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Tony Tea

Further to my point.

When Melbourne is well in front I still think they will lose, because they usually do, so close football matches don't make me happy.

(The father of a friend of mine came to Australia in 1954 and decided to follow Melbourne, so he got to follow them through the glory years. He reckons the best thing about following Melbourne back then was that Melbourne always looked like they would win, even when they were well behind. It is the reverse now. He said the worst thing about following Melbourne back then was that the umpires always butchered Melbourne. It's the same now.)

When Australia is in a close Test I still think they will lose, because they usually lose close Tests, so close Tests don't make me happy.

Gloviating Bloater

You hit the nail on the head with relaxation, Tony.
During England rugby's brief period of being half-decent, I eventually reached the point where I could relax a bit and just enjoy the game while watching them.
If they lost, even when it was Six Nations grand slams that were going west, I was pissed off but I could see light at the end of the tunnel. (None of that stopped me thinking we would lose the 2003 final, which I attended and watched through my fingers.)
Likewise, in cricket, I was just about able to watch the denouement the other day without suffering palpitations/putting my foot through the telly because I thought there was a chance we could do it, even when the Aussies were 147/1 (or whatever it was).
When you're shite, there's nothing but inevitability, and gloom.
Outside war and sex, no-one wants to win all the time, though, even if it were possible. The defeats make the victories sweeter.

Big Ramifications
"Outside war and sex, no-one wants to win all the time."
I larfed.


" During England rugby's brief period of being half-decent…."
Remember the period from about a decade earlier when "Southern Hemisphere rugby" did a Emma George Kerry Saxby and took a big leap forward?

A young firebrand had just arrived on the international scene, and the Jonah Lomu buzz was in full effect.

1995 World Cup. Semi Final. England vs. New Zealand. Two minutes into the game.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhmQlxCDFSc
That play by Lomu still remains in my Top 3 "Did I Really Just See What I Thought I Just Saw?" moments in sport.

Selecting a BIG UNIT to play on the wing was a revolutionary idea, similar to the Sri Lankan one-day cricket team's CRAZY idea of going the tonk in the first 15 overs. Jonah wasn't the first, however. IIRC Va'aiga "Inga the Winger" Tuigamala can lay claim to the title of first ever BIG UNIT to play on the wing.

Good times, good times.

Remain in Faith

Someone mentioned that Remain in Faith makes them think, Remain in Perth. Well, guess what? I *am* in Perth!

Went to Fremantle today and nearly ran over the entire population. What's with that slow walk, stepping out into the street as if you're in a park for a stroll? At first I thought they were very aggressive people and was getting pretty steamed about it, but, then I realised, what with there being sweet fuck all to do around there, or here, except for stare at cranes instead of shoreline, these people really are just asking to be killed. Sincerely. "Please, just run me over and kill me now."

You know things are light on entertainment when the street signs advertise "Cappucino street". Wtf?! Get out of here. A whole street dedicated to coffee!? Now that's what I came to WA for."

At $28 a dozen oysters from Kailis I thought this must be some tourist rip off, but no, that's the price around here. Instead I went to Sealanes and bought a dozen Coffin Bay instead. Thought I'd learned that lesson last time I visited Darwin, but some things never change, me not learning lessons, nor the filth out of Coffin Bay.
King prawns were good though. About to eat one of your lobsters, or crayfish as they were titled.

Apparently Albany is pronounced Al-bany, as in Al Grasby, instead of All-bany. So some local corrected me loudly at the checkout. What is it with Fremantle?

Little known fact! East Perth is the lycra capital of Australia.

Remain in Faith

Deadset gotta go to Joondalup. How can one resist with a name like that?

By the way, if your trains are working tomorrow, you can thank me.

Tony Tea

Wait until you get a sandwich made. You'll stand there chuntering away to yourself "hurry up, hurry up" as the shoppy slooooowwwly assembles said snack.

