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Colin Campbell

I wonder what odds you could get for a WI clean sweep?

m0nty

I wonder what odds you could get for an indignant anti-Australia Roebuck column?

Tony

Australia is 1.15 to win the series, the Windies 3.50. (Pounds, I think.)

Indignant Spanky is odds on.

Tony

When a live-read ad for a beer addled cricket tour takes precedence over the first four balls of an over, Nine are wasting two balls.

Tony

What diet has RuPaul been on since last December: beer and double-fat chips?

Tony

The pitch in Nagpur was a minefield... early on: 1/5, 2/6, 2/322.

Fat Jaques: 163
WG The Terrorist: 142

m0nty

I am already bored shitless by this series. I only know about three Windians.

Tony

Paper Cut be-goosed himself, holing out off a Gayle nude ball. Then Gayle, lounging at covers and wondering why he didn't give PC a send off, grasses a sitter off Ponting.

Tony

The commentators would do the whole world a favour if they put away "The fielding side appealed in unison" as it that is the last word on a decision. The fielding side generally appeal in unison, they probably practice it. Fielders who don't join in the unison-ness probably get fined. Fielding sides appeal in unison to con the umpire, which often works, and which often also cons the commentators.

Tony

Meanwhile, F50 is immeasurably better to watch when the pitch is holding, and the bowlers are using clever deployment of the slow ball.

Tony

Does Australia bowl slow balls?

m0nty

McKay has five slower balls!

Hauritz has one.

Big Ramifications

I apologise in advance for this summary [I don't follow domestic cricket religiously, and the whole episode stunk of the usual "appearance fees / non performance" BULLSHIT that sports stars often pull, which made me want to pay even less attention than normal], but I have some questions:

• Gayle signs up for WA as a short term marquee player.
• He lasts about 15 overs as a batsman and then gets *ahem* injured.
• Injury is miraculously better come the international games.

How was he paid? Sign up bonus + match fees? Did the WACA take out any form of insurance where, for example, an insurance company [read: you and me] is paying his wages? Did the WACA blow any dough with this joke of a signing?

Tony

Well, that was a lively first over. Almost a wicket off every ball. If you assume any of them were "lives" and that Gayle "had one" then Gayle is set for a big night out.

Tony

Studsy gets Marsh off the hook, pouching Gayle. But don't the commentators get carried away. It was not a "mawgnificent catch" and all the rest, it was a tidy take.

Tony

Balls and bollocks to the "change of direction" business, Heals. It was a comfortable take.

m0nty

BORING.

Tony

HERETI... zzzzzzzzzzz.

nick

I see Spanky is trying to talk up his multicultural'ness' and justify his Aussie hating articles by talking up his 'work with Vietnamese'. Who knows what such an undertaking might involve...

Pollard and Gayle are worth the price of admission alone.

How does Spanky not know about Bay 13?

nick

Of course, now that he does, expect an article conflating Indian assaults, drunkeness, racist Aussies, bay 13, wild dogs, intolerance of strange subcontinental actions....blah blah blah

patard

Wha!! Cough, splutter, Jesus, what's that you said? Who? Gayle's gawn, 3/31? Is Lost on? :: cough, choke, slag, snort, waking up::

Christ Sunday's are hard trying to watch the cricket with a gulletless bastard sinking everything at triple speed in sight. Knocks ya around.

Any boot polish in the house? Break out the Methylated Spirits someone we're out of grog!

Wake me at 10 for the NFL. Go the Colts.

Tony

Have your relatives been getting into you sly booze stash again?

Tony

Apocalypse Now would pack a harder punch if Robert Duvall read one of Spanky's articles over the loud speaker to "scare the hell outta the slopes."

patard

I've worked with the Vietnamese. Well, they worked, I told em what to do. Guess that makes me multicultural too.

Nah, wasn't all like that. Good solid people. Great Catholics, better people than me. Very religious f*ckers, I mean absolutely dedicated, nothing would turn em, and they work till they drop and love their kids to death.

