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You're just racist against rangas.

The Don has risen

In Sydney you must wonder why not pick a batsman that can bowl spinners.
I too would use Hotels and Dom with the new ball with Johnson first change.

We do now have a tail!

the Aardvarks batting is impressive and their bowling is getting better. I suspect we will see Lobster at his best here.

they field as we used to.

We will only win if the Aardvarks lack the commitment to win given the series is over.

Id Fleetsword better at geeing up his troops in a dead rubber than Waugh was

The Don has risen

Dom is playing and Hotels is not

Account Deleted

New year greetings to you Tony.


In Sydney you must wonder why not pick a batsman that can bowl spinners.

Like Simon Katich and Michael Clarke?


I've never understood why the selectors feel it necessary to pick hacks like Hauritz when Katich could do the job just as well.

The Don has risen

I have been told Katich is not in a position to bowl his chinamen whilst Clarke is also limited by injury as we have seen.

I do not like OOORstraya's chances. Debutantes rarely play well and the Aardvarks are now playing with a confidence that matches their ability.

Tony Tea

Good new year morning, all.

Tony Tea

Sub-editors, put a cork in it:

Champagne	243
Bolly		65
Bubbly		56
Chill		34
Pink		12
Tony Tea

Kat out.


Heals murdered him.

"Katich is in sensational form, been doing it all summer, brilliant, bla, bla"

Tony Tea

Ponting out, another golden.


The pattern continues: chocolates to boiled shit sandwiches.


"The next one should be full and wide, on off stump".

Well done, Bill!

Tony Tea

It's all crappening here.

Tony Tea

Schizo session.

First hour: 0/58
Second hour: 2/20

Tony Tea

Nine have no shame:

"The Great Betfair Pink Pigeon Race"


Were Hayden and Katich doing a Face Off style switch this morning? ABC went the mozz also, declaring not one ball had hardly troubled the Kat all innings, until he went out a few balls later. I don't mind the new Henry Lawson commentating either; the Pakistani flit seems to given him a bit more hardness and directness. He said the Safa's had bowled only reasonably in fits and starts all summer, but it was more than was needed to knock over the Aussies.

P.S - Loving the mention at the top! The selections made were within the scope of what the selectors had to work with considering the media scrutiny they've been under. I'm still not sure if 6 bats or 4 bowlers and an allrounder are needed going forward.

Tony Tea

I'm loving the fact Tom Moody reads the AGB.

Marcus North was the obvious choice

WEST Australian coach Tom Moody has accused national selectors of dropping the ball.

He also blasted the non-selection of Marcus North and questioned the decision to retain Matthew Hayden.

Moody was bewildered that Victorian allrounder Andrew McDonald got the nod ahead of Warriors captain North to replace injured allrounder Andrew Symonds for the third Test against South Africa starting today at the SCG.


There are three more Tests for us until the Ashes. Does this mean that Hayden will automatically go - or have Hughes or Rogers got a lock on the opening spot for the reverse series? Will Clark, Lee, Symonds, Watson and Jaques walk back into the team/squad regardless of form and fitness. Mismanagement has left us with either a very inexperienced team, a very uncertain team, or a team of crocked geriatrics for our marquee series. The one day team, where the money is, seems to be better planned around the World Cups. Merv is exceptionally unimpressive as a selector and I'd have to say Hilditch should retire (shit) as well.


Game Over, Flatty.

Tony Tea

Flatty out slapping.


If that shot doesn't force the selectors' hands...

Steyn couldn't believe his luck.

Tony Tea

Fvcken 'ell.

Could Drew Morphett stop dragging out clichés, telling stories that have been told a 1000 times, and making me sick with his saccharine.


He's just trying the offset the sour taste of impending whitewash.


Giles takes a wicket...maybe Hussey wouldn't have won us the 05 Ashes...

Tony Tea

Hussey out to vicious, not bouncing, not turning, not grubbing, Harris straight ball.


Harris might have done his knee celebrating.

Russ was spot on. The inability of any of our batsmen to go on to convert a start into a big score is absolutely killing us.

What shit me is the way our batsmen cruise along, and then get out to nothing balls and/or shit shots.

Tony Tea

It would be fair to say that I am heartily sick of the Varks getting a wicket just about every time there is a bowling change.

Tony Tea

Clarke dropped by Macca Teeny at mid off!

Harris almost suckered him again.

If Clarke had gotten out then you would have to consider dropping him.


Clarke trying to prove your point Tony.


Clarke averaging 73 this series. He would make an excellent number 6 in a strong Australian team. Gun fielder, adequate left arm spin. He's just batting too high, and being put under pressure by an underperforming top order.


KOK - 'Hayden's not the type to linger when he's not performing'


Tony Tea

One of the classics: Linga Longa Matt.

Tony Tea

You ranga?

