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m0nty

I could hold a steak pie right now.

Tony

To get things in context: it was a "who gets which piece of the pie?" conversation.

Tony Tea

How long can Big Benn bowl, and Gayle stick with the old ball?

Tony Tea

Jesus, Huss. What a stupid run. Pull your head in.

Tony Tea

The VB Pop-up Pub. Rocketing to the top of my Most Hated Ad charts.

The Don has risen

I notice the Pakis have backed themselves in the second test after backing the Kiwis in the first

Tony Tea

Shit. Billy Bowden is on his way to the SACA to replace Rauf Mauf.

m0nty

Tone, I was just thinking how awkward were the post-erection hugs by the blokes in that ad.

m0nty

That was the least unconvincing 41 I have seen in a good long while.

Tony Tea

Hussey, you doufus.

4/312.

I've all-but given up on Aussies making big scores. Welcome to the Era of Starts.

m0nty

Um, I meant least convincing. I ain't double negative.

Tony Tea

Don, Pakistani matches might contain questionable provenance, but Kiwi pitches are great for Test cricket.

Out Les Burdett; in Lis Burditt.

Tony Tea

Least unconvincing perfectly describes the Hussey innings; neither here, nor there. But mostly there; and here.

Tony Tea

Faz: "Essaying a cut shot". Do batsmen "essay" other shots? Don't think I've ever heard "essay an on-drive" or "essay a leg glance".

Come to think of it. "Essay" is a very sports commentator word, as they attempt to embiggen the language. Why settle for "try" when you can lather it on with "essay".

The Don has risen

I do like Roach. He is actualy fast and swings the ball unlike OZ bowlers on both counts

m0nty

Getting towards the end of a session, time for Pup to start playing like a rabies-crazed baboon again.

Tony Tea

Roach reminds me of Malcolm Marshall.

Tony Tea

Clarke has already played a strange-looking pull. Setting the scene for a dramatic exit.

Tony Tea

It makes me ill when commentators - Flem & MITCHELL! - talk in reverent admiration about Murali's wickets record never being beaten.

m0nty

Rauf Mauf is looking more and more like Big Merv with those back stretching routines.

Tony Tea

Flem: "Tim May's an interesting character. Have you ever come across Maysie?"

I have.

In 1995 I was at a 30th birthday in a Melbourne bar where neither Flem nor Maysie could stand up.

Tony Tea

Florian Fuchs - now there's a name. He should barrack for the Mighty Fuchsias.

At 1-3, the Krauts are setting the scene for next June and the Association World Cup of Les Murray Phoodboll.

m0nty

The cricket now has a soapbox? Radio SEN is more influential than I thought. I'd like to see them take talkback from the likes of Jim from Hawthorn.

Tony Tea

I love it when Jim says "You know what ahhhh think?" Well, yes we do, since he tells us every day.

m0nty

You don't have to listen, Tone.

m0nty

Poor old Big Benn. He's already bowled 40 overs with the Aussies only 4 down, and now they put him straight back on after tea. The three fast bowlers combined: 48 overs.

Tony Tea

Nicholas gets pervy.

"The West Indies have picked up a flag bearer."

A young girl.

With ogle in his voice: "I don't blame them."

I'm not a prude, but didn't he cop flack at last year's Border Medal for getting too Carry On?

Tony Tea

Over-wise, BB is the Windies' Murali, without the chucks.

Tony Tea

Bill defines a non sequitur: "Sammy batted well, so he should bowl well."

Tony Tea

North goes south.

5/353.

Rubbish way to get out.

Tony Tea

Blimey! Crikey! Struth!

At the hockey.

Half-time: Krauts led 3-1.

Now: Aussies lead 4-3.

Tony Tea

"If I've seen a better game of hockey, I'd liked to have been there."

Well, it certainly just had the most amazing hockey goal I've ever seen.

m0nty

That was a pretty good goal, speaking as a hockey centre forward myself.

Tony Tea

Where was the spirit of Harald Schumacher when the Germans goalie needed a cynical shirtfront?

m0nty

Pup innovating by getting out nearing the end of a hockey tournament rather than the end of a session of cricket.

Tony Tea

Rubbish from Clarke

6/370.

