BALLS!

A "No ball!" is when a bowler oversteps. A "Mo ball!" is when a bowler oversteps on purpose as part of a spot fix (named after Pakistan's two Mos, Barmy Amir and Mo Asif). A "Faux ball!" is when a bowler oversteps on purpose so as to extend the last over of the day. A "Throw ball! is when a bowler chucks on purpose, like Kevin Pietersen in the West Indies in 2009. A "D'oh ball!" is when a bowler oversteps by accident and cancels out a wicket (not that it would have been a wicket). A "Video ball!" is when a bowler takes a wicket which is later revealed to have been a no ball, but which the umpire missed and failed to review (lately, for some reason unknown to science):

Umpires merely counting balls as the video becomes a crutch

FORMER international umpire Ross Emerson has slammed the standard of officiating in the Ashes series, claiming virtually the only time umpires are checking for no-balls is after a batsman is dismissed.

"My actual thought on the current standard of umpiring is that it's fairly ordinary. If umpires are not looking for no-balls, what are they looking at? I think it's disgraceful that they're having to call for a replay every time a wicket falls. If an umpire can't get a no-ball right, how can you have confidence in them making the right call on an inside edge or faint nick?"

Emerson also queried why, if the front foot was being checked after a wicket fell, front-on replays weren't also being studied to ensure the back foot hadn't touched the return crease. "Or . . . why don't they call for a wide shot to make certain there weren't three fieldsmen behind square leg?"

Perhaps we should call a "Throw ball! an "Emmo ball!" in honour of Emerson, who had his goats scaped by CA when he called Murali.

And of course, two of these names speak for themselves, three if you include an "Illo ball!":

Legendary umpire Lou Rowan, whose run-ins with England paceman John Snow and his captain, Ray Illingworth, ignited the 1970-71 Ashes series, said it was "an absurdity" that no-balls were seriously monitored only after a wicket had fallen.

Comments

[gillysgone]

when the umpire calls for a replay after a wicket, it should be called an orchiectomy, as they have no balls in making that decision.

[Big Ramifications]

Yesterday I listened to ABC radio commentary for the first time in YONKS [shame on me for the length of my "720 AM" drought] and Kerry O'Keefe spotted it. ie. He told the listeners that Kumar "In Da House!" wasn't looking at the bowler's foot when the ball was bowled.

....Skull O'Keefe used to annoy the crap out of me. I found him to be the complete opposite yesterday. Interesting and insightful. Gone was that awful [fake?] donkey laugh.

[Big Ramifications]

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snow balls!

// an "Illo ball!", indeed

[m0nty]

Every ball Slotty Lee bowled was a #YOLO ball.

[Carrot]

The front-foot no-ball rule is stupid anyway. It's like the foot-fault rule in tennis. Yes, there has to be a line somewhere and anyone going miles over should be penalised, but what serious benefit is there to a bowler who over-steps by a centimetre? Or less in the case of "the line being the umpire's"? The punishment doesn't fit the crime, and there's certainly no justification at all for the endless discussion, rule changes, and now holding up the game with constant replays. Certainly one of the more trivial, bureaucratic laws and no question.

That's not to say that it's ridiculous for a well-paid (and they are) international umpire not checking for them. That much I completely agree with. I just don't think they should be bothering with them in the first place, for the most part.

[Carrot]

BTW, and off-topic I know - can anyone explain to me why everyone is going on about England being fatigued and that "it's the schedule"? Correct me if I'm wrong, but ahead of this series most of the England squad hadn't played competitive cricket for the best part of two months! Half of them were rested for the one-dayers in England, and the tour didn't start until late October! Surely there was enough time for them to put their feet up for a bit? Why has this been allowed to be an excuse and/or reason for them playing so badly? We have played just as much cricket as they have - probably more when you consider meaningless ODI tours to India. If England with all their micro-managing can't factor in some time for their players to rest with that sort of schedule than they're getting things seriously wrong - and as we know from previous experience with Flower, they don't do that too often. In other words, it's bullshit.

[The Mongrel]

Amusing to follow the link to the 2005 Ashes article and see the comments that Aus should practice catching and get DK as bowling coach.

Done and done.

[Tony Tea]

Admittedly I have not paid too much attention to the media this Ashes, but I have not heard or read any "England are fatigued" talk.

