FIRST TEST: CENTURION

Hard to know which way to call this series. South Africa, in South Africa, should win. But cricket is won in the bowling so it's even Stephen. Where cricket is lost for Australia, is in the dismal batting collapses. South Africa is unlikely to let Australia off the hook like England so often let Australia off the hook last Ashes. England were also putrid. Could an absent Shane Watson, and his key wicket taking ability, be the crucial omission?

Been quiet here for two reasons.

Everyone is going on about Kevin Pietersen. I have bugger all to add. People who select teams weigh up two competing characteristics: 1) is a player better than the next player in line; and 2) does the player compromise team performance? Clearly KP can perform and has more talent than the next in line, even if his recent performances, while better than his teammates, have not been special. Does he compromise team performance? Well, if you believe the England Cricket Group Unit: yes. Geelong always had issues with Gary Ablett senior, but they would not leave him out because he was too good to leave out. On recent form and with form as a troublemaker, the ECGU has decided KP is no longer too good to leave out.

The other salient issue has been the ICC, BCCI, CA, ECB brouhaha. I am in no way qualified or well placed to assess cricket's high level management, financial matters and all the other stuff relating to how cricket should be run. I leave that to the likes of Gideon Haigh, Russ, and the assorted cricket boffins. (Who, to be honest, have swamped me with their assiduous analysis.)

Comments

[Cameron]

I hate to sound cliched Tony, but I'm really looking forward to this one.

[gillysgone]

If we pick Marsh, I fear a loss. If we pick Hughes, we might squeak a win. Not becasue of the quality of the two players, just becasue of karma. Hughes and SA have a form, and it was winning form. Lyon must also play.

[Cameron]

Nice to have the cricket on pay tv not bogan-to-air, and at this time.

[Carrot]

Love cricket in South Africa. Best possible time-zone for me!

Bright start from both sides. We're probably playing to our strengths if we try to score quickly, but just as likely to be 5 down at lunch using the same strategy. Lots of movement so far, too - not a good sign.

[Cameron]

Pat Hannagan doesn't have foxtel lol.

[Tony Tea]

He doesn't deserve it.

[Carrot]

Vernon Philander for me is an example of how we don't often properly understand modern cricket - and probably sport in general (which is probably a good thing all things considered, because it'd be pretty boring if we knew all the formulas). He's not that quick, he's not that tall, he doesn't really resemble a world-beating new-ball bowler in any way, that was why it took so long for them to pick him, and yet he's the world's number 1-ranked bowler. Despite all that, I heard someone in the Australian set-up saying "you've got to be consistently bowling around 140 km/h if your'e going to play Test cricket". All that money, all that supposed expertise, a theory that on the surface seems to make some sort of sense, and yet there's a guy proving it wrong in the most emphatic way possible.

Don't fancy a debutant - any debutant - doing well against these guys. Good luck, Doolan....

[Cameron]

I love GAYtv.

Where else can I get my daily dose of Brony adventures?

[Carrot]

We are toast.

[M. Patard]

Glad I'm not paying to watch us fold for 100.

[Cameron]

The comment by 'Cameron' @ 08:04 PM was not by me.

---

'Glad I'm not paying to watch us fold for 100.'

You can't afford to in any case old boy.

[Cameron]

The comment by 'Cameron' @ 08:04 PM was by me.

[M. Patard]

Would you two make your minds up!

There's a game of cricket going on, you know.

[Carrot]

The great thing about being two down for not many is that Watson contributing to the procession isn't going to happen.

[Cameron]

Tony, Pat (whatever his latest schizo alias is) is sock puppetting me.

Would you kindly ask him to stop?

[Brony Cam]

Hey, everyone, let's do the Brony Personality Test during the drinks break.

[M. Patard]

It's not me. I'm trying to watch the cricket.

[Cameron]

The comment by 'Cameron' @ 08:14 PM was not by me.

[M. Patard]

One of you is lying.

Anyway, 2/50. Not bad, considering.

[Cameron]

Was the scored relayed to you via pigeon faggot?

[M. Patard]

A pigeon faggot, yes, exactly. How did you know?

[Cameron]

All your delivery orders are homo.

[Carrot]

Good stuff, this. Even contest between bat and ball.

[Cameron]

Doolan looks to be a wonderful timer (unlike Hannagan).

[Carrot]

Doesn't move his feet that much, but he's seemed assured so far.

[Carrot]

...... aaaaaand, with that it becomes South Africa's session.

[m0nty]

Is there no end to the Sumptuous Gaylord. Other than the mute button, that is. Saints preserve us from him becoming the new Richie Opposite-Of-Incognito.

[Carrot]

Just in time for Clarketime, too.

[Carrot]

Cracking session. Let's hope things carry on this way.

[Cameron]

We can only hope that Richie Incognito is signed as free agent to the same team that Michael Sam is drafted by Montgomery. For shits and giggles sake.

[food terroirist]

How the hell did the Sumptuous One get a gig on Supersport? He is killing Holding's aura.

