FOURTH TEST: TAIL 'EM UP!

I'm with Monty:

The team that jags the toss is the only one that can possibly win the game.

And Spanky:

Test win rides on toss of coin

AUSTRALIA'S final chance to save the series begins today on a new ground built in the outskirts of Nagpur. The last time the teams met in this neck of the woods the Australians took advantage of a grassy pitch prepared by local officials disgruntled with their governing body.

No such luck has attached itself to Ricky Ponting and his not especially merry men; instead they will be presented with a pitch closer in colour to John Faulkner than Bob Brown. Experts say the surface will break up within three days so the toss will be crucial, especially for the visitors.

And Monty again:

Geez I hope we win the toss in the last Test.

In short, if it all goes right - win toss, Gambhir out, set target, Krazy ambush, hold catches, take wickets, India folds - then who knows, easy, we might just pinch a win and square the series. Wouldn't that be nice. Pity the track will be a road. Any word on whether Ganguly has chucked his toys out of the cot this time? It was always on the cards, wasn't it: India go one up, then lay out dead strips to guarantee we can't get them out.

Maybe they will play Talks With Elbows. Hope they do, they forfeit, Straya win, court case, fun, games, shenanigans. The sort of entertainment we've been served the last two series has made sure it is only a matter of decades until Straya v. India is the only Test series in town.

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KRAZY EIGHT #

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PRIMATE'S RATES #

Ponting barracks for the Roos, and he's bald. The back page is dedicated to Ponting.

It's Ponting now, by the way, not Punter.

Comments

[m0nty]

Hooray, I'm a celebrity!

[Tony T]

Another celebrity. Jonny Pierik for this red-carpet worthy sentence:

"Clarke mistimed a risky but well-hit drive off leg-spinner Amit Mishra and was dropped at mid-off."

Mistimed and well-hit. That's quite some effort.

[Hangover Black]

Another "does this comment belong here", but still on a betting theme:

What's Punter gonna do when Elbows appears on the Indian team sheet?

1) Shrug shoulders and play on
2) Say : "Falk you lot, we're going home"

[Tony T]

You're right, HB, it probably didn't belong there, so I copied it here.

[via collins]

D-day.

I've been more or less on-side with Indians in the past 18 months of shenanigans against our good selves, but should they try and play Talks With Elbows today, the last vestiges of good will and "Well met Anil" will evaporate entirely.

A shred or two of humility would go along way.

Go you good test match!

[Tony T]

They won't play him.

Will they?

[Martin]

"Any lingering doubts Vijay would have had about his participation in the Test have been put to rest. "We are going with M Vijay," his captain, Mahendra Singh Dhoni, said. "He will open the innings." "
This is off cricinfo, for what that's worth. I can't imagine that they would play an ineligible player.

[Tony T]

Martin, there were precisely two chances India would pick Talks With Elbows:

1. Buckleys
2. Rock all.

And now we can resort... I mean, make jokes about Murali chucking his bat.

[Tony T]

Everyone, forget about it.

India won the toss and are batting.

Series over.

[Martin]

What? Isn't everything on the internet literally true? Or is that the bible? I am so confused.

[Hangover Black]

Crazy and White instead of Crazy in for White?

Interesting call. Can see Lee, Mitch and Paper Cut having a very long day. Wouldn't be a good day for Paper Cut to go down (knocking wood furiously while typing with crossed fingers)

[m0nty]

That's torn it. Bhajji playing as well. We need a miracle.

[Tony T]

I don't have a problem dropping Clark. He has been economical, but toothless.

No bounce, no Clark.

[Tony T]

Test cricket needs a revolution: all matches on mats.

In Exmouth, for the North West cricket carnivals of 1982 & 83, they used mats on top of a turf wicket.

[Tony T]

Two overs, 16 runs.

Good start, ya c**ts!

[Hangover Black]

While White has been Warne-like with his ability to both keep the runs down and take bagfuls? Crazy for White and Siddle for Clark then?

[Tony T]

You forget: TLM is White's bunny.

[Tony T]

Four overs, 31 runs.

A prediction!

India 0/135 at lunch.

Vijay (Nickname: Armi) to become the first batsman to ever score 59 runs in their first session.

[nick]

Lost toss - tick
Lee bowling rubbish - tick
Clark out - tick
India to win by >320 runs - probably

[Tony T]

If only Ricky had listened to me and called tails. He called heads again, and lost again. Idiot.

The AGB, from inside the mind of every Strayan cricket fan: "So much for Lee taking the mantle from McGrath."

[m0nty]

At least no one's there to watch it. I've seen Sheffield Shield crowd bigger than that.

[Tony T]

Maybe it's against their religion to witness public executions.

This is going to be gruesome.