Remain in Faith

A song dedicated to East Perth and Riverside Drive: Perth

Remain in Faith

Here's a first; went in desperation to the Little Creatures brewery, seeing as the Swan brewery is pretty much closed and just an empty shell, and had to leave once I hear the reggae jazz fusion, the poms, God damned poms everywhere, "Fuck West Ham! CELTIC forever!!!! you CARNTS!!!", and one of the bar "men" was even wearing a beret!! I kid you not.

Gloviating Bloater

Big Rammers, I remember it only too well. He did it to us again in 1999, allowing Jannie de Beer to drop-kick us to death in the quarters. Dallaglio kneed him in the face after being carried over the line, but then Dallaglio always was a wanker.

In fact, my abiding memory of 1995 isn't even Jonah, it's Zinzan drop-kicking from about the half way line. At that point, you absolutely knew it was not going to be your day.

Inga was the forerunner but Lomu was the archetype - never been another like him, has there? The AB fans never appreciated what they had,

Remain in Faith

NOWERGUP, NARNGULU, MANDURAH. Toot toot. Aaaaallll aboard!

Remain in Faith

As it so happens, Tones, as I was drilling some top bloke local, what this, what that, and where's this. where's that, he just seemed to stare that ten thousand yard stare, and slowly, imperceptibly replied, inscrutably: "It'll..be...alright."

Made me reflect upon my life.

People tell me Perth was so much better and slower only ten years ago.

Remain in Faith

Notice how slow Rammer is to reply?

Remain in Faith

Probably rolling a custom made, chewing the cud, thinking about next year's crops.

Remain in Faith

Rotate the cattle.

Remain in Faith

Maybe.

Depending.

Tony Tea

Gettin' the lucerne in, plantin' the pea.

Tony Tea

Plantin' the pea is not a euphemism. Although in Small Rammer's case...

Cameron

Greetings via the the good people at HP.

Cameron

Do they have colour TV there Pat?

(sent via my HP Pavillion 23 touch all-in-one)

Remain in Faith

All I've heard on the radio is the state anthem.

It's nice but gets a bit repetitious after the first time.

Hey, Perthians, wake up! (Traditional song)

Remain in Faith

If I was the serial killer who stalked this town a decade or so ago, this would be my song: The Most Isolated and Slow City on the Planet

lou

The Remain in Perth mis-reader was me. Yes, people move very slowly over there. I used to think Perth is like a big country town so Freo is a small one. What's not to like about staring at the cranes?

Remain in Perth, what are you doing in WA? I never understand why anyone goes there unless they've got rellies littered about it.

Remain in Faith

I was hoping to meet you or Rammers. Are you still here?

I am here fixing things for you and Rammers.

Remain in Faith

Actually, I think my job here is to drink myself into a stupor. At least that's the way I like to think about it.

Tony Tea

Rammers hides from out-of-staters. He zealously guards his anonymity. Even his mother is forced to call him Big Rammers.

Remain in Faith

The future of Perth (note they still have poms).

Hungry White kids of Perth...

Sitting outside Hungry Jacks Hay Street Mall.

Remain in Faith

Sorry, Yobbo's probably baring up over that first video.

I'd love to meet Yobbo while I'm here. I'm here all week, and more, Perthians!

This Swan's made for you...

lou

I'm in London, Remain. Won't be in Perth till later in the year. I am one of those people with many, many relations scattered about the Perth suburban area.

Big Ramifications
Remember the period from about a decade earlier when "Southern Hemisphere rugby" did a Emma George Kerry Saxby....

I saw footage of her infamous training accident on the news. It wasn't broadcast quality [probably video of the training session from her coach's camera] but it was clear enough – and it looked farking horrendous.

Emma George sidelined by pole vault fall

28 July 1999 – Sydney (Reuters) - Australian world record holder Emma George crashed onto the track in a pole vault training accident in Switzerland, throwing her preparation for the World Championships in athletics into chaos.

The 24-year-old was cleared of any lower back fractures but was severely bruised after she missed the landing bags, falling on her back from a height of about 4.5 metres (15 feet) on Monday night, Australia's AAP news agency reported on Wednesday.

