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Cameron

Clarke could make a late run for 'troll of the year' and decl now on Watson.

Graeme Hick

Do it Clarkey!

Tony Tea

Far too early to declare. Bat to lunch.

Big Ramifications

Great posts, gillysgone. Sutherland reminds me of that sneaky lookin' turd-that-just-won't-flush, Cameron Schwab. These sorts of people are everywhere in sport, and it's extremely frustrating to observe their careers from the sidelines. Quite often "these sorts of people" are nothing but incompetent, evil little empire builders who do REAL DAMAGE to club or sport people love.

"Patriotism Sports administration is the last refuge of the scoundrel."


// and when ya do finally flush him.. he pops up at another club like a whack-a-mole.

Tony Tea

"Sports administration is the last refuge of the scoundrel."

I do believe I will pinch that.

James Hird

All I want for Christmas is James Sutherland instead of that nasty future Labor chap.

gillysgone

Watson. Bastard. another couple of years of him scoring no runs when it counts and plenty when there is no pressure. wake up selectors!

Brad Hodge

Drop him now.

Tony Tea

It's astonishing the number of famous people who frequent the AGB.

Tony Tea

Watson was dropped out.

gillysgone

Cunning plan of Bell's to upset Bresnans figures

Tony Tea

Thwackety thwack.

Nick

Cook to channel Atherton's 180 odd against Donald to save the Test

food terroirist

In the last hour, I wet myself twice with pure joy.

- Watto hoiking, getting dropped by Bell & then run out.

- Rhino bowling Cook, 1st ball.

Bloody brilliant stuff.

food terroirist

Wish Bresnan hadn't fallen onto the boundary ropes when Watto was on 90.

But let the blonde doofus feast on England. Philander & Steyn will stitch him up in a few months.

Tony Tea

Marvellous.

Cameron

An absolute jaffa from Malcolm.

Edgar Britt, not dead yet

"Pee is just about the only bodily function or product that I simply cannot abide. I squirm in my seat whenever I read your name, Brett."

You tell 'em Big Ramma, whoever you are.

My name is Cockney slang for taking a shit. That's how I am remembered. Kids today.. do you know kids today don't even know I exist?

Won my first Group 1 race the same year Pharlap won the Melbourne Cup. 30 year career. Bought joy to umpteen MILLIONS of people in 3 different countries.. yet as I turned 100 and reflected on a life well spent.. this is my reward. This is my legacy. Taking a dump.

You couldn't even wait for me to die first. I'll come back and HAUNT YOUR DREAMS YOU BASTARDS!!

via collins

Over at the Grauniad, it's time for some lunch analysis:

Morning/afternoon/evening


A hammering. A battering. A shellacking. A pummelling. A dismantling. A dismembering. A destruction. A thrashing. A drubbing. A trouncing. A rout. An annihilation.

Tony Tea

Sad Poms make me happy.

Vindicate

Next best thing to sad indians, Tone.

m0nty

Sad Poms are not as good as Poms who have lost all hope. Abject Poms. Bereft Poms.

m0nty

I've never seen that before, a crack actually opening up down the crease line where the batter places his bat.

Tony Tea

I hope we can sneak one through the hole and on to the poles.

m0nty

It's like there's a crevasse opening up underneath the Poms, taking them straight to fiery Ashes hell.

Cameron

Flicked over from Pats vs Doplhins to see 'England req 284 runs with 6 wickets remaining'. That looks strangely achievable. Perhaps it's the memories of the SA chase.

Cameron

We got Bell.

m0nty

The Bell has been catted.

The Mongrel

In Affectionate Remembrance
of
ENGLISH CRICKET,
which died at the WACA
on
17th DECEMBER 2013,
Deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing
friends and acquaintances
----
R.I.P.
----
N.B. — The body will be cremated and the
ashes will remain in Australia.

Professor Rosseforp

Edgar Britt, many of us remember your name with affection, but I always assumed that it was Australian rhyming slang -- Cockney could be correct, though, because of your English career.
I was surprised to hear that Edgar Britt was still alive, and that he remembered having raced against Phar Lap.
I suppose the only people who know how you feel about your legacy are Adrian Quist and Richard the Third.

Lorraine Crapp, Olympic gold medalist and barrier smasha

You aughta complain, Edgar?

