CHADLEE

En Zed then.

Things That Society Deems Brilliant But Are In Fact Rubbish. Exhibit A: live music.

~~ Rob Smyth, Guardian OBO

He's right, of course.

Meanwhile, back at Westpac Stadium: Straya 3 for 52 (52 for 3 in KiWee) off 22 on a sticky.

Comments

[Adsy]

Good to see Flatty living up to his moniker.

If the ICC is fair dinkum about sides challenging Australia then the West Indies really should be a heap of crap wickets so it evens the field out. If not there isn't a side good enough that can go with them over such a long tournament played on belters. Australia out of their comfort zone is actually very beatable with the side they have out there at the moment.

[Mr Z]

Like someone commented at baggygreen when Australia were 2 for not much "One more wicket and we're into the tail".

[Mr Z]

Going by the Doyen's algorithm, Australia looks like getting bowled out for 124. Gulp.

[Mr Z]

4/86 - It's a butch of a putch.

[nick]

So, of Australia's big 5 - Ponting, Gilchrist, Lee, Symonds, and Hussey - 3 are unfit, 1 indisposed, and 1 about to lead the side to the loss of the no. 1 ODI ranking. Hmm. Are they getting their odds up?

[Mr Z]

nick, I think we're lulling the rest of the world into a true sense of security.

[Tony.T]

Listening on the car radio to the Waddler and co is bloody hard going. The tone is all "Australia in crisis" and "My God they're 6 for 120!"

Whaddaya expect - batting on playdough, treating it as a practice match and playing with half a side.

[Tony.T]

Brian Waddle: "It's got to be said, it's a bit of a lottery this one-day cricket."

Yep.

[Tony.T]

It looks like those 1232 spectators are freezing.

Except for that bloke whose completely covered in black paint, which is probably a good insulator. To think I first thought he was an utter pinhead.

[Tony.T]

Well, I reckon despite all the above mentioned excuses reasons, the K1W1 bowlers did a bang up job.

Lindy Burns said it was because of our new uniform.

[nick]

149 to win. I suspect we will have to have them 349 for us to win...and even then Collingwood could come in and take it away. All those pricks who wanted 'other teams to win'. It's shit when Australia lose - even in these meaningless games. What's it going to be like watching Smith lift the cup?

[milo]

Where can I buy a Shane Bond? Preferably the model that was exhibited today?

[Tony.T]

Coincidentally, the 'other teams to win' brigade like live music. (I've seen the research.)

Bond has always been a handful on song. On song and on a minefield he is nigh-on unplayable.

[Mr Z]

I'm 99% sure we will be trounced but will reserve my vitriol for when the NZ innings is complete.

[Tony.T]

Fair comment.

The pitch will have settled down. NZ home at a trot.

[Tony.T]

Text from brother: "Englandesque." Hang on. We're not that good.

[Tony.T]

Did Bracken just call Vincent a fuck wit? Or did he say fuck me?

[Tony.T]

Where'd everyone go?

Oh well, I'll just talk amongst myselves then, shall I?

[milo]

Tony - if my memory serves me (usually I serve it) - at the last World Cup, Bond was exactly that, wasn't he?

I'm a big fan of any bowler that can totally cow an opponent's batsman, no matter which country he plays for. I spose my views are a reaction to the 20/20 tonkfests that disrespect the art of bowling.

[Tony.T]

He's one of the few really good speed merchents tooling around today.

He skittled us in a 2003 Super Six match but Bevan and Travis Bichel took us to a score of around 200, then McGrath, Lee and Bichel skittled them for around 100.

[Tony.T]

Is it worth sticking with the cricket? Showtime 2 at 5:50.

DEBS: Charlies Angels meets Chasing Amy in this action comedy with bite about a crime-fighting unit of foxy schoolgirls with oversized pistols and attitude to match.

[Tony.T]

Christ. If that non-catch off Vincent is any indication, the Aussies might as well come home now.

[Scott Wickstein]

We're no guarantees to get out of our group into the super 8s, let alone win the tournament.

Welcome back to the 1980s folks.

[Tony.T]

Worse, Wicky.

This reminds me of Melbourne in 1965. Won the first eight, then sacked the coach and lost - WAAALLLTTT! Sorry, Pavlov's dogs and all that - most of the rest of that season and didn't make the finals again until 1987.

End. Of. Era.

[Scott Wickstein]

Lee says he is 50/50 to make the world cup. It wouldn't be a happy trip to make anyway.

[Tony.T]

Warne Song courtesy of Anthony FC; Australia's only sensible talkback caller.

"Mr Warne on his phone sent a lot of texts."

I'm going to buy a clarinet.