[Tony Tea]

Unless I am citing a specific reference, I try to avoid reading my old posts which are, in the main, embarrassing rubbish. "Did I really write that?!?"

[Russ]

It has been noted - finally - that Anderson in particular has bowled an unusually large number of deliveries in the past couple of years. He hasn't really played well since Trent Bridge, although that won't stop him destroying us if conditions turn.

They would have had perhaps 2-3 weeks off, before resuming preparations, and that is on the back of years of near constant touring. England's core has never had so much experience, which may not be to their benefit.

[Carrot]

One of Mark Nicholas' articles in cricinfo talks about it, Tony - and George Dobell has spoken about it in some of the podcast video thingies (which, by the by, I've been really enjoying).

Didn't Anderson get rested for the one-dayers? I seem to remember that all the senior players got a reasonably extended break at some point or another. No doubt Anderson has played a lot in recent times, but so have some of our players. There's no reason to suggest that the English as a unit should be more fatigued than us. They've also been winning, on the whole, and that's got to be a lot better than the alternative.

[Tony Tea]

Resting players for the one-dayers is now the equivalent of senior players having a beer after the match, while the younger players do a few extra drills in the warm-down.

[Russ]

Carrot, for reference. Only Siddle (and Lyon, but spinner) are even at 2/3rd the workload of Anderson in the past two years. I suspect it looks worse the further back you go too, to include the last two Ashes series and World Cup. In Anderson's case too, he is 31 (Siddle is 29). And the record of pace bowlers past 30 is generally pretty miserable.

But I also suspect it is mental, not physical. That England team bubble is oppressive, and has been for years. When they are up for it, it will feed on itself. But at other times? Can you imagine having to be around Swann (or Anderson, or Broad) 24/7 for years on end? I remember walking past the MCG in '06, and seeing England just before the test on their team bus, and they looked blank; little kids being ferried around to place they didn't want to be. [I can't work out why you'd need a team bus in Melbourne, use it for your gear and walk to the ground] They are playing a series they won three years ago, against a team they beat only 2 months ago, in a hostile (media/playing/spectator) environment. The way they've played, it is hard to make a case for saying they ae terribly motivated (which is not to say they can't turn it around, they probably can).

[Mitchell Johnson]

My balls hurt.

[m0nty]

Max Jimwell banged on about the fatigued Poms during the call... some stat about them having been away from home for 218 out of the last 365 days, something like that.

Excellent point there about the last two months, though. The England Test XI mostly put its feet up at home while the Aussies slogged it out in India.

[David]

Oh poor darlings they're tired.
Give me a fucking break.
They could try working in a proper job. Endless repetition, fuckwits all around you, idiots making stupid decisions and screwing you over, daily commute of three hours plus (on a good day) on crappy and rammed public transport, ever longer hours and workload, ever increasing taxes, wages of four fifths of fuck all, mortgage payments to be made, children to feed, clothe and educate.
All this whilst doing something you hate and that bores you shitless for 40+ years pretty much without a break.
The poor dears are tired are they?
Over indulged wankers.

[Cameron]

Well said David.

[lou]

To give them their due, David, I suspect that they have got delusional fuckwits around them. Any team I played in always had a couple (some may have felt that I was the last word in fuckwittery) and having to virtually live with them for weeks or months on end would have been really bloody depressing.

I have read a lot about their fatigue in cricinfo and the UK press. I'd think more of it if the Aussies hadn't played that stupid ODI series in India. Luckily most of the bowlers had a pass for that.
i

[Dan]

Fuck! Patard's been busted!

[Dan]

It's not 'well said' by David, it's bollocks.

Sure, working down a coal mine is hard, worrying about your mortgage is tough blah blah blah.

Tell us something we don't know.

None of that means playing international (or any pro) sport is an easy gig.

Most of what he ballses on about, they suffer.

Endless repetition... check

...fuckwits all around you... check

...idiots making stupid decisions and screwing you over... check

...daily commute of three hours plus (on a good day) on crappy and rammed public transport... no check, but susbstitute endlessly moving from hotel to hotel, flights, coaches. Plus, who really commutes three hours to work by public transport, anyway? Here's a tip: move closer to work. Or get a job closer to home.

