendered virtually lame for the season.

A year later, all have been vividly reminded that there few things more gladdening to all who love the game than watching a fully fit and firing White leap majestically at the centre-bounce and propel the ball into attack, followed by a rampant swarm of Melbourne onballers.

No one could have been more pleased that Jeff's father Gary. "We were very, very proud. There was actually a tear in my eye. We just felt it was so richly deserved after everything he’s been through. To be told by a doctor that you may lose a leg … and then to continually push through."

"He didn't give up although the shin injury kept happening," [The discovery of] the shin shield stopped it though, and with the shin shield came confidence and then he had a great, injury-free preseason. The coach really gave him support as well."

"We knew how much it meant to him, the Best and Fairest award, and so it meant so much to us. He really deserved it."

White played many fine games this year, and assistant coach Chris Fagan nominates his game against Fremantle Subiaco as the highpoint for the year. "Whitey had rucked against three Fremantle ruckmen in Simmonds, Longmuir and Sandilands and he was the lone ruckman that day on a massive ground, with the rain pelting down. They put up three against him, thinking that would give them an advantage, but it didn't. That was the sort of Herculean effort that he was able to put in during the year."

But it wasn't just White's eye-catching work at the center bounces that had the Melbourne faithful in raptures. Fagan continues. "Where Jeff's such a good player is that after he's finished with a ruck contest, he's almost like another midfielder because he runs so well and uses the ball so well. So he stands out not only as a ruckman but also as a ruck rover. And he was really consistent – that was the main thing."

As well as the consistency expected from an All Australian Best and Fairest, White had many outstanding games, including the Fremantle match and standouts against the Bulldogs (twice), Kangaroos (including a match saving grab), Essendon and St Kilda.

With the Demons comprised of a very even spread of talent, signified by the tight Best and Fairest count results, it was White who motored along all season and richly deserved having his name added to the roll of Club legends whose names adorn the famous Keith "Bluey" Truscott Memorial Trophy.

That's the finished product done with, here's the original article.

WHITE MAN CAN JUMP

This time last year, one topic guaranteed to generate debate among Melbourne fans was Jeff White.

After a spate of injuries contributed to a season Jeff would probably "put down to experience", the Melbourne faithful were in no mood for excuses after the Demons endured yet another disappointing outbreak of Oddseasonitis.

However, few fans knew of Jeff's problems throughout last season, as he first had to deal with a debilitating shin injury, then against West Coast at the MCG, suffered a telling knock to the knee. Combine the two injuries and Jeff was rendered virtually lame for the season.

It's a testament to Jeff that throughout his ordeal he never complained or used it as an excuse for his disappointing form.

Fortunately it's a year later and we've been vividly reminded that there few things more gladdening to ALL Demon fans hearts than watching a fully fit and firing White leap majestically at the centre-bounce and propel the ball into attack followed by a rampant swarm of Melbourne onballers.

Yep. Jeff White had "one of those seasons".

Melbourne's unofficial barometer spearheaded The Dee's rise from a disappointing fourteenth in 2003 up to finals contendership in 2004 and in the process racked up Melbourne's most Brownlow votes, won All-Australian honours and took out the club's prestigious Bluey Truscott award by one vote from self-proclaimed battler Nathan "Doggy" Brown as Melbourne's Fairest & Best player for the season.

No one could have been more pleased that Jeff's father Gary; "We were very, very proud. There was actually a tear in my eye. We just felt it was so richly deserved after everything he's been through. To be told by a doctor that you may lose a leg … and then to continually push through.

He didn't give up although the shin injury kept happening.  [The discovery of] the shin shield stopped it though, and with the shin shield came confidence and then he had a great, injury-free preseason. The coach really gave him support as well.

We knew how much it meant to him, the Best and Fairest award, and so it meant so much to us. He really deserved it."

Jeff played many fine games this year, and assistant coach Chris Fagan nominates his game against Fremantle at Subiaco's House of Rain as Jeff's high point for the year. "Whitey had rucked against three Fremantle ruckmen in Simmonds, Longmuir and Sandilands and he was the lone ruckman that day on a massive ground, with the rain pelting down. They put up three against him, thinking that would give them an advantage, but it didn't. That was the sort of Herculean effort that he was able to put in during the year."

But it wasn't just Jeff's eye-catching work at the center bounces that had the Melbourne faithful in raptures. Fagan again; "Where Jeff's such a good player is that after he's finished with a ruck contest, he's almost like another midfielder because he runs so well and uses the ball so well. So he stands out not only as a ruckman but also as a ruck rover. And he was really consistent - that was the main thing."

As well as the consistency you'd expect from an All-Australian B&F he had many standout games; the blinder against Freo and pearlers against the Bulldogs (twice), Kangaroos (including a match saving grab), Essendon and St Kilda.

With the Demons fielding an even spread of talent, signified by the tight B&F count, it was White who motored along all season and richly deserved having his name added to those club legends whose names adorn the famous Bluey Truscott Trophy.

GUTS REACTION

English speakers worldwide know the term "guts".

For instance, General George "Blood & Guts" Patton" knew that if you've "got no guts" you've "got no glory". "Greedy guts" enjoy a good "pig out" and are often seen "filling their faces". Doity rats "spill their guts". Though they've also been known to "spill their beans".

We're no different here in Straya and have many variations on the theme.

When you "come a gutsa" you've taken a pratfall. You've tumbled "arse over tit". That's arse, not ass. Courageous sportsmen "guts it out" because they're "gutsy" and selflessly go "where angels fear to tread". Conversely, "gutto" players hang out with the angels, or more correctly, the seagulls. They've "got no guts".

When you're sick of hearing about Paris Hilton, you've had a "gutfull of Paris". Not a million miles from Paris, if you're "up to your nuts in guts" you're "chock a block".

Now, somewhere near the general vicinity of my point, is, on one hand, the magnificent game of Australian Rules Football. In Aussie Rules we have two particular gut related phrases, "bang it down the guts" and "go straight up the guts". Both refer to the tactic of taking the football straight down the center of the ground towards goal and not via the seagulls. Incidentally, "straight UP the ground" is exactly the same as "straight DOWN the ground". Don't dwell.

On the other hand is American Football, which I watched the other night when Pittsburg played Philadelphia.

During the game I noticed something I hadn't previously picked up; commentators Joe Buck, Chris Collinsworth and Troy Aikman kept using the phrase "take it up the guts" and I wondered if they'd just discovered a strange new phrase and were just having fun saying it.

To exacerbate the situation, Aikman kept saying Pittsburg had "gone straight up the GUT". Singular. It just didn't sound right, in fact, it made my guts queasy in exactly the same way "up chuck" and not "chuck up" makes me "nor-shuss".

PS: This is not a knock on Buck, Collinsworth and Aikman, who are as good a commentary team as there is in world sports.

PSS: Gusty players should be avoided.