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Tony

"Glove in the Time of Choler."

A stupid, albeit snooty, pun is all I've got on that other business.

m0nty

Beware the wounded Flintoff.

Tony

Indeed. He's likely to come out and take a bag and make a swag.

Throbber

Above all else they bowlers need to bowl the Poms out twice in a match.
Are we confident they can actually do that?

Yobbo

Im not confident either side can do that.

Hangover Black

I hope Mitch has used the last few days trying to rediscover his South African outswinger to the lefties.

Bruce

Quite a lot of showers predicted over the next few days.

I hope there won't be too much time lost.

Throbber

Sunny as you like here at the moment.

Tony

Wish the Fox bobbleheads would stop talking about how much playing at Lords means to Straya. Law of averages, and all that...

And all this:

nothing can disguise the fact that the pitch at Cardiff was another in the seemingly endless line of flat tracks that many Test venues around the world seem to be churning out.

Sadly, Lord's is one of the worst offenders with last year's pitch for the Test against South Africa being one of the flattest ever seen. It would have served for a draw over ten days, let alone the customary five.

If it's a flatty, then another batathon is odds on.

Tony

Crooky:

Andrew Miller: "Gleaming weather here at the moment. The rumours had been of rain, but the sun is shining brightly at the moment. A few dense clouds around and about though, so stoppages are not out of the question today."
pat

Whichever nation acknowledges its limitations (and both teams have many), and sticks to the basics in all aspects of the game will win.

Strauss' suggestion that England actually had momentum indicates that as is usual with the Poms, reality is fiction and fiction reality.

The 1st Test was no Dunkirk for the Poms. As solid, simple and gutsy as Swann, Anderson and Monty were they were let off by some strange bowling, extremely poor bowling in the case of Johnson, and missing bowlers in the instance of Hilfenhaus. The Poms were gifted a draw from the jaws of defeat. That defeat after a huge 1st Innings score on a dead pitch, that should have seen England fighting for the win and Oz scarping a draw.

The role reversal indicates who had momentum. But, momentum's got nothing to do with it now. We can forget the 1st Test as should the Poms.

My advice to Oz - forget about it. Just keep it simple.

Tony

Agreed.

The tight cricket we played in the first two Tests in SA is the way to go.

Strauss won the toss. England will bat.

Tony

Harmison not picked.

I thought he was the Great White Mope.

Tony

The Old Batsman, the Lords lowdown:

Six matches, six draws. First innings totals in those games: 551-6; 528-9; 553-5; 298, 277, 593-8. The teams batting last in those games scored: 537-9; 214-4; 89-0; 282-9; 269-6; 393-3.

In those six matches, England took, in order, 19 wickets; 14 wkts; 10 wkts; 19 wkts; 16 wkts; 13 wkts.

Tony

Good toss to lose?

I'll get back to you at stumps.

Tony

Mark Waugh's nose is a prominent organ.

Tony

The openers aren't exactly setting the joint on fire. They gots no rhythm. Dead pitch, too.

Speaking of openers. Warnie and Athers have started alright.

Tony

The Hilf's showing signs, but.

Tony

Johnson, urk. Time for Siddle, maybe.

Tony

That's better, Studs. 150+ bouncer.

Tony

False dawn. Followed up the bouncer with two four balls.

Tony

Edgbaston 2005 redux. England 0/100 at lunch? At least Ponting didn't send them in. Well, I suppose he did in a way: he called "heads" and lost. Idiot.

Tony

Ponting has a knack of moving a fieldsman, only to have the batsman hit a catch through where the fieldsman was the ball before.

Throbber

The pitch looks like another road.
Poms are trying to follow the indians lead and go for all draws and hope to flue one win.
Terrible.

Tony

Took the very words right out of my keyboard, Throb.

Tony

Siddle on. Not before time. Which is saying something after just 36 minutes.

Throbber

Great - Siddles first ball sits up nicely asking to be smacked.

Bruce

Studsy stunk.

Throbber

What just happened? Johnson made Cook play and miss???????

Tony

Studs back on from the other end, and he's already bowled three good balls. That is to say, he's now bowled a total of three good balls.

Tony

Ponting tried the old "ball's out of shape scam". That's desperate.

Tony

How old's Bumble? 19? Talk about fame struck.

Throbber

ooohhh the stones are in the house!!!! FFS

Tony

Drinks.

