SURFACE TENSION

An interesting article on home pitch preparation in The Economist, where I particularly enjoyed this exchange:

SigmaMoon: "Cricket - a game of the lazy people, for the lazy people and by the lazy people!"

RogerApex: "Whereas sitting at your computer, browsing the internet, itching to comment on a sport you don't like, under an article about the sport you don't like, is the height of energetic pragmatism."

Touché, turtle.

Anyway, the pitches:

Pitch perfect

THE run-up to the third Test between India and England, which starts on December 5th in Kolkata, has been dominated by one question: what sort of pitch will the hosts prepare?

(Thanks, Donnie.)

Comments

[Carrot]

I'm not sure I'll be able to handle the Smug if England actually win this series. I was sort of hoping for a 2-2 draw and for the ICC to declare it a non-result. Here's hoping.

In other breaking news, Alistair Cook has scored the most Test centuries for an Englishman. KP, whilst stretching the bounds of what an Englishman is, is one behind. It kind of underlines how much England under-achieved up until about six or seven years ago that their highest ever century-maker has scored 23 tons. Don't get me wrong, 23 centuries ain't bad and he'll score a lot more, but about a million batsmen from India, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Australia and the West Indies are all ahead of him. It makes it look even worse when you note that Sri Lanka didn't start playing regular Test cricket until about twenty years ago anyway, and during that time the West Indies have endured their worst ever results. I'm sure you'd come up against similar results with bowlers as well - who was the last Englishman to take 300 wickets? Botham?

[Carrot]

PS - that record of 22 centuries stood for SIXTY-FIVE YEARS. Unbelieveable for what is such a relatively modest tally.

[m0nty]

That stat is highly reliant on the number of Tests played, Carrot. England tends to lose patience with its older players, especially after they take their turn on the inevitable captaincy merry-go-round.

[Tony Tea]

How are we going to get Cook out?

[The Don has Risen]

send him to Hawaii?

[Tony Tea]

Pay that. (Especially as it does not contain an atrocious pun.)

[The Don has Risen]

you can BANKS on that

[Carrot]

I dunno, Mont. Atherton, Stewart, Thorpe, Gower and Gooch all played a lot of matches, and all of them significantly more than Cook.

[Tony Tea]

You have to apply the Malcolm Knox Formula: Second best too good for Punter.

[Cameron]

Who reads the bloody Economist ffs? lol.

http://exiledonline.com/exile-classic-the-economist-the-worlds-sleaziest-magazine/

[Tony Tea]

The Economist is Capitalism's official broadcast partner.

[Carrot]

I disagree with Knox that Ponting isn't second-best. The percentage-better-than-team-mates is worth considering, but it's not as though any player actually has control over what his team-mates get, does it? He also has longevity over every player on Knox's list except for Border, and he's clearly statistically better than Border - 14 more Test centuries tells its own story.

I rate Ponting higher than Tendulkar, essentially because he played in more Test wins, and because his runs contributed to more Test victories. I don't have the raw data, but his record makes it impossible for him not to have, and we already know that he holds the record for playing in the most Test wins. Ponting played in some great sides, but so did Tendulkar, and there's no question in my mind that Ponting made more decisive contributions than Tendulkar ever did.

[Cameron]

Tony did you see Ben Dorries, basically, accused Hussey of being a Test FTB in the papers on Friday?

[Tony Tea]

Got a link to Borries, Cam? I love a good sledge.

[Tony Tea]

Carrot, I think Knoxy was indicating that the average of what players got in certain eras was representative of the degree of difficulty of that era. Therefore, if the average was 30 in 1925, conditions* were harder than if the average was 50 in 2000. The upshot being that if Ponting averaged 52 in 2000, he did not do as well comparatively as Joe Bloggs who averaged 35 in 1925, since Bloggsy was several orders of percent better than his peers.

* Pitches, bats, fielding, bowling depth, size of outfield, length of outfield grass, quality of beer and pie in the grandstand, etc.

[Cameron]

Can't seem to find it.

He did the old 'some people...', then he went, '...accuse Hussey of scoring his centuries in matches that don't matter'.

He went on '..also Hussey has scored his recent runs whilst Clarke has been slaying bowlers at the other end'.

Not verbatim, but words to those effect. He chucked in praise for Husseys middle-order 'versatility' too from memory.

[Tony Tea]

Cam, I think you were hard on Borries:

Runs keep coming for Mike Hussey after dropping his intense cricket focus

Hussey's detractors say he is the best dead-rubber batsman in the history of Test cricket - pointing out that he often makes runs when the going is good, or Test matches are grinding out to draws.

Certainly, despite two centuries against South Africa this summer, Hussey was almost Mr Invisible as both tons came when skipper Michael Clarke was destroying the bowlers at the other end with thumping double centuries.