[Scott Wickstein]

AFC should get online for our cricket threads... he's missed.

[Scott Wickstein]

Australia lose by ten wickets, and our disgrace is complete.

[Tony.T]

Correct about Anfernee. Correct, too, about our disgrace.

But!

Even though it's been 22 years since Australia gave up a 100 run opening partnership AND we haven't lost by 10 wickets since I don't know when, the Warne Song has good omens stamped all over it.

We're back!

[Scott Wickstein]

We've never been beaten by ten wickets before.

[Tony.T]

Makes sense. I would have remembered it if we had. That's what happens when you don't take a match seriously.

Mike Hussey: A name etched in infamy. Or at least in trivia nights.

[Russell Allen]

Late delivery here...but I've found out why Watson has been included in the WC squad.

I saw posters advertising the WC in a shopping mall and guess who's mug is on 'em?

Inclusion of Watson saves a few quid on reprints.

[Tony.T]

I trust you got active with a black texta, Russ.

[woody]

I knew you were in trouble when you only beat us 5 - 0 in the ashes.

Regarding live music, it is of course absolute shit - weak voices, strained voices not even attempting to hit the correct notes, sweaty fans, rip-off prices. Glastonbury? More like fucking Andersonville.

[Tony.T]

Worst are fans who rave about how a band was great because they were loose and sloppy. Gimme note-perfect studio reproduction every time, preferably IN MY LOUNGEROOM.

Andersonville is good. I am happily picturing distraught young people covered in mud as they search in vain for toilet paper.

[Anthony from Chippendale]

We've had the Champions Trophy & the CB Series and we're in the middle of the Chadlee Series yet we're none the wiser as to what makes up our best team.

I don't think that Hayden or McGrath are in our best XI and Gilchrist has had his day. He's just not consistent enough. We're now picking him on the basis of what he might do not what he consistently does.

Are we going to sacrifice a chance at winning the World Cup so that we don't hurt these blokes feelings?

Are the selectors worried that they'll turn on the team in the media?

We got to number 1 by being ruthless and telling blokes like Healy, Boon, Border and M.Waugh to go when their time was up. Why the change in policy?

Compare where we are now to we where four years ago. Planning for the 2003 WC began more than 12 months before the tournament when S.Waugh was given his pink slip from ODIs.

Right now we're a shambles. Why are Watson & Hogg playing?

[Tony.T]

On the surface it's becoming harder to avoid the conclusion that we've decided England's prep for the Ashes had some merit.

The truth is probably somewhere closer to Malcolm Conn's piece in today's Strayan:

Greed of officials adds injury to insult

BRETT LEE is shaping as an innocent victim of greed and incompetence by cricket administrators worldwide who are determined to strangle the golden goose that is one-day cricket.

Attempting to jam an undervalued and seemingly unwanted Chappell-Hadlee Trophy series into the narrow gap between the end of the Australian season and the beginning of the World Cup was folly.

Basically, we've been worn down.

Ponting, Clarke, Gilchrist, Lee and Symonds missing has exposed enormous holes. Hell, just Ponting missing exposes big holes. The passengers replacements have been unable to adequately fill the gaps; there's uncertainty about the line-up; an initial run of bad luck has turned into a full blown lack of form; and there's a seeming lack of game-plan and/or tactical innovation on the field.

The tinkering with form and all that entails insomuch as confidence and momentum are concerned, combined with key injuries has started this slump rolling (if, indeed, slumps roll) and it doesn't look like it's about to stop soon.

Unless we've pulled the greatest rope-a-dope in cricket history, we're fucked.

[woody]

It's all a matter of balance, Tone. If you look at the guys who were going strong for England on the bowling front last week, it was Freddy and Plunkett, one of whom had 6 months off prior to the Ashes so was still sufficiently fresh, whilst the other had been carrying drinks for 3 months.

Cricketers need enough cricket to get into form, and once there they should be monitored carefully and used wisely - not wasted on, lets face it, piss poor, crappy, lottery pyjamarama crap with all its false strokes and false dawns. Dalrymple, The Badger and Mahmood shouldn't be anywhere near a proper cricket team, but are suddenly our heroes!!!

England had major preparation issues with the ashes - let's face it they screwed up; but I am aware we didn't want to knacker them out, or injure them in pointless games and hoped freshness would be an asset later in the series against the Aussie pensioners.

Unfortunately we got the balance wrong; although with the players available it was a titanic ask.

On a more positive note, Tone, check out the Guardian for an update on the King of Reverse Swing.

[Scott Wickstein]

I am reading 'The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'. Topical, no?

[Simon]

Lot of off topic comments so far.

Love the song, love the man.

