SLIDGING

I must have been asheep asleep. That's the only reason I'd muss thus....

The New Zealand netball team could be promiscuous or ugly, depending on which side of the Tasman you are standing - and whether you agree with the Australian coach, Norma Plummer.

Plummer stirred up controversy after labelling the Kiwi netballers "a bunch of scrubbers" because of their style of play.

But the term holds different meanings in each country.

Australia's Macquarie Dictionary defines it as "(derogatory) an ugly girl or woman" while the New Zealand Oxford Dictionary says it means "(offensive) a promiscuous woman" or "a person of rough or unkempt appearance".

Macquarie or Oxford? Who cares! Either way they come off as badly dressed butt ugly sluts.

I've written plenty of times that football interviews are basically a waste of time due to their clich�d nature. Hopefully Plummer's trans-Tasman taunt will open the floodgates.

Because sexy sexist issues aside, this is the type of material we've been needing for years.

The following exchange from Car Insurance Park would take on a whole new complexion. Instead of....

Graham Cornes - "How's my hair look? Are we on yet? Whaddaya reckon Kevin? How good was Gavin Wanganeen tonight?"

Sheeds - "He's a marvel. Wonderful player. I wish he'd never left Essendon."

We'd be treated to....

Sheeds - "Wangafraud is a kick chasing, play acting, umpire suck who was lucky to win a Brownlow. I hope he breaks his leg next week."

And what about Docker's foreman, Chris Connolly? Surely he's one guy who'd find the status quo tedious....

Adrian "Barra" Barrich - "Bad luck Connells. The Eags just a bit too good today?"

Connolly - "Yep. A fine side. And Phil Matera with seven was unstoppable."

Boring! Wash his mouth out with milk. No doubt he'd prefer....

Connolly - "They paid off the umpire. And Cheater Matera kept ducking out the back for easy goals. He's never won a hard kick in his career. I wish there weren't any cameras at the game."

Or former Bulldogs brevity butcher Terry Wallace....

Dipper - "Tony Liberatore was fantastic today on Paul Kelly."

Wallace - "I required him to deliver %110 of direct opponent accountability coupled with saturation negation and leather object rebound transference wherever possible. He gave me %120."

He might even trim off some fat-speak....

Wallace - "Kelly's a dangerous fucker. I told Libber not to cut his finger nails for eight weeks and to go for the eyes."

Bring. It. On.

Comments

[os]

My brother (slack sod, went over for America's Cup and hasn't made it back yet) says it's called "Nitball" over there.
Nits, crabs, flystrike, whatever you like, they've got it.

[Scarlet]

I'd rather the commentators did some research and got their bloody facts right.

I'm a tad sick of hearing about "ex-Collingwood Captain Mark Williams", who was born, bred and learned how to kick a ball (and an opponent) at Port Adelaide or Jason Torney, the "ex-Tiger" who in fact is an ex-Panther from South Adelaide. He happened to get shanghai'd to Punt Rd due to the AFL's fucking woeful draft system and only managed to escape and find his way home recently.

If the commentators are looking for some "colour" to add to their remarks about players, why can't they say something interesting? We don't need to hear that a bloke spent a couple of years at some has-been Victorian club (and we CERTAINLY don't need to hear it every time he gets the frigging ball, Huddo, you pilloch), particularly if the bloke HAS done something interesting like winning a Magarey or Sandover or kicking 15 goals in an ACTAFL final or whatever.

[Tony.T]

America's Cup Os?!? Remember, if it ain't got a ball, it ain't a sport. Even Nitball's a sport.

Scarlo - You're crazy hardcore SA bonkers. I like it. And Huddo does fuckin' repeat himself.

[Scott Wickstein]

Did you know that ol Studly has got his missus pregnant again? Still beautiful after all those years...

[Tony.T]

Yeah, saw that in the paper last week Scott. Aren't there enough badly named kids in the world. I find it hard to take the Chads and Kanes of the world seriously.