THIRD TEST: SHIVA ME TIMBERS!

You can forget about blaming our batting; that's not the reason we are struggling in this series. First, some of the balls that have skittled our batsmen would have skittled many of the great batsmen in history: Bradman, Hobbs, Richards, Martin Kent. Second, unless we also get the ball moving like the Indians have, they will continue to knock up large scores. Any chance we can try holding and hiding* the ball like they do?

	SG balls make us bunnies INDIA'S torture chamber for Australia's batsmen has been unlocked and the mysterious weapon is reverse-swinging cricket balls. The SG balls used in this Test series have the same pronounced seam and oily characteristics as the Duke balls that armed English henchmen Simon Jones and Andy Flintoff in the 2005 Ashes series.

Strange as it may seam - That's a joke, boy! - I'm not worried about this series. India are a monty to win from here. They were a monty to win before the series started. Anyone who says/said otherwise is kidding themselves.

Sit back, suck it up, learn.

* Anyone see Mark Waugh and Nathan Bracken on The Cricket Show? Waugh asked a perfectly reasonable question about "hiding the ball" but Bracken's answer was both a non sequitur and gobbledegook. Quite an effort, actually. It even fired up Waugh.

Comments

[SaggyGreen]

And a happy Diwali to you too.

[The Don has Risen]

both teams use the same balls.

Our bowlers are clearly inferior to India's however as you say this was apparent to anyone before the tour.

I cannot see Australia getting India out twice in any test with the current attack.

This of course puts more pressure on the batsman.

Hayden is another Aussie who doesn't like getting back what he has given over the years.

[nick]

India can only lose from here. They will be expected to win and win well. This will be the last marquee series for Tendulkar, Ganguly, Laxman and Dravid. The next generation of Indian batsmen will be adapted one day sloggers like Dhoni, Sehwag and Singh. On their day they'll be great...but on non-Indian pitches those days will be few and far between. Sharma is a gun, Khan is a gun (on his day), Kumble is gone, Singh is a flake, and the other bowlers are variable.

Whether Australia win, lose, or draw, they will gain from this series. Lee will get his head right, Ponting will work on his man management, Hayden will lose his arrogance or his place, Katich will consolidate, Rogers or Marsh will get a chance, Clarke will grow up, Hussey has sobered up, Haddin will improve, and the bowling....well you can't have everything.

I would rather lose to the Indians in India than to the South Africans at home.

[nick]

Don, I can't blame India for emulating the Australians aggression on the field, in their own way. I similarly can't blame Hayden for being annoyed when they are praised for it when he has been pilloried for it for many years.

If Lee was firing, the attack would look very different. No wickets with the new ball makes any attack look ordinary.

[Tony T]

Grizzled prospector commentary at Criccy:

"Dangnabbit, lets get to the toss already!"

Consarn it! India are batting.

1/100 at lunch.

2/180 at tea.

4/340 at stumps.

May as well turn off now.

[Big Ramifications]

4/340 at stumps.

May as well turn off now.

Well, it is stumps.

[Tony T]

Apparently the Criccy ball-by-baller is Jamie Alter.

"Super stuff. I'm kicked. Love first mornings of Test matches. Just let me go get a cup of coffee."

Is he a 17 year old American?

[Tony T]

1/5.

V-Slog LB for 1.

That's nice.

Getting Wall-D in quick might mean India are not 1/100 at lunch.

[Russ]

Maybe it's just the early wicket provoking feelings of unwarranted optimism, but I feel substantially better about this test than the last one. A fortnight ago we were still suffering from our inability to close out the first test. India was up, Dhoni was aggressive, and we got caned.

But now... Clark is back, we have rested players, lowered expectations and a point to prove. Which is not to say we'll win. Merely that the pressure is on India to close out this series now. That isn't a bad thing.

[Tony T]

I think that's another of the reason I'm sanguine about the current series.

Expectations are down for us, and up for India.

[Tony T]

2/27.