A text from my brother: "Go the Vic boiled owl."


Good of McDonald to protect Clarke from the bowling. Given some of Clarke's decision making he needs it after the break as well. As for the rest: no change to the lineup, no change to the result.


Betfair Benaud toeing the company line at tea.. riveting.

Tony Tea

Bluey out, caught behind off Teeny.


It all a bit regulation. Top order flop, can the tail bail us out?

Tony Tea

Question 1.

How long before Haddin slashes at a wide one?

Tony Tea

Answer 1.

Not long. Haddin, ya dick.

Question 2.

I've never understood the criticism that follows an ugly evasion. How is a batsman supposed to "keep his eye on the ball" when he is ducking a bouncer?

Tony Tea

Question 3.

"AB caught that as easy as shelling peas."

Have any of the commentators ever shelled peas?


Make up your mind Slats. Did Hayden "fight really hard" or did he play "two or three bad shots and get away with them". You can't do both.

Tough on McDonald. Comes in at 4 for not enough either side of tea. Field up and keen. He never looked comfortable, nor confident enough to break the field apart, and settle in. Got a good ball, but you can't say he looked like a test no. 6. Curious that Haddin wasn't above him, actually.

Tony Tea

The scoreboard showed Haddin then McDonald.

Having either Haddin or McDonald coming in a four down is wretched.

Tony Tea

Say it again, Sams:

"I back Haydos/Binga to bounce back to their best."

~~ McGrath, Warne, Gillespie, Slogger Slats, Gnome B.N., etc.


There is a certain urgency about South Africa's play in key moments - like this - that we have missed. The agitation of Smith, the pressure being applied in the field, the purposeful changing of bowlers. Clarke and Haddin are going moderately well, but nothing is easy. Only a matter of time until they lose their wickets.

Tony Tea

They press the way we used to press.

Targeted fields, disciplined line and length, tight bowling from both ends, and then wait for our batsmen to try to make something out of nothing.

It annoyed me this morning when I heard Jim Maxwell say that he heard Ponting say "Duncan Fletcher's fingerprints are all over this SA attack and field."

Why is Duncan Fletcher the only guru these days? Surely what he proposes is just sensible cricket - clogging off a batsman's strengths. Why don't WE employ sensible cricket? How about a third man to Smith? Is it simply a case of not having the bowlers? If we don't look like getting their main men out, is it too much to ask that we stop them scoring freely?

The Don has Risen

Troy Cooley is THE guru.

Notice how well our bowlers swing the ball new or reverse!

Is Channel9 influencing CA to porduce these pathetic batting pitches?

Tony Tea

"Is Channel 9 influencing CA to produce these pathetic batting pitches?"

Ever since the Perth pitches of doom in the 1990s CA and Nine have been petrified about short Tests.

Wouldn't be surprised if Stakeholders Sutherland and Tony Grieg went out the day before a Test and demanded the groundsman shave off any extra green.

Tony Tea

With 10 overs (or 29 minutes) until stumps Haddin is a monty to snick a quicker, wider one to the cordon.

An outy from Steyn, most likely.


Or get bowled... great nut, but what was he doing trying to flick balls swinging away (quite viciously) through mid-wicket?

Tony Tea

Haddin out, bowled.


Well, it wasn't a snick to slip, but it was an outy and a piss-poor tuck across the line, closing the face.

Tony Tea

First McKay & Teeny, admittedly a toughy, and now Clarke is dropped a sitter by The Tourist.


He really should have snicked it to slip.

Lucky it's getting dark. Clarke is only dependable in his ability to get out just before stumps.

Tony Tea

The way Straya are going, the umpires will call light the ball after Clarke gets out.

Tony Tea

Slashing Studsy looking good to get out in the last over.

Tony Tea

Fvck no!!!

Channel Nine says it's time for the News, my computer says 6:02, CricInfo says it's 6:03, my watch says 6:02 and the umpire says "One more over."

And Clarke is batting.

Tony Tea



Good day's cricket... in the end.

Couple of dud shots.

Would mind less if we had bowlers.


Would it be a bad thing to lose 3-0 if we were blooding some good new players? Johnson has taken 15 Tests or so to come good. No spinner has been given this opportunity. Johnson, Siddle, Lee, Casson, Haddin et al can all handle a bat. Given this, should we have either brought Hodge/North/AN other into the side - perhaps dropping Clarke to 6, or should we have blooded a young talent at 6 - which stood us in good stead with Waugh, Ponting and Clarke. I have no confidence that the current crop of selectors will stick with anyone long enough for us to find out if they're good enough. Hayden had said he is a good head in the dressing room - but perhaps he is only ruining the development of new players by showing them a style of play that only works for the greats (with great bowlers). Will he be dropped for the one dayers?

Colin Campbell

Hey Tony

You need to publish a glossary. This is so much better than the Channel 9 team. Just a bit of mental logistics trying to work things out.

