After Grog Blog

MISSED... ERRR, FOOTBALL

Guess who the Sunday Age left out of their table of players who have played 300 games at one club?

That's right: Doug Hawkins (329).

And Rohan Smith (300).

Oh, and Mr Football (321).

Must be a Footscray thing.

You could also, almost, just about, nearly, make a case for Alastair Lynch (306), who played 120 games for Fitzroy, 32 for the Brisbane Bears and 154 for the Brisbane Lions.

CROCK THE VOTES

The Herald Sun dudded Stef Martin after lest year's Grand Final sprint. Now the Age has stitched him up:

A player with a lot to learn and a history of achievement

Martin ended his first season by winning the under-19s best and fairest after polling 23 of a possible 24 votes. He had been given best on ground in eight of the nine games he played.

Nein.

There are a possible 27 votes in nine games. And if Martin had been given best on ground in eight matches he would have got 24 votes.

As usual I'm across of the big issues.

Just where would the footy media be without me to correct their base, disgraceful and flagrant howlers?

HEY, WATCH ME PULL A RABBIT OUTTA MY HAT

Again?!?

Last year the AGB outed Michael Klein (Kleiner Mann's complex?) who, at the International Rules championships, photo-shopped a diminutive Irishman onto the head of an invisible leprechaun.

This year we have Craig Borrow in our sites.

Borrow, not content with merely... ahem, borrowing Klein's R&B book o' tricks and invisible leprechaun, photo-shopped the head of a St Kilda fan onto the body of a bear, covered the bear in body paint, then dressed it in a skirt.

ONE FER

Not just cricket. A post with a KDR6 and other computers.

BAR MAT SCHTUM

Keep it under your hat.

Don't tell anyone!

Once, on holidays, I smoel... sorry, stole a bar mat.

A BRANX TALE

Read this:

When a stranger comes to ask about the night his stepfather died, Jeremy comes to the door followed by a border collie sheepdog. He stands behind the security mesh, eyes down and hesitant. He says he can't say much until the police finish investigating.

He pats the dog. She misses the farm, he says sadly. Then he slowly closes the door.

Now, read this.

THERE WILL BE BUD

(By Nabakov.)

Given the recent discussion here about “Underbelly” and that it’s just been announced that Bud Tingwell is now permanently resting between engagements, I think it’s an opportune moment to revisit Uncle Bud’s performance as a really good bad guy in a tasty little and sadly neglected Australian crime flick, “The Money Movers.”

(1978. Colour. Script: Bruce Beresford. Direction: Bruce Beresford. Cinematography: Donald McAlpine. Score: NA.)

In the special edition 30 years on bonus special features docu, Bryan Brown shrewdly observes that MM was Australia’s “Reservoir Dogs” long before “Reservoir Dogs”. While it lacks Quentin’s smartarse flashbacks and flashforwards, MM has a very similar plot. And much tougher acting.

A bunch of crims planning a big heist, a mole in there somewhere and a bloody fucked up finale. And a much more squirmy torture scene, not least because lovable Uncle Bud is calmly and judiciously overseeing what happens when a pair of boltcutters explicitly meets a pair of feet. Yep this is the original “toecutters” flick. No namby-pamby cutaways to a dancing Michael Madsen, just an intense business negotiation. Conducted on plastic sheeting to protect the carpet.

Bud’s not the only well known Australian actor appearing against type in this tight and gritty thriller. Bruce Beresford had just returned to Australia and not seen much local TV for quite a while. So he cheerfully cast a lot of well-known faces without realising the characters they had built up in various comparatively innocuous TV series. And the actors apparently leapt at the chance to get down and dirty.

So MM features a whole bunch of veteran TV players like Bud, Terence Donovan, Tony Bonner, Ed Devereaux, Terry Camilleri and even Lucky Grills all gleefully swearing their heads off and rooting and shooting all over the place. And yes an excellent Bryan Brown performance before he started impersonating himself.

