AGB Cricket

SIX OF THE BEST

ASHES 2021/22

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FOURTH TEST: THE GABBA

There can't have been many live Tests, with all results on the table, in a four or five Test series, in the middle of January, at the Gabba, for a while.

THIRD TEST: THE SCG

Live rubber.

SECOND TEST: THE MCG

The First Test passed in the blink of an eye, but the advantage of an Indian tour is that the MCG is all but guaranteed a live Test. Not sure how India will shape up without their best batsman, one of their fast bowlers and coming off their lowest ever score, but in Bumrah and Ashwin they have the ability to get among our less-than stellar top six.

FIRST TEST: ADELAIDE OVAL

An email from Homer. There must be a Test match on.

THIRD TEST: THE SCG

New Zealand make five changes, including Williamson; Australia goes in unchanged, manfully resisting the urge to pick six bowlers.

SECOND TEST: THE MCG

I read "Justin Langer may pick a fifth bowler" as "Justin Langer may try to trick New Zealand into picking a fifth bowler." Which in turn says to me that Australia is worried about struggling to bowl out the NZ batting if the MCG pitch is roadish, so one less batsman helps Australia roll NZ. Then again, the back-to-back Tests means Australia will have a weather eye on its Informed Player Management, and an extra bowler will ease the workload.

FIRST TEST: OPTUS STADIUM

Well, this could be an interesting affair. New Zealand is the No.2 ranked Test side - not that it is possible to keep up with Test standings - and boast some fine batsmen, batting depth, and three excellent fast bowlers. Australia has Warner, who will struggle if the Kiwis move the ball, Burns and Head, who are yet to establish themselves, and Wade at six, who will be expected to deliver. Ball-wise, Cummins is a champ, Hazlewood diligent and Starc a threat if he lands them. Hazlewood may be the key. Lyon is the best spinner, but is nevertheless prone to bowl well and not take wickets. Therein lies the trick for Australia: pinch wickets when NZ look settled.

Fingers crossed Australia wins the toss, bats, and the pitch deteriorates in the heat and plays tricks on NZ batting last.

SECOND TEST: ADELAIDE OVAL

Apparently there was a First Test.

FIRST TEST: THE GABBA

Welcome to the new summer of cricket. Australia, fresh from retaining the Ashes 2-2 (instead of winning them 4-0), taking on Pakistan in what could be a wild shoot out if the reports of Pakistan's bowling are to be believed. Forget the batting. Smith is the only Aussie worth his spot, and Baba Azam the only Pakistani worth his spot.

Quick game's a good game.

(PS: I was seriously disappointed to have missed meeting the legendary Carrot when he was singing in Melbourne last month, and now he's back in Dodgy Streamland. Hats off to you in absentia.)

FIFTH TEST: THE OVAL

Hot on the heels of Steve Harmison kidding himself about Steve Smith and ball tampering, comes Jimmy Anderson kidding himself about pitch doctoring.

"When you go to Australia, go to India, go to Sri Lanka – they prepare pitches that suit them. I feel like we could just be a little bit more biased towards our own team."

"We go to Australia and get pitches that suit them."

"They come over here and get pitches that suit them. It doesn't seem quite right. I think they've probably suited Australia more than us."

Anderson added he "would have liked to have seen a bit more grass but that's the nature of the game here".

"When you're selling out – like Lancashire selling out five days of Test cricket – it's hard not to produce a flat deck."

Coincidentally, I wrote about pitch tampering in the Summer of Kidding Ourselves.

FOURTH TEST: OLD TRAFFORD

England definitely have the momentum. Meanwhile, Australia drops Khawaja for Smith and rotates Pattinson for Starc.

THIRD TEST: HEADINGLEY

England and pretty much every pundit is agreed: England has the momentum.

NOMENTUM

To all you tryhard wannabe experts whose strongest held opinion is the last opinion you heard, and who said Australia had the momentum going from the draw - THE DRAW!! - at Old Trafford to Riverside, get stuffed. There is no such thing as momentum from Test to Test. Find something else to write about, like listing Test cricketers whose names start with a number (mental note: look up batsmen whose names start with a number) or batsmen who have made 99 while using a green handled bat or something similarly suited to your mediocre understanding of the caper.