Spanky would hate all of the above. He loves victims. They're easy marks for wormtongues like him.

What'd he say Nick?

nick

Who's having the worst period in international cricket once bowlers worked out where to bowl to them - Pietersen or Duminy? And what's the bet that they'll both find form next time they play us?

Tony

Pity Australia didn't work out how to bowl to Crash Test before Melbourne. Studsy got him out with a bouncer in the first innings in Perth, admittedly off a poor decision, and then we warehoused the bouncer until we were over in SA. Our bowling to him in Melbourne completely lacked short balls at the body.

patard

It's all a bit Careful, He Might Here You at the moment so I'll keep it down.

Fack me, briliant, I'd love to have Spanky's Elliot pretense read by Col. Kurtz. It's a winner for the smh, Spankster on audio as read by Brando's Kurtz.

"I watched a snail inch along the edge of a razor blade. And, wished it were...Punter, I...I...some things I said were,...somewhat...deranged."

Indy: "He's out there, writing...without any...constraint."

patard

Pass the seafood won't you Willard. Tawny's talkin sh*t again.

Tony

"You see, in this world there are two kinds of people, my friend: those with loaded guns and those who spank."

patard

Tawny G, not Tawny T that is.

Tony

Gathered that.

Also gathered that with respect to Tawn you meant this: TWEP.

Tony

TWEP? Sorry: CWEP, commentate with extreme prejudice.

patard

I've exceeded my download limit ( damn you Krudd!) and can't get good speeds on Youtube. But yes, I think, that scene where Sheen get's the lowdown on what a nutter Kurtz has become, as well as the final scenes where Kurtz reads his Elliot embellishments.

If you loved the movie you'll love even more Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Canons firing eternally impotently into the African jungle as lions roam the beach. Spanky to a T.

patard

TWEP CWEP? Me no understand kimosabe.

m0nty

Croq reckons the wild dogs are talking.

There were some words exchanged at the end of Bollinger's previous over, Pollard brushed past Bollinger while running through for a run, Bollinger has some advice for him, Ponting came over and he loudly shared some of his thoughts as well

Easier for Roebuck to blather on about this than talking about the cricket.

patard

KAren Pollard goes swiftly followed by a LiMP Simmons. Someone send these Windies a bucket of KFC.

And a Double Choc-Wedge for Spanky.

nick

Spanky just talked briefly about working with various ethnic people in the name of harmony. He's getting more like Lord Haw-Haw every day.

patard

Aaah right. Commentate With Extreme Prejudice. I may be slow but I'm rough as well. That's the line I was thinkin of. Try the seafood Willard.

Gone out for some Chinese Tones? You should ask for a bowl of Falun Gong. I hear they're delicious and let you sneak up on them as well.

m0nty

My eye wanders to other sport, where Gold Coast United just threw away a chance at top spot with a loss at home to Wellington Phoenix, thus ensuring Melbourne Victory 1st or 2nd. Victory away to Sydney FC next week with Victory only needing a draw to finish first.

patard

Ah yes, multi-ephnic Harmony. The last refuge of the phederast.

::Megaphone from the upper Mekong::Phuck you Phunter!

patard

These are desperate days indeed mOnty.

1st game of the Windies series and it's a Whitewash. More Tests please CA. This is purgatory having to endure this guff. Bring on the soccer.

Tony

I went for Italian. Invaded Abyssinia on the way.

Tony

Keeping it Italian.

Such a clear victory calls for a resounding anthem: L'Estasi Dell'oro.

RT

ABC Radio commentary probably reflected the night's entertainment:

Lonegan - I dunno, I just can't blow up balloons.
Lawson - mmmm....that would be embarrassing.
Lonegan - Thanks.

Roll on AFL.

m0nty

It will be a relief to play the Kiwis. They might put up a contest.

Tony

Gesù Cristo!

Crooky didn't even bother with the post match formalities. The Pakistan wash of white is shaping up as this summer's high point.

m0nty
Roll on AFL.