Happy New Year to you and your erudite commentators.


This mornings effort shows the folly of not picking a batsman at 6. Lets hope the combination of Champagne and Fast Food works better on the field than off!


The Terror has a poll "Should Shane Warne be a national selector?" with Option "Yes - We need someone with Warne's innovation" or "No - We just don't have the players to choose from". Both options are based on a false premise a) that Warne is innovative or b) we don't have the players.

Given that Warne has already gone on record to state that he would give DoS till the end of the Ashes to prove himself he is definitively not innovative. The only innovation that Warne has shown post Test playing career is that of self promotion.

On another note, DoS/Flatty needs a new name as he is neither now. I humbly suggest Icon or Idol due to his unimpeachable status amongst the cricketing cognoscenti. On that note I'd go for Tugger as Chairman of Selectors as he has always been an iconoclast who puts faith in the right people regardless of personal feelings.

Once again poor selections. I'm in agreement with those here who have noted that if we don't have an all-rounder of Test standard then don't just select the next vaguest thing approaching all-rounder definition. Go for 4 genuine bowlers, six batsmen and a wicki. Pretty simple really.

I liked your team the other day Tones:

Hussey M.

Perhaps scratch Ritz for Krazy. Strong batting lineup. Wicket taking bowlers. And I echo Tones' comment resoundingly "Having either Haddin or McDonald coming in at four down is wretched."

Tony Tea

Morning, all. Just emerged from my morning's reading - Imperium, by Robert Harris in case you are interested - to see a replay of Fat Jack trying to pinch Smith's catch and dropping Studsy.


This business of the bottom half of the order scoring all the runs is getting ridiculous. The only thing more ridiculous is that the tail bats better than it bowls, and that no matter how many runs we get, 400, 500, 600 - we are currently in a "a dominant position" according to Tubby, who must have a blind spot as far as history is concerned - the Varks will still stroll away with the win.

Tony Tea
"Those who cannot remember the past, are fat-heads."

~~ George Santayana

The Don has risen

The ball is not swinging.

given the weather forecast is for stinking hot weather ( which in Sydaneeee) usually means little cloud, I think we will see little swing from now on.

So I think the Aardvarks will make hay here.

Just on Quarterpounder. If the lowly state bowlers know how to get him out is through giving him a few fast short ones then a full un then did the selectors think the Aardvarks are that stupid.

He ain't a test player!!!

This is a draw thanks to CA bullying the groundman to produce another batsman's paradise.

SANTAyana is still going until Wednseday

Tony Tea



That the Aussies cruised through the session - 0/101 - bodes ill for us when we bowl. The best hope is an old fashioned Sydney crumbler that, for once, means winning the toss and batting works to our advantage.

Tony Tea
"Johnston was handy in patches, and has a future. Not just a bowler, for that matter. I think he could come close to bowling all-rounder status. His hitting on day four wasn’t the rank tonking of a park hack; he was comfortable in defence and well balanced in attack, keeping his head still and swinging clean through the ball."

~~ Tony T, January 20, 2008.


Although we can thank our lucky stars that the Saffies have managed to catch a dose of butterfingers -- from us, presumably. It buried us in Melbourne, and it ain't doing them wonders now.


Bugger, me gravatar's shot through. Phooey.

Tony Tea


Happy New Year to you, too, and thanks.

Dunno about a glossary. Writing as a cruciverbalist, surly the mental logistics are half the... ahem, fun.


Perhaps a better definition of 'all rounder' would be a player who can hurt you with the bat or the ball. Therefore Watson and now Johnson may qualify for the appellation, and Symonds, injured or not, in Tests, would not. Makes his selection even more baffling. Anyone seen anything of McDonald with the ball - can he take wickets against the new World no. 1's?


"I know thy works, that thou art neither bowler nor batsman: I
would thou wert bowler or batsman.
So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither batsman nor bowler, I will
spue thee out of my mouth."

Revelation 3:15-16.

Tony Tea


The way SA are going today is very much how we went on day three in Melbourne.

Except that today is no more than an irritation for SA, whereas last Sunday was massive calamity for Aus.

In fact, today SA seem remarkably relaxed in their approach, especially in regard to their bowling changes. Are they lying doggo? Have they deliberately taken their foot of the accelerator?

Anyhoo, as a reminder, here's the Monday Spanky:

Timid effort produces a disastrous result

NOTHING in 40 years of watching cricket prepared me for the events that unfolded at the MCG yesterday.

He goes on: incredulous, calamity, staggering, dropped several catches, embarrassingly, more fives than a leaky rugby defence, tame tactics, utterly failed, stunned silence, bad day, cricketing disaster, insult, blunder, old boys' club, handicaps, inexplicable, agitated crowd, incredulity, agony.

