After Grog Blog

DRY DOCKERS

Sometimes you've got to turn a blind ear:

"Fremantle dry the screws."

~~ Brian Taylor, 3rd quarter, Freo vs Richmond

STRIKE ZONE

Marking a test - which, contrary to the evidence tendered herein, achieved a pretty fair mark - I arrived at this dazzling array of mistakes:

"Lightening strkes strickes strykes strikes."

And just when you thought it couldn't get any meta:

7-UP

 

COPYCATS ALREADY OUT OF THE BAG

Dan Silkstone in the Sunday Age, 25th April 2010:

Dees lapping up sweet taste of victory

Not so long ago some wondered if Dean Bailey had a gameplan. Any blueprint, imperfectly implemented, will look haphazard. But when the targets are hit, the ball skilfully shared and the opposition virtually surrendering, the plan becomes obvious and obviously effective. There was more than a little Geelong about the way they ran in packs, drew the tackle and dished the handball. It was a game won in transition and the transition was lightning quick. The goals and honours were well shared out. Davey, Sylvia, Petterd and Trengove all bagged two. All were excellent.

Rohan Connolly in the Monday Age, 26th April 2010:

Copy cats

Much of the football world will blanch at any comparison of the Demons with the peerless Geelong, but you simply cannot escape the similarities in both how Melbourne plays and the assortment of personnel it is assembling to do so.

[Melbourne] is clearly, and rightly, using the Cats as prototype for its own model.

The mere suggestion of that seemed laughable after the Hawthorn debacle. But some gritting of teeth from the senior heads in the Demon line-up and the spark of youngsters like Scully, Trengove and Grimes is giving Melbourne an infectious energy. And so rapidly is the momentum gathering that who is to doubt just how far it could lead?

Tony T. in the AGB, 31 March 2008:

Rot Socks

[Melbourne's] game plan looks roughly similar to Geelong 2007: have most (give or take full back and full forward) of your players move up and down the ground bunched within a kick of where the ball is at any one time. This means you always have loads of players around the ball who can a) put maximum pressure on the other side when they have the ball; and b) "run and carry" the agate down the ground en masse when you get your hands on the ball. It's what Geelong do perfectly. Melbourne's not insignificant problem is that we don't have Geelong's players. No Ablett, Bartell, Ling, Corey, Enright, Kelly; all hard running, strong over the ball, experienced, talented players. Melbourne, on the other hand, are a light, young side not yet used to said plan or physically capable of such a contact-intense style of footy.

Incidentally, just as Geelong struggle to beat Hawthorn's cluster, which clogs up the central running lanes, Melbourne will also struggle to deal with Hawthorn. It's no coincidence that it was the Hawks who spanked Melbourne in round one.

TRIUMPH OF THE WILL

Meanwhile, back at the selective narrative, grandpa AGB takes time out from nationalism, misogyny, homophobia, cruelty, racism and singing It's a Long Way to Tipperary to overpower his deadly treadly.

BOWLED WARNEY

CROCK BOTTOM

How bad are Richmond? Bad enough that if St Kilda lose all their points for rorting the salary cap, the Tigers are still favourite for the spoon:

Betting plunge on St Kilda Saints for spoon

ST KILDA has firmed dramatically from $1000-1 to $3.50 second favourite on Betfair to win the AFL wooden spoon this year.

There were only small bets matched this morning but the betting exchange’s odds suggest an implication the unbeaten Saints could also be embroiled in the Melbourne Storm salary cap rort.

Storm’s former CEO Brian Waldron was St Kilda CEO before he changed codes.

St Kilda's price for winning the wooden spoon fell from $1000 to $3.50.

Richmond remains the $1.35 favourite to win the wooden spoon.

When asked for comment, Saints CEO Michael Nettlefold replied "Ken Wood ticked it off."

A friend emails that should St Kilda be found guilty of cheating the cap, they will have to return all their wooden spoons.

BLUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!

Sleep easy in your beds tonight; the Parrot Recovery Team is on the case:

Mr Garrett said a "parrot recovery team" was working on an 18-month action plan to improve the species' chances of survival.

The orange-bellied parrot lives at Bald Hills, right?

HOUSTON, WE HAVE AN INSTITUTE FOR BIOLOGICAL PROBLEMS

First dog in space died within hours

The new evidence was presented at the recent World Space Congress in Houston, Texas, US, by Dimitri Malashenkov of the Institute for Biological Problems in Moscow.

TEN YEARS HEREAFTER

A decayed:

Body lay under sofa for 10 years in shared Bristol flat

A body lay undiscovered under a sofa in a sheltered flat in Bristol for nearly 10 years, an inquest has heard.

Sandra Wedlock told the court that she had walked by an overturned sofa at the property in the Bedminster area of the city without noticing the body underneath it.

LIGHTS, KAMARA, INACTION

(Via YS)

INDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO PREPOSITIONS

I was tempted to call this post PREPOSITION JOE in honour of the character in The Wire, but that wasn't exactly relevant to the haphazard application of prepositions under the AFL:

• In the pump
• Under the pump
• In the gun
• Under the gun

Add to those four malaphorisms:

"The loser will be placed under the furnace."

~~ Luke D'Anello

It can only be a matter of time until some poor coach, footballer or football team is put "in the cosh".