Cameron Schwab's Hired Goons

you will pay

Dan

First off, I wasn't the 'Dan' on the earlier pages, attacking Carrot or Biggie, who are both gentlemen of the first order, or calling people 'homosexualists'. This is my first visit to the site for some days.

Second, fair play to the Aussies - we've been well and truly stuffed in all three Tests so far. Can't argue with the size of these wins. I hope you blokes are enjoying it!

I'd rather we'd won, but I have to say it's been a very enjoyable series to watch from the cricketing point of view - way better than last time at our place, where both sides were pretty woeful.

I don't think we've helped ourselves - as others have said, what is the fucking point in bringing Finn and (arguably) Rankin out if you aren't going to play them at Perth?

I think it goes to the heart of our strategy - which is we didn't really have one. Complacency. We thought we'd be 2-0 or 1-0 up by Perth, because we just would (or 1-1 at the worst), and that we'd have these guys there to bully the Aussies if required; all of a sudden, things didn't pan out like that, and Flower panicked.

Easy to say now but I think I said that Johnson might be OK and that Anderson was finished; mind you, I also thought Dave Warner was a mentally sub-normal midget who couldn't bat for shit, and only two of those things turned out to be true.

We will come back, but at the very least I think we need to find two new bowlers (one of whom should be the old Finn); we've had breakthrough moments in this series, not least on day one, but not been able to break through.

We also need a new captain, and a new No5. Bell should bat three.

As of now, the only people I would ink in for next summer in England are Cook, Bell and Broad.

Pencilled in would be Carberry, Root, and Pietersen.

Stokes has something, but I don't think he's a Test all-rounder. He might get there, but he looks a bit Craig White to me.

Prior, Swann, Bresnan and Anderson - time to say thanks and goodbye.

(This may be an over-reaction.)

Anyway, let's see what tomorrow brings!

nick

Lovely to see the other side have selection/fan issues for a change!

nick

Current Test number 3s.

Watson
Root
Redmond (NZ)
Bravo
Marshall Ayub (Bang)
Azhar Ali
Amla/Elgar
Pujara
Masakadza (Zim)
Sangakkara

Watson not looking too bad in that company. Amla would walk into any team in the world, Sanga hasn't played a Test in over a year, Bravo even more inconsistent than Watto, Root hasn't hit puberty...

nick

Poojabba not too bad I guess - but doesn't bowl.

Tony Tea

The Test is not over yet, which means no pre-hatched chicken counting, or even pre-hatched recriminations, assessments, conclusions, critiques or criticisms. Don't know about the rest of you, but I never sleep soundly until a Test is cooked and last night was no exception. I guess I take cricket too seriously. I wish I didn't because it often ruins my summers. But no matter how much I tell myself to get my shit together, I can't stop cricket gnawing at my guts.

Vindicate

Sorry Tones I'm calling it, Poms to eke out another 50 or so stubborn runs, the baby ginger might even make three figures but once he falls it'll be a quick coup de grace for the bowlers. All over by lunch time. The Urn returns to it's rightful home and all is good in the world.

(If, by some miracle, they manage to pull off another fucking Cardiff you may feel free to burn effigys of me every day for the next two tests and banish me forever from the AGB.)

Tony Tea

A Cardiff is unlikely, since if they bat all day they will win, not draw.

Cameron

Sportsbet:

Australia 1.04
Draw 34.00
England 15.00

Nothing interesting tere. Don't mind the Ravens in the NFL:

Baltimore Ravens 2.70
Detroit Lions 1.49


gillysgone

Logically we have more match winners in our bowlers than they have remaining in their batting line up. Funny game etc

m0nty

Smells like Welsh rarebit.

m0nty

Timmay just got one to turn 20 degrees out of the crack. Warnie eat your heart out.

m0nty

Timmay snaring big poles on day five on a wearing pitch. Everything's coming up Mil Hanna.

m0nty

Fitting that it ended with Studsy bouncing a number eleven.

M. Patard

What was Botham saying again?

"If you looked at both teams and matched them up player for player, there's only Michael Clarke who would get close to the England side," Botham said in Sydney on Friday.

"He'd get in the side but no one else. Maybe Ryan Harris if he's fit. But that's it. If you want to go 10-1 or 9-2, it doesn't matter, it's still a big ask for them."

Botham cannot see Australia winning a match in the five-Test series.