Amen.

patard

"Hey Blondie! You know what you are? Just a dirty son of a b...waahahahah, wa wa waaaaaaah"

Lou

How is Shaun Marsh the best choice for opener in ODI's? Even this little whackster, Hughes, would scuttle along quicker. Why don't they give his little bro a go?

And note, Clarke faced 30 balls for no boundaries. As usual. After his exertions in the 20/20, it's all just too much for him.

Hangover Black

Shaun Marsh is in the team because he has proven to have more than just first gear. When PC is firing, he's happy just to turn the strike. When he's not, he can hit as hard as the best of them. (50-odd ball ton in Big Bash, 60-off ball ton in IPL 1). When he was dismissed yesterday Oz were 50 from 10ov.

But that is a side issue. How can this esteemed blog go 50 comments without anyone cracking the shits over Nicho's use of "transcend" in the commentary yesterday. Pompous twit. And then for good measure, Heals thought it had a nice ring to it, so he tried using it (unsuccessfully) an over or two later. Sundays are way too short to have "transcend" inflicted upon us while we're trying to watch the (delayed by two hours) cricket telecast.

Tony

Missed transcend. But I wouldn't have missed Nicholas and/or Heals had I heard them use it. Nothing in yesterday's game warranted a transcend. But there were plenty of opportunities for the opposite, whatever that is.

m0nty

Steyn 7/51 to rip through India at Nagpur. Smiff enforces the follow-on 325 in front on the first innings. No VVS or Wall in the local XI. Gambhir bowled shouldering arms in the second over by Alby Morkel. Saffers seem to play better away from home lately.

patard

Talk about telegraphing a headline:

Saints dedicate shock win to New Orleans

What next, "Storm dedicate win to Melbourne", "Eels dedicate loss to Parramatta", "Spanky dedicates column to misanthropy"?

Lou

Hangover Black, yes, he does have more than one gear, a very nice array of shots and he is one of the more elegant shot-makers in the team, but you wouldn't know it when he plays for Australia. His average has been going south since about the 10th match of his career.

IPL1 doesn't count, he was under no pressure there as no-one apart from West oz fans had heard of him.

Tony

"Saints dedicate shock win to Manning" Take your pick: a) Peyton; b) Archie.

Tony

WI 1/0.

That Gayle prediction is coming up trumps. Out first ball of the match.

Tony

2/11

Dowl 'n out in Adelaide.

You know the old saying: "The more things stay the same, the more things stay the same."

Tony

Exqueeze me.

3/11

Tony

4/16

A typical Les Burdett minefield.

Russ

Fascinating to watch the damage control from CA after the Melbourne crowd numbers came in. First (paraphrasing), "we're very pleased, it was a good crowd", then when pointed out it was the worst crowd in 30 something years, "the numbers across the weekend were very good", then when pressed in relation to the ODI only, "the television audience was very good". And now this morning when noted the tv audience was down 40% on last year, the analysis is of "one poor season".

In the meantime former cricketers will toss just about any stupid idea that comes into their head as a "solution" to the ODI game's woes, while remaining adamant that it has a future; nay needs a future. If it had a future it wouldn't need wholesale reform. Luckily for nein the way the Windies are going this afternoon they'll be able to fill tonight's prime-time with better rating reruns of I Love Lucy.

Tony

They should have come straight out and said "The scheduling wasn't ideal." I mean, T20 on Friday night is a sure fire winner and was bound to attract the crowd. Following it up with a F50 on Sunday (a school night) was like asking "Would you like ten more kilos of fairy floss, for double the price?"

bruce

Quite a catch by Shameless.

The Windies have been a one man side for what seems like a very long time now. Lara hands to Gayle.

Tony

Bruce,

Good run and lunge. Safe hands. Don't know about Tubby's "one of the greatest catches you'll ever see" or the "dived full length."

Tony

Russ,

I see that Ideas Markson has his snout in the trough: Old ODIs need a rejig.