Wall-D ct Flatty off Studs for 11.

SGW.

[nick]

Studs Gets Wicket? 8-)

[Bruce]

Instant Karma could be anything. Does anyone run a book on who will be the #1 ranked bowler at the end of 2010? I would pick him.

Is the pitch a minefield? or has VSlog not got lucky? and what was Wall-D doing waving at something so far away from him.

[Russ]

Speaking of lowered expectations, the commentators are shocked that Haydos caught a ball that would have hit him in the ankle. It dipped a little, but it was his habit of standing upright as the ball bounces that made it hard, not the catch.

[Tony T]

It's synonymonymous.

[Tony T]

AGB: First with the Big Calls!

Jeez, Instant is a good bowler. He is only a bee's away from being the best quick in the world. Or am I putting too much on him?

Posted by Tony T on October 11, 2008 at 13:50

[Big Ramifications]

Instant's head reminds me of a crazy woman two thrusts away from orgasm.

[SaggyGreen]

Mitchell Johnson get that grin off your face.
Arse ain't class.

[nick]

Big, I hope you're talking about his hair.

[Tony T]

Big is big in the orgasmic crazy women salons of Perth.

[rambler]

India not used to being in front, especially against OZ. I will be mighty surprised if they don't choke. Bhajji not in is a big blow.

[Big Ramifications]

It's the cut that counts.

/Old Maurice Meade / cricket pun
//Do you guys have Maurice Meade over East?
///Actually it's not an old pun I just thought of it then I am the Troy Cooley of puns
////Just coz he's got an orgasmic head doesn't mean I don't think he's a good bowler
\He has a build and action that screams: CONSTANT INJURIES!

[Russ]

Paper Cut is actually bowling quite well. If the other bowlers were taking wickets he'd be a very useful change bowler. But watching, I can't say I ever expect a wicket. And, given the batting depth (appalling recent efforts aside) it isn't clear he should be playing ahead of Siddle.

[rambler]

1st session to Aus then - Sehwag is a massive wicket, and getting Dravid out was a bonus. India will have to bat real well to get to 400 from here.

[m0nty]

Coward has apparently discovered the solution to malaria and other insect-vectored diseases... explode fireworks in the air, as the Indians are doing for Diwali. His argument is that the reverbations in the air kill all the mosquitoes. I haven't heard anything as dumb since I last watched Inside Cricket.

[Tony T.]

Inside Cricket needs a proper cricket journalist... or six. Making it an ex-players club is a serious mistake, the host is your generic Foxtel drone, the interviews little more than boysy banter and/or suck-up sessions.

Out Nick McArdle, in Brendan McArdle.
Out the current ex-players, in Mohali Mike, Spanky, Jonny Pierik, Ben Dorries, Crasher, Chloe Saltau, Haigh, Atherton.
Definite in: Hoggy. But only if he's allowed to speak his mind.

[m0nty]

In the breaks during the live coverage, Nick McArdle looks permanently surprised, as if someone has just started talking to him in Swahili. Perhaps he's not coping well with having the producer yapping in his earplug. He's on safer ground on Inside Cricket, but I agree that it's too damn safe. Flem is good value, but Afghanistan is too smug. It was much better when AB was on.

Hoggy is a loose cannon on SEN, some may enjoy that but I'd prefer someone a little more reserved while retaining that spark of argument... maybe a Darren Berry? Not another bloody New South Welshman, that's for damn sure.

[rambler]

good defensive bowling here. expect something to give - Tendulkar looking to get a move on, but 7-2 fields preventing him from doing that. Very un-Aussie to be defensive, but this is the Aus we have seen in this series so far.

[m0nty]

11 off White's first over, but again look at when he's being introduced: Tendulkar's just clobbered his 50 and look sin magic touch, and Gambhir is well set. On a hiding to nothing, poor Victorian lad being crucified yet again.

[Tony T.]