...ever longer hours and workload, ever increasing taxes... check

...wages of four fifths of fuck all... given that they have 10 years to earn decent money as cricketers, this is close to a check

...mortgage payments to be made, children to feed, clothe and educate. check

Add in: constant spotlight; wankers taking photos of you everywhere you go; wankers writing shite about you in the papers, constant threat of losing your job, etc etc.

I'd love to have had a crack at it, but that doesn't mean I think it's a piece of piss.

As for 'doing something you hate and that bores you shitless for 40+ years pretty much without a break', ah, diddums.

Sucks to be too stupid, lazy or useless to get off your arse and do something you enjoy.

Mind you, none of that excuses England's spineless displays, either.

We need some new Saffas!

[Russ]

All relative David. I can be a bit below par for a month of work and noone much cares. They can too, and probably have been, against some teams, but not right now. It is also possible that we underestimate the effect of Trott on the side. Not just the runs but the general no-bullshit approach he seemed to have.

[Cameron]

On reading Dan's comments you quickly realise why England is fast-tracked to being a turd world shithole.

Enjoy sharia law Dan you miserable cunt.

[Carrot]

It's worth mentioning that I haven't heard anything from the English camp saying that they're tired, it's all been from the media so far. I still can't say that I agree with it - Anderson is obviously an extreme example, but the others should be there and thereabouts with the workloads of the Australians. Throw in a few new or recently-picked players - Stokes, Carberry, Monty, Root to a point, factor in those that have had time off for injury - Pietersen, and bear in mind that some of them have played loads and are actually doing pretty well anyway - Broad and Bell, and there aren't that many left. Those that are have had work-loads completely comparable with the likes of Clarke, Siddle, Lyon, Smith and Haddin. I'm sure I'm over-simplifying something somewhere, but I just can't see why the English should be THAT much more fatigued than the Australians.

I'm sure that there's definitely something in the oppressive nature of the English set-up as you've said though, Russ. Nicholas, again, during the Trott fall-out, quoted an anonymous player at length (my money's on Strauss) who said that everything under Flower was micro-managed to within an inch of its life, there was no fun, no spontanaeity or creativity, everything was rigorous, disciplined and robotic, and that it was generally soul-destroying. Hearing that I applaud what Lehmann said when he first came into the role - he wanted to make it fun. Cricket is to be enjoyed. He wanted players to express themselves, etc etc. He seems to have achieved all of that and more, and the team seems to be a happy and successful unit again. I wouldn't want to play under Flower for all the money in the world!

[Cameron]

'As for 'doing something you hate and that bores you shitless for 40+ years pretty much without a break', ah, diddums.

Sucks to be too stupid, lazy or useless to get off your arse and do something you enjoy.'

lol, you're a flake bullshitter sprouting neo-liberal baby-boomer parroted crap. No wonder you quote Gladwell (and i hated Gladwell before it became cool to do so).

[Dan]

Ha ha - one nerve, touched.

[Cameron]

You're Paki or Indian aren't you?

Can't believe a White could write such drivel.

[Cameron]

Even a pommy faggot like Roger Waters can join the dots mate. Join in this national outbreak of honesty he has inspired.

[Big Ramifications]

Quite enjoyed that FIERY rant by David. I was all "STICK IT RIGHT UP 'EM!" Ted Whitten style at the end. Completely missed the take-down potential. That was brutal, Dan.

Had an xXtra laugh coz it had absolutely nothing to do with the [rumoured] tiredness of the England squad.

The Anderson/Siddle "overs bowled" stats that Russ provided look pretty damning. But OTOH the "we toured India while they did nothing" argument is also a compelling one.

Over indulged wankers are still gonna go flat if they are overplayed.

[Cameron]

Why didn't you meet Pat for a beer in Perth Ramifications?

[Big Ramifications]

Cameron, it woulda been a hoot to catch up. An email a coupla days before the event would have been a good place to start, you'd reckon? But Pat didn't send me one - even after he hit Perth. He has my email addy and he's emailed me before.

Have a look at the thread[s] where Pat's Perth P!ssup gets discussed [can't remember which ones]. IIRC I was never directly asked by him, except riiiiight at the end where he told me to grab him a six pack and meet him at his hotel. Late on his last night when he seemed drunk as hell and ALL FIRED UP!

I did notice a couple of he-said-she-said comments directed at me saying I am supposed to be meeting Pat, but it was either a case of "not sure if serious" or I caught them too long after the fact.