RT

Watching a bit of the India v SA test on Setanta. I'm sure it's been raised before on AGB but the Indians will need some serious adjustment when TLM, Drav, Wee Wee all retire in the not too distant future. Previously watching, as sad as it sounds, the Bangers v India tests, I was surprised at how the Indians struggled at times even though they won 2-0. Juvy Singh, the supposed designate next middle order batting big thing got out to an atrocious shot when the Indians were 3-90 odd. How Sehwag has a test batting average of 52 is a travesty of modern cricket.

How we beat SA at their joint in March needs some head scratching too, especially given the Ashes. Stud On Song goes a long way to explaining it.

patard

Right. Kids are in bed, mrs sated, another hard working day over, time to sit back and rest with two hours in front of the TV to watch the cricket.

What tha!!!!

Lou

Stud on Song and Steyn out of tune explains it all.

If Dale had played the whole series against the English team fit, they would have lost in Safferland.

And hangover, Marsh can't concentrate for long can he? Loose shots when he has played himself in. He's our Ian Bell.

Tony

Went out to dinner at 6.15, got home, turned on the telly at 8.37: Lethal Weapon IV. Either we collapsed to an embarrassing loss, or we won in a canter.

The following comparison sums it all up:

0.1 Bollinger to Gayle, OUT, ball 1 strike 1! Right on target is Doug Bollinger, gets some late movement inwards and the ball straightens, lands on a good length and thuds his pads in line with the off stump, Gayle was too lazy in getting his bat down on time and he played down the wrong line CH Gayle lbw b Bollinger 0 (2m 1b 0x4 0x6) SR: 0.00

0.1 Roach to Watson, 1 no ball, oversteps first ball, pitches wide of off stump, free hit time

David

CA should have been happy with tonight's match - after all, it only went for 67 overs, which is closer to a T20 than F50 match.

Bob

McGrath should have patented the concept of pre series predictions to prevent this sort of dickheadness. Foreigners never appreciated the humour of his original efforts.

Russ

Tony, not exactly earth-shattering: slash ticket prices. Not sure why playing at smaller grounds will help; surely the point of slashing ticket prices is to fill the grounds they currently use?

Today's crowd was record breaking: 8378. Scheduling and weather are clearly contributing factors, as potentially is the stadium refit. But that's an ugly number, on the back of quite a few unattractive numbers, dating back to before this summer as well.

Hangover Black

Lou, yep, no arguments there. But it was a dig where it showed again that the opening partnership works pretty well. Marsh got off to the flyer this time, while PC provided the support. They aren't getting the big scores we'd like, but they're doing OK.

Lou

But he looks so good then loses the use of his feet for some reason. They could be a wonderful opening partnership if Marsh could get his sheeeeet together.

Tony T

HB & Lou,

Picking fence splinters out of my date, I agree with both of you. Marsh & Watto have been getting the side away to tidy starts, but Marsh, as Lou says, forgets to move his feet just as they should be starting to dance. What's wrong with him: mental or technical?

Hangover Black

I'm not sure you'd have much success putting a call through to the Australian batting coach and asking him. He may be disinclined to speak with you.

I'm buggered if I know. Re last night - playing with an angled bat that close to your body means that if the ball doesn't bounce the way you think it will, you either get an underneath edge (going towards your stumps) or a top edge towards slip/keeper.

The other way to play it is with a straight bat, but open the face on impact. Variable bounce affects this shot much less, but you'd probably nick behind more often because you are playing with less than the full face.

I think that if you've got that range of shots, it is more likely mental, but who'd know.

chrisl

How many of the Windies would get into a state side?

Hangover Black

Probably the same number that would get into the Australian side - 3

Gayle
Roach
Pollard (maybe)

Remember that they are missing quite a few first choice players. And when you don't have much depth, it hurts a lot more.

Lou

Not sure about Pollard either. He is the run-a-ball 20 or 30 king in this form of the game.

It is twenty/20 where he is really comfortable.

