INCOMING!

It didn't take long. Mark down this time: Sunday, December 29, 2002 7:54 PM.

It's last year in Perth! They're probably still wearing flairs. Must be those Dodgy Apaches. Anyway, that was the time I received an e-mail from far too clever for his own clogs, Gareth Parker. He was out of the blocks quicker than Ben Johnson after a Stanozolol daquiri.

The reason? The other day over at Chez Parker I said of Steve Waugh:

Sadly, his time is nigh. Maybe the West Indies is an option but the hard call will be made before too long. He's not been batting well and his work on Boxing Day and yesterday was a half-slog and it's a terrific pitch. How easy did Love make it look?
Nope. Time to go.

Of course, in much the same way as Tim "The Batsman's Batting Beautifully" Lane has become the greatest wicket taker in test cricket history, I've been goosed by a Steve Waugh century after suffering a chronic attack of Speakingtoosoon. And not just any century. His hundred was made with Waugh under serious pressure to keep his spot, the Aussies struggling and with a four off the last ball of the day. Talk about egg on the face. Parker didn't miss the golden opportunity to lob that egg. I wish it was a golden egg:

"Tone, tell us again how Waugh, S. is on his last legs? Still think it's time to go?"

Well, of course it is Gareth. His century was never in doubt after I shit-canned him. He oughta thank me. In fact I should be credited with the century in Wisden. Bradman 29, Waugh 28, Taylor 1.

However, I still maintain Waugh has reached the end. Like I said, maybe the W.Indies, but that'll do it. It was a great moment today. A wonderful moment! Great theatre! But what was he up against?

1) Caddick? You're kidding! Is he ever going to perform when it matters? Don't get too carried away big-ears! It's a dead rubber.

2) Harmison? Not yet big guy!

3) Hoggard? Snort! He's only playing because England lost Craig White to injury. That's the same Craig White who was called up after Simon Jones got hurt. The same Simon Jones who got a gig because Darren Gough was unfit. Then there's Flintoff. Get the picture.

4) Dawson? Has he ever turned one? What the hell was he doing bowling the last over? Nasser Hussain cannot captain!

And don't forget Gareth, Mark "I Moved My Feet Once Last Year" Butcher got a ton too. Nope! Let's not fool ourselves. It's still time for Waugh to go! Lucky for him though he can go out on a magnificent high.