Athletics Australia competition manager Brian Roe said from London that George was discharged from hospital on Tuesday night and would be restricted to swimming training for the next 10 days, leaving her little time to prepare for Seville.

He said her time on the sidelines would adversely affect her build-up to the August 20-29 World Championships as her discipline was the most technical of any track or field event.

"There are no broken bones but she's pretty shaken up, and she's got some bruising," Roe told AAP.

"Because she landed on her back the main concern was a possible fracture to her tailbone but she was able to walk out of hospital."

That was the end of her career right there, she never was the same athlete. More than one pundit suggesting she never recovered mentally.

// I can't seem to find any footage of it on the internet

Big Ramifications

Thought provoking comments regarding Perth, Remain in Faith. I wasn't about to jump in and reply, but now that you ask.

You pretty much nailed Perth in every one of your comment observations.

Somehow I've managed to stay very disinterested in the ongoing public debate regarding DULLSVILLE, mainly coz I'm having a whale of a time living in DULLSVILLE.... while the opposing argument can be pretty much boiled down to "Perth needs more shiny baubles." Which is pretty pathetic, really.

But I've never looked at the argument from your point of view, Remain in Faith, as a traveller looking to do some stuff for a few days. I can't say I've got any magical answers, either.

A helluva lot of us make our own fun here in Perth, but unless you're a contented hermit, that requires having a circle of friends.

The weather is amazing and Perth has lots of open space. This naturally lends itself to outdoor recreation. Organised sport, muckabout sport, playground activities, walking, swimming, jogging, cycling [check a map of Perth bicycle paths and cycle lanes – it will blow you away].

Just about every outdoor activity Perth has to offer, I've grabbed hold of with both hands at some point in my life, and continue to do so. I don't consider myself to be a fitness fanatic, either.

When it rains in Perth the usual modus operandi is for it to bucket down in bursts. A really wet day in Perth will often have lengthy fine spells. And those rainy days will often be interrupted by 3 day spells of the most glorious sunny weather. It doesn't get that cold that often in winter, so even organised outdoor winter sport on week nights isn't a daunting prospect.

Touch rugby is my poison at the moment. Thanks to Perth's "lengthy fine spells" during rainy days we will normally go a whole winter season and only get rained on once while we're playing.

In our wired modern world a night out with friends will often mean a NIGHT IN with friends. Each of us with our own laptop in front of us and, say, online UFC being pumped onto the big screen TV [who says men can't multitask?!].... while the womenfolk sit in the kitchen, jawboning and sipping white wine. I'm not ashamed to own up to finding these evenings to be most enjoyable.

And on proper nights out, any "entertainment establishment" is going to be fun if you're out with your buddies, right? You mention the Little Creatures pub and microbrewery. I've only been there once and I had an absolute fricken ball.

But I went out with friends and I bumped into a really good buddy from my university days. I concede a night out in Perth is gonna be a v.different experience for travellers such as yourself, Remain in Faith.

Perth is far from being a religious city with hang-ups and the associated "no fun allowed" laws, so why are we so boring? Coz there's so much for us to do that doesn't involve roaming the city streets at 2am SURROUNDED BY SHINY BAUBLES!!

A lot of places shut at midnight, even on Friday and Saturday. We happily work around that.

One has to be VERY careful when invoking this next line of reasoning, but in this instance it works: if you can't be stimulated in Perth without yearning for more noise and lights and longer opening hours THEN YOU CAN FARK RIGHT OFF AND GO LIVE IN MELBOURNE. Or Iraq or somewhere, heh heh.

Oh yeah, and just about every new immigrant I meet – even the most well-travelled engineers and senior management types – say Perth is the best place IN THE WORLD to do the dull boring job of raising your children.

gillysgone

I found raising my children was quite exciting at times. then again I live in Sydney; but I have lived in Dubai and the UK.

Tony Tea

If I may.

I moved to Perth after 12 years in the Pilbara, so to me it was Excitementville. Then I moved back to Melbourne, which was a shock to the system, even back in the relatively hustle and hassle free 1980s. Each tome I have been back to Perth I have been staggered at how quiet it is - not that that is a bad thing, since it is easy to get around, I have plenty of friends there, and always find plenty to do. If I had to live there today, I gladly would.

