FIRST TEST: KENSINGTON OVAL

No home computer, no Foxtel, blogging from my phone, and then there's the Demons. What a shemozzle.

Comments

[Badadfortestcricket]

crictime, only I'm not sure if it's worth watching. Flat pitch and no tension whatsoever apart from the odd dropped catch.

[m0nty]

3/179 after the first day, sounds like it wasn't exactly fireworks. Cow Corner took a c&b.

[Tony]

3 for 170 odd from 170 odd overs.

Glad I slept through.

[Tony]

Oops, mon. 70 odd overs. 170 odd overs and Richie Doyen would die a happy man.

[Tony]

Kraigg?!? With a bogan name like that he should qualify for Australia.

[Tony]

Patto? Still not 100%? (Patrick Pattinson, anyone?)

[Winfield Blue]

Hey, mon. Shoulder's feeling good. Wuz hitting high 130s in the nets yesterday. Plenty left in reserve.

Just waiting for the phone call.

[Big Ramifications]

If it's the Patrick Patterson I'm thinking of: low slung like Lara Bingle with a gigantic ass? He still playing or are you taking the p!ss?

Gerard Healy [wearing his qualified physio cap] said low slung peeps with big asses usually make for deadly accurate kicks under pressure. Alan Daidak, Darren Jarman, Jason Akermanis, Peter Daicos.

[Doesn't explain skinny-assed Travis Johnston - best kick I've seen in the last decade. What a wasted talent.]

[Becky's friend]

Oh. My. God. Becky. Look at his butt.

It is so big. *scoff* He looks like one of those West Indian fast bowlers. But, you know, who understands those fast bowlers? *scoff* They only play him because he looks like a total prostitute, 'kay? I mean... his butt... is just so big.

I can't believe it's just so round... it's like... out there... I mean... gross... look! He's just so... black!

[Tony]

Patrick Pattinson is James Pattinson.

[m0nty]

Isn't he on that Top Gear show?

[Tony]

Who: Jeremy Clarkson, James May or Richard Hammond?

[Tony]

You know a deck is a featherbed when every one of the 13 batsman who have strolled out so far have made double figures.

Zzzzzzzz.....

[Lou]

Thar she blows! Darren preying on the urge to flirt outside the off stump.

Hah!

[Soups]

CCWarner has just spent the last ten minutes trying to get out and eventually succesfully did. Now 2-65. Probably a result of tight Windies bowling and Watson's impression of a statue holding a bat.

[Lou]

The bowling has been pretty good. And there goes Punter.

Good grief. We know that Watson is only good for 50 or so so I hope the no 1 test batsman is feeling like scoring some runs.

[Lou]

I can't work out if it's Watson who is shit at running. He's involved in so many run-outs.

But then so is the recent version of Punter.

[Lou]

Stop Press! Watson plays stupid shot after break!

I suppose we should be grateful it wasn't an LBW.

[Carrot]

As a cricket fan first and an Australian fan second, it's nice to watch some footage of the West Indies playing Test cricket without the commentators ripping them to shreds the whole time. With Jeff Dujon and Michael Holding earlier there was almost an air of contentment, which was great. And to be fair to them, the Windies have done well - and not in a "well done, you scratched to 300 and managed to not get beaten in three days" way, either. A couple of wickets after tea and they could still be well ahead of the game.

[Vindicate]

Was gunna say that featherbed comment might have been a nasty mozz considering we hadn't batted yet Tones.

However the windies bowling has been pretty reasonable and our lot haven't fallen in a heap so I reckon you might be onto something.

Reckon this'll be heading for a draw, just hope the next pitch is a bit more exciting.

[Lou]

West Indies are playing well. Their bowlers have looked a lot more disciplined than our lot. I guess you could say that about the batsmen as well.

[Russ]

The Windies will need to collapse pretty badly to lose from here. They might have to collapse pretty badly to force a win too. Saw only the last 20 minutes and wickets this morning; Bishoo turning it, but slowly. Ponting's runout was actually hilarious - pure slapstick.