But that ignores the fact that Hussey has often been a much-needed middle-order troubleshooter for Australia.

[Tony Tea]

I have sympathy for Borries' view - or should I say Borries' "Hussey's detractors"?

Hussey is at the thin end of FTB. He does indeed, like Clarke, get most of his runs while the going is good. But so do most batsmen.

[Cameron]

The boffins need to come up with a FTB avg. and non-FTB avg.

ie flat pitch avg.

[Cameron]

I think baseball statisticians adjust avg's (or whatever they use) for ballparks?

[Cameron]

Highly subjective obviously. A team could get bowled out <300 on a flat pitch.

[Tony Tea]

Detailed analysis of performance is not new. 20 years ago Geoff Lawson used a computer to log players shots against different styles of bowling. What we are seeing now is an expansion of that philosophy, which will include (if if does not already) conditions, pitch, venue, state/Test/T20/F50, weather conditions, style of bowler (lefty, righty, spinner, quick). It's where "horses for courses" comes from.

[Tony Tea]

In fact, it goes back to pre-computer days, where skippers would remember how opposition batsmen got their runs and how they got out, and the skippers would bowl bowlers accordingly and set specific fields.

[Cameron]

Minus the cool acronyms obviously.

[Tony Tea]

There were no cool acronyms before 1985, just acronyms.

[Cameron]

smfh

[M. Patard]

That's dated to 2007 at the earliest: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=smfh

Ntb was pretty cool, my dad used to say that.

[M. Patard]

TIA is a cool one these days. Stands for Transient Ischemic Attack.

It's what you say to the Ambo as he comes to clean the vomit out of your mouth, as you lay there with nystagmic* eyes on the RSL club carpet.

*True word, look it up.

[Tony Tea]

Ha! I thought smfh was Sydney Morning Fucking Herald.

[M. Patard]

IGNTFD (I Got No Time Fo Dat!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh7UgAprdpM

[M. Patard]

(Because, I happen to have bronchitis)

[Big Ramifications]

That little mash up is freaken gold, Pat.

The song starts at 0:50s after the original news report – for those who didn't make it that far. It's a soulful little toe-tapper with a quirky "spot the pop culture reference" video clip to boot. Mad props for Teen Witch at 1:39s - 1:41s. I can even forgive the brief foray into Auto-Tune.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, the African American boys choir kicks in. An African American boys' choir? Genius! Did I mention the handsome fellas were all kitted out in burgundy suits?

ps: This got banged out within a few days of the real interview being aired.
pps: The lady's name is Sweet Brown. Ya can't make this stuff up. I've seen a few of her "post viral" interviews and she's a real cutie, she's got the best personality.
ppps: Pat, you mis-remembered her famous line.

[Big Ramifications]

Sorry Tony, could you close my italics after "Teen Witch"? Currently kowtowing.

[Tony]

Done.

[Sweet Tone]

Can you imagine the thiang that cho have? Sheeeeit, yeah. I got me a cold pop.

[M. Patard]

It's a thing of beauty Biggie, much like, a kick to skull from out Blacktown way, much like, a stab to the heart when you've got nothing much better to do than play a game of cricket on a Saturday afternoon.

Ever taken a "cutting" of your nose at Fairfield?! Or had your chest gouged out to the heart and survived to tell?

It's the sort of thing that makes life so diverse you can only wish for homogeneity. It's the sort of thing that Prince Charles would pretend that the bereft of Dharavi should visit on me and mine, yet I don't see the Prince and His, breaking ranks and fleeing to our slums.

I suppose some things are just for us, the commoners.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyCwZtq9Hf4

[M. Patard]

One for Rammer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZUUxBMWXh8

He loves the Taser.

[M. Patard]

What, Rammers you hard core cunt, you've gone all silent, over there in behind the time 3 x hours WA. What say you Big Fucken Ramifications?

You wouldn't know race realism if it fucked your old woman, cause you're a grovelling, flaccid, post protestant prick. Isn't that right, you lay down fucken youtube watching, late night masturbating, over-eating, drive-through barnyard "is that your order, Sir?", turtle diving, degenerate know-nothing, all the latest internet quoting, pice of flotsam?

Just bobbing up here and there, on the tide.

Ever thought you could really...do something with your life?

[M. Patard]

Have another doughnut "Rammer".

[M. Patard]

"Biggie" has a truckload of snark, but he can't even state a sentence of honesty.

This stands for "cool" in his broken down hovel he calls his life.

Poking the stick at the dogs in their cages, and getting his cheap, vicious, thrills.

Anything of any originality you'd like to add, Rammers?

The floor is all yours.

