After Grog Blog

SOMEBODY STEP ON A SCHMUCK?

A caller to SEN recites his favourite line from Caddyshack:

"Fart! Double fart!"

How the hell can it be his favourite line when it doesn't even exist?

THE FOOTY SNOW

Heard just the two grabs of commentary from the Winter Olympics:

"Tatiana has worked amazingly hard to become an Australian!"

~~ Eddie McGuire, Sunday night

"Torah Bright has gone SMACK!"

~~ James Brayshaw, Friday night News

MIRTH DEFECT

This morning on 3AW, Tony Shaw was accidentally funny:

"There were even some batts that contained thalidomide, the chemical responsible for birth defects."

Thalidomide?

Imported insulation batts 'reeked of formaldehyde'

The Federal Government's insulation program is facing more questions after claims that it was warned some imported insulation batts reeked of the toxic chemical formaldehyde.

Even taking into account AW's imbo demographic, since when is Tony Shaw anyone's idea of a social commentator?

CAN YOU HEAR THE DUMBS, FERNANDO?

Each morning at 6.30, radio station 927 Sport has a Who am I? quiz. This morning's hosts were Michael Christian and Mick McGuane:

"I was runner up to Roger Federer in the 2007 Australian Open."

Caller 1: "Marat Safin?"

"No. In 2009, I lost to the eventual winner, Raf Nadal, in the fourth round."

Caller 2: "Novak Djokovic?"

"No. Here's a clue." They play Fernando, by ABBA.

Caller 3: "No idea."

"Well, here's another clue." They play a long grab from Speedy Gonzalez which includes Speedy saying his name: "I'm Speedy Gonzalez, the fastest mouse in allll Meh-Hee-Ko."

Caller 4: "No, sorry."

"I am from Chile."

Caller 5: "I know!!! Gomez!"

"Gomez?!?"

Caller 6: "Fernando Gonzalez."

MERCHANT SPANKER

Karl Woodgett sold degrees for spankings:

University registrar offered forged degrees to women if they let him spank them for 'pain research'

Karl Woodgett, 37, told two African women that he was working on a "pain management study" before taking them to a hotel room where he filmed himself smacking and caning them.

"African spanking videos".

"She had a black bottom."

KK's Crooked Certificates.

Judge David Ticehurst: "This is a clear breach of trust. It goes right to the root of what universities are about."

Anna Vigars, defending: client had suffered 'embarrassment' and 'humiliation' since his arrest. "He has lost his good name"

The DVD, Bribery and Corruption, on sale for £25

Woodgett's mother: "He is not coming home today. He has had a horrible day and an awful year."

EAST COAST ILLEGALS?

Will Gary Ablett, just like Chris Judd at West Coast, quit Gee-Long because of its culture of drugs and disgrace?

Stokes stood down after drugs charges

GEELONG forward Mathew Stokes has been suspended by the Cats from all club activities after being changed with trafficking and possessing cocaine.

Stokes, 25, was charged after drug raids on four properties in the Geelong area last Friday and appeared in Geelong Magistrates Court on Wednesday afternoon.

He was released on bail to reappear in March.

Where there's smoke, there's crack pipes.

Adrian Anderson certainly hammered the point about WADA and drug trafficking. "Under the WADA code, the standard penalties for trafficking range from four years suspension to a lifetime ban." Sounds like the AFL, although not 100% WADA compliant with their "three strikes" clause, have already decided who will take the responsibility for Stokes' punishment.

MERCHANT BANKA

Well, no, but he'll fit right in at the Broncos:

Introducing Kristian Wanka

THERE'S an Australian rugby league player taking to the field this year who might give commentators pause for thought.

He’s a 20-year-old studying a Bachelor of Human movement who has been signed up to play for the Brisbane Broncos rugby league club.

So far, so good.

It’s his name, which is likely to give rise to all manner of awkward moments – it’s Kristian Wanka.

Speaking of wankas: the subby who gave the punch-line away in the heading.

MERCHANT BANKER

As they say in business circles, or "in the city", the following video is about to "Go Global":

(Hats off, GP)