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Professor Rosseforp

Hang on, Bill Lawry had a plethora of nicknames, but I'm not sure if they get used on the 9 commentary, but I'm pretty sure "Slats" gets a go every now and again.

Orgasm Patard

"Despite going a goal down, the Indians didn't drop their heads and had a genuine chance to equalise in the 17th minute when stand-in skipper Climax Lawrence found himself in acres of space on the edge of the penalty area."

Now that's a great name.

Orgasm Patard

"Perhaps not realising the amount of time he had, the experienced midfielder shot early, with his strike curling high and wide of the post."

A case of premature strikulation spraying his load wide of its intended mark?


That's my point, Prof. The Nine blokes DO have nicknames. Specific to the paragraph are Tubby, Slatts and Phanto(m). Ironically those are the three most obvious nicknames, while the rest have traditional Australian "nicknames": Chappelli, Richie, Warnie and Healsy. Ok, one of those is made up. Even Tawny has been here long enought to attract Greigy. The only one who does not have a nickname is the Pom, Mark Nicholas. But they are not about to call him TSG, The Sumptuous Gaylord. Not on air, anyway. Well, not at all. But they should.


I saw that, Pat. I assumed Climax was an NFL player and was mighty surprised to discover he was an Indian soccer player.


An Indian soccer player named Climax Lawrence>! Now that's a hard one to top.

I like Tubby for Taylor. Although he should just be called Tub, as I think some do. The rest are predictable, unimaginative dross. I think Slater was calling TSG (great tag btw) "Smashing". Which is pretty good. For Slater.

Speaking of shakeup, it's been called for for years, but time for Ch 9 to change the format. Poor old Richie just can't even lift his microphone anymore.

Professor Rosseforp

"Climax Lawrence found himself in acres of space on the edge of the penalty area" -- this is slightly disturbing news for the game. The maximum size of a soccer pitch, unless otherwise agreed, is 120 x 80 square yards, or 9,600 square yards. Assuming the term "acres" means "2 acres or more", the match must have been played on a huge pitch, as a regulation full-size pitch is just under 2 acres (1.98347 acres).
This is not insurmountable, but if we assume the penalty area is the area where there are acres of space, we have a bigger problem and a bigger pitch. The usual size of the penalty area is 180 square yards, or a mere 0.16363636363636363 of an acre.
If we assume the penalty area was only 1 acre (4840 square yards), the rest of the field would have to be increased 6.1 times to maintain correct proportions. This would give us a pitch of about 11.9 acres.
What the hell was going on in that India v Australia game??
P.S. Teacher Tony, maths is not my strong suit so feel free to correct calcs.

Professor Rosseforp

Also on shakeups, there were some complaints in AGB about an English git encouraging viewers to become betfair aussies in an accent that would surely discourage punters.
My daytime tv viewing has been rudely interrupted by another English git who has replaced the delightful Mrs Chrisco. He has the tagline, "Is there anything Chrisco can't do? Apparently not." Well I would respectfully suggest they don't seem to be able to leave well enough alone, and don't seem to be able to pick up that this guy is going to lose them customers.


Prof, when it comes to calculating the size of soccer pitches I'm happy to give it the Satre a priori treatment and say dimensions are nothing but the size you choose.

It was me who mentioned Vaughan and Betfair shills. Gets right up my hooter.

Patard with fun and a vengeance

Is the fella who does the Chrisco ads the same fella, all the way from Cheshire England!, who spruiks the amazing Cooopcakinata!? That's amaaaazing!

Prof, I didn't see the game but maybe the penalty boxes were 2 acres each separated by a 10 hectares either side of the halfway line. No wonder Climax shot too soon. It would've been exhausting enough just to get within range of the box.

Professor Rosseforp

M. Patard, I have never seen that movie but that one scene was enough to establish a hypothesis for the source of the increase in the rate of ADHD amongst children.

Big Ramifications

Has anyone here called Hilfenhaus Shizenhousen?

Made me laugh.

Professor Rosseforp

No to Shizenhausen, but the Herald had a review of an eatery called The Eathouse, which I thought a bold name considering the proliferation of spray cans in Redfern, the suburb where the Eathouse is located.

Big Ramifications

Classic! I'd go for the more nuanced The Sheathouse if I were to vandalise its signage.


Monty calls him Shizenhaus.


I call lots of things shizenhaus.

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