Tony Tea

Of course, during footy season it is hard to find a place to hide from the Eagles CUBs.

Big Ramifications

That sounded a bit boastful when I re-read it just then.

I meant Perth people choose outdoor activities coz the weather's nice, not coz we're this awesome clean-living community or anything.

Tony Tea

I enjoyed country and suburban footy in WA much more than I enjoyed country and suburban footy in Victoria. Better weather, cleaner skills and less thugs suited a softcock seagull (with good skills, if I do say so myself) like me.

Remain in Faith

Wait until you get a sandwich made. You'll stand there chuntering away to yourself "hurry up, hurry up" as the shoppy slooooowwwly assembles said snack.

Mate, you got that in one. Ducked into Subway this arvo for lunch only to find the longest queue in the world. Without a lie there were at least 20 people when I joined the lineup. Dopey Perthians behind the counter seemed to be moving, it was hard to tell from way back where I was.

I was edgy just joining, when 5 more joined in behind me. Funny thing was none of them seemed bothered by it. Just standing there without a care in the world they were. I left. No way am I waiting half a day to get a foot long.

Might head back over later this evening to see if they've got to my position in the queue yet. It might be like a glacier, ever growing, never diminishing, moving millimetres at a time into future eons.

Remain in Faith

Rammers, thanks for your considered reply. It reminded me of another thing about this place. As slow moving and thinking these people are, man they're a tetchy bunch.

One would think, given their creeping, winding country road style they'd have a forgiving accepting style but one could not be more wrong. Every quiet moment is only seconds away from an arseholish comment reeking of bitterness.

I don't know why, maybe it's the massive amount of poms seeping their bad attitude around the place. Maybe it's the flatness of the topography, the lack of visual differentiation, the endless sky and plains. There seems to be no end to things, whether it's queues, traffic lights that remain red for no perceptible reason other than sheer obtuseness and spite. Certainly has nothing to do with traffic as there is none. Maybe it's all the one way streets, again for no reason that I could tell, except maybe to save the lives of Perthian pedestrians who then only have to negotiate one direction of traffic.

I'm not bagging the place, just observing its bizarreness. You're right in that it seems very amenable to a healthy lifestyle and what with all the lycra about, people seem to be in to it. It's similar in many respects to Canberra. But Perth is priced out of the reach of traditional family formation. That notion is a facade. No more than 2 kids here I would say, things are just too expensive.

One other thing - Perth and Fremantle reek of smug. The atmosphere is palpable with it. People seem very pleased with themselves for no reason whatsoever that I could tell. I mean, if the arse fell out of the mining industry overnight then the arse falls out of Perth. It's not as if Perth and surrounds are ever going to produce anything requiring an IQ. It's middle management for ditch diggers at ten paces here with stratospheric levels of self satisfied aloofness and disdain.

Weird, funny place. These are just first impressions from your humble traveling scribe, Australia's James Boswell.

Remain in Faith

One other thing; what's with all the beanies? It was 20 degrees today, beautiful day, yet still every second "dude" had a full head beanie on. Those hipster type of things one would see in Portlandia, or in some surfin' safari Xtreme sports video with matching sick soundtrack.

What do people wear if the temperature drops below 15? One of those equally cool Sir Douglas Mawson balaclavas?

Remain in Faith

I figured it out, why the streets are so devoid of people and movement. They're all indoors at shops lined up in queues.

Remain Inside

Or avoiding you

Remain in Faith

Ha, that's quite possible but I don't think so. They seem to lack the awareness of anything outside of the person in front of them in the queue.

Like cattle on the conveyor belt at the abattoir. I'm quite sure I could walk right up to each one of them, one after the other in the queue, and knock them down with my captive pistol, Anton Chigurh style. And none of them would even raise a moo.

Remain in Faith

Correction: captive bolt pistol.

Remain Inside

That's it, hit them from behind, Sydney style.