Dreadful, dreadful first hour.

Russ

Complete and utter rubbish so far. If we wanted to play a handicap match we could have just started with an old ball and a 50 run deficit.

SaggyGreen

Bugger me, 15 overs in the first hour.

Throbber

After that little cameo from Nasser - hopefully Johnson will bag a wicket.

Tony

Studsy back to work: short, slow, wide, hit me.

Throbber

So much for that.

Bruce

FFS this is embarrassing. He has fallen apart on the most public of stages.

Get your arm up for goodness sake.

He may set a world record for most long hops in a day.

Russ

Three balls there or thereabouts from Studs. Three balls of absolute rubbish. Was lucky to only go for eight in the over.

And gosh, don't our bowling stocks look poor when one seamer is struggling. A spinner who won't spin it on day one and some dodgy part-timers aren't much of an alternative... worrying.

Throbber

Dizzy fell apart in a similar fashion four years ago if I recall correctly.

Tony

I usually go to bed at tea. Today I might break with tradition and go to bed at lunch.

Or sooner.

Studs another two fours.

Rubbish.

Russ

If Cook was out of form this morning, Studs is doing a damn fine job trying to play him back in. Hot and cold is one thing, I expect that, but this is complete shit.

I'm almost pining for Slot.

Really really pining for Sarf.

Tony

It's hard to see Studs keeping his place in the side if he continues to bowl these pies. Especially since the Poms will continue to serve up roads to suck the life out of his bowling.

Throbber

Yeah surely he's gone for the next match - Sarf should get a run and Slot is suppost to be fit by then.....

Tony

That "Aussies always rise to the occasion at the hallowed Lords" meme is a little off beam.

Meanwhile: Haddin, four byes.

Tony

Oops-a-Klutzy. More byes.

Tony

And again.

Although, how they were not given wides is beyond me.

Russ

Throbber, Dizzy wasn't as bad as made out. Just over 3 rpo at Lords' for no wickets, two-for at the best economy rate in the team at Edgbaston, and a shocker against Vaughan at Old Trafford. He wasn't taking wickets, he hardly looked like taking wickets, and he couldn't seem to stem the runs when they went after him, but for the most part he didn't bowl complete shite.

Beautiful glovework from Klutz against Siddle: several dropped takes, byes galore.

Tony

0/100.

Is it too soon to play for the draw?

Throbber

Russ - yeah fair point, he wasn't anything like as bad as Johnson, but he did lose it a bit then.... you could see it in his demeanour.... he couldn't buy a wicket and that was doing for him.
Another aspect - it was towards the end of a very good career - not the beginning of one..... tho if Johnson continues like this it may well be the end of a career.

Russ

Have to mention too, loved the headline this morning:

Hughes tougher than Tugga He is a lot tougher than I was at the same age, says Waugh

Which I take to mean that Our Phil will average about 30 for the next eight years then?

Russ

F**k, now Siddle has lost the plot. Just stick it on the spot for 10 overs ya twats.

Tony

Tony T, June 4, 2008, comment 53: "His action lacks fluency and repeatability, too, which is a bummer on a less than skittish pitch."

Tony

I take back any hint of a suggestion that Australia might be better for the run.

Throbber

I'm so annoyed - Before Cardiff I was going to back a 0-0 series at 100-1 and I thought "nah it'll never happen!" What a dipstick.

Tony

Lunch.

0/126.

That's the worst session I can remember Australia ever producing.

Russ

Lunch. So, gents (and ladies). Worse or better than the first session at Edgbaston in 2005?

For those who've blocked it out, the score was 1/132. The score today: 0/126

Throbber

I was there at Edgbaston - possibly the most depressing session of cricket I've ever had to endure..... till today maybe.

Tony

Put it this way: if England are all out 400 at stumps then I'll take it.

Throbber

Not sure thats gunna happen somehow Tony.

Tony

Would you believe 2 for 500 and a shed load of dropped catches?

Meanwhile, Gary Lyon is doing Elvis impersonations on the Footy Show.

It's a tough night all round.

Throbber

I find that hard to believe.

Adsy

I never thought I'd say this but I'm turning over to the golf.

pat

As a mere couch sportsman it nevertheless never ceases to amaze me that a sportsman, being selected as the best of his kind and judged the nation's most elite and talented, can deliver a series of atrocious performances far below what one expects of an average exponent.