Monty: Yeah, Flemmo combines daggy wit with a good grasp of the caper, as well as having a handle on the overall picture. Hoggy is certainly loose, but that would add to a pretty sterile show. AB was good and should be back after this tour. Berry writes thought provoking articles in the Sunday Age; he makes bold calls, but is prepared to wear it when he is wrong. I don't know who the producer is, but the show could do with a big dose of journalistic rigour, and less we're-just-happy-to-be-here superannuation. It's too light on insight.

Rambler: The Aussies were defensive in 2004, blocking shots off with in-out fields. This time round, with a less than penetrative attack, they are all but forced into it.

[rambler]

Do you think this is the strategy they will use against SA in Aus/SA, and even England in the Ashes?

[Carrot]

Tendulkar out, caught Haddin bowled Johnson, and I'm taking all the credit. I woke up, checked the score, winced, and then he got out. I rule.

[Boo]

52.3 Watson to Laxman, FOUR, shot, caressed off the front foot past Clarke at cover, simple

Does Laxman do anything other than caress cricket balls?
If Laxman were a Rorschach inkblot, would he evoke anything other than 'caress' and 'lazy flick'?

[rambler]

laxman also does the half-hearted poke to a ball outside off, nicks it to the keeper, and walks back after scoring 20 - has done that so many times in his career.

[Boo]

Laxman the Caresser

[Boo]

Laxman the Caresser:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=laxman+%2B+caress&btnG=Search

[rambler]

I bet the Aussies would have factored in the middle order and Sehwag as the guys to watch out for. Guess who's scoring the most so far? Unheralded Gambhir. That, IMHO, is really hurting Australia. In fact, I guess the same with Ganguly - who by all accounts was under pressure, and hence wasn't expected to score.

[Russ]

rambler, there is a difference between being defensive and being negative. In 2004, it was recognised that Indian batsmen were loathe to take a lot of singles, and looked for boundaries to keep the score moving. By bowling tight lines and plying an in-out field they were able to frustrate them into poor shots. It is a defensive tactic, but not negative.

This series, India - particularly Gambhir who has been extremely impressive - have been much better at working the strike, and the bowling has been less penetrative, and more prone to give up runs. In response, Ponting has occasionally become negative - fields and bowling designed to stem the flow of runs, not take wickets - as he is prone to do when he can't find a bowler who gives him something.

Against the Yarpies and the Poms, it will depend on conditions and the batsman. For the most part - perhaps not Pietersen - their batsmen are more predictable in their shot making, and more patient in waiting for the bad ball. If things go badly, as they did in 2005, then the tactics may well be negative, but, at least initially, for most batsman, Australia will set aggressive, not defensive, fields.

Incidentally, I take back my earlier optimism. Some of the earlier bowling was accurate and testing, but we couldn't take 20 wickets in a timeless test.

[pat]

3/296 constitutes a fantastic effort from our lads. Just got to hang in there and, if all goes well fingers crossed jinx jinx, we'll have em 6/592 then 9/888 stumps day 3.

Then we simply waltz out and block for two days straight. Waltz and block, waltz and block, waltz and block,that's the ticket.

[pat]

Some may think there's a flaw in this strategem as Krumblé would never declare at 9/888, that he'd more than likely hope to bat out the last wicket for an extra 112 just to be on the safe side.

Ah, but that's the fulcrum of this cunning ruse, the hidden coup de grâce if you will.

[Big Ramifications]

Hello gents. Didn't get to see much apart from the [Tony Greig voice] skaww cawd.

Have the Maa Kis playing in the spirit of the game?

[Big Rammer's year 10 English teacher]

Are the Maa Kis playing in the spirit of the game?

Have the Maa Kis played in the spirit of the game?

You choose, moran!

[Tony T]

Big, do your mum and your teachers stalk you in the streets, too?

[Tony T]

I went out last night when India were 2/149. Didn't hear the score until this morning when it was revealed that my 4/340 at stumps was not too far off the mark.

We are farked.

Bad, bad toss to lose.