Remain in Faith

That's a good idea actually. The first person I'd take out is the fella in the beret at Little Creatures. Men in berets must die!

Remain Inside

Capitalist running dog.

Remain in Faith

No, no, no. The Sydney style hit in the back is due to the fact that people react. Here there's no need. You just walk right up to them, front on.

Remain Inside

The neo-liberal Sydneysider is the destroyer of culture!

Remain Inside

I bet you have a mustache don't you Remain in Faith?

Have you ever noticed that all evil men do? Of course you haven't! But think about it: Stalin, Hitler, Saddam, Pinochet, assorted homosexuals (inc Remain in Faith).

Tony Tea

Pat rode into Perth like Mongo into Rock Ridge in Blazing Saddles.

Remain in Faith

I am a greybeard at best, with quasimodo type hunch back, bent legs, and emphysemic chest. But, due to my alpha stylings I'm able to grace my surrounds with a presence that goes unnoticed, and unremarked.

Remain in Faith

Woke up from an afternoon snooze, man this place is so quiet. Might just have to drink the night away again. I could get quite used to this lifestyle.

Remain Inside

Wouldn't you miss Oxford St.?

Remain in Faith

One thing you've gotta hand Oxford Street is those blokes really are gay, not fey in that Brisvegas faux ghey way.

I mean, if you're taking it up the arse, it's nothing to have pretense about. Yet, all the world's gone ghey and fey with it; Brisbane at the top of the list of wannabes. (Except for the Mountains - where we remain greybeards - traditional Celtic men. The ones who sacked Rome at her start, and at her end.)

Remain in Faith

Selecting a BIG UNIT to play on the wing was a revolutionary idea, similar to the Sri Lankan one-day cricket team's CRAZY idea of going the tonk in the first 15 overs. Jonah wasn't the first, however. IIRC Va'aiga "Inga the Winger" Tuigamala can lay claim to the title of first ever BIG UNIT to play on the wing.

Not really. Eric Grothe Snr comes to mind. And before him Terry Fahey.

League is always way ahead of Union.

lou

Remain in Perth is right about the Poms in Perth. My family live in the Rockie/Mandurah strip and the place just crawls with English immigrants.

Quite a shock when I go to visit them. But the beaches are cracking down there.

Remain in Faith

Lou, I don't think this can be stated enough, poms really are the most fuckwited people ever born to blight this world.

Right up there with Rangers fans.

They just don't seem to have the notion of a home. They just keep spreading and spreading like a breakout of a cataclysmic disease. Their either raping children in Thailand whilst on holidays, or they're infesting the halls of middle management with their condescension and ageless stupidity.

Poms just cannot conceptualise the notion of staying at home.

gillysgone

Lucky for us a few dozen Poms turned up in 1770 though, otherwise we would be discussing this in French. Mind you, they should speak Dutch in WA as Mr hartog turned up long before that.

lou

Remain, I lived near Rangers stadium for a while so I'm inclined to think emigration a good thing.

That place genuinely felt like everyone was related and just aimlessly wandering around the few same bars not caring if they slept with their immediate family or the local cow.

Big Ramifications
"Remain in Perth is right about the Poms in Perth. My family live in the Rockie/Mandurah strip and the place just crawls with English immigrants."

It seems like more than half of the WA Police Force are Poms, especially the rank-and-file walking the beat, doing traffic duties etc. Anyone else noticed that? They seem pleasant enough, as far as cops go. It's fairly obvious that English speaking wallopers are on Australia's "required immigrants" shortlist.

The constabulary over in the UK must be absolutely HEMORRHAGING personnel, and the monetary and social costs would be significant, surely? How much does it cost to train a replacement? Even with zero net attrition the British taxpayer is left with more inexperienced force, and I'd love to know how it affects morale, with everyone clambering to up-stumps and move to Australia.

"Last one to leave, turn off the lights, please" as my immigration agent friend used to remark.

// he was referring to the stampede of white South Africans attempting to move to Perth – same diff!
//// bugger this WA Police "Service" malarkey

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