IT'S ALL GREEK TO HIM

When the Herald Sun's Round Mound of Profound, Mark Robinson, sees the name Zeno he thinks of Zeno Tzatzaris, not Zeno of Citium, the founder of stoicism. I know what you are thinking: "Does TT think he can read minds?". I can. But Monday I also heard grain-fed Robbo say stoyk, not stoh-ik.

RANTS ON FIRE

Mick Malthouse: pompous dick head. He lost his cool, crazy eyes, ranting and raving, lied, got caught... own it!

I acted for greater good of the game

Anyone who has any doubt about the importance of the common good should study one of history's greatest figures, Winston Churchill. There were times when his public pronouncements bore little resemblance that was actually taking place, but he did it for the greater good.

We shall fight them in the bleachers:

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

~~ Winston Churchill

PHWHERE?!?

Complications vis-a-vis hands free:

Pornographic magazine for the blind launched

The book, the brainchild of Lisa Murphy and called Tactile Minds, is designed to be 'enjoyed' by the blind and visually impaired - and is on sale for £150.

WYNNE WYNNE SITUATION

Anew Holland:

COUNTER CULTURE

Whatever happened to "counter meals"?

I was thinking about that last night in the pub near our holiday house. I've been going there all my life and it occurred to me that the place where my dad and before that my grand-dad used to take us for "counteries" on Sundays - growing up in Melbourne in the 60s and 70s it was the only pub I remember being open on Sunday - no longer served "counter meals". You still order your food over the counter, and the menu is still on a blackboard in coloured chalk above the cashie, but there was no suggestion this was a mere counter meal. This was dinner. (Tea if you're a left footer.) Maybe the distinguishing aspect was the menu, a glossy affair with pictures of the view and an extensive array of expensive dishes; no prawn cocktails; no big red digital display & PA: "Number 10, your meal is ready."

There's little wrong with holidays when the weather is poor. There's no Withnail style "We've gone on holiday by mistake." I have always loved the grey atmosphere, empty streets, beaches, pubs and restaurants and the lack of hustle that is a holiday town in autumn or winter.

RE-EMPLLOYD

Anything for a cheap post title:

Drug-charge reporter returns to ABC fold for Lateline post

FORMER foreign correspondent Peter Lloyd will begin work as a journalist at the ABC again this week, almost two years after he was arrested and jailed in Singapore for drug offences.

Wonder how many foreign correspondents sample the local naughties; how many political apparachicks send dodgy emails; how many football coaches lie; how many footballers get pissed and play up.

"I'm sorry... I was caught."

THE BACK DOOR

Will The Back Page have Jon Anderson on the panel next week for a good squirm? Were he a player the show would open with Gibbo dudgeon - "What the hell were you doing?" - followed by a professional apology, but would soon ease off to a series of jokes (possibly involving Billy Birmingham's Hedrovefastcarz).

Ando's a solid citizen, though, so I can't imagine he would swallow a PR pill:

Sports writer Jon Anderson to be charged with drink driving

HERALD Sun sports journalist Jon Anderson will be charged with drink driving and careless driving after smashing into a pizza shop.

Anderson, 53, was arrested by police after the incident at Domino's Pizza in High St, Malvern, about 7.30pm on Wednesday.

Police say the car, a Holden hatchback, was being manoeuvred in a carpark at the rear of the store when it accelerated through a roller door.

SUMMARY EXECUTION

A summary is put to death:

"In summary, the Government's core economic principle of conservative countercyclical policy interventions is standing the test of the gyrations of the economic cycle."

TAXSYN

It's a contagious disease the reversing of sentences. Diarrhoea verbal:

• "He'd make a great coach the boy from Kyabram."
• "He's a lump of a lad the unit from Geraldton."
• "He's an excitement machine the ranga."

Is it wrong? No. Well, excluding the excessive pronouns, it would not go astray correct punctuation. But just because football commentators do it, does not mean you are footy savvy because you do it, too.

SIDE ARSE

Enough of this, please:

"Hero Steele Sidebottom is swamped by teammates after Collingwood escaped with a one-point win over the Dees."

Let's make one thing absolutely crystal clear: Sidebottom got lucky. He had the sit on Ricky Petterd, the ball clear in his sights, time to get there and spoil, sorry, to effect the spoil, and then he misjudged the flight and missed the ball. He may have - I stress: may have - got the merest hint of a fingernail on the ball, but he bungled the spoil and was only bailed out by Ricky Petterd who grassed a sitter. If Petterd had managed to hang onto the mark - and what is it with Melbourne this year? they have dropped umpteen easy marks - Sidebottom would have been this week's goose.

Sure, Sidebottom would have been aware that he could not punch the ball through because that would have tied up the scores, but I will give you London to a brick that behind closed doors, when the team are doing their video review, Mick Malthouse will stress to Sidebottom that he needs to make his spoils stick, and instead of getting cute, he must attack man and ball.

The reaction to those last few seconds is the football equivalent of cricket's catching dichotomy: a fieldsman takes what the commentators call a "a fine catch"; drop the very same catch and the fieldsman has grassed a sitter. "He really should have caught that."

There was another what-if. What if Petterd had taken the mark? I'm a doom-and-gloomy enough Melbourne fan to know for certain that Petterd would have played on and the siren would have sounded before he kicked it.

RIFTH QUARTER

Mark "Kareem Abdul" Jamar plays a blinder for Melbourne against Collingwood. The Fifth Quarter's screen graphic?

RUCKING BRILLIANT!