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Tony Tea

If you have to ask who "he" you have lobbed here by accident.


We should play Wide Lotto every English innings.

Tony Tea

Our fast bowling has been our one solid citizen the last 12 months. No Mitchell.


If we hadn't already proposed a nickname for Faulkner, I submit: Anonymous. Faulkner, Guy Fawkes, that mask from that movie, and he's been rather anonymous so far. And will probably carry drinks while Studsy chucks down his filth.


The pinpoint accuracy of a McGrath made cricket watching dull. Thank the cricketing God's as "He" will fill our summer with interest.


I expect we can take 20 wickets with this team in Brisbane, not sure if we will get enough runs though. The big question is will all the caught behinds and stumpings be taken, as this is our biggest issue presently. Tim Payne hurry back.

Tony Tea

Faulkner: The Sound & the Fury.


The big question for me is what sort of pitches we will get. If they follow the Shield example this season they will be flat roads, which will please Stakeholders and the stakeholders as the tests will last five days or thereabouts. That would seem to be the smart play, as we might only lose 2-0 instead of 5-0 to minimise the dead rubbers.


I wonder at what position Bailey will bat? I'd like him at 4 followed by Clarke and Smith.


'If we hadn't already proposed a nickname for Faulkner, I submit: Anonymous. Faulkner, Guy Fawkes, that mask from that movie...'

You mean these masks mont?:


food terroirist

Fucking hell! He's back! Good Mitch or Bad Mitch?

With that haircut, Faulkner looks like Tintin.

What's the deal with Watto? Specialist batsman no bowling? If he doesn't play the 1st test, who bats at #3? Clarke won't, be unfair to slot Bailey there on debut.

So Watto-Lotto-Maths means it'll probably be Smith shafted upto #3, Bailey at #4, Clarke, Hard Hands, Tintin & Bad Mitch?

Im not sure about Bailey in the test team without 1st class runs to back it up, he has been a bloody gun in T20 & ODIs, especially when top order collapses. I also don't want to agree with Chappelli...


Oh yes, Cameron. Anonymous like the hacking group.


If Paper Cut doesn't bowl and isn't VC, there should be a strong case for him to be dropped for Anonymous to bolster the bowling. I'm not expecting it short term, but long term that should be the selectors' intention.

Tony Tea

I assume we all assume Australia will not regain the Ashes because the fragile batting group will collapse too often, but I wonder how often we will collapse. The Poms sat on us in England, waiting for us to fall over, which we generously did. England is not going to fold, so if we are to regain the Ashes everything has to go right - catches & drops, well placed nicks, stupid run outs and umpiring.

When sides regain trophies it is usually because they are appreciably better, that they are able to guts out tough runs, pinch wickets and pull off run outs and catches AND have luck with the umpires (more often than not the umpy luck goes with the better side - chicken and egg not withstanding). Another way sides regain trophies is because they are at home on fixed pitches, but Australia rarely if ever dodgies up the decks.

Nope. I just don't see this Australian side able to gouge out tough runs or pinch innings wrecking groups of wickets.

food terroirist

forget assumptions, I don't have a hope in hell that we will win back the ashes.

tough runs?
do wafts to 3rd man & mis-timed drives count? or is that just ugly cricket?

if PaperCut plays, we'll see some glorious shots straight to the fielder, but no runs... that's tough!

food terroirist

"Mitchell Johnson for man of the series"

Clarkey said it first. Hope he is sacked for that statement at the end of the series, or at least choked.


To be fair to Lemming, Studsy being MOTS is the only actual hope of the Aussies winning the Ashes back. But lightning doesn't strike that often.


My concern about this side is who's going to be twelfth man. There are a lot of candidates, and that's a worry. When you look at a line-up and think that any number of them could/should miss out for any number of reasons, that clearly ain't good. Faulkner, Smith, Bailey ...... even Lyon? It's the exact opposite of ten years ago when about fifteen blokes deserved their spot and it was pretty much a coin-toss.

My money's on Faulkner and Watson playing and both bowling. We need an insurance policy for when Bad Studsy rears his ugly head. Bad Studsy was like Bad Dizzy back in the day - when he was supposed to be a senior bowler and bowled tripe we really went to pieces. With other options up our sleeve (who can both bat anyway), we can hide him if needs be. So it's between Smiff or The Old Bailey for mine, and I'd stick with Smiff - at least he's young.

Tony Tea

At least everyone expects Studs to blow up. He's got that going for him. As the pundit Jagger wrote: "No expectations."

food terroirist

i just saw the awful mo on Studsy's face. its neither a handlebar or a hipster mo.

fuck you movember!

Bloviating Dan

I'm baaaack too!

Glad to see you blokes are as gloomy as ever - the weird thing is, so are we.

I'm worried about Clarke, worried about Warner, even a bit worried about Mitch. P,lus I'm worried about our bowling (over the hill), our batting (if the pitches are green) and our injuries.

