After Grog Blog

JEN S

"I'm a big fan of Jennifer Byrnes."

~~ Posh lady in Readings

HOT TIP

Never go on holidays without Tobasco.

POT, KETTLE, FACE PACK

"Mimi Bobeck is a cosmetic creation."

~~ Bert Newton, 20 to 1

CLUNKS FOR THE MEMORIES

The Grand Final "entertainment": keeping you regular since 1977.

• 1977: Barry Crocker.
• 1978: Keith Michell.
• 1979: Mike Brady & John Farnham.
• 1980: Peter Allen.
• 1981: Jon English.
• 1982: Rolf Harris.
• 1983: Glenn Shorrock.
• 1984: Slim Dusty.
• 1985: Diana Trask.
• 1986: Olivia Newton-John.
• 1987: Daryl Somers.
• 1988: Noel Watson.
• 1989: John Farnham.
• 1990: Normie Rowe.
• 1991: Daryl Braithwaite and Angry Anderson.
• 1992: Joan Carden.
• 1993: Maroochy Barambah, Archie Roach & Yothu Yindi.
• 1994: The Seekers & Debra Byrne.
• 1995: Tina Arena.
• 1996; A collection of past singers.
• 1997: Scott Robert Little.
• 1998: Mark Seymour, Rob Guest, Jane Scali and Michael Cormick.
• 1999: Human Nature.
• 2000: The Idea of North, Trish Delaney-Brown, Megan Corson, Andrew Piper and Nick Begie, Mike Brady, Russell Morris and Rick Price.
• 2001: Vanessa Amorosi.
• 2002: Killing Heidi, The Whitlams, Kate Ceberano, The Human Tide and Mark Seymour.
• 2003: Christine Anu, Gorgi Quill, the Australian idols. 2004: Guy Sebastian, The Ten Tenors and Davis Hobson.
• 2005: Silvie Paladino, Delta Goodrem, Michael Buble and Dame Edna Everage.
• 2006: Brian Mannix, John Paul Young, Sean Kelly, Daryl Braithwaite, Shane Howard, Irene Cara and Young Divas.
• 2007: Natalie Bassingthwaighte and Jet.
• 2008: Powderfinger, Ian Moss, Lucy Durack and Amanda Harrison.
• 2009: Jimmy Barnes, Mark Seymour, The Jersey Boys.

DISCHARGE YOUR GLASSES

You've heard the congratulatory phrase "Give it up for So-and-So". So, here's a variation:

"Can I just say, you gotta give your hands off."

~~ Mark Stone, SEN, Port Melbourne v Box Hill

The work experience team of Mark Stone, Tony Schibeci and Mark Franklin won't be winning any footy media awards. But you never know, it's not as if there is great depth of talent covering our footy.

Seven's Friday night team of McAveney, Cometti, Buckley & Matthews has been terrific since they ironed out the kinks last year. Pity about The Delay. And their Sunday afternoon call has always been a fun filled affair.

ABC radio pulled me away from 3AW and SEN and ended the season as my preferred broadcast. Even with Howdy Doody Drew's 1970s stylings.

MMM is footy for teenage boys.

Ten aims about ten years higher: footy for 20-something boys.

Meanwhile, at Foxtel:

3AW Football gonged at AFMA awards

Gerard Healy: Best Special Commentator – Television

Dwayne Russell: Best Football Caller – Television

Dwayne is a hipster smartarse. You'd think that after saying "It doesn't get any better than that" for the 100th time he'd twig to the inherent flaw in the the previous 99 instances. Chuck in "the paint" which is unfortunately catching on, and "gives it some sky" which is close to the most aggravating phrase I've heard in sport, especially the way Dwayne scrapes it across your ears, and you have one irritating commentator.

Dwayne must have picked up votes by comparison. I mean, while Healy is passable despite style over substance concerns, the commentary of Danny Frawley and Glen Jakovich is completely dreadful. It doesn't get any worse than that.

Richard Hinds:

Lessons in the footy ratings

MAYBE it was during a particularly frenetic moment in a game when a football caller's scream could be heard above a passing 747, yet it was impossible for the listener to discern what was happening outside the commentary box.

PSST! HOW MUCH?

... did the "unusual blue carpet gown" cost?

I looked fantastic

SHE has been nicknamed Flash Gordon for her daring Brownlow frock, but Melbourne socialite Brynne Gordon is standing by her unusual blue carpet gown.

Gordon, 26, the fiancee of controversial medico Geoffrey Edelsten, made a jaw-dropping fashion statement in the plunging, black, sheer, beaded, showgirl ensemble, complete with Swarovski Crystal-encrusted bra, at the footy gala on Monday.

While the outfit came in for heavy criticism from talkback listeners and website readers, Gordon said she loved the frock, by US label Nurielle. "I loved what I was wearing. I felt beautiful," she said yesterday.

FIRKIN 'ELL

Elsewhere: What would happen if you gave this answer?

Katherine Firkin (Confidential reporter): "That is absolutely stunning; you look beautiful tonight. What do you think, Scott?"

Scott Pendlebury: "Urr, yeah, tops last year, for sure."

FOUR LETTER WORD

Obviously not "poofs":

Nor AGB. Only three letters. What's more, the persona generator reveals this blog to be a sophisticated beast, suavely across all issues:

PROMOTION & RELEGATION

Up: Norgay. Down: Hillary.

New Zealand companion? Makes Hillary sound like a partner, euphemistically speaking, if you get what I mean, nudge, nudge, "Ooo, you are awful." Or a pet: Old Hiller.

THE INVISIBLEST OF BRITISH

Have you been wondering what the fook happened to British comedy? How many British shows over the last, say, 15 years have funnied your tickle bone? The Office*, Knowing Me Knowing You, I'm Alan Partridge, Father Ted, The Royle Family? Sparkling-white comedy. Pity you had to trip over them to discover they were on TV. Instead we get slop like Little Britain; miss-and-miss sketch comedy like Armstrong and Miller (whoever green-lighted a show in which a comedy duo basically imitate another comedy duo, in this case Flanders and Swann, needs their head examined); and assorted middle t'road suck-fests like My Family. There has even been the previously unimaginable observation (laugh-track included): "American comedy is now better than English comedy."

Comedyologist, Tony Martin, on what has happened to the best of British:

No laughing matter

Too much top-shelf British comedy has not aired here, writes Tony Martin.

* I've never seen it.

GHOST II

Lived his life for the moment

Patrick Swayze has died after a two-year battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

What is your favourite Swayze fillum?

• Roadhouse
• Point Break

WRONG WITH A CAPITAL B

Does it render a review worthless when the reviewer makes a fundamental mistake of fact? Not always. But that doesn't mean the mistake won't be plonked on the internet for the whole world to point and jeer:

The Wire
Larissa Dubecki

BALTIMORE, the capital of the US state of Maryland, was meant to be synonymous with the novels of Anne Tyler but The Wire is no finely wrought, keenly observed white-bread kitchen drama with a tear jerking finish. On the contrary, this HBO series does for Baltimore what the Troubles did for Belfast.

Annapolis.

SEVEN YEAR GLITCH

Still right on top of my game.

PISSST!

"I'm going for a Luther." No one says that anymore.

OLD MOON DEFACE

Twenty to One Celebrity Insults, No.1: Bert Newton, you look like a freak.