India to declare at 8 Elbows for 788 Effigies.

Straya to be beaten by an innings and the spirit of the game.

[pat]

Just a suggestion to enhance Test Cricket now that the Injuns rule the roost, it would be awesome if they could all get those cool Injun names like in that Costner epic.

Bhaji could be "Dances with Maa Kis", Slog "Walk up go bang bang", Krumblé "Silent Man almost sleeping, great raconteur with a Cosmopolitan", Spanky "Crouching algolagniac, hidden cane" etc. Just an idea.

[Tony T]

Works for me.

Bhaji = Rolls With Maa Kis

Instant = Gangling Adam's Apple.

GG = Talks With Elbow

[pat]

"Talks With Elbow" - pure genius!

[Tony T]

Can I just point out at this point that the lack of a stream on ABC radio is EXTREAMLY aggravating.

Big Statement! When you can't get Spanky, Matchell and Mohali, you miss them.

[Tony T]

"Lee is working up good pace, most of it over 140ks. Looks to be in rhythm."

Point of fact: The statement Lee "Looks to be in rhythm" is on a par with Tony "Looks to be at his desk" for all it means to our relevant effectiveness.

[nick]

India will only bat once. This road will change markedly once Instant and Zaheer get going. Even Kumble should be able to get wickets from his wheelchair...

What happened to this reverse swing we were going to be getting? Has Troy Cooley been sitting twiddling his thumbs on Stanford's lap as well?

[m0nty]

One's mind wanders to flights of fancy on days like this. I was wondering if the Indian middle order really are the Fab Four, which Beatle would they be? After some rumination, and with the proviso that this has most likely been done already, I decided on the following:

Sachin => John. The most talented of the lot, tosses off masterpieces while he doesn't look like he's trying. Can cause the odd ruckus merely by being who he is. Can't even go outside on the street without some joker taking a potshot at him.

Rahul => Paul. The rock around which the rest of the group revolve, even if he's not all that gifted himself. Can always be depended upon for a long innings, albeit not one with a huge amount of excitement. You'd need to bash him about the head and shoulders with a wooden leg to dislodge him from the crease.

VVS => George. Underrated talent which only shows itself at rare times, but when he does unleash then you want to be there to witness it because it's a thing of beauty. Tends to take a back seat to the first two for the most part, though.

Saurav => Ringo. Some say he's underrated, others say he's rated just fine for his lack of talent, thank you very much. Can be a disruptive influence if not handled with care. Possibly didn't take enough drugs during his career to keep up with the other three.

[m0nty]

Anyway, all this talk of Injuns ruling the roost is ridiculous. Can they make this sort of form stand up anywhere outside the subcontinent? Recent form says no, they turn into pumpkins as soon as they board a plane. You can't be champion of the world unless you beat the current champion at home, that is well established precedent.

[Tony T]

Sachin: "We are bigger than Shiva."

Rahul: "Give my regards to Bolly Street."

VVS: "My Sweet Ganesh was NOT a copy of the Chipmunk Song."

Sourav: "Caveman was quite good, I thought."

[nick]

Saurav = Paul - similar track record with women.
Rahul = John - similar current form.
Sachin = George - still going strong.
VVS = Ringo - no-one notices the drummer (except when he scores 281)

[rambler]

cant see Aus getting bowled out twice in this Test - so likely to be 1-0 going into Nagpur. New ground, new pitch - so who knows what is on offer there? All to play for really.

[Tony T]

That sort of mozzing won't work around here, Rambler.

We're wise to your tricks.

[rambler]

last test i happened to mozz out tendulkar and one other batsman i cant remember - so trying the reverse now! but seriously, 20 will be tough for any team.

[Tony T]

But didn't the head groundsman promise Kumble a birthday minefield?