As a matter of interest, why Studsy? it can't be as obvious as that little stud he used to have poking through his chin?


I think if Faulkner gets a nickname it should be V
Faulkner - Guy Faulks - explosive - V for Vendetta - V. Hard to follow and irrelevant, like all good nicknames

Captain Obvious

It is as obvious as that little stud he used to have poking through his chin.

Tony Tea

Old timers (not me, obviously) should call Faulkner "Chuck" (not for the usual AGB reason).


Ive got it. Faulkers nickname should be - drumroll - knife and

M. Patard

One for Studdsy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnFZsrs32Co


Nickname proposal for George Bailey: intangibles.

M. Patard

Intangibles, I like it.

Like NSW keep providing Test players because NSW keep providing Test players, it's a truism, as Ian Chappell said.

M. Patard

Race mixing, faggotry, an Ashes victory, somewhere in our hearts, is the will to be set free.

M. Patard

"For that moment I touched an emotion beyond the common range of men, yet one that the poor brutes we dominate know only too well. I felt as a rabbit might feel returning to his burrow and suddenly confronted by the work of a dozen busy navvies digging the foundations of a house. I felt the first inkling of a thing that presently grew quite clear in my mind, that oppressed me for many days, a sense of dethronement, a persuasion that I was no longer a master, but an animal among the animals, under the Martian heel. With us it would be as with them, to lurk and watch, to run and hide; the fear and empire of man had passed away.

But so soon as this strangeness had been realised it passed, and my dominant motive became the hunger of my long and dismal fast. In the direction away from the pit I saw, beyond a red-covered wall, a patch of garden ground unburied. This gave me a hint, and I went knee-deep, and sometimes neck-deep, in the red weed."


You need to change your sessions form Test match hours to Day-Nighters M. Drunkard.

M. Patard

Cam is a backstabbing qld cunt.

But, we all knew that.

So, if Ian Chappell doesn't do it for you then, you can always choose, love.

TT, Cam tells me that you give a shit what crap I post at this blog. Do you?

I need to know? Cause here i go, again!

M. Patard

Love isn't silly at all!


Billy Slater shows how to deal with annoying cockroaches (off the field):


M. Patard

Living vicariously, the life, again.

Such is Qld, such is the West.

Btw, he didn't hit a cockroach, he punched a Pom. But I note, that not only do you live vicariously through your TV footy idol, you also impose your own devils as his villains.

Villain, btw, originally was the term given to White English slaves, from whence the term comes.


Look at me everyone, I use word like 'vicariously'. Who are you, Gideon Haigh?

M. Patard

"Who are you, Gideon Haigh?"

No, I am Monsieur Patard. Vicarious is what you do. Does it offend you?

It most certainly offends me, what you do, but, I wouldn't let it sway me from living my own life. Do as one will, Pommy cock gobbler. Next you'll be punching out at your nearest local because some hapless local clown was wearing a beanie in summer, in honour of the Phillipines. Your anti-racist cogones, would be swollen in contemptuous, vicarious, fertility. And dash to death the last White man laughing at the bar bench.


Gideon Haigh wrote something about the car industry in today's Other Little paper. Apparently he wrote a book about it. Obviously cricket doesn't pay enough.

After Grog Cog

"Cojones," you loco gringo.

Tony Tea

Gideon writes a book a week. Hardest working man in bookbiz.

M. Patard

I could write the socks off Gideon Haigh in a flash. I wouldn't restrict myself to the ins, and, outs of cricket, per se. I'd be, literally, and metaphorically, expanding my thoughts on the day's play to the wider aspects of why FitzSimons is such a fuckwit, and why Tim Blair and Tim Bolt suck so much Joo cock.

I'd be having a dig at all those Indian Princesses who pretend to be princes, on flat tracks, bashing with the latest black, dark as sin, made willow, fresh from their latest cesspit.

I could throw so much emtion into any sentence you wouldn't know if your were Bradman or Ponting, Ian or Greg.

But, I am but a humble Mexican, sombrero in my hand, waiting for the MSM to say what is, and what it will be.

Gideon Haigh? He's not fit to polish my balls (not that they need it).

Give me Tacitus or give me Roebuck.

M. Patard

Btw, that's Tackitus, with a hard C. Forgive my typos. That's what editors are for.

The Mongrel

Studsy. Sigh. This week he's been in the Herald saying that he wants to injure the English batsmen.

Because clearly good bowling that takes wickets regularly has never occurred to him.

As for Faulkner, I can't help thinking about his near-namesake Faulkener, author of "As I Lay Dying." That about sums it up.

Here's a quote from Faulkener the writer:

"...there are about three candidates for the authorship of Shakespeare's plays. But what is important is Hamlet and A Midsummer Night's Dream, not who wrote them, but that somebody did. The artist is of no importance. Only what he creates is important, since there is nothing new to be said".