Fancy him getting out chasing a wide one. Fancy that.

Tony Tea

Dud Stud.

7/377.

Catching practice.

Get rolled soon, and Australia will be battling to save this Test.

nick

1. Talk MJ up as the greatest since Gilly...out.
2. Richie going off on a tangent about how Goold can duck...but showing footage of Rauf stretching...to silence from Nicko and Grieg. How long before Richie makes a wally of himself on air?

Tony Tea

Classic Question!


Richie: "Who's Mick?"


Apparently it's not Slatts.

nick

3. 'Haddin's got 27 - valuable runs these'. Isn't that why's he's in the side? Recent performances aside - it hasn't been his keeping. I note the Windies scored their runs faster as well...mainly due to the wide crap bowled at the tailenders.

Tony Tea

"Nathan Hauritz is an improved bat."

Out.

8/418.

Thanks, Nicko.

Tony Tea

Nicko: "That's something Tony said." He's right. I did say that:

Maybe Australia's dominance at the Gabba is because it's generally the first Test of the summer and most visiting teams aren't ready to for combat.
Vindicate

So why can't we bowl to tailenders like this?

Tony Tea

Siddle suckered.

9/419.

Almost time to start the post-mortem on Australia's loss.

Tony Tea

Jeez the Nine blokes talk some crap. Just because they want to see Australia bowl tonight - probably because it works for ratings, or some other dubious subtext - doesn't mean Australia shouldn't bat for as long as possible.

Tony Tea

Heals: "Australia might have left it too late. I'd have liked to see Haddin & Hauritz hit out."

Well, how did Ritz get out, Heals: blocking it, or chasing a hook?

nick

Best thing about 9's coverage? The Popup girls at the Popup pub 8-)

Tony Tea

There is no doubt which country has the best crowd catchers.

Tony Tea

What a ridiculous run out.

All out 438.

Typical Haddin.

Vindicate

Now we get 10 mins of crapping on, then Nein goes to the news instead of seeing a couple of fiery overs. Nice.

Tony Tea

Fiery overs or more Tiger tuppy? Nine makes the hard call.

Tony Tea

Top hole! Top Secret on 407.

Du Quois: This is Chevalier, Montage, Detente, Avant Garde, and Deja Vu.

Deja Vu: Haven't we met before?

Nick Rivers: I don't think so.

Tony Tea

Studs' first over:

. . 4 4 2 1

The West Indies will be out of sight by stumps.

Tony Tea

Stumps.

0/23 off four.

Time for the lamé jacket, Richie.

pat

What a mediocre effort from a mediocre team. If mediocrity's what's on offer then better to serve it young with the promise of better to come.

Therefore:

Shameless - gawn
Kat - on notice to gawn
Punter - silently in the backroom given notice he's handing over the Captaincy in one year
Studsy - gawn

Bring back Phillips
PC down the order
Anyone, to replace Studsy


nick

Who has underperformed?

Watson - bowled ok, batted well, fielded well - keep in the side, just not as an opener.
Katich - surely reaching the end of his days, too old for next Ashes, get Hughes in. Out.
Ponting - slugging not commanding - too many wasted starts in the last year. Will stay, can write his own retirement plan.
Hussey - good bat, good in the field, probably a good team man. Selectors need to earn their money and get him out. Give him the sop of continued T20 tenure for the $.
Clarke - not showing leadership, more fop than dasher, combines the worst of Mark Waugh, David Gower and Greg Matthews. On notice.
North - not too bad, slips fielder, not being bowled. Keep.
Haddin - steady bat, improved keeping - must continue to improve with gloves.
Johnson - looking good at the batting crease, needs to get head down. More Harmison with the ball than anything else, will always be a flake, we need to live with it.
Hauritz - the blandest player since Giles/Harris.
Siddle - good trier, unlucky this Test, ?injured.
Bollinger - again, good tryer, good bullpen bowler.

If we can't bowl the Windies out, and Siddle is injured, ?McKay and Krezja in, but I'd settle for seeing Hughes in against the Pakis.

pat

Spot on nick.

Just realised I've been referring to Phillips when I mean Hughes. Early onset of Old Timers disease must be kicking in or I have an unhealthy subconcious attachment to Wayne Phillips.