Dunno why it wasn't organized a lot better. Ya hear me Pat?! As the "p!ssup in a brewery" saying goes..." hahaha!

[David]

Blah blah Dan.
Those over pampered tossers, tired my hairy arse, they don't know what tired is.
Out of form, not motivated, overwhelmed yep all of the above could be it but tired - Jesus wept. How could they be tired?
It's just a pathetic excuse for their underperformance. I don't know if it's them making the excuses or some onlookers, but it's an excuse nevertheless.
My point is There's loads of people who are tired to the bone but they get cut no slack. They just get on with things because they have to.

BTW I don't know what it's like where you are but three hours a day commuting is very normal around these parts, loads of us get off our arses and travel to where the work is. In fact there's so many of us, it's often standing room only in the train, even at six in the morning. I'll take a coach and a five star hotel over that any day.

Maybe I'm wrong though.
They may be delicate little petals who fatigue very easily and just can't carry on.
God knows I've worked with enough wilting flowers like that over the years.

[Cameron]

Maybe an Ashes series isn't motivation enough David?

I could barely wake up with a semi with the promise of a five figure quarterly bonus given my hatred of the corporate world. I should sympathise, I guess. Money does not motivate me.

Alas I'm a ultranationalist and dreams of seeing my enemies drowning in their own blood (i'm looking at you MSM) fuel my fire.

[Dan]

@David

'My point is There's loads of people who are tired to the bone but they get cut no slack. They just get on with things because they have to. '

I'd say most of them don't actually 'just get on with things', they moan like drains - far more than the cricketers do, probably.

'BTW I don't know what it's like where you are'

I am the boss, so I don't commute anywhere.

(I do about 20 hours a week in the office, and the rest of the time I pretty much walk the dog in some of the world's most beautiful countryside, go skiing in the Grand Massif, play golf, eat lunches, and inadvertently wind up Australians. Life is good, eh.)

But I used to work in London and lived an hour outside, so I know a two-hour daily commute. It got old, so I stopped doing it and did something else. I couldn't stand the idea of just whining about my lot.

@Cameron

I'm white English, of Irish extraction - not to dignify your point.

[David]

Hahaha Cameron. I wish I got a five figure quarterly bonus too. With attendant semi or not!!
I'm not suggesting motivation is an issue - just it could be one of many reasons for their drop in form.
Could even be just them reverting to mean after a period of overperformance.
Whatever it is, whining excuses like "I'm tired" piss me off and lead to interminable bouts of ranting and shouting at the telly.

[Cameron]

How's your husband going Dan?

[Dan]

@David

I haven't heard a single one of the English players using tiredness as an excuse, so you can stop ranting at the telly.

It's really no mystery.

The English summer series was a ridiculous result. 3-0 was no reflection.

Our bowling is not great. Anderson is a good bowler in the right conditions, but never as good in my opinion as people said he was; Broad is hot and cold but his average is a fair reflection; Swann is a peaked off-spinner and the best of those don't take many wickets in Oz; and any third seamer we field is only really a fourth. Monty is OK, probably better than Swann at the moment, but his fielding and batting are a joke.

It's probably too late, but if they can get Finn fired up he at least bowls jaffas.

At the same time, our batting is as brittle as Nasser's fingers. They should never have made Cook skipper, and in hindsight Compton should have gone, maybe. (I was glad they didn't pick him at the time.) Too complacent, too comfortable, harder to get in than out is never the way forward.

[Dan]

By the way, I know you lot don't believe in momentum, but it's hard to see how England can turn this around. The Aussies are up, we're down, I suspect we will have to wear it for a bit. I wish I'd bet a few of you that the Aussies would win at the start of the series.

[Cameron]

Have you commented here before David?

In any case, i like your style.

Beware the fifth-columnist proprietor Tony T favours anglo, multi-culti, anti-raciss, Melbournite Siddleesque fuitarian, pc, convertible driving, ball lickers like Dan.

[Dan]

@Cameron - seriously?

We advance beyond that sort of thing at about 13 here, but from your comments I'd have had you at about 50?

Sitting here literally laughing at you, along with the rest of the internet.

[Cameron]

Faggots are disgusting.

[Cameron]

32 old boy, bring it.

[Dan]

If you are 32, which I doubt, that still has you lobbing playground insults, a long way off target, about 19 years after pretty much everyone else grew out of it.

