AGB Cricket

WHITE LIE FEVER

Cow Corner Warner "is the most juvenile cricketer I have seen on a cricket field," according to Martin Crowe. Crowe is probably right, but Warner is likely to benefit from Armafio's Law, which states that the bigger the rumpus, the bigger the attraction. Talent and a handy baby are good protection, too.

Meanwhile, Warner is involved in a rumpus of a different kind.

Update! What is Hindi for "speak English"?

"When I went over to say something to him, he sort of said something in their language and I said 'speak English' because, if you're going to say something, understand that theoretically I cannot speak Hindi. I did the polite thing and asked him to speak English, therefore he did and I can't repeat what he said."

The polite thing. Well, I suppose. Going by the footage Warner can claim he did not say "speak English, c**t." I mean, that's probably what we all assumed.

RICKEN OR EGG?

After criticising Brad Haddin's catching technique, I would appear to be pushing my luck to also criticise Ricky Ponting over catching, or to tell him how catching works - again and again - but who has the runs on the board here? Me, of course. Ricky has it the wrong way round:

Australia need to up their fielding game

When teams field well, their cricket is strong. Australia will be eager to prove that the mistakes in Melbourne were the exceptions that prove the rule

(There is also a robust debate in Ricky's suggestion Melbourne's bungling "is the exception that proves this rule" - and that debate does not extend just to the meaning of "exception that proves the rule".)

When sides are strong they regularly expect catches and often take catches because they are ready for catches; especially close to the wicket. Their dropped catches generally cost less, too, since catches come along soon after. When teams are weak and chances are fewer, they often drop catches because they are not ready for catches and because they put pressure on themselves by worrying that dropped catches will cost more.

Or maybe it "oscillates" between chicken and egg.

FOURTH TEST: THE SCG

Another reason Steve Smith played for the series on day five of the Third Test: he knew Mitchell Johnson would be ruled out of the Fourth Test. (Not that Johnson has been at his best with the ball.)

SCARED SILLINESS

If Australia had set the Indians 350 and they ran them down in an epic run chase not one person would criticise Smith. So timid this way

— Jon Ralph (@RalphyHeraldSun) December 30, 2014

SIGH STANDARDS

Yes, I know, I know, here I go again banging on about Australia's catching against India in Australia, but bear with me (at least) one more time.

Every time Australia drops a catch we are reflexively informed about Australia's "high standards" of catching. After yesterday's bungle-fest "high standards" appeared three times in this one article alone. It has gotten to the stage that, like "we are 100% behind the coach," "high standards" means the opposite. Is it some sort of positive reinforcement process? Would it kill anyone to acknowledge that we appear to drop an awfully large number of catches against India? Could it be that we are too busy thinking up ways to sledge Indian batsmen, and not busy enough concentrating in catching them? Or is it, as I mentioned here, something to do with the Aussie mindset? Is there a trying-too-hard aspect? Do we not relax?

Haddin takes big diving catches (to his right), but often fails to dive when the ball is not in his preferred area. As well as being a selective diver, which throws first slip, he often dives over low chances that are close to him. This says he dives from the waist coming up, not below the waist down and across, as demonstrated by his drop off Pujara, which also lacked concentration.

Lyon's drop off Rahane was inexplicable. If it is handy to relax when catching, was Lyon too relaxed?

But please, when will someone report on Australia's poxy catching in these home series?

2003/04

First Test

Martyn / Sehwag / 16 (45)

MacGill / Ganguly / 103 (144)

Second Test

Ponting / Laxman / 65 (148)

Ponting / Laxman / 138 (148)

Gilchrist / Dravid / 9 (72)

Ponting / Dravid / 20 (72)

Third Test

Katich / Sehwag / 66 (195)

Langer / Sehwag / 73 (195)

Lee / Ganguly / 9 (37)

Gilchrist / Agarkar / 0 (0)

Gilchrist / Tendulkar / 12 (44)

Fourth Test

Katich / Chopra / 8 (45)

MacGill / Tendulkar / 149 (220)

MacGill / Laxman / 172 (178)

2007/08

First Test

Jaques / Dravid / 0 (5)

Jaques / Dravid / 5 (5)

Second Test

Gilchrist / Laxman / 49 (109)

Gilchrist / Dravid / 18 (53)

Gilchrist / Laxman / 77 (109)

Gilchrist / Harbhajan / 29 (63)

Symonds / Dravid / 18 (38)

Clarke / Ganguly / 43 (51)

Third Test

Clarke / Dravid / 7 (93)

Hussey / Sehwag / 43 (43)

Clarke / Laxman / 60 (79)

Fourth Test

Gilchrist / Laxman / 37 (51)

Hayden / Dhoni / 3 (16)

Jaques / Kumble / 7 (87)

Clarke / Sharma / 4 (14)

Ponting / Sharma / 10 (14)

Hussey / Sharma / 14 (14)

Clarke / Sehwag / 2 (151)

2011/12

First Test

Hussey / Sehwag / 11 (67)

Warner / Sehwag / 55 (67)

Haddin / Sehwag / 58 (67)

Second Test

Ponting / Sehwag / 23 (30)

Haddin / Gambhir / 66 (83)

Haddin / Tendulkar / 80 (80) Hussey caught it on the rebound.