Either way, I'd prefer Wayne and Phillip to open instead of Krab and PC.

My only other quibble is that Studsy has to go. He needs to know that his shit does stink contrary to what his mum and girlfriend must flatter him with every night.

There's something rotten in the state of our bowling stocks and it is emanating from the dross hurled up by Studs. Time to go Studs and get your things sorted.

Adsy

Most of the good bats in Australia have been dropped at some time in their career... Studs just took ages as 12th man before he got his shot. He still needs to be told what's what, and hopefully that will generate a bit of competition for the spot.

As for today, hope the Windies go mad, ala first innings and dish up 300 plus all out, so we have to chase it on the last day. Will soon sort out who is playing for his spot/who is playing for the team.

Tony

Not out.

Russ

Morning all. Close for Barth, but the ball didn't change its spin after it passed the bat, which is by far the best indicator of an edge. Godo decision from Rauf Mauf.

Tony

Mark Benson's back in England, allegedly because he has the shits with the refer system, but I could still hear him shout "Not out, Rauf Mauf!"

Tony

Observations about the two fielding sides.

The Windies stopped heaps of runs both with good field settings.

Aussie shots seemed to dawdle towards the boundary; whereas any time the Windies beat the infield the balls cruises to the fence.

Guess what I'm trying to say is that the Windies had far better fields that were both run saving and attacking.

Gayle might be a goose with the bat, blasé about Test cricket, too cool for school, but his (and/or team hierarchy's) fields, coupled with his bowlers' ability to bowl to them, was uniformly excellent.

Ponting's fields appear mechanical, and lack instinct.

Russ

Ritz is a good choice to Gayle. Gayle clearly has no respect for him, which as we well know from watching the Australian bats facing innocuous spinners, is no bad thing for the bowler.

On selections, Roebuck made the good point the other day that we should start with a blank piece of paper and reselect the team from scratch. Siddle and Hilfenhaus being injured makes dropping Studs difficult. He might not be in the top 3 bowlers we have, but he must be in the top 5, no? The bowling selections aren't so bad though, with the possible superfluous selection of Ritz with North in the side. In England, here, it is failure of well set batsmen to make tons that is killing us. Time to start picking players who make big scores, and trust that the discipline and ability you need to do it once can be repeated.

Tony

Stupid referral.

Not out.

Tony

The Hilfenhaus injury is looking crucial.

Not so bullish about Siddle, who has bowled ok and without luck, but needs a ball that moves away from the right handers.

Tony

My red lights are flashing: Gayle's going to get a hundred.

Tony

Sarwan gone to Studs.

2/61.

Zippy, bouncy, but borderline SGW.

Tony

KO'K has shown his better side today; less theatre, more cricket.

First: Kerry and Jim had an interesting discussion about the 15 degree law which, without ranting or outright criticism, left the listener in no doubt as to their opinions regarding the change to the bowling laws.

Second: Are you sick of hearing MITCHELL!! and Faz repeat that Adrian Barra was "unlucky" to be run out at the bowler's end? Kerry had obviously had enough, too, saying enough of the "unlucky" and more of the "bad cricket; he dawdled up the pitch".

David

Excellent double teaming on the TV commentary for the wicket.

TG: This replay will be very interesting ... if he's moved outside the line, then he's not out.

(Shows replay, which hits him right in front of middle stump, and then goes on the hit top of middle)

Tubby: That's about as plumb as you're going to get.

Tony

David, there's been a lot of plumb elbees this series. It's nice to see a batsman finally accept it.

The Don has risen

I would like to say the worst change to the LOTG was getting rid of mankading so batting cheats can prosper

Tony

They got rid of mankadding? I didn't know that.

Bruce

Could the bowling look any more pedestrian?

Tony

No.

Tony

What's that you say? Gayle, a hundred? It's doubtful he will ever cruise to an easier ton.

Adsy

Hope they hit 120 in this last session. Gayle going off would put a bit of excitement into the day hopefully.

And bowl Kat too.

Tony

Surely Kat gets a roll. He must be spraying them in the nets.

Tony

Is Nine talking declarations yet? There are 32 overs left today; they've been scoring at 3-per; that's about 100 runs; a lead of 300-odd.

