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Don't they know anythink about the umpty twelfth commandment.

"Thou shall not covert thy neighbours gold medals."

So much for dedication!

Dammit I died in the trenches trying to colonise these people.

I blame 'It Ain't Half Hot Mum'.

Mister la-de-da Gunner Sedge!

A classic from the anals.

The concert party have just crash landed in a dodgy plane.

~~ "Right! Evacuate!"

~~ "I nearly did!"

Dunny wallah! TENSHUN!!!

Lovely boys

"What's the matter Lofty?"

"I can't see"

... sure that line was there once a week.

Great Southern GF ... Denmark (aka the Mighty Magpies) 15.5 def Albany Royals (suck on that faggots) 7.11.

Go Real Pies!

Commonwealth Games is/are cropping up in the news, and I have observed the old journalistic trick of slipping a funny name into the story for no real reason: instead of the usual "Games spokesperson", or "an official", we have "Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit".

I was wondering whether I should do posts about the Commonwealth Games shenanigans, but I would not be able to keep up.

I can't believe they played the none too subtle racism card, a la any decision that goes against them in cricket.

British team officials threatened to pull out and spoke of a squalid, insanitary site.

People have been defecating in all sorts of places,” Craig Hunter, the English chef de mission, told The Times. Commonwealth Games Scotland said that the accommodation allocated to its athletes was “unsafe and unfit for human habitation”.

Lalit Bhanot, general secretary of the Indian Organising Committee, tried to brush off the criticism. “Everyone has different standards about cleanliness. The westerners have different standards. We have different standards,” he told reporters.

Not only did he “tell reporters,” but it was a planned statement at a press conference when he knew the eyes of the world would be on him. Ya have to laugh. They let it get to inspection stage and were seemingly fine with SUPRISE POO all over the joint!

In January, Mr Fennell [president of the Commonwealth Games Federation] called doubters “western snobs”, but has since been “driven nearly insane” by the lassitude of Indian officials, insiders say.

Never let a good beat up get in the way of balanced reporting... I saw a roadside interview with one of the FOOTBRIDGE COLLAPSE! engineers, and he said the thing toppled over while a crane was manoeuvring it.

Hardly a collapse of a finished bridge as I had pictured it thanks to the reporting up until then. Without wanting to waste any time researching it, I wonder which version is correct?

Getting back to the theme of the original post. Who is that sports reporter clown who breathlessly says on the Commonwealth Games TV promo [and and I paraphrase]:

England think they're the best but they're not we are we'll get more medals and I love it.

How old are you, mate?

The Commonwealth Games is now sadly a fourth rate sports gymkhana. I will not watch one single moment. If they can build some decent bog holes to crap in, then OK. If not, call the stoopid thing off.

Bring on the Mohali test.

BR: "SUPRISE POO"... wasn't that a TV show on 7? Something about a chef you meet in the Supermarket that then comes to your house for a dump?

I think you're getting mixed up with POOS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS, that fantastic peek into freshly laid celebrity turdpiles, from the 1980s.

On a more serious note, I'm a bit saddened to read that the Indians are making an effort to clean up all the poo in the athletes' village.

Speaking of shenanigans ...

Channel seven story full of shit? Say it ain't so!

Am 100% positive that if Ch 7 had exclusive Comm.Games rights, there would be no security scare.

That fakery from them reminds me of another sterling effort... http://aso.gov.au/titles/tv/media-watch-series-9-episode-1/clip1/?nojs

Today Tonight has not been the same since the episode with the two bogan mum and her bogan daughter were evicted from their piss & shit ruined rental property with 100 cocker spaniels in a VW Beetle.

Funniest thing I have ever seen on "current affairs" TV.

Am 100% positive that if Ch 7 had exclusive Comm.Games rights, there would be no security scare.

That fakery from them reminds me of another sterling effort... http://aso.gov.au/titles/tv/media-watch-series-9-episode-1/clip1/?nojs

Without clicking on either link... can I take a stab...

1. The TV reporter who walked into the athletes' village with the parts to a FARKING BOMB to prove how lax security was? Bomb ingredients that he suposedly bought in a market just down the road?

Y'know I remember thinking fleetingly: "That's a good way to get yaself killed, ya farking dipshit. Why not just walk in with an empty suitcase and see if you get searched?" But in an instant the thought went out of my head because a new outrage had come along. Possibly the selection of Neon Dion in the Collingwood starting 21 for the GF.

