FIRST TEST: BASIN RESERVE

A team:

Rick Ponting (c), Simon Katich, Phillip Hughes, Mike Hussey, Michael Clarke, Marcus North, Brad Haddin, Mitchell Johnson, Ryan Harris, Nathan Hauritz, Doug Bollinger.

A shock:

Phillip Hughes in as Shane Watson breaks down

PHILLIP Hughes looks set to make a shock return to Test cricket in Wellington against New Zealand today with Shane Watson expected to be ruled unfit to play.

Hughes' shock return isn't the only shock. It's a shock that it's a shock that Watson is injured. Since the Ashes he has played just about every match and the general feeling was that he had overcome his chronic injuries, although Watson himself would have been touching wood every day. Will it prove crucial? Well, apart from Watson scoring the most runs, taking timely wickets, making slips catches look easy, and generally being our most important player...

The omens are looking ominous.

Comments

[Tony]

Mind you, the match starts in under two hours and The Australian is still the only outlet that is reporting Watson's injury.

[Tony]

Still nothing about The Indomitable Paper Cut of Steel on Crooky.

[Tony]

Ponting won the toss and we're batting. Doubtless it's a raging, green-top minefield.

RT texts: 5/60 at lunch.

[Russ]

Crooky looks to have slept in. This looks about right then?

[Tony]

Russ,

A replay of the 1999/2000 Test series would be welcome.

Crooky is not the only late sleeper; the ABC stream is absent, too.

[Lou]

Watson has done so well to play lots of games in all formats in a row, we can forgive him.

On the other hand, if Rajastan Royal's rubbish performance is suddenly boosted by an opener in a full balaclava, we'll know he's been severely bribed to help the arse-licker out.

[Lou]

I can't believe that Phil Hughes has somehow wormed his way back into being our first pick if the openers go down.

[Russ]

The Justin TV is on. The claim is Vettori would have bowled, but the pitch has no more than a tinge of green. A little seam movement in Martin's first over.

[Russ]

Any comments on North being retained? Typical conservatism from the selectors? How badly will he need to play to get dropped for Pakistan? What about the Ashes?

Or of Harris debuting over McKay (surely a green wicket is what he'd like)?

[Tony]

I would have picked Smith instead of North - just because - and George instead of Harris - because I've never seen George play. He's not Shane George, is he?

[Russ]

So long Our Phil. Right as I was leaving for work. It is a 20 minute walk. What chance Ponting is still in when I get there?

[Lou]

Well I didn't expect a lot from Phil Hughes. He still looks obscenely limited to me.

[Tony]

Hughes gets out the very next ball after our network goes down, about ten seconds after I thought to myself that Arnel was an absolute certainty to get a wicket in his first over.

[Russ]

Well, made it to work and Ponting is still there. Am a little disappointed. Turns out a billion Indians aren't wrong. Barracking against Ponting is kind-of fun.

[Bruce]

A quick look at Hughes' record.

He has batted in the first session of a test 5 times now, in 3 of those innings he has failed to make it past 20 minutes at the crease. He did make a century in Durban though batting first.

12 test innings - 11 caught and 1 LBW. Technique or temperament or both?

[Lou]

Both. He has hard hands and is too attacking early on, or at least that is what it seems like.

If they don't offer him too many wide offside deliveries, he starts to look very ordinary indeed.

[Tony]

Is he, maybe, just possibly, a hack?

[Russ]

Lots of players are hacks. When they succeed people say "you shouldn't try and coach them away from their natural game, let them do what works for them", and when they don't they say "their game is riddled with flaws and they'll never make it as this level". Unfortunately too much success at lower levels leads to under-coached hacks failing to make the grade at Shield and Test level.

[Tony]

As they say: "Lack of natural talent will only take you so far."

[Russ]

Notwithstanding the fact that I haven't seen enough of the cricket to know if batting was difficult. At best, I can only infer a little movement from the percentage of runs Katich seems to be scoring through third man. 1/93 is a pretty good effort at lunch.

[Tony]

Haven't seen a ball, either. Barely even heard one. And now, just when the bastard ABC should be doing their lunchtime wrap, they have instead gone to their infuriating Grandstand ad.

[Bruce]

Strong first session and some credit must go to the Kiwis for bowling 29 overs in the first session. They would have got the full 30 in but for an interruption by a streaker.

I am such a grumpy old man - banging on about over rates such that when a team actually gets the job done it is a pleasant surprise.

