After Grog Blog

JUST SO WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGES

On October 18 Typepad officially introduced "pagination". In essence, "pages" are an excellent idea. Remember Second Test: Streak Talk? Well, just think back to all the fun you had loading 11,158 words, 5 pictures and 671 comments.

The AGB is now limited to no more than 50 comments per page, with any comments over 50 displayed on a new page, any over 100 on another page, any over 150 on...

Anyway! you will have noticed a problem.

With more than 50 comments, when you click on the name of the most recent commenter, in this case the Esteemed Ranger:

you end up at the top of the first page, instead of the bottom of the last. You must then scroll down to the bottom of the first page, click "next", scroll down to the bottom of the "next" page, and eventually arrive at latest comments.

At least, I assume you have noticed.

Typepad are working on the problem - it relates to having one instruction call up different pages - so, for the time being, and maybe for all time being if it turns out to be a better option, I have reversed the order of the comments.

It used to be that the newest comments were displayed "Oldest first (Ascending), I changed that to "Newest first (Descending)".

The upshot is that instead of having to skip through numerous links to get to the latest comments, you now jump straight to the most recent comments which are displayed at the top of the first page

Update! Readers, we have a problem. (The real Swigert and the real Lovell really said "Houston, we've had a problem." True.) It would appear "pagination" doesn't work backwards. Testing

Update! Comments are being recorded by Typepad. However, when "newest first" is selected, the comments are being published as they go from the first page to the second, but NOT as they go from the second page to the third. Odd. For me to display Comment 101 in the previous post, I had to republish my comment settings.

Update! "Newest first" was, in the words of Gilly, a "joke". I've gone back to "oldest first", which is oddly appropriate to this stupid post. The more things change, the the more they end up back where they started. As a symbolic gesture I set the comment count at 30.

THIRD TEST: SHIVA ME TIMBERS!

You can forget about blaming our batting; that's not the reason we are struggling in this series. First, some of the balls that have skittled our batsmen would have skittled many of the great batsmen in history: Bradman, Hobbs, Richards, Martin Kent. Second, unless we also get the ball moving like the Indians have, they will continue to knock up large scores. Any chance we can try holding and hiding* the ball like they do?

	SG balls make us bunnies INDIA'S torture chamber for Australia's batsmen has been unlocked and the mysterious weapon is reverse-swinging cricket balls. The SG balls used in this Test series have the same pronounced seam and oily characteristics as the Duke balls that armed English henchmen Simon Jones and Andy Flintoff in the 2005 Ashes series. The SG balls, made in India and the Duke balls, in Pakistan, are vastly different to the Kookaburra balls our batsmen face at home.
	This time it is Zaheer Khan and Ishant Sharma who have morphed into savage reverse swing assassins who get the SG ball to swing like a boomerang to Australia's middle and lower order. It is a major factor going into today's third Test in Delhi.

 

Strange as it may seam - That's a joke, boy! - I'm not worried about this series. India are a monty to win from here. They were a monty to win before the series started. Anyone who says/said otherwise is kidding themselves.

Sit back, suck it up, learn.

* Anyone see Mark Waugh and Nathan Bracken on The Cricket Show? Waugh asked a perfectly reasonable question about "hiding the ball" but Bracken's answer was both a non sequitur and gobbledegook. Quite an effort, actually. It even fired up Waugh.

"OWN" GOAL

Beeep. Beeep. Gilchrist is in reverse. Now there's a shock. This farce gets played out every time a sportsman has a crack at someone. Here's a suggestion: own your provocative statements. No sucking up, no backpedalling, no professional apologies. Failing that, have "taken out of context" taken out and shot.

'Nowhere did I accuse Sachin of lying'

Adam Gilchrist has insisted that he did not accuse Sachin Tendulkar of lying while presenting evidence in the racism hearing after the controversial Sydney Test. He also denied calling him a “bad sport” after observing that it was often hard to locate Tendulkar for an after-match handshake following Indian losses.

Gilchrist's comments, quoted from his soon-to-be released autobiography True Colours, caused a stir in India and both players confirmed they had spoken to each other and agreed that the remarks were taken out of context. The main issue surrounded the racism hearing of the Indian offspinner Harbhajan Singh.

If he was dudded, I take it all back. A cultural misunderstanding. Ornament to the game, one of the greats. Hats off to Gilly.

DON'T COME BACK, SHANE

Malcolm Conn is a big fan of Shane Warne the cricketer, but not, it seems, of Shane Warne the bloke:

Aussies better off without Warnie

THE Ricky Ponting-Brett Lee spat may have looked bad but this is the most unified Australian team in more than a decade because Shane Warne is not playing.

Warne is probably second only to Bradman as the greatest Australian cricketer of all time and he is being sorely missed on the field, but this rebuilding team can do without his dark mutterings and long knives.

