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nottrampis

you can see my views here where I link you.

I will also be highlighting you guys in my Around the Traps so mind the language.
I will try to comment now and then.

all the best lads!

M. Patard

"Around the traps" is a good 'un. Funnily enough I was researching the source of that expression the other day. It seems to have something to do with trapping animals and the trappers themselves catching up for a yarn, around the traps, so to speak.

Speaking of which, Sportsbet odds are a bit of a trap.

Tony Tea

Toss won. Batting first.

Russ

Go early, go hard: that was a bad toss to win.

Tony Tea

That's what I was thinking (although I cannot see the television or hear the radio).

m0nty

Theoretically a great toss to win, since today is the only day where rain is not forecast. But we'll stuff it up as usual.

According to the Nine coverage CGI graphics, our batting group will be covered in a thin veneer of gray cement. That's one way to harden them up, I suppose.

M. Patard

Heals stuck his car key into the pitch and it was soft and muddy underneath, much like Warney's head under his soft hair implants.

m0nty

There is a big bald man in a powder blue suit on the field. He threatens to sing.

M. Patard

Please stand for Uncle Joe Kirk's Welcome to Country.

M. Patard

I'm impressed that there's a traditional aboriginal word for Queenslander.

nottrampis

I am going for KP to hit more runs than anybody else and Broad to take more wickets than anybody else!

m0nty

Big bald man in powder blue suit is not the one singing. Evidently he was otherwise employed.

m0nty

Shameless is the new boy in the Nine line-up. His suit hangs far more attractively on his still-lean frame than those of the older blokes who have been in good paddocks.

M. Patard

Aaron Schultz will be aghast to see all those kids kitted up in Milo gear.

Choice magazine says "In fact Nestlé Milo Cereal currently has little fibre to speak of but more kilojoules per serve than Kellogg’s Coco Pops — which itself certainly isn’t the healthiest kids’ breakfast cereal. Milo Cereal also has a lot more fat than Coco Pops and only 16% less sugar. Sanitarium Weet-Bix is a much healthier cereal, even if you add some sugar."

Ban it, I say. Ban MILO!!

Tony Tea

Steve Randall likes kids in Milo gear.

m0nty

I appeal that last comment, TT. Pitching in line, probably hitting off.

Tony Tea

Is anyone sick of turning on the news only to see or hear yet another incident of people in authority abusing that authority and tampering with kiddies and sick people? What the fark is wrong with these swine? What the fark is wrong with the people who employ them (and try to cover up scandals)? Why the fark have I zoomed off topic?

m0nty

Pity Filthy Finn isn't playing. We'll have to workshop a nickname for Tremlett.

m0nty

Pitch looks very dry, big cracks all the way down.

Cow Corner has a very punchable mo.

m0nty

Big pantomime boos as Malfoy is introduced over the tannoy. Traditional values.

M. Patard

"Why the fark have I zoomed off topic?"

It's the cricket, Tones, zooming off topic is what a good day's all about.

m0nty

Cow Corner smashes the first Malfoy beach ball into the fence at backward square. Even more traditional!

M. Patard

No ball from Broad first ball, smacked for four. Good start.

Still, I find it heard to warm to Davey Boy, especially in his Movember wankery.

m0nty

A second man brought in behind square to Cow Corner after one ball. Cook already running scared!

Tony Tea

Cow Corner is an idiot.

M. Patard

Cow Corner has a very punchable mo.

Missed that. Exactly!

Tony Tea

Knee Tremlett? Or is that a bit too 1970s Pommy lad mag?

m0nty

Two overs in, Anderson already looking by far the best quick England has got. Malfoy just this side of Harmison/Finn quality filth. Neither of them have dialled in the radar at all yet though.

Nick

Cow corner is a state of mind. Sure there's a traditional aboriginal word for Warner. Probably same as Broad.

Nick

Welcome to Country is no Jerusalem.

m0nty

Chinese cut through the legs by Buck to get off the duck.