Hats off Paul, hats off Warney.

[woody]

There's no such thing as an off topic post at AGB. The entire blog is a tribute to heartfelt, off the cuff abuse coupled with the odd literary allusion.

[brownie]

thanks for the link to Rob Smyth,

and he did proffer EXHIBIT B: coitus as being in the same category as live music.

now I will be off the streets for hours each day while I savour his style: "Gillespie is bowling like a dog, line and length as uncontrollable as Marilyn Monroe's skirt in a gale, and England keep spanking him straight to the fielders."

Does the AGB Bar stock Pimms please?

[Adsy]

Even though we are playing crap at the moment, I hope it continues, at least for another 2 games so I can then drop a few green monsters on Australia to win the WC. But only if I get to pick the side;

1. Hayden (begrudingly, only because he doesn't have any competition at this late stage)
2. Hussey (open with him I say, see no.6)
3. Ponting
4. Hodge (probably our most inform bat behind Punter. Good enough to bat no. 4)
5. M.Clarke (never thought I'd say this but god I miss Marto haha)
6. Gilchrist (instead of coming in and facing the new ball, imagine some of the damage he might be capable of in the middle order against an older ball? 3/200 with 15 overs left? Hes your man)
7. White (I still think Camo White is a smoky who should be in the side before S.Watson, who is a Hack. Yes thats right, with a capital H)
8. Lee (well if hes right that is)
9. Bracken (don't particularly rate him but seems to take wickets for some unknown reason. Batsmen probably think they can cash in)
10. S.Clark (Add him to the squad for christ sake! One or two bad games and hes dropped like a Derek Kickett. Did he rub someone up the wrong way? Still can bowl tight and take wickets. Insurance for one of the other bowlers taking stick)
11. McGrath (despite his age and lack of form he can still deliver when the important games come around)

But you know they will go with Hogg and Watson so whats the point of me rabbiting on about that?

No point I guess.

[murph]

Just put 100 quid on the Jarpies for the Cup at 6/1. Not bad I reckon.

[Vindicate]

Oh get off Shameless willya, the lads made a bajillion runs for us, made the 5-0 possible, and is pretty much the only one who showed any spine today.

He's got a strike rate of what... 90? Faced 96 balls for his 42 can only mean one thing... fucked pitch. OK, two things - fucked pitch and good bowling. But mostly fucked pitch.

I'll put my hand up and say I was one of the ones who wanted to see some other team win once in a while.
This sucks, I take it back.

As for the Jaarpies taking out the WC, fuck that in the neck - I'd rather see the dirty cheating Pakis take it, then I'd have an excuse.

[Harry]

Love the song! Probably the first Paul Kelly song I've ever appreciated. Clarinet can't hurt.

[Ricardo]

At least it now seems pretty likely that it was Straya whose form reversed at the end of the CB series.

The prospect of England winning the world cup is pretty scarey.

[pat]

I used to think that Symonds was some sort of Al Johnson clown but now I realise he's actually the Blind Willie Johnson of the Oz ODI Zeppelin.

[pat]

That's Jolson gaddamit.

[pat]

Well, in Oz's time of dying don't want nobody to mourn
All I want for Symonds to do is smash me another six
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Well, well, well
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Symo's gonna make up, Symo's gonna make up
Symo's gonna make up Oz's dying bed.

Well, meet me Symo, meet me, meet me in the middle of the SCG
If these wings should fail Symo, Lord, won't you meet him with another pair?
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Well, well, well
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Symo's gonna make up, Jesus gonna help him make up
Symo's gonna make up Oz's dying bed.

Lord, in Oz's time of dying don't want nobody to cry
All I want for you to do is make Symo fly when we die
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Well, well, well
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Symo's gonna make up, Symo's gonna make up
Symo's gonna make up Oz's dying bed.

[pat]

Well, in Oz's time of dying don't want nobody to mourn
All I want for Symonds to do is smash me another six
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Well, well, well
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Symo's gonna make up, Symo's gonna make up
Symo's gonna make up Oz's dying bed.

Well, meet me Symo, meet me, meet me in the middle of the SCG
If these wings should fail Symo, Lord, won't you meet him with another pair?
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Well, well, well
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Symo's gonna make up, Jesus gonna help him make up
Symo's gonna make up Oz's dying bed.

Lord, in Oz's time of dying don't want nobody to cry
All I want for you to do is make Symo fly when we die
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Well, well, well
Well, well, well, so Oz can die easy
Symo's gonna make up, Symo's gonna make up
Symo's gonna make up Oz's dying bed.

[pat]

To some a double post would be an embarrassment but to me it's a sign - to go to bed.