Big Ramifications

"Nickname proposal for George Bailey: intangibles."

Arthur Bailey was the portly late-middle-aged cardigan wearer who appeared on the Feet Seat commercials. The Feet Seat was an overpriced stuffed fabric polygon that was the must-have bit of garbage that hung around for 2 or 3 years. Arthur Bailey achieved TOTAL RELAXATION using the Feet Seat.

Whenever I hear George Bailey I think of Arthur Bailey.

Tony Tea

Whenever I hear George Bailey I think of Bedford Falls.


Me too, TT. Let's call him Jimmy.

Well I'm glad Studsy is back to keep me squatting anxiously on the knife edge. We are going to lose anyway and he makes everyone else seem boring. I'll probably want to take a contract on him at least 3 times during the series (as will Clarkey) but everyone else is too meh to have that effect on me.

AND, we've won two tests in the last three series against the poms. Guess who ran through the poms each match?


I hope Studsy does break some English bones at some point. That's the whole point of him after all.


Supposedly FOT has been training him. If FOT hasn't told the bastard to hold the ball properly with seam upright, he's as much to blame as Studsy.


Everyone has told him that. He's terrified of holding the seam upright and not getting swing so he just won't do it.

food terroirist

At least McDermott has started his 2nd stint as bowling coach by talking a little sense. Watson doing his usual injured routine of talking how he would like to bowl in his comeback match & still fancies his chances.

"But he hasn't bowled so far. To rip him straight into a Test match would be pretty difficult at this stage."

But then in the same article he goes on about how awesome Mitch has been in the nets & since he bowled 155km/h, it makes sense to throw him the new ball in Brisbane?!?
Please, no!

p.s. what's Billy the Kid's nickname around here? Ron Jeremy? Donald "the ranga" Trump?

Big ramifications

And Big Rammers sayeth unto them..

"Why are ye fearful? O ye of little faith?"

Then the re-born Mitchell arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea. And there was a great calm.

One of his key challenges will helping enigmatic pace spearhead Mitchell Johnson return to his former glory.

"He's like no other bowler that we've got in the country," McDermott said.

"His arm speed is phenomenal and when he gets it right he's unplayable."


Big Ramifications

That was a re tweaked comment of mine from over 1½ years ago. Slightly unnerving, in that I can remember quoting McDermott's quote [I specifically Googled for it].. but I haven't got the foggiest recollection of adding that biblical preamble, nor am I familiar with its origin.

Sounds like the Book Of Exodus. Can you throw me a bone, Patard?!

Bonus unnerving points courtesy of you, food terrorist, coz I started looking for my old McDermott comment before your comment appeared.. then REAL LIFE got in the way and my comment took well over an hour to be posted.

Haven't been following things that closely.. I had no idea McDermott had been reappointed as a member of the Oz coaching STABLE.

To answer your question, maybe "FOT" = McDermott? "FOT" totally went over my head until I read your comment, food terrorist. I'm a bit slow on the uptake of official AGB nicknames, too.

Tony Tea

FOT is not an official AGB nickname. It's DK's actual nickname.


AB tells a funny story re the FOT nickname.

Apparently when AB was new on the OZ scene he had been introduced to DK and had a brief pleasant chat with him. AB was of course chuffed at having a conversation with a legend, however it's fair to say they weren't quite on nickname basis yet.

The next time they met (the circumstances of which escape me, Test selection perhaps?) AB spotted DK and greeted the legend with a hearty "FOT!". The terror immediately gripped the young AB as he realised he had overstepped certain unspoken hierarchical social boundaries and he prepared for a brushing or worse from DK.

Of course DK/FOT, being the great man he is, on receiving this over the top greeting responded to the talented young upstart with "AB, how ya goin mate!" and AB's heart rate resumed normal service.

food terroirist

So PaperCut can bowl? This is fucking déjà vu, stuck in the twilight zone type crap.

So that means no Faulkner? Clarke's made some comments that could be interpreted that Lyon is going to get the shaft (could be journos doing their usual prematch hype with an injured Watson).

But without Lyon it's a bloody unbalanced bowling attack; Harris, Siddle, Watson, Mitch, Faulkner.

Who is going to bowl the overs if England bat for more than 100 overs? Not Mitch, tWatto, or Harris. So Faulkner & Sizzlechest to get bowled into the ground & forcing them to be "rested, not rotated" for the 2nd or 3rd test.

The wet weather could save us, rain expected every day.

food terroirist

Doesn't seem like Smith will have much of a bowl.


In an encouraging sign that allrounder Shane Watson (hamstring) looks set to recover and bowl in the Ashes opener at the Gabba, No.5 batsman Smith admitted that he had not been privy to Australia's approach with the ball to date.
"We had a meeting this morning and worked out a few plans - I wasn't a part of that," Smith laughed.
"But if required I will help out with the ball"

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