[Russ]

Tony, problem is, after blatantly mozzing his way through day one, rambler has got his team up to 370/3. Some credit must go to the Indian batsmen of course, but unless someone cuts off rambler's internet connection soon, Gambhir and Laxman will bat out the remainder of today, Australia will be all out by tea tomorrow, there will be a brief session for Sharma to put his feet up, and then we'll roll over sometime on day four.

Clearly India are great front-runners, anyone with form that good at home must be. And the further they get in front, the uglier this looks.

[Tony T]

Your magic is already at work:

White to Gambhir, FOUR, a chance! White tosses it up, luring Gambhir into a loose shot, away from his body and playing for turn, the ball takes the outside edge and flies to Hayden at a catchable height but he cannot even get a hand to it at slip

[rambler]

hayden perhaps didnt ever expect white to induce an edge. he was looking for the ball to disappear over long on or something.

[rambler]

and the birthday minefield, if it materialises, will perhaps suit Mishra more than Kumble, given respective forms.

[pat]

Talks With Elbow makes many runs. His willow is strong. Flat Track look like fool.

[nick]

Gambhir will overtake Lara's 400 and India will cruise past Sri Lanka's 950 odd, toward the middle of day 3. Oz will then emulate Canada, and make 37 or so. Hayden will go fishing with Roy, never to be seen again. Paper Cut will then injure himself scrambling to be the opener for the 4th Test. Punter's right hand will drop off.

I'm trying my best!

[Hangover Black]

The GG incident reminds me (as many things do) of a line in one of the Wired World of Sports CDs and with GG and Paper Cut now assuming the roles of Lockett and Peter Caven : "Oh that's a vicious hit by Paper Cut, he's come in and struck GG right on the point of the elbow"

[Russ]

It is painful to say it, because I always hoped otherwise. But, it is quite possible last summer for Lee was just an anomaly of successful aggressive line and length bowling surrounded by a career of inconsistent dross. Because he is back to bowling absolute rubbish right now, two lengths, two lines, going for almost four an over...

[Hangover Black]

It gets better: Watson now charged with a Level one offence for his strike to the point of GG's elbow. (see the Oz website) You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried.

[Russ]

Speaking of Paper Cut... hasn't bowled since the 60th over when Gambhir f**ked his figures getting through the 90s. Injured again?

Because, given he and Clark are by far the most parsimonious of the Australian bowlers, surely the best way to build a little pressure is to have them bowl together? Rather than, I don't know, looking completely and utterly desperate while randomly choosing to bowl every other player in the side whose name doesn't begin with H?

[pat]

Wild Dog Running must make big smile. Sadly, smile not last long.

[m0nty]

It doesn't matter how much effort you put impart in the milking shed, if you haven't got the cattle then you won't get the cream.

Inja has a team of Brahmin bulls on current form. We're stuck with some sick-looking heifers.

[Russ]

Ganguly, the chinaman's bunny.

[pat]

Wild Dog Running prove me wrong.

[rambler]

time for some mozzing - what chances katich will score a double this match? he has been knocked about on the field by GG, now taken a wicket - perhaps that elbow has woken up the real Kat.

[RT]

It's official AGB, Sunil G******r is a fucking idiot. He tried to compare Watson getting GG out, pumping his fist and muttering something to the Zaheer let's-run-after-Hayden-and-give-him-a-verbal-spray send off. He said it's the same?!

Then....Nicholas gives some wishy washy defence of Watson. Mark Softcock Nicholas get stuck in, man!

How far is the Delhi ground to the closest opium den? Sunil been puffing the hookah too hard of late.

I want Jim Maxwell???!!!!

[pat]

Katich bat like one legged Kangaroo hop. Not very well.

[m0nty]

Haddin, that was a maddenin' bad 'un.

[rambler]

Gavaskar has really lost it - especially since he has quit the ICC post (or asked to leave). He thinks he is the most patriotic Indian going - and frankly makes a complete fool of himself most of the time.

[Russ]

monty, yes we are shit, but you have to at least give yourself a chance. If we were going to quit trying any time it gets to 3/300 then we may as well play 11 bats and use part-timers to bowl into the Indian's legs until they think they've scored enough runs. At least that way we might have a shot at a draw.