It’s one of very few Australian films where the dialogue in a daily workplace and of people under pressure sounds utterly believable. OK it’s the late seventies so the backchat and body language between the sexes is not all that PC these days (Watch Lucky Grills’ wandering hands. I suspect he wasn’t really acting at all) – but it all rings quite true for the time.

Another charming thing about MM is that it was based on a true story filtered through some intriguing possible bullshit. Specifically a novel by Devon Minchin who ran a security company in Sydney that was robbed in very similar way to the MM story. Some have speculated that Devon himself was in on the heist and wrote about it as a veiled taunt.

MM certainly depends on inside men and insurance company shenanigans as part of its plotting. But basically it’s a sharp, fast and bloody noir (albeit in Sydney sunlight) thriller bristling with Australian criminal machismo, triple crosses, quirky little touches and eye wrenching 70s décor.

And Uncle Bud Tingwell as one of the suavest criminal masterminds ever to grace a local film and keep the other bad guys on their toes. Or not as the case may be. Wherever you are now Bud, I’m sure everyone is tapping their feet along with you…whether they want to or not.

GrogFlog’s verdict: “If one of your mob told me, "Good morning," I'd put on my pajamas and go to bed. " 7 out of 10 toes.

Coming soon: “You will if you stick me with me darling.” – Lucky Grills (trad arr.)

REPORTS REPORT WALLACE SACKED/QUITS: REPORTS

Reportedly:

Tigers part ways with Wallace: reports

Richmond has reportedly split with embattled coach Terry Wallace, ending his tumultuous five-year association with the Tigers.

Wallace and Tigers part company?

Terry Wallace and Richmond have parted company, according to 3AW's Neil Mitchell. Without naming his 'source', Mitchell confirmed an earlier report Wallace - who did not show up at the club on Tuesday - will not coach the Tigers again.

Wallace sacked from Richmond: report

Speculation is growing in Melbourne that Richmond coach Terry Wallace has been relieved of his duties following his side's loss to Port Adelaide this weekend.

Wallace sacked from Richmond: report

Richmond and coach Terry Wallace are parting ways, according to radio station SEN.

Report: Wallace quits Tigers

Terry Wallace's tortured five-year tenure as coach of Richmond is reportedly over with an official announcement expected later on Tuesday.

Wallace and Tigers part ways: report

Coach Terry Wallace has reportedly parted ways with Richmond after the Tigers made a dreadful start to the 2009 AFL season.

TIGER CHIEF SHOT DEAD

Update! They play for keeps at Tigerland:

Tamil Tiger leader Velupillai Prabhakaran shot dead

THE leader of Sri Lanka's Tamil Tigers was shot dead yesterday while trying to flee government troops, a senior defence official said.

REPORTS REPORT REPORTS OF HIS SACKING WERE PREMATURE: REPORTS

Update! "We here at Richmond are right behind Terry. He has the full support of the board. And we will be sacking him at the end of the year!"

Tigers' backflip on Wallace

Richmond is in turmoil yet again after coach Terry Wallace was reportedly sacked and then reinstated as coach of the embattled club on Tuesday.

Crisis at Punt Rd

Mark Robinson, Tony Sheahan | May 19, 2009 09:37am

TERRY Wallace will remain as coach of Richmond following a crisis meeting at the club this morning.

Robbo will be pleased to know I kept his original:

It is believed the players were upset about Wallace's post-match critique of the team after Sunday's loss to Port Adelaide.

Players yesterday, led by captain Chris Newman, spoke to Wallace about the closed-doors post-match address and it's understood Wallace has walked from the job, believing the players had lost faith in him.

Out: Robbo. In: Staff Writer.

Tigers deny sack claim

Staff writer | May 19, 2009 12:21pm

RICHMOND has denied coach Terry Wallace was sacked this morning until a crisis meeting with senior players.

It's not easy keeping up with the Herald Sun. Staff Writer managed to change his story in under a minute:

Terry still a Tiger

Staff writer | May 19, 2009 12:21pm

TERRY Wallace's job as coach of Richmond has been saved by a crisis meeting with senior players this morning.