[Carrot]

The draw has to be the favourite, but I'm not looking forward to seeing us play Bishoo and Deonarine on the last day - particularly not given the way that Hussey and Wade were playing them towards the close. It was good, tense cricket though - maybe a little bit attritional to be genuinely entertaining, but good nonetheless.

Have I mentioned how much I'm enjoying seeing the Windies doing well? I cannot WAIT to see them playing England in May and June, too - the potential for green seamers, and the inevitable lottery with the British weather could really play into their hands.

[Tony]

Guy on the radio this morning said that the bowlers were turning it sideways, which did not fill me with confidence.

As usual, though, the saner pundits here give a more realistic (and reassuring) assessment.

I hope.

And yes, I did start to wonder weather I had jumped the gun featherbed-wise.

[Tony]

Ponting is the only batsman so far in single figures.

He still thinks fielders are the hacks they were 10 years ago.

[Becky's friend]

Oh. My. God. Becky.

Look at his butt.

[lou]

It was Watson who mucked up the run, wasn't it? Certainly looked like it on second viewing.

[Tony]

Who is Becky and her friend?

[Vindicate]

Here ya go Tones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reTx5sqvVJ4

[Big Ramifications]

If a bargeass walks into a room at party, I'm still occasionally known to mutter "Oh. My. God." in my best 1980s SoCo accent. About 3 out of 20 people will get the joke - mostly skinny females, truth be told. They flash me a cheeky, knowing grin.

[Big Ramifications]

Then I normaly sidle up to the skinny bird and I'm all "so... how you doin'?" and "what's your major?" and then it's all over bar the shouting.

[m0nty]

They don't call you Big Ram for nothing.

[Ridingalongonapushbike]

Breaking Away was a wicked movie.

Bloody Windies. Falling apart already, bloody eejits.

[Soups]

I normally go to bed at the end of the first session (usually midnight Perth time) but I said to myself, wait til we are all out. The umpires take the extra half-hour, which I'm led to believe they HAVE to take if the batting side are 9 down, and because I said I'll wait til we are all out I'm rooted to my lounge chair til 12.30pm with Harris & Lyons re-incarnating Bradman & Barnes...so after lunch Bradman & Barnes keep batting & batting and I'm waiting for us to be dismissed so I can go to bed. Well our score keeps mounting & the deficit keeps diminishing and I'm thinking 'what's the point' and blow me down Clarke declares just behind. Well I DID say I'll go to bed when we're all out and we weren't so I say I'll watch till tea...Well blow me over again because the Windies go 1 for 2(great delivery), 2 for 3 (shit shot) and 3 for 4 (waste of a review) and then tea! You can't go to bed when the state of play is thus so I keep watching {Scorchers beat the Stars in Bash semi as tea filler} and just after tea Chanderpaul tickles one behind to Wade [4th test catch of his career] to make it 4 for 17! Or if you like 4 for 60! Isn't Test Cricket grand. Then Clarke wastes a review for a possible caught-behind. Why? No Hot-Spot or Snicko says you're pissing into the wind. C'mon Aussies.

[Mrs Soups]

Go to bed. You've got work in the morning.

[Tony]

Did it suddenly start turning sideways between the Australian first innings and West Indian second innings?

And I know, I know, Aussies love to declare... well, Aussie commentators anyway, but...

[m0nty]

Spearmint the spearhead.

[Tony]

Spearhead Rhino.

[Tony]

What chance Australia if we roll the Windies (by whenever) and the target is 200-odd.

[lou]

Dunno. Could be bloody exciting though. The Aussies are unpredictable. I'm sure there are a couple of silly run-outs still to come from both sides.

[Carrot]

I can see this becoming a mad-crazy run-chase in the last session, which will be fun - we haven't had one of those for awhile. If the Windies are good enough to hold on for another session or so, we should be chasing around 200-250 with maybe a session and a half.

And no, it didn't start turning sideways, the Windies just didn't have their heads on right after our tail made some runs.

[Tony]

Not sure I could handle anothet tight chase so soon after South Africa last year. Tight chases take years off you life. They are as bad as smoking.

[Lolly]

I hope they are good enough to get the total up to at least 200. It should make for fun and games what with bullet-head Warner up the top and the king of running out his partners at 3.