SECOND TEST: LORDS

Bit late to the party. Hors de combat (which, in case you were unaware, is French for hors de combat). Missed the washed out first day, which, given the nature of Test cricket, could have racked up myriad comments. Then missed the weird second day where we won the toss, sent England in, and rolled the Poms for 250-odd despite almost every English batsman notching double figues. That feels like more of a comment on the English batsmen rather than the Australian bowling, so we may have dodged one courtesy of English generosity. However, since I went to sleep during the Luncheon Adjornment, I haven't seen many of the dismissals and could be wildly off the mark.

FIRST TEST: EDGBASTON

I see no reason to alter this prediction.

WORLD CUP 2019

England go into the World Cup as heavy favourites. They look set to use power hitting to smash their way to victory on roads in small grounds. Australia, having followed on its standard taper tactic, will have already come up with plans to counter the big hitters, as will several other sides, but can they carry out those tactics and contain and beat England? England are playing superb cricket but will have a bad day somewhere along the way - the key is to beat them on that day. Here's to an England loss in the semi-final on penalties.

SECOND TEST: MANUKA OVAL

Australia have no doubt won Tests by an innings having made only 323, but not too many recently. That result says more about Sri Lanka than it does about Australia, but it was refreshing to finally have an easy win, even though it binned two days of Test cricket. The Manuka pitch is reportedly a more placid prospect than the Gabba pitch, so the Test should last more than three days. An Australian century would be welcome, as would a proper Test performance from Starc. And a Test at a new Australian venue usually makes for interesting viewing. This summer there will have been two Tests at new Australian venues, which is rare, but not unheard of - the same thing happened only 15 years ago when there were winter Tests against Sri Lanka in Darwin and Cairns.

FIRST TEST: THE GABBA

Sri Lanka was the first Test series Australia played after the retirements of Warne and McGrath with Tests in Brisbane and Hobart. Australia maintained standard operating procedure by spanking the Shrees in Brisbane, but between the First and Second Tests the pundits mozzed Australia with complaints about Australia's perpetual dominance, so that in Hobart Australia had an early taste of the future by having to rely on Random Rudi Koertzen bailing them out with a howler when he fired Sanggakara on the last day as the Shrees threatened to chase down 500+ (despite six single-figure scores). Ponting, Hayden, Jaques, Hussey, Clarke, Symonds and Gilchrist made up the top seven. Today's top seven of Harris, Burns Khawaja, Labuschagne, Head, Patterson and Paine speaks for itself. Johnson, Clark, MacGill and Lee were the bowlers back in 2007, while today's bowlers are Cummins, Starc, Richardson and Lyon, who stack up okay again the earlier version. At least, they stack up okay if they brandish a sharper cutting edge than they did against India.

FOURTH TEST: THE SCG

At least it's not a dead rubber. Not quite, anyway. 

THIRD TEST: THE MCG

A day late to the party. Second morning and Australia is currently bowling really well to Pujara and Kohli, but without any luck on a featherbed road that needs luck. So much for the MCG getting rid of its dead pitches. Perth Stadium and Adelaide Oval, both carrying footy like the MCG, have managed to change from old pitch techniques to new. The question will be asked about why the MCG has delayed the changeover. (As I understand it, the techniques relate to the sub-structure for the drop-in pitches.)

SECOND TEST: PERTH STADIUM

After the tight First Test, talk has moved onto the stock topic for a Perth Test, the pitch - currently, according to reports, green, bouncy, send them in, auto-publish - and how India may play four fast bowlers and take the edge into the Second Test. Of course, this is not the WACA, so the pitch is an unknown for a Test. Doubtless India's quicks bowled better that Australia's quicks in Adelaide, but the not insignificant factor is that Ravi Ashwin bowled more than 86 overs out of 218, continually keeping it tight and continually proving a threat, especially to the left handers. Without Ashwin controlling one end, it's a stretch to imagine India's fast bowlers providing as much of a threat without the axle around which its bowlers rotate. There is even, if you can believe it, talk that Australia has doctored the pitch, that CA instructed the Perth Stadium curator to prepare a lively deck. When has CA ever demanded a lively deck? CA's only ever pitch-related demand is that a Test lasts five days; especially in Perth where CA still have nightmares about craters, ravines, crevasses and Tawny's lost keys. Nevertheless, when the curator say “They want to see this place fly. That’s like an early Christmas present for me. To get that fear in the eyes of the opposition turning up and seeing it fly ... beautiful” you wonder whether CA is starting to feel the heat after a string of poor results. Has the Value Broadcast Partner demanded a win? Whatever has happened behind the scenes, the First Test has set up an enticing series.

