Quack. Quack.
Tony Tea: Hello?
Caller: Tony Tea?
TT: That's right.
Caller: *** Street Medical Centre here. We are chasing up an unpaid bill.
TT: I have not been there for 20 years.
*SMC: No, not for you, for your father.
TT: What do you want me to do about it?
*SMC: You're his next of kin.
TT: He's dead.
*SMC: The bill is from March 17 for $120.
TT: He died March 21.
*SMC: Yes, we admitted him to hospital.
TT: You must have malpracticed him.
*SMC: I'm sorry?
TT: He was alive, he saw you, he died.
*SMC: He died in Cabrini.
TT: Way to pass the buck.
*SMC: Do you have to be rude?
TT: Which of us is demanding payment for a dead family member? Anyway, why did you wait so long to hit on me?
*SMC: It's what we do.
TT: Send me the bill. Goodbye.
My phone does not go "bring bring" it goes "quack quack". Appropriately.
Posted by: Tony Tea | 12 September 2012 at 14:39
Yes indeed, why could they not have simply posted an account.
I am saddened to read that this slow-witted person is employed, and taking their salary under false pretences, and they are so thick they interpret LOGIC as rudeness.
I have always chanted at my friends that dumbclucks are more dangerous than raging bulls.
If nexts-of-kin are responsible for debt, my high-4-figure Mastercard balance is going to give a heart attack to batty old parent or sulky daughter when I pre-decease them. Vengeance shall be mine. Thanks for that info TT, and condolence on your loss.
Posted by: Ann ODyne | 13 September 2012 at 09:52
I know the clinics need to try and recoup funds, but how many of their clients die every week? Can't be too many, so they may as well write off bills under a set value, say, off the top of my head, and for no particular reason, $121. The *** St clinic is pretty big, too, and has been going since before I was babied. And as for the clinics that DO have a lot of dead customers - well, right there is an advertising pitch gone wrong.
Posted by: Tony Tea | 13 September 2012 at 10:59
You could try the Peter Sellers' approach to debt collectors: "I put all my creditors in a hat and at the end of the month I draw one out, and I pay that one. If you persist in harassing me, your name won't even go into the hat."
Posted by: Professor Rosseforp | 13 September 2012 at 20:08
Probably owned by Jews. Nuff said.
Posted by: M. Patard | 14 September 2012 at 15:31
Ha! Never forget the WASPS failed to bomb the railroads to Auschwitz!
You are complicit! COM-PLIC-IT!
Posted by: Shylock | 14 September 2012 at 15:39
What the hell, man?!? Don't drop your shit off in my front yard.
Posted by: Tony Tea | 14 September 2012 at 16:10
Lol, what shit would that be then?
Posted by: M. Patard | 14 September 2012 at 16:56
Don't tell me you're going all Wobbie Fawah and his Twoll Fatwahs on my ass, now?
Posted by: M. Patard | 14 September 2012 at 17:00
Probably owned by Jews. Nuff said.
Was it that that offended you?
Posted by: M. Patard | 14 September 2012 at 17:23
What the hell, man?!? Don't drop your shit off in my front yard.
That sounds intense. I didn't mean to rile you Tones. Just some throwaway comments. No intent.
I suppose things are going down there which I wasn't aware of. Sorry about that.
Posted by: M. Patard | 14 September 2012 at 17:33
Well, I suppose it shall remain, forevermore, a mystery.
Posted by: M. Patard | 14 September 2012 at 17:45
No, I stridently avoid buying into the troll debate, as it is intensely tedious. And "troll" has already become overused. Nor does "Probably owned by Jews" offend me, since I'm not Jewish, but it is a long way from a throwaway comment.
Posted by: Tony Tea | 14 September 2012 at 17:45
Jew jokes, I must admit, as reticent as I am, are far from being accepted as an equalising factor in the age of multi-culti. Perhaps I should have stuck with pedophile priest jokes, or Confucious Says, instead.
Anyway: the people who rang you demanding payment for your father are c*nts, no matter what.
Here's a joke one of my daughters told me the other night, to make up for my, whatever:
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!
*Note: my daughter did a far more magnificent rendition. Go the Raiders!
Posted by: M. Patard | 14 September 2012 at 18:07
Anyway, the bill arrived. Right in the middle in big black letters:
Posted by: Tony Tea | 16 September 2012 at 11:13