2. The fake Christopher Skase story where he supposedly had the local cops run the Aussie TV crew out of town in fear for their safety?

How'd I go?

Pretty close Biggy.

No peeking, Biggus. Typical cheating man.

I just realised it's a starting 22. I'm still livin' in the 1990s.

Still haven't clicked the links but the Shane Paxton comment is a pretty big hint. John Safran is a gem.

According to the Sydney Morning Herald, Sheila Dikshit has been re-branded as Sheila Dixit in English media. I wondered if she might be re-branded in the Irish media as Shelagh Dikshit, and in Scottish media as Sheila Willyshite.

I'm so glad that the Commonwealth Games have finally started after so much talk before hand. Good luck to all the athletes.

Beaut, they've started. Things have to start before they can stop. Or so I heard. I can't wait for the latter.

Who said the C-Games would be tedious? Nothing like a good, old fashioned protest controversy, with all the attendant bad sportsmanship, lack of grace, lame excuses and bitter recriminations to spark interest.

Some of the athletes - but mostly officials and journos I think - have behaved like complete dicks. The daily moaning has gotten so petty and tiresome, I'm reminded of (and now have some sympathy for) the Aussie irritation with the whining during Sydneygate. I know what you must have felt like, only it's ten times worse with these accursed CWG. :)

For all those bellyaching about dengue and snakes and diarrhoea and now - of all things, the bloody heat, I have this to say: If you are such a pampered bunch of wilting pansies, please do us all a huge favour and stay at home under the family quilt.

I heard a rolled gold malapropism about an hour ago.

Nicole Dawn Livingstone [OAM] was commentating barracking at the swimming during a relay for the women. It seems Australia had it in the bag before the race began, so Nicole was "worried" about our changes - a disqualification being the only thing that could *ahem* sink us.

Apparently Leisl Jones' changeover was nice and safe, but Alicia Coutts' changeover was a bit "risqué."


Unfortunately I had the teev on in the background and I wasn't actually watching, godammit! I mean, some of these swimmers are pretty easy on the eye. I would have loved to have seen that risqué changeover.

My guess is she had her swimmers hitched right up her backside as she bent over on the blocks. Or maybe there was some gratuitous side-boob action happening?

I can't believe I was recording it. Here it is [0:12s length].


Nicole was talking about an English swimmer, not Alicia Coutts. Sorry 'bout dat, Alicia.

Biggy, would it be impolite to ask precisely why you were recording the Commonwealth Games?

Nice work on the upload, but.

Tell me, how do you record something from the TV and upload it to your local internet? Been wanting to do that for ages.

Q1. Heh. I was going to pre empt answering that question. But, you know, GYOFB, and awl that.

So many times I've heard something on the teev and wished to God I'd recorded it. Recently, I heard that prize idiot Stevie Jacobs on live national news ask an Islander chap what human flesh tasted like [could you imagine the reaction of the David Marrs of this world if Sam Newman had said exactly the same thing].

So that tore it for me. I declared I would ALWAYS be recording whatever TV program is on, even if it's just background noise. Due to such factors as laziness, this hasn't quite panned out. But I try.

Q2. An average computer using Windows 7, and a normal TV antenna cable that you plug into a cheap-as-chips USB gadget. It turns your computer into a digital TV. Also, it's the true definition of "plug and play."


"Er? I guess so."

The TV and TV recorder run thru "Windows Media Centre." Then there's this program that also comes free with Windows 7 called "Windows Live Movie Maker" that has basic functions like chopping and splicing and adding sounds and captions. It even has a Youtube icon you can click that immediately uploads your finished work.

How cool is that, I ask you?

Pretty cool.

But not as cool as tellys of the commonwealth games medals.

NEWS UPDATE: Nigerian runner disqualifed for drugs promises to return Comm.Games Gold medal - if officials hand over bank details and account numbers first.

... err, yeah... something I got from twitter, and thought it would go all right here.

Like a finger in a duck's bum.

Jesus Christ. Even Wikipedia had it as "medal telly."

I like how the Telly Tubbies just made it into the top ten. Leave me outa this, Tony. I coulda been a contender!

I heard "praying for a Hail Mary" on Sunday. By some peckerhead commentating on the women's surfing at a place called Snapper Rocks.

I think he realised he made a blue, there was a slight pause "should I correct myself?" which made it funnier.

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