[Tony T]

Correction:

And the brand new sparkling stadium is nearly empty. Pity. Only in Australia, West Indies and England we get good Test crowd.

Unless the blokes splashing in the pools count ten-times.

[nick]

Beau Casson must be a happy man.

[m0nty]

Look at the depth of those footmarks already, that's criminal. They'll be halfway to Peru by the fifth day.

[Tony T]

Il Sendero Luminoso.

The Shining Run-Up.

[Tony T]

India 0/135 at lunch... sorry, I meant 0/235.

Typo.

[m0nty]

Rookie mistake there by New Murali.

If we don't get a couple of cheapies here it's all over.

[Tony T]

Chucked his wicket away?

[Tony T]

Dravid, Krazy's bunny.

[m0nty]

Jason S.G.W. Kresja, welcome to Test cricket, it's a doddle.

[Tony T]

Krazy figures:

Krejza: 5.3/0/43/2/7.81

[nick]

At least he's getting wickets!

[m0nty]

Three pretty soft dismissals there. New Murali a sucker one-two punch, Dravid giving catching practice, and Sehwag forgetting that spinners can spin the ball. Another three like that before the day is out and I'd be very surprised.

[Russ]

Strange session. We can't be bowling that badly. What was India trying to do? Blow the game apart in two sessions? Throw Ponting's confidence in Krejza, leaving them to pick apart the part-timers? Looking back over the commentary, there has hardly been a defensive stroke. That makes it a tactic, not rubbish bowling, and a strange tactic at that.

Because if, and sadly, it remains a big and unlikely if, Australia can bowl India out today, even for 400+ both the probability of a result, and the probability of a first innings lead go up substantially.

And if nothing else, it makes for an interesting game.

[m0nty]

It seems to me like a case of India finding themselves in the unfamiliar position of favourites against the world champions, and them not coping particularly well. They're trying to boss the match, which was the wrong tactic. A solid English-style 2/220 by the end of the day would have done the trick nicely, but they want to be 4/350. Being able to change gears is part of being a good side.

Having said that, they're still sitting in the box seat, even if they're shifting about uncomfortably.

[Adsy]

The box seat is suddenly an ranging ants nest after some K-K-K-Krrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaazzzzzzzzy powder got dropped on it.

Would 5-200 from 25 overs be considered a good Test debut with the ball?

[m0nty]

Yojimbo is "stroking his Ganesha". On the ABC! Kresja must really be bowling well.

[Tony T.]

Since Straya beat Kumar Sangakara and Malcolm Conn moaned that the Aussies were bad for cricket, we have played 8 Tests against India. (Forget the Windies.)

Melb: Won toss, batted first, won
Syd: Won toss, batted first, won
Perth: Lost toss, batted second, lost
Adelaide, Lost toss, batted second, drew

Bangalore, Won toss, batted first, drew
Mohali, lost toss, batted second, lost
Delhi, lost toss, batted second, drew
Nagpur, lost toss, batted second, ...

Won 3 tosses: 2 wins, 1 draw
Lost 5 tosses: 2 losses, 3 draws

Conclusion: Tails, Ricky, ya goose.

[m0nty]

Good to hear Punter was in the middle with Ravi Shastri early this morning practicing the toss. Didn't bounce much on the pitch, apparently. Didn't help, either.

[SaggyGreen]

Greg Blewett's chin. Discuss.

[m0nty]

No Champy, cricket's not on the radio. Not until Jim finishes stroking his Ganesha some more.

[Big Ramifications]

I like how Douglas Jardine called the original The Liitle Master - our Don Bradman - "The Little Bastard."

Always makes me chuckle. I think it's the assonance.

[m0nty]

Hugo Weaving always was a bitter old sod.

[Tony T.]

Gary Sweet once pulled my hair in a footy match.

[Tony T.]

Sigh:

Krejza to Tendulkar, 1 run, Dropped Oh ho! what is happening out there. Mitchell Johnson has put down Sachin Tendulkar. What a blow. Tendulkar came down the track and skied the lofted shot. Up she went and Mitch back pedaled from mid-off, got his palms facing sky and spilled it. What a clanger. Poor Krejza could have got his third wicket. Ravi Shaz screams on air, "Is that the Test?"

[nick]

That's made it up for Instant dropping Clarke.

[Tony T.]

Wee Wee, bye bye.

If Studsy had caught TLM, we would have been in front.

[SaggyGreen]

It must be great for the Australians to say 'C'mon Whitey' without fear of ICC or media reprisal.

[m0nty]

Haddin using his brain there, catching WeeWeeEss with his groin. Snapped his legs shut quicker than a schoolboy at St Joseph's.

[nick]

Get Kat on!

[Tony T.]

Brett Lee has an eye on his contracts. He, quite obviously, dropped TLM on purpose.

