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food terroirist

- did he get a tap on the shoulder by the selectors? Pre-emotive retirement instead of getting dropped for the boxing day match?

- or a case of cracking the shits?

It's off. Retiring mid tour a la Martyn (Marton Mozzie Repeller!!!).

Also when the hell did Swann lose his ability to communicate through the media? The press release is so insipid & lacks any real info.

food terroirist

pre-emotive shoulda been pre-emptive... god damn chunky fingers


Two down, fourteen to go.


Although I suppose it's three down with Malfoy out.

Mental and physical disintegration. It has been complete and comprehensive.

Liverpool are on top of the Premier League at Christmas. It's a crazy world.


Black Swan event.

Tony Tea

That's a fair call. Swann may have sniffed the wind and jumped before he was pushed. Either way he now has plenty of time to do the sprinkler.

Tony Tea

Had to look that up. Never heard of a "black swan event" although I do know of the Juvenal quote.

Feargal Sharkey

Speaking as a fellow bum-head, I'd like to wish him all the best in his future endeavors.

R. Ramjet

Get off my turf.

The Mongrel

Black swans remind me of my favourite poem, by the late Ern Malley of Taverners Hill in Leichhardt.

It applies to Swann too:

Dürer: Innsbruck, 1495
Now I find that once more I have shrunk
To an interloper, robber of dead men’s dream,
I had read in books that art is not easy
But no one warned that the mind repeats
In its ignorance the vision of others. I am still
the black swan of trespass on alien waters.


Swann's gone from bowling hand grenades to pulling the pin. It's a brain explosion, and it blew up in his face. Fielding marshall Monty is providing reinforcement after this decimation, but when the cavalry arrives there won't be much left in the tank. Cry havoc, and let slip the wild dogs of yore!

We have crushed our enemies, and now we see them driven before us. All we need now is a Tanya Hird style presser by Cook's missus, which would constitute lamentations of their women.

Tony Tea

Swanny is training on the Alamein Line.


Wow. This has been a horror tour for England and no mistake!

So we'll have Monty for awhile, but it can't be long before they call up Ireland's George Dockrell. It won't be long before the English side gets re-named the British and Irish Lions.

Tony Tea

British and Irish Pussies


Improves the team and the commentary. Will Prior play in Melbourne?


I hope Swann joins TMS and not Sky. I'm sure he'll earn more money with Sky, but he'll suit TMS much more. I'd love to hear him with Tufnel and Vaughan.

(That's assuming that he goes into the media - surely he will, though?).


Swann always struck me as a bit of a downhill ski-er but I do respect him somewhar for being an offie that actually bowls with a straight arm.

The scourge of Murali looked like ruining legitimate off spin bowling for good but Swann (and to a lesser extent Lyon) showed that legal offies can still play an effective role in Test cricket.


Good bowler. Good slips fieldsman. Good lower order batsman. Good bye and good luck

Tony Tea

Don't you love the way Swanny says “Some people playing the game at the minute have no idea how far up their own backsides they are” and then expects us to believe he was not talking about some (now former) England teammates? “Don’t jump to conclusions Vaughney. I wasn’t talking about the England dressing room or anyone in it. You too BBC.” I suppose he could have been talking about the Aussies.



Swannie gets another 0 on the end of his new commentary contract.


I disagree with Swann. I think cricket players in general know exactly how far up their own backsides they are, but they don't care.

Unless he was talking about NSW players. Then I'm in complete agreement.

We have crushed our enemies, and now we see them driven before us. All we need now is a Tanya Hird style presser by Cook's missus, which would constitute lamentations of their women.

Does Granny count?


Yes, yes it does.

Tony Tea

Gran slam.


I am reminded somehow of the Inner Melbourne Football Cup, in the Melbourne Times in days of olden, where a team got extra premiership points for causing mental anguish and coach sackings through a humiliating loss.

Tony Tea

One of these things is not like the other:

Big Rammer's mum


Swann started playing cricket in the garden of his grandma's home in Blyth.

He starred in three victorious Ashes series, and was the brains behind the famous "sprinkler dance" which became a hit with players and fans alike.

Tony Tea

These Ashes are the gift that keeps on giving. Australia will probably kill the mood by coughing up the festive dead rubber.

Brett Pee

Swanny will turn up in the IPL. Nobody turns down an offer they can't refuse.


Sprinkler dance. If Aussies did something that cocky after a win at Lords, do you think it would go down well?

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