[Hangover Black]

Russ,

Re: failing to make grade at Test level - See M. Hayden

Difference between him and Hughes is that Hayden had to go and spend years in the wilderness getting his technique right, whereas Phil gets a week's detention, and is back in the team.

[Tony]

Do you think the selectors' desperation to pick Hughes reflects a lack of depth in Aussie cricket?

[Hangover Black]

It certainly reflects recent injuries to Rogers and Jaques. And maybe Marsh for that matter. It's not so much a depth issue as a last man standing issue.

There are enough guys playing in the Shield to fill the role, it's just that not many of them are fit at present.

[Tony]

Hungry Jaques, in particular, will curse his luck. While Rogers and Marsh are not established, Hungry had the gig, was scoring runs, but now he's cooked and is unlikely to make an encore appearance.

[Tony]

Just great. A run out. You knuckleheads.

[Tony]

How many partners has Katich run out now? It can only be a matter of time until he runs out his wife.

[Russ]

Shameless caught behind. Still early enough to turn that excellent opening session into a full blown collapse if Clarke and Katich want it bad enough.

[m0nty]

The selectors' desperation to pick Hughes reflects a lack of otherwise-qualified NSW players in Aussie cricket.

Hoggy came right out and said what I've been saying for yonks on SEN the other day: that the selectors pay far too much attention to the "good bloke" factor. Which is code for "doesn't annoy Ponting". Which is code for "who gives a tinkers if he averages 15 for NSW and Australia".

[m0nty]

Hey Tony, you're welcome to come watch the game on my 46" LCD...

[Tony]

Correct me if I'm right. But isn't LCD the technology John West rejects?

[m0nty]

John West rejects fish, not display technologies. LCD is superior to plasma.

[Tony]

How many times has Hussey been caught behind (and dropped behind) or bowled (and bowled leaving the ball) in the last couple of years?

[m0nty]

Clarke needs to hit the button labeled "nurdle". He's going as slow as Boycott.

[Tony]

For Clarke "nurdle" is the reverse "change up". Work that one out.

[m0nty]

Krabz has hit two catches in two overs, both grassed. The first one was a good nut but the second was a terrible slog. Head down, Krabz.

[m0nty]

Meanwhile in the Shield final, the Vics are looking strong at 0/49 in the second dig with a lead approaching 100. Go you Bushrangers.

[Russ]

Quite m0nty. Not a bad effort from 6/75 half way through the first day.

[m0nty]

Surprise, Krabz plays all around a straight one. Surprising that doesn't happen more often.

[Tony]

Speaking of straight ones.

Had a laugh watching the Shield highlights last night - currently 0/68 - when Pattinson was bowling to Broad and Townsend. Just about every ball that was shown was either played outside off, played and missed, or left alone outside off. I only remember one ball on the stumps which was glanced for a single. When Pattinson bowled Townsend with a corker the commentator (Mark Waugh) said Pattinson had been bowling straight the whole time. I reckon the only reason Townsend missed it was because he got a shock it was on the stumps.

That said, the bowlers regularly beat the batsmen, or had the batsmen mis-hitting shots.

An awful lot of people have been complimenting the Foxtel commentators. BJ, June, Stuey, Maherbo, Flem are passable, but they are hardly the apex of excellence. They spent an extravagant amount of time explaining their lame nicknames and reading out viewer emails. Also, because there are no specialist commentators, their diction lacks fluency. The compliments probably stem from the fact that they are not the Channel Nine commentators, who we have come to know and hate over so many years.

[m0nty]

Oh I dunno, I quite like Maherbo as a nickname.

[Bruce]

North is past 20. He is bound to make a reasonable score now.

[m0nty]

Vics 107/0 with a lead of 155, go Quiney and Jewell!

[Russ]

Has the bowling loosened up, the pitch and ball settled down, or have the batsmen just stepped up a gear. The scoring rate has climbed dramatically in the past 10 minutes.

[Tony]

Speaking of Foxtel.

Fetch TV fights for AFL rights

SOON-TO-LAUNCH pay-TV operator Fetch TV has emerged as a mystery bidder for the television rights for the AFL and is talking to free-to-air TV networks about collaborating with them to shut out Foxtel.

Monty, you're the communications and technology guru, where is all this heading? Are we going to wake up one day and discover that we can buy one channel at a time, or will we still be stuck with packages full of dross? And who is going to carry the product? Will we end up needing half-a-dozen set-top boxes, five TVs, a computer network around the house, and our own satellite?

[Tony]

Vics 0/111 at tea. Effectively 0/159. Hows about a sporting declaration, Cam?

Sorry, channelling Channel Nine there.