Malcolm goes on to accuse him of being a monumental white-ant.

Any history? Well, back in 1998, Conn discovered the connections between Mark Waugh and John the Bookie, which subsequently revealed Warne's involvement, and their hushed-up fine by CricAussie. He then ran hard throughout the next few years, never missing a chance to bring up the affair.

John (bookmaker)

In December 1998, prior to the Third Test between Australia and England at the Adelaide Oval, the journalist Malcolm Conn from The Australian was uncovering the story of "John", a report for which he was to win a Walkley Award for journalism. On December 8, three days before the start of the Test, Conn informed the CEO of the ACB, Malcolm Speed that he was going to reveal the details of a cover-up concerning the secret fines imposed on Waugh for his involvement with John. Conn was not aware that Warne was also involved. The ACB responded to this by pre-empting Conn and releasing a statement that two unnamed players had been fined in 1994–95 for having financial dealings with bookmakers. Later in the evening, Test cricketer turned sports broadcaster David Hookes named Waugh and Warne on Melbourne radio station 3AW. The next day, Conn's story was released.

Coincidentally, Rat Malik, who stood accused of offering bribes to Warne & Waugh and was later found guilty of match fixing, was today let off by a Pakistan court:

Pakistan court overturns life ban against Salim Malik

Pakistan court has overturned a life ban against Salim Malik, the former Test captain, that was imposed for alleged involvement in match fixing.

Malik was banned following a lengthy inquiry in 2001 after Shane Warne, Mark Waugh and Tim May accused him of offering them bribes to underperform on Australia's tour of Pakistan in 1994.

Judge Malik Mohammad Altaf today overturned the ban after hearing Malik's appeal at Lahore's Civil Court.

"I am relieved," Malik said. "I have served cricket for 19 years and today I feel vindicated. Now I can live a peaceful life and can do coaching which I badly wanted."

All too serious? A joke then:

Australia is killing the game

Malcolm Conn
November 12, 2007

THE joy of Australia's utter domination after such a dramatic loss of star personnel can only magnify concerns about the state of world cricket.

...

Greg Chappell said alarm bells should have started ringing around the globe when Australia won a third successive World Cup and, for the second time, went through undefeated. "There is a huge void in the game," Chappell told The Australian last week.

...

History says that Australia has never played more entertaining Test cricket. It would be even more fun if it came with more regular competition. The game needs it.

ELEPANTS ON FIRE

The AGB, 4th January:

Day Three

Elsewhere on-field, Harby was cited for sledging Sideshow. Judging by Roy's reaction and Harby's subsequent contrition, Harby DID say something nasty. It was allegedly racist, according to today's blabs, but they don't say what was said. Tendulkar talked in circles, which doesn't usually bode well for the defence, but unless the umpire heard what was said or the stump mikes picked it up there is rock all chance of Harby being found guilty. And he'll probably say he was mis-heard,anyway.

The Age, 24th October:

Gilchrist questions Tendulkar's honesty

FORMER Australian wicketkeeper Adam Gilchrist is set to further inflame tension between cricket's superpowers by questioning India's sportsmanship, singling out its most revered player, Sachin Tendulkar.

Gilchrist has implied that Tendulkar is a sore loser, and has questioned his honesty during last summer's "Monkeygate" affair that soured relations between the Australian and Indian sides.

In his autobiography, an extract of which appears in tomorrow's Good Weekend, he describes as a "joke" Tendulkar's evidence at an appeal over the episode, in which Indian spinner Harbhajan Singh was accused of calling Andrew Symonds a monkey. He said that when Tendulkar told the initial hearing that he could not hear what was said, he was "certain he was telling the truth" because he was "a fair way away".

But Tendulkar told the appeal that Harbhajan used a Hindi term that sounded like "monkey" to Australian ears. Harbhajan's suspension was quashed, infuriating the Australians.

"The Indians got him off the hook when they, of all people, should have been treating the matter of racial vilification with the utmost seriousness."

Gilchrist, considered one of the fairer players to represent Australia during its dominance, makes it clear he believes Harbhajan was guilty and says India's threat to abandon the tour was "a disgraceful act, holding the game to ransom unless they got their way".

He says there was a cultural difference in the way the teams approached the game. "In the Australian mentality, we play it hard and are then quick to shake hands and leave it all on the field. Some of our opponents don't do it that way. Sachin Tendulkar, for instance, can be hard to find for a changing room handshake after we have beaten India. Harbhajan can also be hard to find.

"I guess it's a case of different strokes for different folks."

MUST BE A WIND OOP

The World Series Classics on Foxtel are gold. The other night, during the highlights from ODI #182, Australia vs New Zealand from the MCG in 1982/83, Steve Smith hit the ball to mid-on and called for a quick single. Allan Border promptly ran through to the striker's end as Lance Cairns gathered the ball and threw it to the keeper, Warren Lees. But, instead of the ball getting to Lees, it smacked Border in the back of the head. There followed this comment from Fred Trueman:

"It hit him fair and square on the head. He looks ok. I wonder if he's wearing a helmet."

