The DRS in Bangladesh is not for the faint-hearted (he says, while manfully resisting the urge to use "The Umpire Strikes Back") and would necessitate colourful graphics on the big screen:
Umpire kills Bangladeshi cricket fan with bat
A CRICKET umpire killed a teenage spectator in Bangladesh by hitting him on the head with a bat in a dispute over a contested decision.
"The two argued over a not-out decision by the umpire. He accused the umpire of bias. At one stage, the umpire became angry, took a bat and hit the young boy on the head," Hossain said.
The umpire was being sought for questioning but had gone into hiding, he said.
Remember when Dirk Welham took a swing at the fence with his bat and accidentally whacked the gate attendant in the chops?
Remember that Carlton nuff nuff regular in Nine's The Footy Show studio audience who used to pipe up with "c'mon Kouta!" every time Carlton was mentioned? She had her brief fling with fame when Sam and Eddie used to banter with her for a couple of seasons.
Barb was her name, and she was that gate attendant wot got snotted 10-12 years earlier by the much-captained Welham.
got a feeling I've said that before here on AGB...
Posted by: Big Ramifications | Monday, January 30, 2012 at 07:41 PM
Nice try, Biggus, but you're not going to slip the great man Jim Carter past this petit noir canard. Agent Deja Vu from Top Secret. "Have we met before?"
Posted by: Tony | Monday, January 30, 2012 at 08:53 PM
I'm actually a bit surprised that this sort of thing doesn't happen more often, from both players and umpires. There are fewer things that get me angrier than when my integrity is questioned, and yet it seems a daily occurence when all and sundry accuse umpires and cricketers of cheating. It even goes as far as national boards joining in - Steve Bucknor is roundly assumed to have had an anti-India bias, for instance. He made a few dud decisions towards the end of his time, but just as many against us as India, and yet the BCCI were able to push him out of the game because he was supposed to be a cheat. You never want to see violence, but I can more than understand why people would get hot under the collar.
Posted by: Carrot | Monday, January 30, 2012 at 10:07 PM
In the "introduction scene" where we first meet Deja Vu, one of his cohorts is named Montage. Top Secret is one of my fave comedies, yet I never noticed that until a few years ago, about my 6th or 7th viewing.
Absolutely p!ssed myself laughing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8XQV0PYf3c
Posted by: Big Ramifications | Monday, January 30, 2012 at 11:01 PM
Completely OT but one for the tennis buffs to explain, Jake Niall of the SMH reckons "At 1.30am yesterday, an estimated 1.86million Australians were still witnessing a biblical struggle between two men on either side of a net." (http://www.smh.com.au/sport/tennis/the-great-debate-20120130-1qpqi.html)
Has Tennis turned into a variation of battling Hillsongers these days? Leviticus 9:3 vs John 1:1, interspersed in the grunts and groans?
Usually this sort of epic (apparently, I don't watch tennis unless Sharipova is playing) is regarded as "A titanic struggle of biblical proportions". But, it seems the match was something else entirely.
Posted by: Pat Chomsky | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 08:11 AM
Oh, maybe the Canaanites turned up to take revenge on the house of Israel. Usually it's the Serbs and Croatians doing that sort of thing, so it's nice to see a return to some truly ancient grudges getting an airing.
Posted by: Pat Chomsky | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 08:16 AM
Carrot, I'm just like that - I hate having my integrity called into question, or being called a cheat.
We used to have to umpire matches in which we played. For a start I'm a pretty good, and fair, umpire. In the first match I ever played for a club I gave one of our batsmen out LBW. The skipper said after that no one gives their own players out LB, to which I replied that if I think it's out, I'll give it out. Later in the match I gave one of our batsmen not out for a caught behind appeal down leg side. The opposition keeper gave me a mouthful and the filthiest look and it was all I could do to refrain from smashing him in the teeth.
Nothing gets under my skin more than being accused of doing something I did not do - in this instance, cheating.
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 09:25 AM
Biggy, my favourite part in Top Secret is when a "giant" phone rings in the foreground.
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 09:29 AM
Pat, Novak and Raf should have been made to smite the ball with jawbones of asses.
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 09:31 AM
Speaking of the tennis: Nadal?
Posted by: Tony | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 09:35 AM
Now that's a tennis match I'd pay to see.
Again OT, but did anyone watch that doco last nigh "Miracle In The Storm" about "German paraglider Ewa Wisnierska...sucked 10,000 metres into a massive thunderstorm." ?
It was very uplifting.
Posted by: Pat Chomsky | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 11:02 AM
What is the condition of Sergeant Kruger? [......] Very well, let me know if there is any change in his condition. [hangs up]
He's dead.
">http://i43.tinypic.com/2mw8e48.jpg">
Posted by: Big Ramifications | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 12:30 PM
Balls! One lousy space.