"For 15 years you guys won eight Ashes in a row," he said. "Well, we've won three in a row, and I can't see how we're not going to make that four. I don't see Australia winning a Test …

Tony Tea

Eat that, Botham.

M. Patard

Clarke will be in for one beer, then piss off to Jamie Packer's yacht. (Well earned as it is.)

Cameron

You can enjoy the last two matches now Tony.

Though I like the idea that Russ put forth that it's 3-3 in a 10 match series.

5-3! 5-3!

M. Patard

Did the Pom crowd boo Studdsy - *our* Studdsy?!

M. Patard

Great to see Skin Folds get Man of the Match.

m0nty

4-0 and we pass the Poms in the test rankings, apparently.

Tony Tea

I live for festive dead rubber. Bring on the wash that white.

Cameron

New desktop background:

http://athletestalk.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/The-Ashes-urn-001.jpg

M. Patard

It's all fun, beers and games now, but tomorrow morning we'll be reading about someone.

What's the odds from Sportsbet?

$1.20 Davey Boy

Tony Tea

This singing is just embarrassing.

M. Patard

This is like watching Wild Dogs on Grog.

M. Patard

With Tubby dog whistling.

M. Patard

Take it away, Steve.

Cameron

That was a tad voyeuristic.

Tony Tea

Stuart Broad: "audacious".

Cameron

Aren't Man U on the slide too?

M. Patard

What's with being the Man-U of cricket, anyway? That's what Hey Mickey! kept on raving about. Now he's the Parramatta Eels of cricket. That phrase is obviously the death knell.

Tony Tea

Or a Melbourne Football Club dynasty.

M. Patard

Debbie Flintoff hasn't tweeted since 13/12/2013. Hope everything's all right.

Tony Tea

Prime Minister Boof.

Cameron

Billy for deputy.

Tony Tea

You have the wrong Flintoff, Pat.

M. Patard

Stokes has something, but I don't think he's a Test all-rounder. He might get there, but he looks a bit Craig White to me.

No doubt about it, Dan. You're the Man U of vaticination.

Cameron

WWMUD (What Would Man U Do?)? Buy some decent players!

Given this is English cricket I assumes this translates to "scour the colonies for talent".

M. Patard

You have the wrong Flintoff, Pat.

Isn't that Freddie, Yesterday's Hero? Last tweet there was 13/12/2013.

Cameron

Shane Watson has a better Test batting AND bowling avg than Flintoff.

Just saying.

Tony Tea

Oh, sorry. I thought your date - ewww, nurse! - said 2012.

M. Patard

Cook leads the English Dynasty Song.

Piertesen on lead Man U.

Cameron

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvUOgIgLqOQ

Tony Tea

Bon voyage.

lou

Johnson is more an all-rounder than Blonde Doofus. BD will never get to 100 wickets/1000 runs. Any old park cricketer does that these days.

I woke up with 8 down, then it was 9. Bloody marvellous. Harris and Johnson getting all teary during interviews. Sweet.

The camera should have been kept out of the changerooms, that was embarrassing all-round and why should the players have to put up with that bullshit?

M. Patard

Is it too soon for a journo to write a column excoriating the Ozzies for bad sporstmanship? As soon as you see one, link it in.

DJ today, this morning, read out an irate letter from a "former Ozzie cricket fan". Foaming, frothing and raging at the Oz cricket team and what an all round disgusting disgrace they are for what he heard on stump mic yesterday. He wanted the entire team sacked.

I thought it may have been Dan.

Tony Tea

The ghost of Spanky.

Cameron

Dear Former Australian Cricket Fan,

Thank you for your nice letter, but I am actually your Typical Australian Cricket Fan who enjoys watching his national sporting teams go for the kill, whereas clearly yo may have mistaken us for wine-sipping, pommy, cultural-marxist dick-sucks.

Although on-field niceties probably appeal to tree-loving vegetarian bisexuals like you and your parents, your typical blood-crazed spectator is like the Roman of yore who watched the gladiators do battle. We wake up every day just hoping for the chance to witness our national team dismember their enemies and defile their civilizations.

As Genghis Khan is reputed to have said “The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy and drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather to your bosom his wives and daughters.”

Peace and civility suck a hairy arsehole, Former Australian Cricket Fan. Violence and aggression are the motherfucking answer.