So, let's get this straight. Wallace was sacked after a meeting with senior players, then saved by a meeting with senior players.

Out: Staff Writer. In: Jay Clark.

Terry still a Tiger

Jay Clark with AAP | May 19, 2009 12:21pm

UPDATE 12:50pm: TERRY Wallace's job as coach of Richmond has been saved by a crisis meeting with senior players this morning.

NO CIGAR FOR BERT

Had a bit of a chuckle at this exchange between Bert Deeling (Deling?) and Bob Ellis during Monday's Conversation Hour. They were discussing Bert's 1975 film Pure Shit.

BD: "Peter Weir at the same time made a film for Film Australia, whatever, called No Roses for Michael."

BE: "No he didn't."

BD: "Yes he did."

BE: "Chris McGill made No Roses for Michael."

BD: "No Roses for Michael, on the other hand, is the sort of thing we were talking about."

By the way. Jon Faine better watch his back, or have his knives at the ready, because Waleed Aly is looming.

DER

The corner of Gold Street and Alexandra Parade, Clifton Hill:

Couple of weeks ago:

Today on Google Streets. (Don't know when the view was captured):

SAINT YOUR WAGON

Mike Sheahan is late getting on board StKilda:

"You were like an Indian in a western: you just jumped on that bandwagon very late."

~~ James Hird, On The Couch

Since you are wondering: "jump on the bandwagon" first appeared when Dan Rice campaigned for Zachary Taylor in the 1848 US presidential race.

CAMBUSH

A long time ago I worked with a fridgey who did service calls. Occasionally, while sitting home bored, or a bit light for cash since he was a wicked punter, he would ring up friends and ask them to call in faults on their air conditioning. Then, for a call-out fee of four hours double-time, he would reset a circuit breaker and be home quicker than Tubby Taylor can say "No wonder Fujitsu is Australia's Favourite Air."

The rort came to mind recently when I saw the 50 sign on Kilby Road, Kew East was missing.

It could be local oafs pinched the sign; it wouldn't be the first road sign that's adorned someone's pool room. But why let a little mischief get in the way of a good scandal.

Do you reckon the operator of the local speed camera, feeling the GFC pinch and needing a revenue boost, had the sign pinched? After all, it's at the bottom of a steepish hill, and the speed limit is still fifty. Surely in the months the sign has been gone they've nabbed a few unwitting speed merchants doing 54 or 55.

Not that I'm suggesting any malfeasance... oh, wait a tick.

BLUNT KICK

Peter Featherby boots Friday Night Football:

"It's on delay and doesn't start until 8.30, then you have the bullshit for 20 minutes, and then you get four million ads and it finishes at midnight. So I don't watch Friday night footy any more."

I doubt Channel Seven would be impressed that a former player should be so dismissive of their coverage. (Although, a 57 year old insurance broker from Dunsborough is unlikely to be their core target demographic.) If I had a dollar for every time I've heard someone say they watch the footy until half-time, then check the final score on the radio, I'd be richer than Croesus.

THE T WORD

Here's former Aussie soccer player Craig Johnston in today's Age - actually, in the wanker glossy (spot the self-incrimination) that's in today's Age - talking about the 1986 FA cup final between cross-town rivals Liverpool and Everton:

"The hype, the emotion and pressure had been building and building for a month," recalls Johnston. "Living in a city completely obsessed with these two football teams, there was absolutely no escape. I couldn't walk down the street without someone saying, 'Ah, Craig, I love you, my wife loves you and my daughter loves you', and then a second later someone would come up to you and say, "You're a wanker. I f---ing hate you, you're a f---ing t--t.'"

What's a t--t?

Or is "t--t" code for "s--t" (shot) or "c--t" (colt)? You know, like in Battlestar Galactica when they go "frack" which you know means "fruck" but is really code for "fvck". In f--t, when a euphemism becomes so common, what's the point? They may as well say "fark".

Like "wanker", who someone decided is less naughty than "t--t"?