[Cameron]

It feels great to be watching proper bat v ball Test cricket again after a one sided ashes series.

[food terroirist]

Warner & Doolan both got out to shit shots.

[Cameron]

shut up

[Carrot]

That would have been an appalling review had they gone for it. All that was was a missed opportunity for Clarke.

[Pigeon Faggot]

3/98. Solid stuff.

[Russ]

Bloody hell Lemming. Hooking Steyn from outside off stump isn't an optimal strategy.

Still, pretty likely we'll edge 100; wouldn't have bet against it when we lost the toss.

Also TT, thanks.

[Pigeon Faggot]

4/102. Not so solid stuff. More like pigeon poo.

[Carrot]

We're relying on Smarsh and Skinfolds to dig us out of a hole. I don't have a good feeling about this.

[Carrot]

Here's a prediction. Smarsh will continue to work hard, and he will be the player that we'll say at the end of today "we really needed him to go on with it and get a big score". He'll only end up with something in the low 40-odd range though, and we'll just barely scrape 200.

[m0nty]

The new tablet-friendly Croq is confusing.

[food terroirist]

Interesting little analysis during the tea break about Clarke & the shortball, by Mike Haysman.
Not only is the image quality crappy on Ch9s broadcast, the lunch & tea shows are terrible fluff pieces with no cricket analysis. Slats needs to be boned by Gyngell.

[food terroirist]

as I typed that, the Saffa broadcasters segue into a Rhino/Boucher angle...

[food terroirist]

Pommie Mbwangwa comes across as oily, can he be called The Unctuous One?

McLaren's dismissal of Doolan was pretty damn close to a Mo Ball!

[food terroirist]

sMarsh started off skittish, but has settled down & been batting pretty decently. No flashy shots & been patient. He almost lobbed a hook to a diving Morne at fine leg just before.

Smith's been more restrained than usual, the bowlers haven't given him much to pull or cut.

[Pigeon Faggot]

Skin Folds and sMarsh bring up 200. Both need to go on and get tons.

[m0nty]

You are far more unctuous.

[Pigeon Faggot]

Far more unctuous than what?

[Carrot]

I shudder to think how much we'd be laying into Clarke with a scoreline like this after he'd sent in a side. There's probably an equivalent South African site going into melt-down at the moment.

[Carrot]

Well played, sMarshy!

[Pigeon Faggot]

Ton and a half ton. Top stuff.

[m0nty]

"Phillip Who-ghes?" asks Croq. A rare bon mot from the Pommy gits.

[Carrot]

We're going to want to cash in for the next eight and a half overs. Clearly we've seen that the old ball is doing nothing, here. Similarly, we've got to hope that Johnson can approach the sort of form on this deck as he did in Adelaide - wickets when the ball gets older are going to be priceless.

[Hangover Black]

Anyone looking forward toTony's follow up to "Space Oddity"?

Might owe Invers a small apology.

[m0nty]

Invers must be firmer than Superman in his trousers.

[m0nty]

Pitch looks interesting, wouldn't want to bat last on it. One or two have already kept low. Smurf looking blue.

We could still be all out for 280 after the second new ball, but.

[m0nty]

We seem to have encountered Bad Vernon. I didn't know there was one. Tuna Snorkel has been the sort of ordinary I expect from him. Steyn is always dangerous but hasn't made the ball do enough. McLaren seems to be a filth merchant, and the Peterson/JPD part-time spin cadre aren't even good enough for SGW.

I was expecting more from the #1 bowling unit group phalanx in the world, on their own turf after sending us in.

SOS and Skinny have been immense... not chance free, but they have punished the bad balls and stood up after coming together with the score at 4 for less than 100.

Smurf should be the one coming under most criticism. Poor toss decision, unimaginative field placement, let the game drift. Possibly crueled by selection?

Still very early days though.

[lou]

Bloody well done, SOS! He'll revert to his mean though. What's annoying is that I couldn't sit at my usual desk at work so couldn't watch Sky, pissed me off even more not to see one of Marsh's rare tons. He shouldn't even be there and just look at that, goes and fishes the Aussies out of trouble.

[gillysgone]

I assume the last time we were sent in and were 4/300 we went on to win the game? 5/150 in every first innings against the Poms. That was a good days cricket from our blokes. Negative from Smith - bowled first, too many over from spinners. Also I reckon thei speed gun is 5km/hr out of whack. Steyn looked down on pace. They kept talking it up, but reality was our blokes seemd to have plenty of time, certainly once the new ball faded. Great job from the inexperienced boys. Doohlan looked OK, but tapparently thats what he does, looks good and gets out.

[gillysgone]

Also, no wonder India us and the Poms want to run cricket. That crowd was appalling. No.1 team in the world and thats how they are supported. The seats are cheap as well.

[Tony Tea]

Lest we slide dramatically into the realms of Space Oddity is mad. It was perfectly legitimate for me to ask precisely "why?" Shaun Marsh was picked for being "in a good space" despite numbers way down the list of Australian candidates.