Keep them coming, it's making you look great!

[Cameron]

'...it's making you look great!'

God forbid I tarnish my reputation amongst a bunch of invasion supporting quislings. Hey Dan, you fit right in here!

[Cameron]

'If you are 32, which I doubt...'

lol

Nationalists be educmacated too brah.

We're not EDL Izrael worshiping cock sucks here, don't need to be an Emma West to speak up.

[Big Ramifications]

Carrot was the one who introduced this tangent - framed as a question.

In subsequent posts he lists reasons why it makes no sense, warns that the "fatigue theory" has only been media generated buzz so far, and finally says he thinks the theory is wrong and that Anderson's is an extreme case.

Nice rants and all, David! But that's one hellava strawman argument you've got going there.

// amongst all your other crimes against logic

[Carrot]

Yep, that's about right, Biggy!

But if I were you and Dan I'd not feed the trolls.

[Dan]

Yes, sound advice, Carrot. I seem to rub these angry little numbnuts up the wrong way - probably my effortless English superiority*.

I'm off to the pub to plan England's strategy for Perth, which is revolutionary and amounts to take 20 wickets and try to score more than 200 runs per innings.

(I'm going in my convertible, with all my vegetarian, gay, Pakistani and Jewish mates. Should be a blast!)

See yous all later!

*That's a fucking joke, dickheads.

[David]

Troll? ouch.
I was agreeing with you Carrot, with just a little more colour.
Having a different opinion ain't trolling.
And Dan I thought you grew out of that sort of thing at 13.

[M. Patard]

Dan made a good point: ...fuckwits all around you... check

Imagine the hellish life of being on tour with the Poms.

[M. Patard]

After reading through this thread, I declare David the winner by knockout.

David, what state are you from?

[M. Patard]

Ya hear me Pat?!

It's all good, Rammers. And you're right, I didn't organise anything. I can't email you as hotmail banned me from my email account yonks ago. I only use that email address now to make my avatar go red at AGB.

[M. Patard]

Judging by form and results you'd have to back Oz to win in Perth, especially given it was slated before the series as the one Test we stand a good chance of winning.

However, our batting is still very flakey with a collapse of massive proportions well overdue. Can Studsy keep his radar going three Tests in a row? Not likely with the added weight of expectation now on his shoulders. Lippy is the second best spinner in Oz, the best is not allowed to be selected for reasons that will only be revealed when the CIA release all their information on the Kennedy assassination.

The Poms have a top 7 all averaging over 40, 3 close to 50, and are due to put a big score together. Prior was looking magnificent on the last day in Adelaide. They must be well pumped to get a victory and they *must* drag one back otherwise it's all over for them.

So, given there is no such thing as momentum, there is no way I'd be betting on the outcome of this Test.

[Tony Tea]

One way for England to get back on track is for Ryan Harris to be out injured.

[Tony Tea]

"Let's talk straight: gimme some names".

[Tony Tea]

One RT review about The Wanderers reads "Pretty crummy 'American Graffiti' wannabe."

Complete nonsense, of course, since American Graffiti is an over-rated bore, while The Wanderers is an under-rated gem.

[Tony Tea]

Beware the fifth-columnist proprietor Tony T favours anglo, multi-culti, anti-raciss, Melbournite Siddleesque fuitarian, pc, convertible driving, ball lickers like Dan.

Queenslander.

[Tony Tea]

Fuitarian? Are you saying I'm against "he was" in Latin?

[M. Patard]

Without Rhyno we are gonski.

[M. Patard]

Tones, Cam is a Slander. Instead of ecce no homo, Pontius Pilate would say to him "Ecce cēveō."

[M. Patard]

Rammers says: Nice rants and all, David! But that's one hellava strawman argument you've got going there.

David was responding to m0nt's comment directly above: "Max Jimwell banged on about the fatigued Poms during the call... some stat about them having been away from home for 218 out of the last 365 days, something like that."

So, the obvious Welshman (due to sustained reasoning abilities combined with precision sarcasm) is spot on the topic, and won the day (evening).

Dan, au contraire, merely reiterated what an unbearable yoke it must be to tour with the English as a rejoinder. And then, to make matters hilarious, dignified the Slanders' undignifiable question with a direct answer.