Tony Tea

Buck a duck!

m0nty

Cow Corner is here for a good time, not a long time. Almost caught at gully, only six inches in it. As the actress said to the bishop.

Nick

Warner more 2013 West Indies than 1990s Slater.

M. Patard

To properly and traditionally "be upstanding" for a Welcome to Country, shouldn't we do it with one leg on the other?

That's the way the original Parramatta Eels emblem depicts an Aboriginal hunter. I stand for tradition...do you?

Nick

Fuck.

M. Patard

Geez, Buck. That was lame.

Dan

Brian Poole (and the Tremletts)?

Bye bye. Chris!

m0nty

Terrible get-out shot by Buck. That was just awful.

So it begins.

David

Fuck

Nick

Buck almost hit that pose. Those guys look a bit lean to be contemporary.

m0nty

Carberry looks like a juicy fruit at point.

Russ

Broad's front-arm is horrible. For all the jokes on the English side he is basically a right-arm Studs with a more aggressive personality.

Tony Tea

Broad is like Ian Botham - a shit gets wicket bowler who aggravates the batsmen into getting themselves out. (Bowls the occasional good spell.)

m0nty

My first "oh-shut-up-KOKhead"-turn-radio-off moment of the summer.

Tony Tea

Juicy Fruit = Joe Root.

Russ

Am listening to the English feed (on CA's site). At least until the inevitable collapse it is preferable to listening to KOK

m0nty

The travesty of that Buck-off wicket is that Malfoy has been chucking down complete filth the whole time, including that inoffensive 131kph ball that Buck got himself out to.

m0nty

Plenty of runs in this deck if they can survive the early intelligent swing from Anderson and not get themselves out.

So we'll be all out for 179.

m0nty

Cook obviously has a plan for Paper Cut. Deep mid on, straight midwicket, attack his front pad with full, straight balls and wait for the inevitable miss. Elbee shout/s coming up.

m0nty

Drago already sending down filth.

Tony Tea

Is Paper Cut too bulky to get his feet moving properly to avoid LBs?

Tony Tea

Draco + Drago = On Her Majesty's Secret Witchcraft.

m0nty

Drago to Paper Cut: "I must break you."

m0nty

Anyone for Watto Lotto? I'm tipping a solid 37.

M. Patard

1/42 is good for the first hour. Should have been 0/42 if Buck woke up to himself.

David

I reckon he'll go on to a big score.
46

Russ

Finally, Boycott says what the stadium-haters amongst the English don't: the Gabba was awful before it got built up for football.

Still boring now, mind, but at least it isn't a suburban dog-track any more.

m0nty

Yes Russ, now it's an urban dog track.

m0nty

Hmm, judging from his opening salvo, this Alan Gardner character on the Croq commentary looks to be (a) an Aussie, and/or (b) a pillock.

Tony Tea

Paper Cut will capitalise on his solid start and convert it into a solid 62.

Tony Tea

Sorry, "well compiled" 62.

Tony Tea

I once made a mistake free duck (until I got out).

Chappellg

I once made five mistake free ducks (until I got out).

David

Once again we overestimate wattos contribution.

Tony Tea

Farken, stinking, slutching Clarke time. Is there NO BREAK which will not take an Australian wicket?!? Surprised the knuckleheads did not sent out a lunch watchman.

RT

Because he made 170 in a dead rubber, we've gotta put up with this brick shit house powder puff for the next couple of years. Life is unfair.

gillysgone

from now on 5 minutes prior to a session ending we should feign injury so that last over doesnt get bowled. Havig said that, the previous over will become the last over, so perhaps we do it then. wait a inute, this just isnt going to work. So piss Watson off. that solves the problem

Tony Tea

Remember when Australia used to be able to accumulate big scores? Sigh. No, neither do I?

Tony Tea

Luncheonite.

lou

I woke up, found wiziwig and watching Watson display his lack of brain was my first view of the Ashes.