Carrot

For once Cameron I completely agree with you. Particularly the last sentence - I might have to use that! Has there even been any Wild Dawgz-type discussion this Test? Maybe bowling quickly on a hard pitch is all it takes to get these people's lattes frothing? My bet is that the letter was probably written by someone at the station to get people calling in though - it's an old trick. When I was in publishing, the vast majority of our readers' letters were written by the editors. It gave the impression that we actually had readers, which we didn't.

..... although I actually quite enjoy a good latte myself, it has to be said.

Woke up too late to see any footage - can't find any highlights online yet, either. Someone's messed up JRod's video report upload on cricinfo as well!

M. Patard

I took points off for the usage of "motherfucking". Very Unaustralian.

Brett Pee

Back where they belong folks!!! And won at the mecca itself. A great day for Aussie cricket. Now for the NO.1 spot.

Brett Pee

I have to spare a thought for the Poms. A small thought but a thought nevertheless.

They have to discover hunger and they have to discover fight. And if they discover any genuine Englishmen all the better!!

Russ

Strangely disappointing that it is over already. Not that I don't want Australia to flog them mercilessly, but it is nice if they got pushed, and except for today, and the first day in Brisbane and Perth, they really weren't. It was like a track cycling sprint where the rear rider falls off the curve halfway through the first lap and the front rider heads off unopposed.

Still, Harris, Siddle and Lyon were very good, and Johnson's bursts did the rest.

England are crawling into this series, by the by, although if they lose Broad that will hurt. Should be a more interesting last two tests.

Brett Pee

Russ. Yeah mate, the Poms are coming good now. Give them an extra Test and it may end 3-3 and they keep the little urn....

Russ

Improving doesn't mean they will win, mind. And Melbourne and Sydney have always been better for them, even back in the 90s.

lou

Sky sports has highlights on their UK site but only for the wickets and Stoke's shot to get his ton.

Tony Tea

That is why setting up the win before Melbourne was vital. The Poms prefer the MCG and SCG pitches to the Gabba and WACA, while our win in Adelaide was a bonus. It is interesting that Australia have often jumped ahead is home series because visitors don't get used to Australia quick enough. Thus England was lauded for its preparation in 2010. You don't hear much about its preparation this time around; was it any different?

m0nty

Their preparation was curtailed by rain, IIRC.

Tony Tea

Quite so. Pringle:

Three years ago the preparation was exceptional and laid the ground perfectly for the 3-1 victory.

This time, weak early opponents and poor weather, both out of their control, failed to ready them for the outbreak of Pommy-bashing that erupted when they arrived in Brisbane for the first Test.

gillysgone

when it comes to clashes
there's nothing like the Ashes
especially when we are cruising
and the Poms they are a'losing
thankyou Movember and the 'taches

gillysgone

Some cold , hard light of day review:
1. Our best bowler wasnt going to play if 3 others hadnt been injured = lucky break
2. Warner has done lots of damage = he was probably due
3. Our fielding was excellent = probably due.
4. Cook and Trott, one missing in action, one missing = this made the big difference
5. 3 tosses won = 3 wins = luck plays its part
6. Boof has clearly made a difference.
Summary - some good luck - tosses, their top order. Some good judgement - Boof as coach, Warner coming good. Mitch coming good, fielding copming good.
So I would say planning/judgement more than luck has won us the Ashes. And thats the way it ought to be.
also recommend a review of our victory. Reviewing losses doesnt get you anywhere - Argus review anyone? Reviewing why we win will build the future.

Nick

Our period of dominance was built on Warne and McGrath. Warne was a 'once in a century' bowler, Johnson is 'once in a generation'. Harris, Haddin and Rogers won't be back in 2015. Will Johnson? Will Watson?

2015

Maddinson/Hughes
Warner
Watson? Marsh?
Clarke (c)
Smith
Bailey/Silk/Khawaja
Wade? Paine?
Johnson?
Siddle
Lyon
Pattinson/Bird/Starc/Coulter-Nile

Big Ramifications

Hmm. I could have sworn I found this animated *.gif on AGB Cricket[???].

Rhinomastery

// check the nice in-swing and the movement off the bounce.. and then the freaky seam-change-in-axis.. and the wicked out-swing
// it looks like CG animation
// mesmerising

Tony Tea

Yes, I linked it the other day. "Tother day," if you are Neville effing Oliver.

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