David 1
Cam ± 1
Dan 0

Keep 'em coming lads. This is the sort of commentary I love.

[M. Patard]

Damn. Just found out the cricket starts tomorrow.

[Big Rammer's mum]

"The front-foot no-ball rule is stupid anyway. It's like the foot-fault rule in tennis. Yes, there has to be a line somewhere and anyone going miles over should be penalised, but what serious benefit is there to a bowler who over-steps by a centimetre?"

You see, most rules, you know will be set at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten with the rule. Where can you go from there? Where?

Your suggestion goes to 11, Carrot.

Whatever "grace" you give, 1cm or 50cm, top flight sportsmen being top flight sportsmen, will always push their luck to get an advantage. The new "grace cut off point" will become the new target of a bowler's front foot.

Also adds to the difficulty of adjudicating. Ya have to guess how far the bowler has overstepped and determine whether it's within the "grace distance", as opposed looking at a distinct line painted on the pitch.

Absolute madness, Carrot!
.

For some inexplicable reason, in one of Ian Chappell's Last Laugh books, Richie Benaud was granted a chapter to have a lengthy moan about the front foot no ball rule.

30+ years ago, so the memory's hazy.... He said in the olden days no balls were given as per a BACK FOOT rule. The front foot rule was a disaster, and if only they'd reintroduce the back foot rule then there would hardly be any no balls and the cricket world will achieve zen enlightenment.

Hmmm. Not quite sure how that works, Richie.

[Tony Tea]

I am with you Mother Ramstein. You've got to work from somewhere fixed and identifiable. Anything else and you are veering wildly into the farce that is the 15 degree chucking rule shambles.

[m0nty]

Bloody hell, I didn't realise there would be more than one ultra-nationalist at the AGB. I thought Pat was on his pat. AGB Cricket The Movie: Rumper Stumper.

Abbott-style perfect storm would be if Spearmint plays but then breaks down early, and we're left with two quicks on the WACA. That would smash Good Mitchell into smithereens, not to mention guarantee a Paper Cut twinged hammy.

[Russ]

TT's Dutch tolerance seems to attract them. Robust debate is good for the heart and mind though.

Cracking match between Ireland and Afghanistan at the moment. Half way through day 3 (it is 5 days, let's call it a test), Ireland 303/7 in second dig, 308 in front. Go watch (icc-cricket.com).

[Carrot]

Actually, that's a good point well-made, Rammer. You do have to draw the line somewhere. I certainly don't agree with the "free-hit" rule in ODIs and T20 though, and I think holding up play to check a no-ball that wasn't checked for is stupidity. I wonder whether there couldn't be some scope for stopping that entirely; for something so relatively trivial the buck really should stop with the on-field umpire, and if he misses it, he misses it. Perhaps the only time a dismissal should be over-turned on the basis of a no-ball could be when it was genuinely reviewed. It's just ridiculous to have every wicket celebration curtailed whilst they check on a technicality - the umpires should be doing it themselves (as was the whole point of Tony's post), but surely the emphasis should be on keeping play flowing at all costs anyway.

[Russ]

No-balls could be automated. At least to within the same margin of error as the tv camera. The umpire could have a basic phone app connected to he ground wifi that alerted him to no-balls (and the basic output of hawkeye too, really). The problem is the ICC is blazingly incompetent at IT and its use.

[Big Ramifications]

Am I being patronising if I ask if y'all spotted the slightly paraphrased Spinal Tap quote at the start of my previous comment?

// never seen the movie BTW, but I love that scene

[Big Ramifications]

"Cracking match between Ireland and Afghanistan at the moment...."

When I was a young boy and dad told me jokes about terrorism, as dads are wont to do, the protagonist would always be Irish.

Actually he only had one terrorism joke, put on high rotation.

"Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe."

[M. Patard]

Matt Buchanan of the SMH writes, 11 reasons Australians should bet on England to win at Perth

Pretty much what I wrote above, so can't say I disagree at all.

Matt Buchanan also once wrote, To be Australia's first Muslim cricketer is not nothing. Australian cricket is Anglo, Anglo, Anglo. Cricket Australia has seen the cultural homogeneity in the game and is desperate to change it. It should be encouraged.