Can Johnson have suddenly lost all the skill that brought him to his position in the team? He's got nothing and can't even deliver that in a consistently average manner. It must be psychological.

Whatever it is it has infected Siddle and Klutz has succumbed once again to his abysmal wicketkeeping ways.

These boys need to get their heads right and they have a lunch break to do it. If they don't then this is going to get very ugly.

Tony

You think you know why Freddie is retiring? Knee? IPL spundoolix? Wrong:

Andrew Flintoff to star in pedalo TV advert

Andrew Flintoff is to revisit one of his most infamous moments – the pedalo affair – for a new television advert.

Tony

The Spirit of Cricket says it's time to start a fight.

Tony

There was an ad on Foxtel the other day spruiking up a show on the History Channel: Stalin, starring Robert DeNiro. So I had a look just then and I'm thinking Bobby is barely recognisable. No matter how hard I looked I couldn't see Deniro. Turns out it was Robert Duvall.

There's a parallel here.

Australia are barely recognisable as a cricket side. So it was, in fact: they are actually the West Indies.

Tony

Don't put you magic beans on Klutz holding a chance. That last one from Hilfy nearly bounced right out of his gloves.

Tony

Ads between balls?!?

Foxtel have clearly had enough, too.

pat

The one after the one that nearly bounced right out of Klutz's hands did bounce right out of his hands.

Tony

Superb work at Jrod:

The Gaz Man: "Haddin couldn't catch an STD off Gilly’s wife at the moment."
Tony

Could it get any more farcical.

Haddin drops Cook off a Hilf no ball.

pat

Klutz drops the no-ball wicket.

Whatever good work is getting done in front of the wicket Klutz sucks the confidence from behind the wicket.

Russ

I'm lost for words. Is it bad that we missed a wicket, or good that we missed it twice in the same ball. Good over from Hilf mind, nice movement, on the spot.

Tony

You know the old saying: "good ball, good shot, good fielding, good cricket"?


That was the reverse.

SaggyGreen

Can't watch anymore. Bed. The horror.

Russ

Ouch. To be fair to Ritz, that came back at him like a rocket. Michael Holding was extremely unsympathetic when he whinged about it being dropped.

Tony

It gets worse.

Hauritz drops a catch off Strauss and fvcks his finger in the process.

One bowler down, no batsmen down, pray for rain.

pat

Has this day now reached its lowpoint for Oz with Ritz dropping the catch and busting his hand?

pat

Unless Johnson makes a massive miraculous turn around that's 2 bowlers down.

Tony

Trent Bridge, 1989: Day 1 - Australia 1st innings 301/0 (GR Marsh 125*, MA Taylor 141*).

Just sayin'.

Throbber

Is ritz being out a good thing?

Warne is in the UK now.... can we get him back for the next test please????

Russ

Ritz might be back yet. Dislocated can be bad, but sometimes they pop out, pop in, without a problem. Depends whether he's stuffed the tendon during the impact.

Tony

Rio Conchos on Fox classics. Richard Boone's one of my favourite actors.

Tony

Yawn. Another four byes. This time straight through Klutzy's legs.

Tony

And now a single straight through Ponting's legs.

Is there a state of farce worse that pear shaped?

pat

Byes are 15, 11 due to pathetic keeping.

Tony Tea

Would you believe overthrows now?

Throbber

Can Klutz catch at all?

Throbber

Oh good Studs first ball back and its hit for 4.

Tony Tea

You know how we've all worried about the bad old days? Well, it 1985 again.

Russ

I'd believe anything. Klutz's footwork is atrocious as usual. A crooked bouncing throw shouldn't go through a test keeper's hands.

Oh, and shock horror. Studs is still bowling tripe.

Tony Tea

Arvo drinks.

0/187.

Is that a day one record?

Throbber

Highest opening partnership at lords since 1938 (or thereabouts) for england.
Good effort

Throbber

The bad news is I'm about 14 miles as the crow flies from Lords..... and I can see lots of blue sky.

Throbber

Well bugger me.

Russ

Dear god, Studs has got one on line, and Cook was so surprised he missed it. 1 for more than I care to know.

Tony Tea

Wicket!

Cook, LB, Studs.

1/196.

Plumb.

Good riddance to Cook. If he got a hundred he would have got his name on the boards at Lords when the bowlers deserved all the credit.

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