Anyway, Tim Paine is getting a shot instead of Haddin. I hope he keeps brilliantly.

Tony T

Pollard is precisely the kind of talent who could be wasted in the WI unless the structures are put in place around him to harness his talent. Maybe he should play a couple of seasons in the Shield. Or will he be a bat & ball for hire, subbing himself out to the best bidding T20 franchise?

Hangover Black

If you were Pollard's manager, taking a cut of everything he earned, you'd have him as a hired T20 gun. Can't see him ever having the bowling to take Test wikets, or the batting technique to thrive in a Test arena. However, if Pollard really wanted to get to Test level, you'd certainly have him play a few seasons of Shield cricket. Far better standard than Red Stripe Cup.

Tony

Nurd!

Collingwood is an anomaly in the modern game, able to adapt with equal comfort to four-over slog and four-hour grind. He says his favourite stroke is “the nurdle” and seemed to have hogged all the grit that snowbound Britain needed around Christmas as he saved two Test matches. Yet no one hits more sixes for England than Collingwood either.
Hangover Black

All power to him. The more players a team has like him, the better off they'd be. Nurdle when required, but with the ability to clear fences given the opportunity.

How you can actually enjoy going "the nurdle" is something else entirely.

Tony

Crooky headline: "Australia lose both openers" Then I looked at the summary to discover the openers were Macauley Paine and Voges.

Hangover Black

Neither covered themselves in glory. But by the sound of things, there's a bit of juice in the pitch. Tailor-made for some Clarke nurdling.

Tony

Just noticed the Aussies' first over: 1wd . . 1wd . . 4b.

bruce

Amazingly it was the same in the last over as well.

Tony

Damien Phlegm pronounces stoic stoyc.

Sigh.

That's all I got.

Tony

Any idea why Gayle sent Australia in on a good deck, then preceded to chase like Wile E. Coyote?

Bob

More Gayles of laughter inspiring quotes:

‘What’s the other guy’s name? Bollinger?’

"One thing that I think we have exposed in this series is Ricky Ponting's problems against the short ball,"

Tony

That 4-1 call is not looking too flash.

m0nty

Are we still using this thread for commenting on this abomination of a series?

Tony T

Yep. Nice bumping, M0nt.

Watson another 50.

Tony T

Klutzy another hoik.

Hangover Black

Gerard Whately just called Michael Clarke's six an "audacious shot". Other adjectives that spring to mind include uncharacteristic, atypical, miraculous, inexplicable.

m0nty

Or you could call it BORING.

Tony T

Un-nurdling.

Russ

Wait, this series is still going? What have they been doing the past (not sure how many) days?

Anyway, the Bangles did well against the Kiwis. Comparatively. I am increasingly impressed with their middle-lower order's fighting spirit, even if their top order are club hacks with no brains. They'll get that elusive first win against half decent opposition soon. England seem a likely candidate.

m0nty

I see that the Indians are going to tour South Africa later this year. Evidently all that was needed for the resurrection of Test cricket was for Australia to not be #1 any more.

David Barry

What have they been doing the past (not sure how many) days?
Maximising viewers and crowds by not having mid-week matches....

I don't know what Mahmudullah is doing down at number 8. His fc average is higher than most of the Bangladeshi top order. With him, Shakib, and Tamim Iqbal they have three semi-decent batsmen. Mushfiqur is an OK keeper-batsman. The bowling's still really thin though, apart from Shakib. People talk about Mortaza, but that's because he averages 45 rather than 60....

Russ

m0nty, the FTP reckons that was always on. Unless they've found a venue somewhere for the Pakistan tour, that and a tour of the Windies will be their only tests until they host Australia again, the summer after.

DB, in their favour, most of the team are extremely young. Even Ashraful, with his inexplicable 53 tests and an average under 23, is only 25. He might yet become a decent batsman, if he can get himself together. Their youth could be construed as a negative, given how often they lose, but Shakib seems to have boundless self-confidence and spirit. That has to start improving the bowling averages of his team-mates.

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