I live in (fairly) central London and I cycle in the diesel-flavoured air so I'm used losing days every time I breathe. Exciting run-chases are a very benign way to lose time really.

[Rocco Siffredi]

Oh.

Tight chases.

Erm *coff* as you were.

[Lou]

Total creeping, creeping up towards 200. I like it.

Nathan Bracken has been saying the occasional very smart comment.

[Lou]

Over the test match Bracken has been talking some sense. Lawson just talks shit.

[Sid Smith]

"Sixty overs, 192 runs. That's the equation."

So Oz need 3.2 an over.

[Carrot]

I like Lawson. His delivery is great, and he's clearly got some smarts - you don't become an optometrist without them. I actually prefer him to Bracken, although even at their worst, both of them are a massive improvement on Slatts and Heals.

You'd expect us to knock these off reasonably easily, but with a few early wickets you never know. It would be an utter, utter disgrace if we lost it, mind you. There's a bit of rain around apparently, so that could spice things up - we could really need to get our skates on at some point to avoid that, and maybe bad light, too. We'll want to score well in excess of the 3.2 to get us there, which won't be easy given that none of the innings so far have gone for more than 3 an over.

[Lou]

Every one is a massive improvement upon Slsts and Healy. Lawson's voice shits me, he could say the most humble thing in the world and he'd sound patronising.

[Lou]

Glad Windies shuffled their way up to that many runs. I want to see some pep in the Aus second innings.

[Carrot]

.... Cricinfo is now telling me that we haven't lost two overs for the change of innings, because the innings closed "before" lunch. How does that make sense? Surely the extra half hour taken for the last man in means that we borrowed half an hour from the middle session, and as far as time and overs are concerned we finished afterwards?

That's a stupid rule anyway - and particularly it being compulsory. I get it if you've got Chris Martin in there, but these days number elevens aren't always rabbits, as pretty much evidenced by this match. There could be any number of situations where as the fielding side you'd prefer to press the re-set button, and come out after the break refreshed.

[Lou]

Warner to slog and Cowan to block. 3 an over needed.

Lyon isn't a rabbit at all for an 11. I don't think he's any worse than Hilfy. Probably has a better defence. Hilf doesn't really have one, he just depends on his eye to slog.

[Lou]

Botheration.

[Carrot]

Part of the reason I appreciate Lawson and Bracken is that they were both fast bowlers - well, ish, anyway. There's a dearth of them when it comes to Australian commentators, and it provides an interesting perspective that we sometimes don't hear a lot of. That said, it was quite funny the way Bracken dried up when Cozier asked him to explain reverse swing for the kiddies back home - I think Cozier ended up coming up with the better definition!

[Carrot]

Delayed start: rain! There we are. I wonder how that 3 and over will end up looking when we get the chance to bat.

[Lou]

What did he say? I don't know what reverse swing means.

[Carrot]

Bracken froze up completely for a bit, and then Cozier said that conventional swing was when the ball swings towards the rough side of the ball, and in reverse swing it swings towards the shiny side. Later on Bracken redeemed himself a bit by saying that the reason why reverse swing is so dangerous is because the ball moves later, and the movement tends to be bigger.

I think Bracken was scrabbling around for a reason why it happens, which is why he didn't come up with much at first. I can see why he struggled, because apparently there's no (obvious) scientific reason! I've heard that it's something to do with the ball becoming heavier after a lot of saliva has been put into it from polishing it, and the other side being kept very dry so it's lighter, but that might not be right - I'm sure someone else on here could help more than me.

[Carrot]

This delay does make things interesting. It effectively makes the Windies' total 20 runs bigger, which is what we were all after.

[Carrot]

What's happening? Why aren't they out there yet? We can't keep crapping on about the cruise for two all bloody night....

[Lou]

I thought there was no obvious scientific reason for any swing though. The commentators in England scratch around to say why it does but they don't really know either.

[Lou]

Do you know how many overs is the minimum since there was a rain delay?

[Carrot]

Apparently we're due the full 62 overs, which we're clearly not going to get.

Good to see the Australian supporters echoing the Poms by advertising their support for football clubs at the cricket. I've never understood that!