Posted by: Big Ramifications | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 12:32 PM
Slightly OT but I was watching UFC 142 and one chap belted the other almost unconscious within a minute. The ref stopped the fight but then disqualified the 'winner' for punching the back of his prone opponents head (illegal) as opposed to the side (legal). The winner was very unexcited about this and several thousand home crowd fans were similarly ungripped by the decision. The commentator then jumped into the ring, put his arm around the (ex) winner, pointed to a giant screen replaying the belting, and loudly commiserated with him live, grabbing the ref to ask him whether he thought his decision was still good and that he, the commentator, thought it was quite patently wrong. The ref looked utterly nonplussed - possibly as he was calculating his now reduced life expectancy when he left the ring. Sports adjudication can be dangerous!
Posted by: Nick | Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 06:41 PM
Fans chasing the ref in soccer is almost a cliche; especially in the hot blooded countries.
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 08:52 AM
OT: Good luck finding a new job, mate: "Coon's Park Rangers."
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 11:08 AM
Bugger. i missed that, Nick.
As a late convert to MMA [I jumped on board after the UFC 100s] I must say Joe Rogan is one of the best sports commentators. Period.
[Joe is the dude who normally jumps into the cage for the post fight vox pop]
I'd be very surprised if Joe meant any disrespect to the ref. Joe KNOWS his stuff, and Joe puts his ego a distant 4th behind the competitors and the rules and the bouts.
eg. He will immediately chastise himself if he makes an incorrect callout and spots his mistake on replay.
Posted by: Big Ramifications aka The Brown Bottle | Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 02:04 PM
Is that Joe Rogan the same Joe Rogan who was in News Radio?
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 02:06 PM
Yes. Yes, it is. Google is my friend.
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 02:08 PM
The thing I love about Joe Rogan is --- he's the shouter, a la Rabs Warren *shudders* and Darrell Eastlake *SHUDDERS* but he's also the intelligent, prescient special comments dude, a la Gerard Healy and Matthew Lloyd.
Apart from my good self *heh heh* I reckon intelligent shouters are a very rare bird indeed, especially in the comm box.
Posted by: Big Ramifications | Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 02:15 PM
Not exactly a fan of Healy and Lloyd; although I don't mind Lloyd, despite the odd wackiness.
Posted by: Tony | Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 02:18 PM
Tony, Carrot... agreed.
Posted by: Russ | Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 08:35 PM
@Russ: hah! That's pretty familiar. Most of my spells as a player/umpire have been in the UK and people are usually fairly easy-going there - you get the occasional old fellah getting mouthy but that's about it. It's often the Asian (i.e. sub-continental) teams you've got to watch out for, because they take things VERY seriously. I took to implementing the technique of saying very clearly and firmly why I was giving not out as I gave each decision - it tended to head off trouble at the pass.
There wasn't much I could do in Australia though - when I played there I was really young, and that made me a bit of a target. I umpired in matches where I was sledged more than the batsmen - it was pretty full-on sometimes, too! Something I will never understand about the Australian psyche is why a certain breed of fat, unfulfilled bloke has to be such an arsehole as soon as you put him on a cricket field. They travel in packs, and sometimes - *shudder* they even end up in the UK, where as a fellow Australian you just want to top yourself in pure embarassment. Recreational sport is supposed to be fun, isn't it? Why all the aggro?
Posted by: Carrot | Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 01:53 AM
This particular "fat, unfulfilled bloke" ended up captaining the side and scammed the stats so that he won the best batsman award. Fat, unfulfilled blokes pull those kinds of strokes.
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 09:36 AM
THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS APPROVES OF THIS THREAD
Posted by: Big Ramifications | Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 01:20 PM
"Has Tennis turned into a variation of battling Hillsongers these days?"
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/more-news/hatred-stuns-tennis-great-court/story-fn7x8me2-1226251748152
She has a point. And she has a rough head.
Posted by: Big Ramifications | Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 01:31 PM
It is impossible to read "the pastor" and not think "the pasta".
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 01:56 PM
King Duck: "I used to inhale a hat full of cocaine every day, but I never inhaled."
Posted by: Tony | Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 01:59 PM
Wade used his bat to kill Haddin's short form career last night. And put a fair dent in his Test career too.
Posted by: Hangover Black | Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 04:52 PM
Haddin will go to the West Indies, at least.
Posted by: Tony | Friday, February 03, 2012 at 10:35 AM
I saw Wayne King Carey on da news last night. Or maybees on da Today Tonights with Monika Kos. Bailed up on the street as he was leaving his house.
Mate, absolutely woeful performance. Did he have any coaching? Did he run thru a few mock interviews in his head while he was munching on his brekky? He got 1/10 for body language. Scratching, fidgeting, eyes wandering, head bobbling. Bloody hell.
And he also got a 1/10 for content such as "all I know is that I've been hearing that the machines are inaccurate." I cringed.
Posted by: Big Ramifications | Friday, February 03, 2012 at 11:24 AM
Posted by: Tony | Friday, February 03, 2012 at 11:38 AM