AGB Cricket

AUSTRALIA v. ENGLAND, LORDS

Australia are playing for pride; England expect to finish the series in style; the Guardian sub-editors have both sides of their toast buttered. One wonders how much pride Australia have left in the bank after games one, two and most of game three, or were those games not played for pride?

Should Australia drop thonight's game and lose the series 1-4, this picture may cop a furious photoshopping.

AUSTRALIA v. ENGLAND, THE OVAL

The story so far: the Poms have batted better, bowled better and are clutching a bottle of bleach. Will the wash be white?

SCHTRÜTH!

AUSTRALIA v. ENGLAND, OLD TRAFFORD

Achtung, maybe!

AUSTRALIA v. ENGLAND, SOPHIA GARDENS

Fucken Cardiff.

ISHY BUSINESS

My English readers, devout sticklers for fair play, will join me in condemning the Guardian's linguistic legerdemain:

Josh Hazlewood makes history for Australia but Eoin Morgan seizes day

Australia fielded their youngest debutant in a one-day international here, Josh Hazlewood, who did enough to suggest that a long international career can lie ahead of him, while 12,000 miles away Usman Khawaja moved closer to becoming their first Muslim cricketer after he was named in their Test squad to face Pakistan, the country of his birth, in England next month.

Both had to concede top billing to a special England batsman who is making his own place in history.

In a nutshell: "English batsman" has become "England batsman" to accommodate their provincial profiteering.

This just in!

Australia's gets new PM in British-born Julia Gillard as Rudd steps down

Australia has its first female prime minister, British-born Julia Gillard, this morning, after Kevin Rudd stood down before a leadership ballot could be held.

AUSTRALIA v. ENGLAND, THE ROSE BOWL

The Rose Bowl, apart from being a copy, is such a lame name.

RIDGY PIDGE

Meanwhile, as English affycondos have been quick to douse the hype that Skinny Finn is the new Glenn McGrath, Australia have promoted the real new Glenn McGrath:

Australia call up Josh Hazelwood to replace injured Mitchell Johnson

Mitchell Johnson has been ruled out of Australia's limited overs matches in Ireland and England due to an infected right elbow.

Australia have called up the uncapped 19-year-old Josh Hazlewood to replace Johnson, who is expected to rejoin his team-mates for the two Tests against Pakistan in England next month.

Another elbow? Soon "tennis" elbow will be superseded by "cricket" elbow. I mean, cricket is plagued by elbow injuries, but you rarely, if ever, hear of a high profile tennis player with a similar affliction.