There was one good thing to come out of Sunday's farcical fiasco-debacle: a lesson about how NOT to play Test cricket. If we can't learn from it, we may as well give up the caper.

Tony Tea

Now, just to prove me right, or wrong, Smith brings on JP to bowl.

Tony Tea

Clarke out, caught and bowled off a rank full toss from JP.


Fvcken ridiculous.


Hmm. Duminy a better bowler than Hussey. We'll struggle to get near 400 now - which is 50 less than we should have got, and 150 less than we need.


Clarke, you daft twit.

Incidentally, as pat said, we need some new nicknames. Haydos is not so important because we'll piss him off soon (one hopes), but I can't bring myself to call our third most senior batsman "Pup". Particularly as it seems to imply a certain leeway for daft shots.

Tony Tea

Johnson out, regulation catch by Smith off Steyn.


Spot on, Nick.

This business of the Varks getting wickets with bowling changes is getting right on my tits. ESPECIALLY when a wicket is a top order batsmen getting out to a nothing ball.

Surely, no one can attribute that to the Genius of Smith. It's gotta be a combination of our dumb luck and our dumb dumbness.


7 out, all out. If only the Varks had known that in Melbourne. Duminy would never have played that shot. Redolent of Mark Waugh when we needed Steve.


When Duminy bowls to Hauritz, and the commentators say 'It's spinner to spinner', are they taking the piss?


I nominate Clarko as Omen Redux in honour of Marto, the harbinger of dashed hopes and potential wasted: Siren.


Or perhaps Jockey, as the only ride he gets is on Lady Luck always at her whim.

The Don has risen

This pitch at present IS a batting paradise hence Johnson who has no idea of how to use his feet can get a good score because he has a good eye.

Watch out when the ball swings or seams.

The game is heade towards a draw

Tony Tea

Siddle out, LB.


The SA batsmen must be rubbing their hands with glee watching the Aussie tail cream runs on this road.

Tony Tea

Ritz out, caught at mid wicket off Giles.

All out 445.

Doug Bollinger with a polished and composed nought not out.


Top effort from the tail. 445 is 145 more than I was praying we'd get.

Saffas look a bit down on it. Early wickets could lead to a rout. Double Beef and Cheese will be the difference between a Juniorburger and chips and a Big Mac Meal with Sundae and Flake for desert.

Tony Tea

McDonald takes handy wickets in the Shield, but I'm not sure he's going to upset the confident Varks, with or without the side dishes.


Nice to see their bowlers chuck pies for once... even though we'll probably do the same. Apparently Steyn is injured -- why he hardly bowled.


Braddin lets through a lot. Very annoying.


Two chances for Smith. This could be costly.

Tony Tea



With three semi let-offs, Smith looks good for at least 300.


Jockey missed his ride. Hopefully he'll make up for it with a 3 fa late this afternoon.

Right now, we're on top. It feels good. May as well soak it up while it lasts.

Tony Tea

We rock.


That's it, that's the spirit.

Tony Tea

A Google search: "the badest fieldsman ever in cricket"

Adam 1.0

Now that Lee is finished and I can go for Australia again, may we please have some success?




Tim Lane is obviously a long time reader. NGASAEB has long been an AGB mantra and is making it's way into the MSM vernacular.


Hope for the Ashes...

The Sunday Telegraph said that Ashley Giles was being lined up as a stop-gap coach for the West Indies tour. Giles, currently an England selector, coached Warwickshire for a season after retiring last year, helping them back into Division One of the county championship.

Tony Tea


Nine are doing the Classic Catches, while on the field, Katich drops a sitter... has the ball bounce just in front of him... didn't lunge forward.


Finally. McKenzie plumb. There is a lot to like about Siddle. He makes things happen, and not in a way that means "goes for a ton of runs". McDonald is keeping things tight too.

Tony Tea

McKenzie out, plumb LB.


The way Billy "raised" his finger he must have a worse elbow that Smith.

McDonald is a bit slow, but he is accurate and jinks the ball around.


Siddle will be a real handful if he ever gets to bowl on a badly worn pitch. I reckon he would be good enough to zone in on an area with a bad crack or something the way Pigeon used to.

Tony Tea


You won't be surprised to know that I have it from an unimpeachable source* that Tim Lane simply cut and paste great swags of posts and comments from the AGB, moved the words around a bit, and took out the acronyms.

* My imaginary friend.


This pitch is horrendously slow. I think we'll regret playing four seamers instead of Krejza and three. I might add though, on Ritz, he may not be as good a bowler (as good an average) as Krazy, but off turning wickets, neither are likely to take their wickets at a better rate than the quicks. Ritz's ability to clog the scoring probably makes him a better option, because he gives the other bowlers time and because he builds pressure.

Tony Tea

The Tourist has a magnificent off drive.

Can't believe I thought he was a bit of a hack before the summer.

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