FIRST TEST: THE SACA

What's that, you say? A home Test match? Well, have at you then. Or, as they say in India, "They who say, have all things; they who withhold, have said nothing." (Except "I wish I'd said that at the time.")

SECOND TEST: SHEIKH ZAYED STADIUM

After the First Test draw it would be great if we could pinch the series with a win at the Sheikh Zayed. But that implies we have the momentum, and you know how much I hate the m-word. Nevertheless, after Faff saved the Test in Adelaide in 2012 after Australia had been all over South Africa, the Varks came out and pantsed us in Perth. That is the advantage of fighting to save Tests and stay in contention to win series. Hang in there and you never know what may happen.

FIRST TEST: DUBAI INTERNATIONAL STADIUM

After the sandpaper, the sand. Will we cop our just deserts?

FOURTH TEST: NEW WANDERERS

I wasn't making a Big Statement by not posting this Test, I just forgot.

If I had indeed posted a Big Statement, it would have been something like this:

FOURTH TEST: NEW WANDERERS

Fuck.

 

THIRD TEST: NEWLANDS

Big Cricket doing Big Cricket things cooking up acceptable outcomes and recidivist Rabada gets a free ticket to Newlands despite a extensive form sheet.

SECOND TEST: St GEORGE'S PARK

South Africa have claimed the moral high ground, unaware of the implicit contradiction that when you claim the moral high ground, you lose the moral high ground.

Woof. Woof.

FIRST TEST: KINGSMEAD

The green, green grass of away.

FIFTH TEST: THE SCG

Better late than never. Our tea change is really taking its toll on my cricket watching, blogging and commenting.

FOURTH TEST: THE MCG

Festive dead rubber.

THIRD TEST: THE WACA

The Sun says the fix is in. Root won the toss and, surprisingly, elected to bat. It all adds up.

SECOND TEST: THE SACA

A pink ball, a night session, and two English bowlers who are lethal in English conditions: is there no end to the hospitality of Cricket Australia and the valued broadcaster? Fingers crossed Australia is clever enough to organise when they bat.

FIRST TEST: THE GABBA

The leadup to the First Test has been all about Australia's pace attack and the Gabba's greentop. Well, I just watched the first over where the ball dawdled through to Paine. Can't see too much green, despite KP and Tubby doggedly talking up the pitch. And even though Starc has Cook, the pitch is looking a little 2010/11, which is bad for Australia as we usually bank a Brisbane win to kick off the series.

SECOND TEST: ZAHUR AHMED CHOWDHURY STADIUM

Fucken Demons. I usually have no interest in the finals when the Demons are not playing. This year I have absolutely no interest. Anyway, cricket...

FIRST TEST: SHERE BANGLA NATIONAL STADIUM

Imagine being stupid enough to barrack for Melbourne.

FOURTH TEST: HIMACHAL PRADESH CRICKET ASSOCIATION STADIUM

No apologies from me, but Steve Smith may want to apologise for losing a series after rashly claiming the momentum, or Virat Kohli may want to apologise for losing a series pretty much everyone expected India to win 4-0.

Or, like Nagpur in 2004, is Virat Kohli going to do a Ganguly and refuse to play on a greentop? A pace-friendly pitch for the deciding Test in 2004, a pace-friendly pitch for the deciding Test in 2017. To quote Carlos Santana: "Those who cannot remember Nagpur are condemned to repeat Dharamsala."

THIRD TEST: JHARKHAND STATE CRICKET ASSOCIATION INTERNATIONAL STADIUM COMPLEX (JSCAISC, FOR SHORTISH)

Crooky optimistically headlines today's Test preview "Back to cricket after all the controversy". Fat chance, chummy. The wild dawgs of controversy are gnawing on the leash, desperate to announce "There's only one team playing cricket out there. Woof!"

It would be brilliant if the BCCI Pitch Selection Panel's pitch selection backfired and played into Australia's hands, but once again it could all be about the toss. Can't see us good guys winning the Test if India wins the toss.

SECOND TEST: CHINNASWAMY STADIUM

At least there's now no question that India are flagrant and shameless pitch doctors. Not that there ever was.

FIRST TEST: MAHARASHTRA CRICKET ASSOCIATION STADIUM

So, for the practice match India laid down a road. For the Test match it's a minefield on a tectonic fault line. At least the Indians don't doctor pitches. 

