After Grog Blog

"Virutally unintelligible to non-Australians" -- Harry Hutton

HOFFALANCHE

Yeah, yeah, I deemed The Hoff dead, only the rest of the world doesn't seem to agree. On Valentine's Day the AGB received more than 3,000 hits looking for this picture, the sad lovelorn dags. Because the picture was over 100K, this surge meant my monthly bandwidth went from fuck all to fuck me! 90.64% to be precise, and it's only halfway through the month.

To me bandwidth was one of those nebulous terms you hear about, but tend to ignore. Like free trade agreement or multiculturalism. But now? Well, I looked it up, didn't I.

Your bandwidth allotment

The amount of transfer you are allowed with your membership per month.

When your pages are visited or files are downloaded, the data is transferred and this counts as bandwidth.

Simple really. Now that I know what it means, though, two things leap to mind:

1) Bandwidth is a misleading term. To me, an electronic engineer full bottle on Schottke diodes, SCR firing angles and Darlington pairs, bandwidth represents a frequency range. No wonder I was puzzled. Bandwidth as used on the internet only came into circulation around 1994 but for some reason represents data usage. The turds! Why didn't they call it data usage or download tally or, if they absolutely must, byteage.

2) Better slow things down around here. Bailing furiously, I've mimimised the data transfer, optimizing the picture, as well as taking down Chopper Reads The Weather. Fingers crossed things settle before the end of the month.

Does anyone know what happens if you exceed your limit? Typepad goons probably won't come calling, but is there some other sort of nasty retribution they may exact? Is there even a chance this esteemed organ of record will go belly up?

Note: Organ + belly = tummy banana. As I said - esteemed.

Posted by Tony Tea on 16 February 2006 at 13:25 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (21)

CHEESED HOFF

Swearing Hoff? Signing Hoff? Yeah, whatever. It's time to retire The Hoff. You just know a gag is past it's prime when it's on both the JJJ website and Rove. So ...

Posted by Tony Tea on 11 July 2005 at 08:15 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (17)

OUR MAN FLINT-HOFF

Posted by Tony Tea on 22 June 2005 at 07:05 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (19)

SCHIT!

My heading the other day JAILHOUSE SHLOCK was skillfully crafted from the world's finest heritage listed old-growth wordplay. "Well. That. Is. IT." I thought to myself as I sat there admiring the many subtle layers of multi-dimensional imagery. A lock, schlock and barrel, if you will, of excellence in derisory yet delectable drollery.

Well, bugger me, if I didn't just notice something; Schappelle has a C. My crack was, in fact, a crock. Of shlock.

Posted by Tony Tea on 02 June 2005 at 12:55 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (27)

JAILHOUSE SHLOCK

Posted by Tony Tea on 28 May 2005 at 12:05 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (21)

HOFFDOGS

Posted by Tony Tea on 26 May 2005 at 16:56 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (15)

WALLOW THE LEADER

Posted by Tony Tea on 28 April 2005 at 13:05 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (24)

PLANE SPEAKING

Posted by Tony Tea on 15 April 2005 at 11:55 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (23)

HOLY SMOKE!

Posted by Tony Tea on 06 April 2005 at 09:50 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (20)

TIDAL DAVE

Posted by Tony Tea on 29 March 2005 at 08:35 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (50)

STREET CRED

Posted by Tony Tea on 24 March 2005 at 10:33 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (25)

IRISH HOFFEE

Posted by Tony Tea on 17 March 2005 at 22:54 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (41)

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO YEARN

Right, ladies?

Posted by Tony Tea on 15 February 2005 at 20:45 in Hoff | Permalink | Comments (16)