[m0nty]

It all depends on the NBN, Tony. Currently, the NBN and Telstra are engaged in the early skirmishes in a war that could end with the destruction of Telstra as a cross-media juggernaut. The optimistic view is that the Government forces the break-up of Telstra, the NBN gets the network, Telstra shareholders get screwed, and consumers get increased choice with the likes of Fetch providing a-la-carte subscription video services over the NBN HFC. The realistic view is that Telstra will scratch and claw and fight until their last accountant falls on the outskirts of Berlin to defend their fat monopoly gougings, with help from the obstructionist Senate, right-wing push polling and shareholder lobby groups.

[chris88]

Why do Hughes and Hussey get games in this side? (Even North as well)

We've got Marsh, White, others ... I still can't understand the selectors' lack of nouse when it comes to selections.

[Tony]

Chris,

In the words of the prophet Frawley it's called "sticking fat".

[Tony]

Russ,

Speaking of stepping up to the gear: 0/64 in the last 10 overs.

[Tony]

Monty,

Speaking of Telstra.

Bet you didn't know that tranch means "to slice a sturgeon".

[m0nty]

Ah yes, but when speaking of Telstra shares the word tranche is used, not tranch. Trap for young players.

[Tony]

Au contraire, Monsieur Stocks-go-round. A tranche is a female tranch. (At least, it is now that I have deemed it so.)

[Tony]

By the way. Is there a difference between "breaks down" and "gets injured"? Watto is out because he got a bruise when he was hit on the hip. Surely it's the latter.

Further complicating matters, this article says he got a bruise, which turned into a strain, which actually hit him on the arse, not the hip, and the physio, Roger Voudouris, said it was like Ponting's arm.

[Tony]

Clarke alert!

Closing on stumps and Clarke's batting.

[m0nty]

Ponting's arm is like PC's bum? Voudouris seriously does not know his arse from his elbow. The quality of Australian physios has declined since the days of long-striding Errol Alcott.

[Tony]

I resolutely restrained myself from typing an "arse from his elbow" gag.

[m0nty]

When presented with a pie wide outside off, Tony, the only option is to stroke it through the covers.

[Tony]

Late in the day you should joke for stumps.

[Tony]

"Almost had a gag, son; joke that is."

[Russ]

Impressive effort from Clarke to take to the kiwi bowling. Unfortunately he has probably killed this game as a contest. The New Zealand batting isn't capable of making 400+, even against the sort of erratic pop-gun attack we may be carrying.

[Tony]

Clarke - 100 off 140. Nurdle, what nurdle?

[Tony]

Sounds like Clarke gambled North's wicket to get the 100.

[Tony]

Stumps.

4/316

Reasonable day's work. Dreadful third session by the Kiwis.

[shep]

91 runs for Clarke in the last session too.

[Hangover Black]

Big effort from North, batting for his Test career. And good stuff from Clarke in putting the foot down and taking the game on.

[m0nty]

Personally, I don't care about this game as a contest. I care about us beating the Kiwis, so we have to win this one no matter what the spectacle.

[m0nty]

Vics get to a 200-run lead then Quiney goes, bowled through the gate out of the rough outside leg stump. A good sign actually, given we have Nice Bryce to bowl in the fourth innings.

[m0nty]

Vics lead passes 250 with two down, Huss the Younger spanking the legspinner to all parts.

[m0nty]

Vics lead passes 300 with two down, Finch taking up the cudgel in that 50 with Cutting taking the brunt of the punishment.

[patard]

No doubt about that VJ Clarke. Resilient bugger. Stern? they don't make em any sterner! Just had to clean out the back pipe to get to the shiny stuff. Knew he always had it in him. Fightin spirit. Rally round the lads, sort a boy. Sings the team song. He's a regular back slappin, pillow bitin, ornery sonuvabitch. That's my boy VJ see him out there, the boys a dead set genius!

What's that...?

"Okay, I'll shut up. Some fellas have to keep their tongues flappin' but not me. I was brought up right. My pa used to tell me to shut up and I'd shut up. I wouldn't say nothin'. One time darn near starved to death. WOULDN'T TELL HIM I WAS HUNGRY!!"

[m0nty]

Stumps 2/273 with a lead of 321. That's the Shield in the bag, you'd think. Two out of three trophies for the Vics this year, plus making the final of the Ford Ranger and also the Indian Champions League.

[patard]

Don't forget the League World Club Championship there mOnt. The best trophy in your cabinet, after the Tina Turner that is.