I didn't mind bowling Katich to Ganguly he clearly has issues with the left-arm chinamen. Plus he is getting some turn, though that bodes badly for us. But picking five bowlers and then giving up on them inside four sessions, setting negative, constantly changing, fields that say "you will never ever get an edge, so it isn't worth it", is showing contempt for your team-mates ability to forge a result. Sure, Ponting is frustrated, but this is what he has to work with, so he either needs to get used to it, or give the captaincy to someone who doesn't raise the white flag every time plan A fails.

[SaggyGreen]

Ganguly falls to left arm wrist spin once again. Georgie Hogg got Dada maybe five times last summer, yet Katich didn't bowl an over in Mohali. For fuck's sake Ricky.

[m0nty]

obligatory Simpsons reference (slightly mangled):

"Aaaaaand there's a beach umbrella on the field."

[Tony T.]

Matchell got excited when the UMBRELLA APPEARED!

[pat]

Only 3 Oz players haven't had a bowl yet, Flat Track, Shameless and No Hands. Is there a record for such things? Have all 11 ever bowled in an Innings before?

[Tony T.]

Shameless should bowl, too.

I'm pretty sure 10 have bowled, but I can't remember where.

[rambler]

http://ind.cricinfo.com/db/ARCHIVE/1970S/1979-80/AUS_IN_PAK/AUS_PAK_T2_06-11MAR1980.html

http://content-ind.cricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/63987.html

All 11 bowled.

[Tony T.]

Your next task, should you choose to accept it, is to find the innings in which the most number of bowlers got a wicket.

[Tony T.]

Why are the Aussies surprised?

Aussies surprised at Indian batsman Gautam Gambhir escape

THE Australian touring party are privately astonished at Indian opener Gautam Gambhir's escape from a likely multiple match ban for making physical contact with allrounder Shane Watson on day one of the third Test in Delhi.

I suppose it is because Talks With Elbow presented a watertight defence:

"It wasn't deliberate, it just happened," Gambhir told reporters after play.

"I didn't need to get into this argument with Shane Watson because he had no option of getting me out.

"There wasn't a need for me to stick my elbow out, it just happened."

[rambler]

I pass. I only remembered the 11 bowlers match because Dravid got a wicket in that game - his only Test wicket. Hopefully he will not be needed to bowl in this match.

[Russ]

So, 613/7d. As if the last test wasn't bad enough, a couple of Indian bats put their heads down and really destroy us.

Sixteen overs till stumps. Enough time to be four down. Six if we work at it.

[pat]

Great work rambler. The 2nd Test against the Pakis especially gives me hope that we can still draw this thing.

[rambler]

Ponting must be stuck between the devil and the deep blue..he claimed getting in early in Bangalore helped him settle before the spinners came on, but ever since, Ishant Sharma has his number. So does Ponting now fancy himself to come into bat with the spinners in operation or does he rather face up to Ishant with the new ball?

[Carrot]

Is it too late to start talking about a draw?

I really hate high-scoring tests.

[Carrot]

Erm, make that too EARLY.

[nick]

Carrot...put the mozz down and back away slowly...

[nick]

Rambler : Ponting fancies himself. Full stop.

[nick]

'Dhoni's got a helmet on. I had a friend nicknamed Helmet in school.'

That's not ball by ball as I know it.

[Carrot]

I was wondering if that counted.

Does it cancel it out if I ask who the designated nightwatchman on this tour is? Where's Gillespie when you need him?

[nick]

You would think Clark or Johnson, but on current form they'll be in by close anyway...

[nick]

Although White seems to be the world's first bowling nightwatchman, so he may get the guernsey.

[Tony T.]

They should make Clarke the nightwatchman. How many more times can he get out just before stumps?

[Russ]

Where's Gillespie when you need him?

...sigh...

He averaged 21 in India did Gillespie.