[Carrot]

29/0 after 10, and we're talking about AFL and which side of the ball to shine, and it all seems a bit ponderous. Not quite what I was hoping for. At this stage the smart money's on the rain and/or the draw.

.... as Sammy knocks over Warner. Well bowled.

[Lou]

Maybe the Aussie supporters only own footie shirts?

Lucky to get 55 overs.

Don't seem like they are really going for it. After Clarke's declaration seems a bit daft to pootle. But maybe it will be a last 10 over bash.

[Carrot]

What the hell is going on here? Is there a Test to win or not? Neither side seem to care at the moment. Watson's batting like he's never held a bat in his life, Cowan's in a coma, the Windies are dropping catches, and meanwhile everyone's having a laugh about everything, umpires included! I know we're in the laid-back Caribbean, but is there any chance that people could keep their minds on the job?

[Lou]

If anything is telling me that the Aussies know their limitations and are playing to them, it's watching this.

[Vindicate]

F**K, the test finally gets interesting and I'm still three hours from home by which time it'll be all over one way or the other.
Would be nice if Auntie had commentary for overseas tests but nooo, the overnight drivel keeping the insomniacs entertained must be broadcast instead.

[Lou]

Watson has started bashing the ball now, but it's surprisingly still not very interesting.

Cowan is playing a shot a ball but it's not actually helping him at all.

[Carrot]

Well, we got there. Much back-slapping and high-fiving all round. I remain a little underwhelmed though, I have to say - we made MUCH harder work of that than we should have, and we got unbelievably lucky with the light. From what the commentators were saying, they went off for light a lot earlier on all the other days (45 minutes earlier in one case, I think), and yet it was only in the last over that it got genuinely dim. I don't understand why we didn't make better use of the conditions when they were good, and I also don't understand why Sammy didn't bowl himself or Edwards towards the end, particularly Edwards. It would have very legitimately slowed down the pace of the game, and we were clearly having more problems getting Roach away than we were Deonarine. We were very lucky to come away with that.

[bruce]

Shameless is the man for final session heroic again.

[Lou]

Shameless and Watson actually managing to hit boundaries helped us to win. No-one else really did.

Got away with a really sunny evening for once.

Cowan was very funny after tea flailing away and failing to hit the ball most of the time. And what a bloody ugly batsman he is. No style or grace to talk about.

God let him never go near the Aus short format teams. I'd have an apoplexy due to the combined fury and laughter.

[Tony]

"Would be nice if Auntie had commentary for overseas tests but nooo, the overnight drivel keeping the insomniacs entertained must be broadcast instead."

Spot on. It was not even on Grandstand Digital. Hey, you tax magnets, spend my seven cents a day on getting Maxwell and his mateys (but not Drew) over to the Caribbean quick stix.

[Tony]

Good to see the Windies dodgy effort to kill the pitch backfired.

[m0nty]

Saw the highlights this morning. Punter bunted into his own stumps and looked munted. IPCoS died by the Wilkinson & Sword. Cowan Coma (Jamaica and Roma) boycotted the event. Pup nurdled one to Deonnynonnyno. Huss was The Finisher who didn't quite finish, but by then the damage was won.

Good result, bit like Geelong getting over the Hawks though. Mental thing with the Windies. Also, apart from the obvious place at the footy, I only ever see people wearing AFL jumpers at the cricket. Funny that.

[Vindicate]

Gold right there m0nt, well said.

[Tony]

I always look for the footy jumpers at overseas games. Makes me feel warm and cosy.

[Tony]

M0nty, what's with your co-league at The Roar talking pants?

[Carrot]

Actually Tones, I more-or-less agree with his sentiments. It was not a good day's cricket. It got interesting for about the last half hour, and that was it. It was like a bad one-dayer - the team batting second should stroll it in but never really get going, bat badly and lose wickets. Neither team are that bothered and the result is never really in doubt, but there's some interest towards the end when some more wickets fall. Things get a bit tense for about five overs or so, but in the end everything more-or-less goes to script. People forget the result instantly.

I don't know why everyone got so excited about it - it was a day that promised much but gave very little.

[Tony]

AGB traitor.