Quite.

Obviously.

[Nick]

You can keep too close an eye on your contracts - because while the cat's away, the mice will play...

[m0nty]

Looked more like his eyes needed contacts.

[Nick]

Catches win matches - dropping Tendulkar on this patch is an epic fail.

[m0nty]

The technique on those two drops was deplorable. In fact, I deplore it. I deplore it strongly and with great force.

I don't care if Bob Simpson isn't coaching them any more, they should spend two hours tomorrow morning doing outfield catching practice. If possible, get a ouija board and a medium, and get Simmo to possess one of the assistant coaches.

[m0nty]

28-1-138-3 in your first day in a Test match. Krazy figures.

[m0nty]

Everything Coward sees is "strawdenry" and/or "markaboo". Everything.

[The Don has risen]

reality check.

Australia cannot win because at present we do not have bowlers who can bowl India at twice.

Our spinning stocks are very low and our pace bowlers are over-rated.

Johnson's action makes it very hard to swing the ball back in to righthanders.
Lee is gradually losing pace and Clark is clearly carrying an injury.

Why oh why is white playing. Rudd can spin it better than him

[Adsy]

The Don has risen sounds more like Neil Harvey than Don Bradman.

[Hangover Black]

"Australian cricket captain Ricky Ponting says the Indian Premier League (IPL) will help improve relations with players from the sub-continent."

From ABC report May 1, 2008.

Jeez, lucky we had the IPL earlier in the year. Paper Cut may have worn a piece of willow instead of an "unintentional" elbow.

(not sure how to do the linky thing yet - maybe someone can edumucate me)

[RT]

The one thing about Day 1 was we got 5 wickets. They scored quickly but that still gives us time. Johnson dropping a fucking sitter was deflating but Krazy bowled better than you'd have expected, especially after his first 4 overs. Wickets prior to lunch a priority of the highest order but a typical Day 2 India pitch will be served up, where half pints like Singh get 50s. Still clinging to a chance but we are talking slim. Odds say India 2.25 Draw 2.10 Australia 6.00

Great stadium but sad when media and teams personnel make up more than 50% of the crowd. Why no Eden Gardens test where the nutty boy effigy burning, pogo dancing crowd at least offer some local colour.

[Nick]

Why can't stadium builders have some inkling of what the damn things will be used for. From Football Park in West Lakes in Adelaide (middle of nowhere, no public transport access), to the concrete monstrosity in Antigua, to the white elephant in Nagpur - stadia need people! If people can't get there, then what's the point?

[Russ]

Because what modern stadium owners really want to use them for is corporate dos. Pays much better per square foot of viewing room. The plebs are just there to provide colour for the tele.

Disastrous morning so far. A 500+ score is a surety.

[Russ]

And notice Clarke hasn't bowled yet. Every time I type something like that Ponting seems to bring them on. But I'm beginning to suspect the main reason Crazy got his cap was because Clarke can't bowl.

[m0nty]

Also noticeable: how willing Punter is to grind Krazy into the dust with work, compared to White. White only gets on after the 40th over, while Krazy comes on early in the first session and goes on to rack up 30+ overs before White's passed 10. A pointed "up yours" to the selectors, I assume.

[m0nty]

Clarke and Lee apparently came down with "flu" before the game, which is why they're being underbowled. What's wrong with India, I thought they had cleaned up the food, the water and the country in general, so much that you could eat your dinner off an Untouchable baby's bottom these days? Do we have to start allocating gas masks for tours to the subcontinent?

[m0nty]

Krazy could get 3/300 on debut at this rate.

[m0nty]

Make that 5/300.

[m0nty]

Would you believe... 6/250?

[m0nty]

How about 7/215 and a groin injury?

[m0nty]

Alright, final call on 8/215 and a severe case of elephantiasis of the head.

[David]

Is that the most bizarre debut inning as a bowler ever?

[m0nty]

If Kresja can get 8-fer, Bhajji should be unplayable. This could be the first Test ever where a bowler gets 12 wickets in an innings.

[Tony T.]

There ya go. Another wicket just before a break. If there is one way to guarantee a change of momentum, it is a stupid run out. What price another wicket before tea.

[Russ]

Oh, good start guys. Just toss your wickets away like confetti. We don't really need them.

But seriously, 441 is a competitive total batting first. We need 550 before I'd start feeling we were a good chance.

[Tony T.]

We almost looked in pretty good shape had Flatty & Krab still been there at tea, with a first innings lead a real possibility had the big bishop been able to hang around for the rest of the day. But losing him like that is a real blow.

Be interesting to see what the Injun spinners do in light of the Krazy Eight; although it looked like a few of them got themselves out through Strayan flamboyance, for want of a better word.