Now you can blame me but did I say Watson has no brain? In case I didn't, Shane Watson has no brain. Can we call him Scarecrow?

lou

Malfoy can just bowl shit all series and our guys (after all the trash talk) will hand over their wickets.

I guess I should be pleased that IPCoS wasn't elbee.

Russ

Scarecrow. Like. Also IPCoS makes no sense now he's back to being a fragile mess of a half-cricketer.

Russ

Lemming out. Two wickets from the break. This is going downhill fast.

Tony Tea

Is rain predicted?

lou

Clarke, sheesh. WTF was he doing there? Didn't have a clue about a straightforward ball on his hip. Lemmings ahoy.

I reckon George will get a ton.

m0nty

Studsy is going to bowl exactly the same tripe as Malfoy and get 0-150.

Tony Tea

Every Clarke dismissal that is not via a feet-fixed slash-waft to the cordon is one dismissal closer to a feet-fixed slash-waft to the cordon.

M. Patard

Hold hard, men, for remember yea "But if any man have not care of his own, and especially of those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

There are 2 x NSWelshmen at the crease, upon which rock the House Of the Heroless will be rebuilt. For Warney, for Pigeon, for the Buck.

m0nty

SGW Malfoy. Just pus.

M. Patard

Every Clarke dismissal that is not via a feet-fixed slash-waft to the cordon is one dismissal closer to a feet-fixed slash-waft to the cordon.

You obviously missed Slat's pre-match synopsis of just how much Hard Core has been in the nets, moving the back foot across, rather than feet fixed. The hard work surely paid off.

M. Patard

Well, obviously my beseechings went unheeded.

Russ

Hope for your sake Pat that Gorgeous is a Waler...

Just after a break, Clarke moves his feet less, and has a lower ability to manage that lack of movement, than most anyone. Great player when he's going, but hopeless starter.

lou

And another. Lemmings.

M. Patard

C'mon Intangibles, you Taswegian verisimilitude of veracity.

lou

How utterly ridiculous. Might as well let the poms bat first, just putting off the pain this way.

GTFO to decent balls at least.

lou

We might be alright now. My stream has gone down and I think it was me watching that did the damage.

m0nty

Harmless slow bouncer, meekly poke it to gully.
Inoffensive wide long hop, gutlessly snick it to second slip.
Another harmless bouncer, spoon it foppishly to short leg.
Rank long hop well outside off, lamely give KP catching practice at cover.

Now we have a first gamer and a 12 year old as the last recognised batsmen in the second session of the first test in a home Ashes series.

It would be laughable if it wasn't so hilarious.

M. Patard

I blame Milo.

M. Patard

Skin Folds is looking good here. The switch from Milo to Coco-Pops has worked wonders on his crease gravity.

gillysgone

i blame James Sutherland.

m0nty

At last, a wicket taken with skill. Well bowled, Jimeoin.

gillysgone

and the groan was heard across the country

lou

I'm sorry, that ball to take Bailey's wicket was the first time my stream fired up again. Jeez, I actually wanted to watch this series. Glad that at least Malfoy didn't get that wicket.

m0nty

At least Klutzy is here to knuckle down for a longaahahahahahahahahaaaaa sorry I can't finish that thought.

M. Patard

Sydney Symphony has "Variations on an English Theme" coming up in December. I've always hated sarcasm.

Russ

McGrath is talking Haddin about as a "fighter". Talk about devaluing the word. More to grit than squinting against the sun.

lou

Oh god, it's 3.30 in the morning and I'm laughing at the Aussie batsmen already. It's going to be a long winter.

Tony Tea

Remember the old days when the pundits used to whinge that YET AGAIN the Aussies had retained he Ashes by the Third Test and Melbourne and Sydney were dead rubbers? Boot, meet Other Foot.

lou

OK, so after seeing the replays of Clarke again the ball got up on him more than I thought. But he still handled it badly. He was a bit freaked out I think.

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