It'll all be the Eels next year, you'll see.

Footy started down south yet?

[patard]

Course it has. Bloody Storm blew over Sharks at Shark Park to leave me with 2 from 8. Sin bin on Sharks when they were up didn't help either, but then that's what you expect from a News Lim....

Whoops, there I go again.

[patard]

Can I just say that Spiderbait's Grand Slam album is the most under-rated album in Oz music history?!

[Russ]

Footy can't start until the MCG is vacant pat. You'll have to wait until next week to see Tony's poor gnome in the flusher.

[Russ]

By the way, m0nty, Tony, any chance you'll be at the MCG tomorrow?

[patard]

Forget this dishwasher conundrum. Question is, if you piss in the shower when the shithouse is full is that counted as a 2nd toilet?

[patard]

Song for VJ:

Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
Why - whaAAeeyyy - whHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????

[m0nty]

I'm being interviewed for a blog tomorrow, so no you won't see me. Then on Sunday I play golf. It's a hard life.

[patard]

What blog mOnt?

Can you raise the following point please?:

A recent VHS/BBC documentary started the genre Heavy Metal @ Black Sabbath went to Deep Purple and then Judas Priest.

Which is ok but true Heavy Metal -> Punk -> Thrash -Grunge -> Death

Went:

Doors -> Alice Cooper -> Black Sabbath -> Pistols/Clash -> splurged -> then went -> Grunge -> Death and fused with Glam.

Please drive this point home.

Judas Priest led to the death of rock, vis a vis the death rattle of the Gunners. But it's nOT the true path.

Please mOnt. Let the truth out. People will see and start listening to the Lizard King, Killer, London Calling, Dirt etc again and our fortunes will change for the better.

Go the Vaj!

[m0nty]

It's a sports industry blog called SportSpiel, so I don't think that point is relevant, no matter how passionately argued.

Anyway, I heard the Clash were poseurs.

[m0nty]

Vics lead passes 350, Finch run out for 63 with a direct hit from mid off.

[m0nty]

Flem and Fraz have spent the last ten minutes discussing footage of them and June kicking a football on the ground before play. Fair to say there's not much happening out there.

[Tony]

Russ,

This is belated, since you are probably already there, but I won't be at the MCG today. More correctly: I'm not at the MCG now. I'm at gnome. Home. On the computer.

[Yobbo]

Patard you can make the argument that "Heavy Metal" started with the Beatles' "Revolution". Black Sabbath came after that.

[Tony]

Monty,

Speaking of points that are relevant.

It's important that you passionately name-drop the AGB, and work in the phrases "sine qua non" and "dernier cri".

[Tony]

Pat,

Speaking of Nilsson.

Allow me to join some dots: Everybody's Talking -> Midnight Cowboy -> Warren Zevon -> Lesley Miller -> He Quit Me.

[Tony]

More dots.

Midnight Cowboy -> John Barry -> The Persuaders.

[m0nty]

Dernier cri? Is that a shampoo?

[Tony]

Encore!

The Persuaders -> Larry Storch -> The Sacred Cows -> Kill, Kill, Kill.

[Tony]

Mont,

It's the latest thing in shampoo.

[Tony]

Oh. Right. The cricket.

5/429.

Clarke's out.

[Tony]

Author! Author!

Get Smart -> Spy Rock -> John Barry -> Ennio Morricone -> The Ballad of Hank McCain.

[Tony]

From Shield final Crooky:

Josh Reid: "Get on with it White...... A declaration and a gutsy do or die chase chase from the bulls would be better cricket than watching him score a run every 21 balls."

Josh must be Joshing.

[m0nty]

Now Flem and Fraz are on again, and they're immediately into pizza toppings.

[m0nty]

And they get onto potting BJ's hair product. They're the new Skull and Mitchell look.

[Tony]

Someone ought to email them:

Hi guys,

Love yer work. Espesh on those rare times you talk about the Shield final.

You are there, right?

Later.

After Grog Blog Cricket

(No, it's not an emetic. Google it.)

[Russ]

Tony, not there yet, will go after lunch (mine and there's). Though if I was, and when I am, I'll be reading AGB. For some reason I can't comment from my phone though.

On the cricket, I reiterate what I said yesterday. This is dead as a contest, which is why noone here cares, instead of the usual laying of boots into players that goes on. Maybe if we're lucky, the kiwi batsmen can take to our attack and liven things up...

wait, declare! what! why! for f-ck's sake Ponting you overpaid under-haired goose.

Scratch that dead bit. This early declaration strategy is due for a comeuppance.