AGB Cricket

SERIOUSLY, NINE?

Yesterday during The Luncheon Adjournment Cricket Show the Australian players were challenged to list the "10 methods of dismissal". Eventually they arrived at Nine's 10:

1. Bowled
2. Caught
3. Stumped
4. Run out
5. LBW
6. Hit wicket
7. Timed out
8. Obstructing the field
9. Mankad
10. Handled ball

There were yuks a-plenty as the players muddled their way to ten. There were no yuks a-plenty at Nine's flimsy grasp of the dismissals.

Firstly, Nine said hitting the ball twice was not a mode of dismissal. Secondly, Nine ticked off a Mankad as a stand-alone method of dismissal when it is a run out. Has Nine heard of the word research?

Nor was there any mention of "retired - out" which is a slightly different kettle of kippers, but an "out" nevertheless.

For the record, the 10 methods of dismissal are:

1. Law 30: Bowled
2. Law 31: Timed out
3. Law 32: Caught
4. Law 33: Handled the ball
5. Law 34: Hit the ball twice
6. Law 35: Hit wicket
7. Law 36: Leg before wicket
8. Law 37: Obstructing the field
9. Law 38: Run out
10. Law 39: Stumped

COKE WENCHES

SCG, January 6, 2004:

Last drinks for beer wenches

Scantily-clad women hired by the hour to serve alcohol to thirsty cricket fans are being warned to keep out of the Sydney Cricket Ground (SCG) on the final day of the fourth Test.

SCG, January 4, 2013:

Life's a beach for cricket fans at the Sydney Cricket Ground

LIKE sands through the hourglass, tradition has been turned on its head with a mini beach installed in the SCG stands for this week's Test.

THIRD TEST: SCG

New Year's dead rubber, retirements, rotations and rawsharks. 

MR RETIREMENT

God knows who is going to stonewall the Indian and English attacks when Australia is four for fuck all, but it is a smart move by Mike Hussey to quit while he's ahead:

Hussey's shock retirement

Mike Hussey will retire from international cricket after the Sydney Test. His last international appearance will be the New Year’s fixture against Sri Lanka at the SCG, starting on Thursday.

KNOX POPULI

Should we make Malcolm Knox the patron saint of the AGB? I'm sure he would welcome the honour. Who wouldn't?

Don't be fooled, this victory really was of the Claytons variety

ANY comment about Sri Lanka's performance in Melbourne would, it seems, be bringing the game of cricket into disrepute. On this stage, after a 17-year absence, in front of its home-away-from-home crowd, its batting was unprintable. Michael Hussey's children made a better fist of it on the MCG in a hit-out on Friday afternoon, and nobody got hurt either.

For Australia's development, the Boxing Day Test was not so much overwhelming as irrelevant.

Apropos Carrot's comment Thursday that he loves the AGB for its "bizarre, rambling bollocks", I find myself wondering that people who accidentally stray into this here dark corner of the internet must feel like a campervan full of teenagers asking for directions at an isolated Texas farmhouse.

SECOND TEST: MCG

"The iconic Vodaphone Boxing Day Test."

~~ Radio ad

So very wrong. This, for a start.

ROLL REVERSAL

As you are all aware by now, Matty Wade bowled a respectable over before the tea-eon adjournment yesterday. (Surprised I have not heard any criticism that Michael Clarke had run out of ideas, or that Matty Wade is possibly a better bowler than he is a keeper. Oh, wait.) You are probably also aware the only other Australian keeper to have had a roll was Rod Marsh. Other recent keepers to perform the feat are Boucher, Taibu and Dhoni. So, all in all, keepers having a bowl is not common, but nor is it unheard of:

Matthew Wade swaps ends to join select few keeper-bowlers

AUSTRALIAN wicketkeeper Matthew Wade completed a rare Test cricket feat when he was called on to bowl against Sri Lanka at Bellerive Oval yesterday.

It was the first time an Australian wicketkeeper has bowled in a Test since Rod Marsh did so at the MCG in 1983.

It is believed Marsh is the only other Australian gloveman to have done so.

What I would like to know is the reverse roll reversal? How many Test bowlers have have donned the gloves and had a keep?

FIRST TEST: BELLERIVE

Nice of Rodney Hoggy to come out and say the Shrees ''have the worst new ball attack that has landed on our shores ever'' the day before a Test match on a pitch reputed to monster batsmen. Then, on the day of the Test, the curator is forced to defend the deck: ''I think it's slightly leaning towards a batting deck. Depending on the overhead conditions, it will probably swing more than seam.'' Hardly reassuring words for a side with a talent for tumbling over at the merest hint of movement. Perhaps we ought to shield Our Phil Hughes.

And speaking of shield: "Shield teams have been skittled for sub-200 scores in six of 10 innings this season." There have only been three Shield matches at Bellerive so far this season: Tassy v South Australia; Tassy v Queensland; Tassy v Western Australia.