VB SERIES

A sunny Melbourne afternoon, perfect for staying home, watching the television and not going to the MCG.

THIRD TEST: THE SCG

Can't believe the umpires, who appear to love a pause in proceedings, did not delay the start to the Test while I took my daughter to swimming lessons.

SECOND TEST: THE MCG

My prediction is that Pakistan will win the toss, bat, and be 2 for 60 at lunch.

FIRST TEST: THE GABBA

Pakistan have played thirty-two Tests in Australia, have won only four, two of which were during World Series Cricket, and won only one in the last thirty-five years. (They had good chances to win in Sydney in 1973 and Sydney in 2010 during the Summer of Kidding Ourselves, but blew both Tests.) Hardly a record that suggests they are comfortable playing in Australia. Nevertheless, if Pakistan get the rub of the conditions they could be hard to beat, especially if Barmy Amir gets the pink pill hooping at night. But my peer-reviewed gut-feeling is that Australia will win the series.

CHADLEE

The good old ODI. I've said it before, but it warrants repeating: dumping the ODI in favour of T20 - mooted by idiots like me - is stupid. ODIs, even if the Aussies treat them as practice matches, are relaxing and entertaining Sunday afternoon fare.

THIRD TEST: ADELAIDE OVAL

Forget Australia's pathetic cricket in the first two Tests, the subsequent selectors' scythe and any prospects for the Third Test, the following article is 100% rolled-gold LOOK OVER THERE! I love it. Ben Horne, you win this week's internet:

South Africa captain Faf du Plessis hit with fine but free to face Aussies in Adelaide

The smug South African captain

smashed with a fine

Du Plessis... with his reputation now in tatters

the sooky Proteas

South Africa are filthy with the result

Du Plessis was already a self-confessed ball tamperer

ICC bizarrely treated lollygate as a first offence

damning television footage

tried to turn the hearing into a forensic case and force the ICC to prove that the practice actually made a tangible difference to the ball swinging

ICC skewered du Plessis based on his flagrant abuse of the spirit of cricket

umpires had no hesitation in branding du Plessis guilty

du Plessis looked ashen faced

South Africa’s arrogant and self-righteous attitude

The Proteas argument was not that du Plessis was innocent but that everybody else does it, so why should they be targeted?

“you see it daily with those type of incidences taking place on the field.”

South Africa’s only argument appears to be that everybody else in world cricket uses the tactics employed by du Plessis

SECOND TEST: BELLERIVE

Is it too early to hope that we may be saved by rain?

FIRST TEST (LAST TEST): THE WACA

So, it's been a mere 16,764 days since the WACA hosted its first Test match. Today the WACA hosts its last Test match. That went quickly.

THE CHASE AUSTRALIA

Soups mentions our ugly record failing to defend big scores.

Team	Score	Overs	RR	Opposition	Ground	Match Date
South Africa	438/9	49.5	8.78	Australia	Johannesburg	12-Mar-06
South Africa	372/6	49.2	7.54	Australia	Durban	5-Oct-16
India	362/1	43.3	8.32	Australia	Jaipur	16-Oct-13
India	351/4	49.3	7.09	Australia	Nagpur	30-Oct-13
England	350/3	44	7.95	New Zealand	Nottingham	17-Jun-15
New Zealand	350/9	49.3	7.07	Australia	Hamilton	20-Feb-07
New Zealand	340/5	48.4	6.98	Australia	Auckland	18-Feb-07
Australia	334/8	49.2	6.77	England	Sydney	2-Feb-11
New Zealand	332/8	49	6.77	Australia	Christchurch	10-Dec-05
India	331/4	49.4	6.66	Australia	Sydney	23-Jan-16

Eight of the top ten chases have been scored against Australia. Unsurprisingly, seven of those eight were overseas where other nations traditionally play their cricket on three-quarter snooker tables, compared with Australian matches played on proper fields. And yet, Australia continues to win the World Cup, four out of the last five. The poor crowds at Australian F50 matches may suggest that many Aussies are jack of the Aussies continuing to treat ODIs as trial matches. But personally, I like our summer triangulars, and if Nine's rating hold up little will change each January.

THIRD TEST: SINHALESE SPORTS CLUB GROUND

Let's not beat about the stunted flora: Sri Lanka is a pissweak Test team, and yet they are belting us.