Also, no one here (or pretty much anywhere else in pundit land) has a higher estimation of Invers' judgement.

I have also been a big rap for Steve Smiffy.

[Tony Tea]

South Africa must have known they were in trouble when Australia slumped to an ominous 4 for 100.

[m0nty]

It's a space opera, and SOS just sang Nessun Dorma.

[Carrot]

In all fairness Gillysgone, it was a Wednesday. Hardly peak cricket-watchin' time.

[gillysgone]

first day of the test though Carrot, between 1 and 3. There couldnt have been 5000 people there. didnt see a crowd number, but they focused more on the pools - for obvious reasons- than the actual number of people. I just found it a bit sad

[lou]

Adcording to cricinfo, CSA are providing lots of 'fun' things, to try and attract people. The kind of things Russ's missus - and I for that matter - would approve. Not working so far, but hopefully the weekend will pick up.

[Tony Tea]

What about the barbeques. They love barbies at SA cricket.

[Tony Tea]

I hope this Test turns into Graeme Smith's Edgturion, but we still have to roll them twice, which is something we have struggled to do. The longer SA hold us out, the closer we will be to getting steamrolled.

[lou]

Vics are 3/0 in their second innings overnight. Ha, ha, ha. You have to laugh.

[Tony Tea]

That's what good sides do - they hold you out, then strike when you think you have their measure.

[Tony Tea]

#VicsDoItBetter

[m0nty]

Klutzy reverts to the mean.

[Tony Tea]

Android Crook is slow to update. Still 4 down.

[Russ]

ex-missus actually Lou. Long story, but there is a reason I will clock up 30 days at the cricket this summer.

Smarsh gone. Collapse is on, but there is something in this pitch. Enough to get rolled for 50 odd in the third dig.

[Tony Tea]

South Africa are good at bouncing back to clean up the bottom order. Still, runs on the board are good. Mind you, Centurion is good for quick runs.

[Tony Tea]

And 300+ is gold after being sent in.

[Tony Tea]

Morkel averages 35 against Australia. No. Not with the bat.

[Tony Tea]

If Snorky us replaced, it will probably be with someone who cleans us up.

[Cameron]

Loving these South African Airways tourist features. Remarkable to be given such an honest view of the country.

[Tony Tea]

Why is Crash Test bowling?

[Hangover Black]

Commentators putting in a contender for the classic commentary competition. "Siddle's undergone an amazing transformation recently - going on a vegan diet. Yep, he's looking as fit as a butcher's dog".

Top stuff that!

[food terroirist]

Steyn grabbed his hammy at the end of his over (#119), it made Jackman scream like a little girl in the press box.

[M. Patard]

1.40pm: South Africa needed just 30 minutes of postprandial precision to round the innings up, they should be pleased with keeping Australia below 400 from the position this morning. The tourists lost 6 for 66 - a beastly collapse - after twin tons for Shaun Marsh and Steven Smith, going to show that you just cannot let your resolve waver against this SA unit.

What a shitload of a b-train full of m0nty.

3 90 fucking 7. Godly numbers.

We'll see what the Saffas can do know with all their smug coprophagy as their nation sinks into the depths of the oily sludge mire of their condescension.

All hail Skin Folds. All hail Studdsy.

[Cameron]

Now we have the ball how should we go about sleding M. Patard?

Is the old "checked genocide watch lately?" too harsh?

[Cameron]

In case the CA brains trust are reading here's some material:

http://www.genocidewatch.org/southafrica.html

[M. Patard]

No, it's very timely. I'm surprised that no one has boycotted the tour. No Magilla, no decency.

It's all Bradman philosophy these days.

A careerAh, in India, getting paid a brazillion!

[Cameron]

bit of material:

http://www.genocidewatch.org/southafrica.html

[food terroirist]

fucking ripper of a bouncer by Good Mitch to get Smith

[m0nty]

Good Mitch!

Bad Smurf.

But Good Mitch!

[M. Patard]

1.4

Johnson to Smith, OUT, ripsnorting short ball, Smith in all sorts of trouble - gone!

GC Smith c Marsh b Johnson 10 (8b 2x4 0x6) SR: 125.00

The graph
On the wall
Tells the story
Of it all
Picture it now
See just how
The lies and deceit
Gained a little more power
Confidence
Taken in
By a sun tan
And a grin

[m0nty]

WG the Terrorist is flashing unnecessarily at Spearmint.

MJ has them like scared rabbits.

[Russ]

Ugly ugly start from the Saffas. Amla and Petersen don't look terribly comfortable either. But early days. Use of the new ball will decide this match, one suspects.

[M. Patard]

Invaders must die
Invaders must die
Invaders must die

[M. Patard]

Amla, is next!

Amla, is next!

[Cameron]

South Africa is experiencing the Dark Enlightenment (in their trousers this time).

[m0nty]

Faff du Non-Plussis.

[Tony Tea]

Naff Faf.

[food terroirist]

woah

[m0nty]

This is like watching that AFL preseason game from earlier tonight. Men against boys.

[M. Patard]

Seeya, Edith.