[Tony T.]

Don't hold me to this. I mean, don't get all argument on my ass. But I'm almost about nearly reasonably confident that Mohali Mike didn't say "rollercoaster" during the tea break.

[Tony T.]

By the way.

G'day Dave. Haven't heard from you for a while.

Have you been celebrating Carlton winning next year's flag?

[m0nty]

That was a spectacular mozz by Spanky. He speculates that Australia could make 550 by stumps tomorrow, next ball Ponting out. Works every time.

[Tony T.]

I'm just glad Tim Lane no longer does the cricket. He was a spectacular wicket taker.

With Flatty & Ponting out it's hard to see us putting up a big total.

Ponting really is Rollerboy's tandoori rabbit. With extra nan.

When he's not being Instant's bunny.

[m0nty]

So he's a two-headed rabbit, Tony? Makes sense seeing as he's Tasmanian.

[Tony T.]

A star is bald.

[m0nty]

I was trying to think of who Kresja's head reminded me of, and I think it's Wayne Rooney. Possibly Damien Peverill during his brief bald phase. Or maybe a ferret.

[Tony T]

Ali Oops!

Speaking of ferrets - Red Symonds morning show last week:

Red: "You ever owned ferrets?"

Ali Moore: "No, I prefer the dog route."

Red, Ali, silence.

[Russ]

It takes a special kind of effort to take the most wickets and concede the most runs in the same debut. The sort of effort that says "none of the other bowlers in the team did diddly squat".

[m0nty]

It's how Murali got the wickets record. Bowl about half the overs and you're every chance to be the one throwing them down when the batsman gets tired of tonking you about the park and makes a mistake. Also, make sure your bowling partners are completely ineffective.

Way too many wickets in this Test, if not the series, have been from mental lapses by the batsman. Hardly any have been from bowlers/captains out-thinking the batsman or bowling a jaffa.

A player with powers of concentration who focused on cutting dangerous shots out of his game, in the manner of Steve Waugh or John Edrich, could bat for three days on this deck.

[Tony T]

1/146. Quite a good sesh.

[Chade]

m0nty: you're saying Hussey's going to make 563 all by himself?

[The Mongrel]

G'day Dave. Haven't heard from you for a while.

Have you been celebrating Carlton winning next year's flag?

If Krazy Kat can pick up eight wickets after the start he had, even the Blues should be looking good for next year.

[pat]

HB,

The syntax is as follows:

title

replace xxxxx with your link URL, replace title with a word or words describing the link.

A link to crookinfo would be expressed like this:

Crookinfo

Cheers.

[pat]

Well, that worked in the preview but Typepad has adjusted my code.

This explains all.

[RT]

Krazy has never before got a 5 for in 1st class cricket ~ krazy.

Krazy's bowling figures are the 2nd best by an Aussie on debut ~ krazy.

Krazy averages 50 with the ball in 1st class cricket ~ krazy.

The 215 runs Krazy conceded is the most by any bowler on debut ~ krazy. (Trivia Q ~ who did he pass for that record?)

I dreamed Kevin Rudd has grown a mustache ~ krazy.

Krazy ~ krazy.

[Hangover Black]

Thanks, Pat

I'll give your instructions a whirl:

Punter on cultural understanding

I'm as confident that that mess will work as I am that Crazy can do a Massie and double up in 2nd dig.

[Hangover Black]

Well, whaddya know. Get on Crazy for sweet 16.

[m0nty]

m0nty: you're saying Hussey's going to make 563 all by himself?
He might have to if we're any chance to win this thing.

[m0nty]

Geez, even the Croquetinfo blokes are trying their hand at a mozz.

Katich will remember this city for one of the worst shots he played in international cricket. His two worst shots? in his own words, "Getting out on 99 at Nagpur, when I had played well and should have got a hundred. And in Bangalore, when I got out for 81. I was lbw in Nagpur. I missed one from Murali Kartik and was plumb. In Bangalore I got out trying a pull shot off Anil Kumble. I gloved it onto my thigh pad, and it rolled to the stumps. I should have just tucked it for a single. I paid the price."

50.1 Sharma to Katich, no run, 131.4 kmph, well outside off stump and Katich lets Dhoni handle it

50.2 Sharma to Katich, 1 run, Dropped by Rahul Dravid at first slip. Katich went chasing a wide delivery outside off stump and got a thick edge to the left of Dravid at a comfortable height and he clangs it. It would have been Katich's third worst shot of his career. What a start.

Nearly got him.

[Tony T]

One of those Croquetinfo blokes is Boy George.

[Tony T]

Wall-D, of the ICC and India, is second on the list of Test snafflers.

[Nick]

Surely Wall-D must not be far away from being shot into space? Can Cameron White take him there?