Buchanan doesn't know his own name from a FitzSimons (hint, the former is a Scots name, not Anglo, and the latter is Anglo-Norman-Irish, a lot more than simply Anglo), yet proclaims that the exclusion of my children on the grounds of their misconceived* race should be "encouraged".

My points above about Buchanan don't segue at all, though I just wanted to get them out there. Put it down to my "Dutch tolerance".

*a pun

Addendum: anyone know the genealogy of the surname Benaud?

[M. Patard]

// never seen the movie BTW, but I love that scene

You should watch the movie, Rammers, it still holds up today (and no, you weren't patronising; I thought it was obvious).

My favourite song is Big Bottom.

The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or, so I've read.
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I love to sink her with my pink torpedo.

Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about bum cakes
My gal's got 'em.
Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind.
How can I leave this behind?

I saw her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean.
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean.
My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game's waiting there inside her tights.

Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about mud flaps
My gal's got 'em.
Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind.
How can I leave this behind?

[Carrot]

Richie's French, isn't he? He coached the French team at one point or another.

[M. Patard]

Yeah, there's that scat munching parody on the internet with a French theme. I'd reckon Benaud may be French or Norman. Quick internet search doesn't bring anything up.

[Tony Tea]

"Am I being patronising if I ask if y'all spotted the slightly paraphrased Spinal Tap quote at the start of my previous comment?"

Yes, of course we spotted it. But "goes to 11" has reached Peak Cliché. (As has Peak _____ .)

Spinal Tap is a fantastic movie. If you spent your late teens and early twenties watching rockumentaries, like I did, you will be nodding your head at ST's pitch perfect observations until your head falls off.

[m0nty]

Pat: you have children? Eesh.

[Russ]

Richie is French. Or his grand-father was anyway. He is the patron of French cricket. They have several videos of him on their youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/user/FranceCricket

[M. Patard]

Buchanan would declare that Benaud, Hilfenhaus, Doherty etc are indicative of the "cultural homogeneity" of Anglos in the game. He's either an idiot or an idiot racist. Or, as Steve Sailer says, "PC makes you stupid".

Then again, maybe we now know why Steve O'Keefe is refused selection. It's the cultural homogeneity!

[M. Patard]

But, Buchanan isn't an idiot, because we all know that what he is saying is that cricket in Oz is too White. And he proposes a race based selection policy be pursued to exclude my race from the game.

Yet people call *me* a racist.

[Big Ramifications]

Tony, I caught The Comic Strip Presents... rockumentary episode, Bad News Tour and it blew my sock off with how good it was. When it came to the subject matter in each episode, it was always a complete lucky dip with that series, so I watched it not knowing what to expect.

After that, whenever I thought about watching This Is Spinal Tap I'd be all "Nah. It's been done."

It's not like how it is with sci-fi movies where you can have heaps of different types of explosions.

FWIW Bad News Tour has got a pretty stellar imbd rating.

[Tony Tea]

St v. BNT

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=257600

[Big Ramifications]

Cool. I was checking out that site as well.

Both in production at the same time, but Bad News Tour was released a year earlier. I've always wanted to know which one was first.... and phew, the coin toss had landed.... and I was barracking for the correct one.

I can now start waving my dick around in arguments, boasting that I was one of the few who was on board with the ORIGINAL classic rockumentary. Read 'em and weep. Bad News Tour came out first.

That means I win the argument.

First.

[Gaye Mann]

A The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert -- To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar level COINCIDENCE of epic proportions.

You're all with me?

[Tony Tea]

I was never massively big on the Comic Strip. Struck me that it was allegedly funny because it was supposed to be funny. Viewers were expected to find it funny because then-cutting edge comedians were involved. It always left me a little cold.

[Big Ramifications]

I'm about 7 or 8[?] years younger than you, Tony. Never knew they were part of the NEW BREED of left wing YOOF comedians. So I got lucky there, too, and watched the episodes with wide eyed innocence.

Quick story if I may. Mum had kept her Famous Five collection from her childhood. The Famous Five wasn't even on the radar any more when I started reading BIG BOOKS – it was Encyclopedia Brown and Hardy Boys all the way.

But I read one for a laff and quickly chomped thru the rest.

Five Go Mad In Dorset was the first The Compic Strip Presents... episode I saw. It was an absolutely dead-on accurate [left wing] sh!t hang on the books [although I got the feeling it was aimed more at Enid Blyton].