Siddle / Khan 10 / (35)

Ponting / Khan 16 / (35)

Fourth Test

Cowan / Sehwag / 5 (18)

Ponting / Laxman / 25 (35)

2014/15

First Test

Haddin / Dhawan / 1 (25)

Mitch Marsh / Vijay / 11 (53)

Siddle / Shami / 9 (34)

Mitch Marsh / Vijay / 85 (99)

Second Test

Shaun Marsh / Vijay / 36 (144)

Haddin / Aaron / 2 (4)

Third Test

Haddin / Pujara/ 12 (25)

Lyon / Rahane / 70 (147)

Watson / Kohli / 88 (169)

Siddle / Rahul / 1 (3)

Rogers / Rahane / 22 (48)

Watson / Ashwin / 1 (8)

Fourth Test

Smith / Rahul / 46 (110)

Smith / Kohli / 49 (147)

Burns / Kumar / 0 (30)

Haddin / Vijay / 22 (80)

Shaun Marsh / Vijay / 42 (80)

THE CODE

Shane Warne on The Cricket Show:

"I applaud Hair for having the guts for calling Murali."

Which, of course, is code for "I think he is a chucker". Interesting to see if Warnie is forced into a heartfelt professional apology by the valued broadcast partner.

But while I applaud Warnie's candour, well, sleight of candour, I prefer Mike Selvey's direct approach:

The question remains as to how [chuckers] were allowed to get away with it for so long. It is inconceivable that they themselves did not realise what they were doing.

THIRD TEST: THE MCG

I'll think of something to write later.

AGREE TO STIFFER

Shane Warne did not say Mitchell Starc was soft, he said Mitchell Starc looks a bit soft.

"I stand by what I said because I agree with it."

SECOND TEST: ADELAIDE OVAL THE GABBA

India's settled XI and their spirited fourth innings should see them take the momentum into the Second Test. Meanwhile, Australia is in disarray with a new skipper appointed over the incumbent vice captain, which is sure to upset the senior players - right, Rod Marsh? There are question marks over the quicks. And David Warner has turned into our best batsman, and a solid citizen to boot. Shambles.

DROP ZONE

The first number is the score on which the droppee was dropped and the second the droppee's eventual score.

2003/04

First Test

Martyn / Sehwag / 16 (45)

MacGill / Ganguly / 103 (144)

Second Test

Ponting / Laxman / 65 (148)

Ponting / Laxman / 138 (148)

Gilchrist / Dravid / 9 (72)

Ponting / Dravid / 20 (72)

Third Test

Katich / Sehwag / 66 (195)

Langer / Sehwag / 73 (195)

Lee / Ganguly / 9 (37)

Gilchrist / Agarkar / 0 (0)

Gilchrist / Tendulkar / 12 (44)

Fourth Test

Katich / Chopra / 8 (45)

MacGill / Tendulkar / 149 (220)

MacGill / Laxman / 172 (178)

2007/08

First Test

Jaques / Dravid / 0 (5)

Jaques / Dravid / 5 (5)

Second Test

Gilchrist / Laxman / 49 (109)

Gilchrist / Dravid / 18 (53)

Gilchrist / Laxman / 77 (109)

Gilchrist / Harbhajan / 29 (63)

Symonds / Dravid / 18 (38)

Clarke / Ganguly / 43 (51)

Third Test

Clarke / Dravid / 7 (93)

Hussey / Sehwag / 43 (43)

Clarke / Laxman / 60 (79)

Fourth Test

Gilchrist / Laxman / 37 (51)

Hayden / Dhoni / 3 (16)

Jaques / Kumble / 7 (87)

Clarke / Sharma / 4 (14)

Ponting / Sharma / 10 (14)

Hussey / Sharma / 14 (14)

Clarke / Sehwag / 2 (151)

2011/12

First Test

Hussey / Sehwag / 11 (67)

Warner / Sehwag / 55 (67)

Haddin / Sehwag / 58 (67)

Second Test

Ponting / Sehwag / 23 (30)

Haddin / Gambhir / 66 (83)

Haddin / Tendulkar / 80 (80) Hussey caught it on the rebound.

Siddle / Khan 10 / (35)

Ponting / Khan 16 / (35)

Fourth Test

Cowan / Sehwag / 5 (18)

Ponting / Laxman / 25 (35)

2014/15

First Test

Haddin / Dhawan / 1 (25)

Marsh / Vijay / 11 (53)

Siddle / Shami / 9 (34)

More to come...

FIRST TEST: THE GABBA ADELAIDE OVAL

Australia often starts its summer with a bang at Fortress Gabba, where it has not lost a Test since 1988 and since won 18 out of 26 with only 7 draws. (And, off the top o' me noggin, would have won at least 3 more, were it not for the weather.)

It will be interesting to see if Australia can similarly kick off this series against India at the superficially bat-friendly Adelaide Oval, where it has only won a paltry 15 Tests out of 26.

Yet, despite its fame as a road, Adelaide Oval has also hosted only 7 draws in the same period. (Only 4 if you cheat and take out the first three Tests after 1988.) Adelaide is all about day five, where the road suddenly becomes a minefield and the summer's best day of cricket can slap you in the face. Forget wearing pitches, Adelaide's is a were-pitch: good as gold for four days, but on day five he'll rip your lungs out, Jim. (I'd like to meet his groundsman.)

Adelaide is also about the commentators boring us rigid with talk of the SACA's beauty, but they might now struggle with the ground's redevelopment as a footy stadium. No doubt they will pick up the slack by talking about the scoreboard.

SOFTLY, SOFTLY, SPANKY MONKEY

Sachin Tendulkar has pretty much kept his opinions to himself. Apart from changing his evidence. But now he has a book to promote:

Sachin Tendulkar blasts Michael Clarke, Ricky Ponting over Monkeygate

SACHIN Tendulkar has launched an attack on the integrity of Australian captain Michael Clarke, his predecessor Ricky Ponting and Adam Gilchrist over 2008’s “Monkeygate” ugliness.

Oh, and there's a Test series against India coming up.