I know you're reading. No one with an ego like yours posts and runs away, without returning to see the return comments. Especially if they've asked the blog owner to close up their fuck up. You are a weak prick, aren't you, "Rammers"?

[M. Patard]

It's only been two hours and the big man "rammers" still has nothing to say, other than his original snark.

Another hour, "Rammers", and we must call you out for being typically big talking action weak, anglo quisling.

What's the problem "Rammers" (is that a veiled reference to your lack thereof? How many times are you gonna go the route of "Big Rammer's Mum" and still not tire of that paltry joke?)

Rammers is the defender of the poor brow beaten non-White. Rammers has only secret greetings and inside jokes with which to prop up the facade of his broken life.

I, on the other hand, have an in tact family, I, on the other hand, have a community in which I can speak my mind. I, don't need surreptitious posts on anonymous blogs to prop up my ego.

Clock is ticking "rammer", say something worthwhile.

Or fuck off, forever.

[Russ]

Unfortunately this comment will get lost under Pat's annual meltdown, but for what it's worth, we don't have enough data points to analyse a lot of the interesting questions - performance under pressure, flat pitches, team-mates. Ball-to-ball variation based on the pitch-map might be plausible (Ponting faced 20,000 odd deliveries after all), but it is not publicly accessible - or at least not in a format I could use - although I'm sure the teams use it for analysis, it isn't clear whether it would be helpful either, given the variation in pitches and therefore required length. Or that it would tell us something we didn't already know (like, "hit the top of off stump").

That said, it was interesting to note through-out the series just gone that most of the wicket-taking balls on the pitch map were well in front of the bulk of deliveries, if not isolated points. If the wonks were being useful you'd expect the ball to pitch on the wicket-taking area consistently, and clearly it wasn't.

[Carrot]

Agreed, Russ. There is just no way to compare players properly and scientifically as it stands, and everyone will have a different set of statistics to prove or dis-prove a player's level of talent - I've never come across Knox's average percentage above colleagues thing before, for instance (although a parting point on that is that it only looks at the player's final average which isn't so useful. There were long periods in the noughties were Ponting was averaging close to 60, for instance. Viv Richards' final average says very little about his ability, either).

I may have said similar things in a recent comment, the notion of a flat pitch is a real misnomer anyway. The recently completed series against the South Africans is a good example. We were 3/40 in Brisbane and 3/55 in Adelaide and went on to post 500-plus scores. Someone looking at it might say "flat pitch bore-draws" but the conditions and the bowlers were enough for three of our batsmen to get out cheaply. I think we're actually in danger at the moment of just assuming that when someone gets runs that it MUST be because they're playing on a road.

[Sweet Tone]

"Pat's Annual Meltdown" - good name for a blog.

[Tony]

Pat's annual meltdowns should be turned into carols since they always occur around Christmas.

[Tony Tea]

A friend of mine just went into hospital with bronchitis. Ain' nobody got time fo' dat.

[Cameron]

bronchitis be racisss

[M. Patard]

Perhaps I misread, Rammer.

Well, if he's as big as m0nty, he'll forgive me.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

[Big Ramifications]

It's all good mate, farken hell. I've spent most of the decade making drunken internet comments I've regretted. Although *ahem* they don't approach the rare air quality of yours. ;)

What's "there but the grace of God go I", in Latin?

[M. Patard]

I sum cunnus

[M. Patard]

Seriously mate, I am a cunt. I know it. I know that every Christmas I do come out with a truckload of shit that I dump on some internet anonymous mate's door.

You were the target of that.

My target, your abuse. Sorry, brother.

I mean it. You're a top bloke Rammer, and I'm sorry for being such a dickhead. Could blame all my circumstances but, knowing all of them, I also know that I just have this perverse bent.

In short: I'm a fould mouthed abusive cunt at times. Sorry that you were the target.

[M. Patard]

fould = foul

Bring on the Chanukah. It brings on jewgle stars!

[Cameron]

What a ghastly creature M. Patard is.

[M. Patard]

I would like you all to defend "our" culture and speech on this thread: http://glpiggy.net/2012/12/11/research-on-gender-speech-patterns/

[Lou]

This is a bloody funny thread.

[Tony Tea]

Speaking of bloody funny... the Scorchies?

[m0nty]

They were at sixes for sevens.

[Lou]

'Tis the season to get shirty, falalalalalalalala.

Aren't the Scorchers a hoot? And a holler? I reckon the Marsh boys are well and truly on the grog for the summer now.

Justin may join them at this rate.

[Big Rammifications]

Keep walkin'.

You know how ex-stutterers talk when they've had dem lessons? Dem lessons to stop them stuttering. They don't stutter, but every 2nd word sounds like they've shat it out their constipated mouth.

That's exactly how JL talks.

[Tony Tea]

Brown Tongued Gnome.