I waz thoroughly entertained, and I felt all worldy and literate coz I got all the little jokes. So due to a quirky set of reasons, the series kinda left an xXtra big first impression on me, and maybe I'm subconsciously marking them up a bit.

ps: I wonder if the episodes have aged better than The Young Ones, heh.

pps: Tony – and anyone else - I gots to know. This Is Spinal Tap or Bad News Tour?

[David]

There was another Comic Book Presents episode sometime about 4 years later.... More Bad News.
Worth a watch too.

[Big Ramifications]

One to throw in the Australian batting mix for 4th Test selection....

Peter Clifford

FIRST CLASS MATCHES - CAREER TOTALS
Matches: 17
Runs: 1362
Average: 59.22

FIRST CLASS MATCHES - LAST SEASON'S TOTALS
Matches: 17
Runs: 1362
Average: 59.22

[Paul Nobes]

Anyone who saw Peter Clifford handle everything QLD could throw at him on the final day of last season's dramatic Pura Cup final would be convinced he has what it takes to handle the pressure of international cricket.

He led NSW to victory that day with an unbeaten 83, an innings of Test match quality. An effervescent character who can handle anything the big boys throw his way.

[RT]

Bad New Tour is a very good early Comic Strip. Incompetent Pommie rock band arguing about the price of sausages at some cheap roadside cafe. Must be close to real life. CS was very hit or miss however. They did a super take off of the TV show The Professionals in one episode, called the Bullshitters.

[Big Ramifications]

"For some inexplicable reason, in one of Ian Chappell's "Last Laugh" books, Richie Benaud was granted a chapter to have a lengthy moan about the front foot no ball rule.

30+ years ago, so the memory's hazy...."

Wheel oil beef hooked! I randomly happened upon a storage tub a couple of hours ago. Took a peek inside and half way down were my 2 Ian Chappell Last Laugh books [and a few 28 years old Australian Cricket magazines - in the fark-off big BROADSHEET style of the day].

Haven't set eyes on on those books in well over a decade. What an amazing coincidence. Surely babby Jesus is behind it.

I've scanned the Richie article. Click on the pix to see the full-sized readable scans.

I was only just aged in double figures when I first read it, still very gullible in the "I read it in a book so it must be true" sense, yet I was left with a gnawing feeling that RICHIE DIDN'T PRESENT A VERY CONVINCING CASE. I put it down to "grown-ups know best - I must have missed something important that I haven't learnt yet."

Re reading his op-ed piece 33 years later I come to the conclusion that he was completely barking mad.

** Front foot or back foot, bowlers are still gonna be aiming to plant their foot just shy of the allowable limit. Richie is[was] pushing for the current law to be changed back, I'm for the status quo, therefore it's incumbent upon Richie to present the case that his idea is better.

He didn't do that. He just said "it was, coz." His piece was one gigantic BEGGING OF THE QUESTION.

** The thing he says in the article about the 2inch error is Clive Palmer logic. Firstly, the umpires could be trained to allow for this supposed error. Secondly, there is no "2inch loss of territory, so we'll get more no balls!" under the front foot rule – which I believe he was implying. Bowlers and coaches would have also quickly become aware of the existence of the "2inch error" and adjusted their delivery strides. It's a 2inch phase shift, not a 2inch loss of territoy.

** Bear in mind that he would have penned that in 1979/1980. Not long into it, Richie concedes that a bowler can get a full 2½ foot advantage with his preferred "back foot no ball" rule. So it goes to follow that Richie was quite OK with Thommo, Lillie, Holding, Roberts etc bowling their GENUINELY DANGEROUS thunderbolts while availing themselves of this very generous rule-change?

What an absolute bloody dill.

[Ahab, Ishmael's boss]

Whale oil.

Beef hooked.

Get with the program Rammers.

[Big Ramifications]

"half way down were [...] a few 28 years old "Australian Cricket" magazines - in the fark-off big BROADSHEET style of the day."

Didn't have time to thoroughly go thru them like Rusty and his famous blog post[s]. Plus they don't have that same quaint feel as Rusty's. They're not old enough to bother scanning right now.

But I did decide to have fun with the first remotely interesting thing I saw, and call it a day. Click on the pic to see the full-sized readable scan.

[Tony Tea]

He's not married to Julie anymore. (I know. You are not surprised.)