AGB Cricket

SLOTTO

Tim Nielsen is in today's Fairfaxes talking up Brett Lee for the Ashes: "he is progressing well." That's talking up, right? Anyway, it must have escaped Nielsen that since The Slot injured his foot during the Melbourne Test Australia have looked a tighter bowling unit, winning three Tests while losing only one, a dead rubber. Also, a cursory check of the records would reveal Slot is the proverbial pie-chucker in England, where his Test average is a miserable 45.44, and on current exposed form, unlikely to go lower.

On the upside, get on board Slotto. You'd be in clover had you correctly picked the runs hit from each of Slot Lee's eight overs at the World T20.

PASS THE DUTCHIE

Whatever England were smoking, Australia must be smoking it, too. But seriously, folks. Does anyone expect Australia to feature at the pointy end of this tournament? Or, since there are so few real contenders, feature prominently at the pointy end? Jrod is always going on about probots and V-Slogology for a reason: apart from Warner, who is too literally hit and miss, Australia look very one dimensional. Where's the X-factor? No wonder the selectors were so desperate to get Roy into the squad; they must have felt they were jumping off a tall bridge when they sacked him. Russ is right: sit back, take it easy, and wait for the Ashes.

Gayle and Fletcher blast past Australia

Don't call this an upset. Twenty20 is where it is at for West Indies, by their captain's admission, and they have copped a fair amount of flak for that comment and their subsequent poor performances in more traditional forms of cricket. So there was a sense of anticipation over how they would fare in their "preferred" format. Come match day in the Group of Death, and West Indies, and Chris Gayle, turned up for the first time in two months. They fielded pathetically but that characteristic trait was sandwiched between superb opening bowling and explosive batting.

As for Lee. This morning my phone and inbox were full of messages saying roughly the same thing: "Have a rest, Bing Lee. I'm sure there's a worse credentialled NSW bowler who can replace you."

ORANGES AND LEMONS

Clogged! England get beaten by Holland off the last ball - and via an overthrow - and Paul Collingwood joins Peter Roebuck as the only two members of that elite club of Englishman to captain a losing side against the Dutch. Way to go, Pies.

England produce the perfect capitulation

What gracious, accommodating, spare-no-blushes hosts England have turned out to be. What a sensational tournament they have just set in motion. Forget the IPL, with its glitz and gaudiness, and beyond-the-boundary's-edge entertainment. All England could do to rescue an evening as dank as their dressing-room was provide a cricketing contest that required no hyperbole. That's exactly what they came up with, conjuring up a humiliation that might even bump Gordon Brown's own meltdown off the front pages of the morning papers. England are dead in the drizzle. Their tournament, however, is soaring through the clouds.

AT LONG LAST STRAW

Sideshow Dim Sym has been on his last chance for nearly four years: given his spectacular recidivism, that must be some sort of record.

Boozed Andrew Symonds axed

ANDREW Symonds will be banished from international cricket for ever after being sent home from England in disgrace after his latest alcohol-fuelled bender.

Cricket's bad boy, dubbed "Dim Symmo", broke team rules by having late night drinking sessions and failing to inform teammates of his whereabouts during Australia's Twenty20 World Cup preparations.

Cricket Australia chief executive James Sutherland said last night the CA board would have little option but to tear up Symonds' contract.

"We've probably come to the end of the line," Sutherland conceded. "In isolation the breaches that I am talking about are not serious, but in the scheme of things, in the scheme of history, they are enough for it to be the final straw.

"You might have thought the end of the line should have happened sooner."

Dean Jones has been spinning the line that CA were too harsh, that all Roy did was pop out to watch State of Origin and have a couple of beers. In short: "DK and Thommo did it. It's the Aussie thing to do."

Dean Jones slams Cricket Australia

Former Australian cricket great Dean Jones has fired a broadside at Cricket Australia for sending Andrew Symonds home from the Ashes tour in England for not telling team management he was leaving his London hotel room to watch the NRL State Of Origin at a pub.

Jones surprisingly questioned whether Cricket Australia has been too harsh on perennial bad boy Symonds, and even raised a 'conspiracy theory' about the sporting body's decision to send Australia to participate in a recent series in Dubai.

On Symonds' indiscretion, Jones told 3AW's Neil Mitchell: "I think he is probably too Australian. He just had a beer and supported Queensland's big win over NSW – it's a culture in the team that's always been there … players talk about it. He left the hotel without telling anyone."

Maybe, IF (traditional "big if") you go by Stakeholders' remark that Roy's breaches were "not serious", Deano is onto something. What's more, you rarely associate "not serious" with the colourful phrases "alcohol fuelled bender" and "late night drinking sessions".

Roy deserves to be dumped if he got a skinful outside hours. But if, as Deano said, Roy has been sent home because he didn't tell anyone he was going out to watch State of Origin, then his expulsion is down to cumulative naughtiness. A bit like Ben Cousins. No one would have given a toss had, say, Bill Brownless given the finger to a camera. Ben's history, or should I say form, doomed him to his usual rumpus.

Also, what time was it? Here, State of Origin started around 7:30 pm, but in the UK it would have been mid-morning. If Roy was on a bender, he must have started very early, or stayed up very, very late.