[Scott Wickstein]

No one's been game to comment on the second game. Well, it's beyond a fucking joke, thats what it is.

Australia batted okay this time, scoring 336 thanks to Hussey and Hodge, with a cameo from White.

336? Plenty, you might think. Of course, we're going to lose in a canter.

NZ past 200 in the THIRTY SECOND FUCKING OVER!!!

Taylor has made a fine 100 but FOR FUCKS SAKE.

Thank fucking Christ that the AFL starts on Friday night. These guys are a fucking joke at one day cricket.

[Tony.T]

Good mozzing, Wicky.

For what it's worth, Taylor would be a so-so Shield player in Straya and wouldn't come withing a bulls roar of the national side. I reckon he's got at least 40 from mis-hits, or mi-shits.

[Tony.T]

Well, Hungry Jaques certainly didn't live up to his name. He should have swallowed that sitter, but instead he missed his mouth and cost us the game.

[Harry]

This Twenty20 charity match is providing a little bit of interest. I reckon Tubby'd be a great candidate to replace Hair on the Umpires Panel!

[nick]

Taylor fielded like a Cosgrove in Aus - but took a blinder to dismiss Hussey. Jaques - the new Taylor - who was he on for, anyway?

[Tony.T]

If you compare clinical hitting by good batsmen to snicko slogging by park tonkers Australia won by a mile.

Not that I'm bitter.

[Scott Wickstein]

Well if we didn't bowl like a pack of old hacks, we'd have won by a mile as well.

In the last 12 months, we've conceded the three biggest run chases ever. It's a fucking joke.

[Tony.T]

Would it be too much to ask that we learn how to bowl some good slow stuff and well-aimed yorkers?

Or is it just a case that all the other sides have decided normal batting is a load of pants and going the tonk at least four balls an over is the best way to attack Straya? We certainly have no answer to it.

I reckon it's significant that Fleming's sent us in twice. Sure they rolled us quick in Wellington, but the early going was an exceptional circus-pants; the pitch being a batting nightmare for 25 overs. But it looks like NZ, and in all probability Sorth Efrica, have decided the best plan of attack is to see what Straya do first, then back themselves to go at the required run-rate from the start. Given most tracks are batting paradises, mis-shits will mostly go for boundaries and that Straya lack a potent attack, chasing Straya is easier than defending.

The K1W1 radio commentators are very, very hard on the lugs.

[Tony.T]

In fact, we were so shithouse in the field it's incumbent upon Pat to get drunk and review it in song. Twice.

Over to you, dude.

[Tony.T]

Oh, and before I forget - off topic is on topic here.

[nick]

I think the large run chases this year have shown that defence and parsimony don't work in the modern game. Huge bats and fit players allow the setting and chasing of huge totals. Therefore, the way to play is to try to take early wickets, and go the tonk at the end. From overs 40-50, is there any difference between Clarke/Symonds/Hussey/White, and any sides batmen 4-7? 10 an over is achievable. So...

1. Open with Tait and Lee - go for wickets.
2. Bracken plays, always.
3. McGrath vs Clark - who takes more wickets? Who's better in the field? Pick one of them.
4. Hogg - past it, unless Ponting thinks his wrong'un will get big wickets.
5. White - great...if he could land them on a length (or even on the pitch!).
6. Gilchrist and Hayden - not scoring enough at the top - get rid of Hayden, and put Gilchrist to 7.
7. Haddin and Watson to open???
8. Johnson and White to get 10 overs each in game 3.

[Russell Allen]

Bollocks to all that...

1. Tait should be aiming to take wickets and not a land speed record.

2. Why pick Watson who has been injured for umpteen weeks?

3. McGrath is a sympathy vote at the moment. He hasn't played well all summer

4. Jamie Dalrymple should get Aussie citizenship because at this rate he might even get into this team too.

5. Has every mutha forgotten how to bowl a yorker? It seems so...

[pat]

The music died today. And my fridge is empty.

[pat]

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
Our only friend, the end

Of the selectors elaborate plans, the end
Of Punters mighty stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
We'll never look into the selectors eyes...again

[woody]

"Well, four near-victories in four straight matches is not something to be sniffed at. I like where we are, which is here, which is a good place to be. A lot of teams would be pleased at four near-victories, believe me. Add in that some of the variables have been not been varying in our favour, which is something that can happen with variables, and you've got a situation which very quickly can move to a more positive plateau. Which is not to say we are not at a positive plateau just now. It's just slightly slanted. It's a slanted plateau, if you like."

John Buchanan - 2007

[Tony.T]

I agree.

Which is not to say I agree.

In fact, I don't not agree one hundred percent.