Would Gayle declare leaving Australia to score 300 in a day? Not likely; not if the pitch continues to play as comfortably as it has.

At this rate the Windies would declare around an hour into tomorrow, at the earliest.

Vindicate

Dammit, someone dig up K.Packer and do a Bernies with him to make Nein stop going to the news early.

Tony

Someone needs to make K-Fraud legislate the cricket onto Foxtel.


Looks like the Windies are roughly where I predicted. 49 in the first hour after tea; 44 in the next; lead by 290; four overs to go.

That is "challenging target" territory. Can't see 'em pulling the pin - if they don't get rolled - before at least a lead of 350.

They are no doubt gun-shy after a spanking, but they aren't giving themselves their best chance of pushing for the win.

nick

A draw is as good as a win for the Windies - can't blame them for playing not to lose. Their laid back captain, who allegedly doesn't give a stuff about Test Cricket, has just made a bigger score than any Australian batsman since Brad Hodge.

Starting with North and Hauritz was daft. Hauritz at one end, Johnson, a shed load of close fielders/slips, and a licence to just go for it at the other end, and then Bubbles is what I would have picked. Instead, I sat on the hill and waited to stuff Australia's crowd catching record.

nick

Mea culpa - Symonds, Ponting, Katich and Haddin have all hit more than Gayle in the last couple of years - but not by much...so I should have delayed the comment for half a day.

Tony

Uh-ohh, rain break cricket. On recent exposed form we will be all out before tea.

m0nty

Right, that's it, Haddin doesn't even go for a catch that is clearly his. DROP HIM. Anyone would be better.

Bruce

FFS!! Haddin just watches a ball that every keeper in the world should go for.

Loss coming up I think. Mentally not there.

m0nty

Hats off to Gayle. That 165 is a monumental effort when no other batsman managed more than 27.

Tony

Who said Gayle was a crap captain? It was excellent captaincy to orchestrate a carry.

RT

Gale carries his bat. A superb effort. His greatest innnings.
Studly and Bolly's figures surely flattered them. Ritz a step back, especially if Benn gets more wickets. Siddle, although hampered, needs either a rest or some test wickets fast. Toothless attack even with a benign pitch. Although how benign will be played out today. Good in a way to have the Aussie batsmen under pressure.

The Don has risen

My bowlers for Perth would be Johnson and Champers. They both will have the Fremantle doctor to help them.
Also Motels would bowl well into the doctor given his splendid awayswingers.

An off spinner also has the doctor to use so put in Horrie as there appears no-one else around. Where where is a decent wristspinner?

I am afraid every batsman have done a Graham Wood. Despite wanting to drop any you can't as yet

Tony

Looks like I'm not the only cynic:

Glenn at Crooky: "Completely selfish approach by Gayle, more interested in the perceived kudos of carrying his bat than setting a target. Typical of his captaincy and entire career."
The Don has risen

Just remember if you have only won 3 out of your last 30 test you are looking not to lose rather than winning.

Did Gayle's play a breezy innings?

Tony

Is Help-House fit? I wouldn't pick Siddle with a suss hammy.

Bowlers: Bolly, Studs, McKay & Ritz

Wicky: Klutz

AR: Paper Cut

Batsmen: Katich, North, Clarke, Ponting and it's time to step aside, Huss. Keep PC at the top of the order for the time being and give, well, I dunno... is any Shield batsman worth a lash?

m0nty

I wouldn't have declared either. Bat it out. NGASAEB.

Tony

Way to play sensible, Kat, you goose.

1/33.

Could be a long day.

Time to pray for rain?

The Don has risen

the bowleroligist says he will be

m0nty

Punter is the big pole here but he's looking scratchy as ever. He would silence a lot of us doubting Nevilles with a matchwinning knock here.

Bruce

Shameless for Brazen.

Gayle's did the right thing for mine. Runs per minute were the order. I think he still wants a chance to win the match and less time to be chased down. Best innings of the summer so far.

Tony

Like I wrote above, he seems more intent on making a point than making runs. It would do his reputation no end of good if he managed to construct a sensible score.

PS: Bump-balls rock.

Tony

268 from two sessions - surely not.

m0nty

Punter punches out. Odds on Clarke surviving until tea?

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