Border had a cap on. I wonder if Fred was wearing a blindfold.

WILL I?

I will:

$10m battle of wills

A bitter $10 million family feud has erupted over the will of one of Melbourne's most prominent surgeons.

...

Daughter Cathy, who lives in the US, said she was upset the dispersal of assets went against her mother's wishes.

"I'm glad she's not alive to see this. It would have killed her."

THE HYPOCRITIC OATH

The Indian have made pact to muscle up to Straya; that their new breed of intemperate Sikh warriors, steaming out of the burgeoning middle classes, are ready to rumble with the pack of wild dogs.

Fair enough.

Woof.

Just don't squeal like pigs when you're not winning... like you did last summer. "Only one team had played the match, blah, blah." Protests. Effigies. Donkeys. Monkeys. Maa Ki.

Jonny Pierik:

India's behaviour is disgraceful

ANIL Kumble had the Indian press corp in raptures last summer when he declared: "Only one team had played the match in the right spirit."

The tourists – both players and media – were dismayed with the events of India's Sydney Test loss to Australia, remembered for the ugly spat between Andrew Symonds and Harbhajan Singh and shocking umpiring decisions.

The Indian captain's comment lit an explosive fuse that raged for months.

But yesterday the injured skipper was noticeably quiet when his team motored to a victory tainted by ugly local tactics that were by no means in the "spirit of the game".

I respectfully have to disagree with Samir: Gideon Haigh is right. India want their curry and eat it, too.

Although it is a commonplace that Australia is the world's most aggressive team, it is actually more accurate to describe them as the world's most consistently and uniformly aggressive team. That is, where a number of teams exhibit aggression in spasms and phases, and certain individuals from other countries are inclined to throw regular weight around, Australians are better at maintaining a lounging, low-level hostility at all times. Indeed, one of the bones Ponting has picked with India is that their players appear to vary in their willingness to contest. He complained, for instance, when the hosts, chockfull of cheek in the first two games of last year's one-day series, suddenly took umbrage in the third: "If the Indians can play the sort of cricket they did play for the first couple of games and then completely turn around and go the other way in the other games, it showed us how fake, if you like, the first part of the series was as far as they're concerned." One of the reasons Bhajjigate festered on in January, I suspect, was a residual annoyance about what Australians see as an Indian tendency to periodically redefine the acceptable level of on-field belligerence. Thus Ponting's hankering to obtain an ICC determination of what was beyond the pale - not a wise move, really, considering the ICC needs a committee to determine the day of the week.

A poll: Which Aussie course of action would you like to see?

a. Shut up, head down, stiff upper lip, ignore, dignity, application, diligence, manners, courtesy, sportsmanship, win well, lose well.

b. Next time an Indian chips an Aussie, he gets a punch in the mouth.

Not that we're advocating violence.

On 3AW this morning Jon Anderson said, in effect, "the Aussies are just getting their own back." Balls! Two wrong-uns don't make a right-un. Straya have made a concerted effort to clean up their act. CricAussie, the ICC and the BCCI agreed. And yet, hot on the heels of the Indians chucking the toys out of the crib in Australia, here they are doing every single thing they whinged about. Sledging: Rollerboy, we know you said monkey. Claiming catches: don't lie, MS, you know the ball bounced. Not walking: who's the "cheat" now, Verandah?

In short: bad losers, worse winners.

In the vernacular: front runners, soft cocks.

NORMAL DISSERVICE WILL RESUME SHORTLY

You will have noticed that comments are playing up in the Second Test post. This is because
Typepadders are crawling around under the bonnet, looking for reasons why the "Remember personal info" doesn't work.

SECOND TEST: YAKETY ZAK

For several years now India have sought to suck Straya in. Get our bowlers bowling too many bouncers, like Saturday, and get our batsmen playing Cowboys to their Indians, like Adelaide 2003. But maybe, instead of goading Straya about their run-rate, the smart play would have been for Zac to shut up, rather than reminding the Strayans they need to knuckle down. Or do India simply prefer the Aussies knuckling down and scoring slowly?

Cocky Zaheer bags Australia

"Well, I mean the Aussies tell the world they have a run rate of four per over, that is all talk. They know they cannot take our 20 wickets and they are on the back foot," Zaheer said.

"They couldn't get me and 'Bhajji' out. We are in with a big chance and they are under pressure, we know that, so we are just looking ahead to the second game."

Zaheer has ensured it will be played in a steamy atmosphere. The left-arm paceman reacted furiously to a remark from Brad Haddin while he was batting with Harbhajan on Saturday, but no report was lodged with match referee Chris Broad.

"We all know Aussies do these kind of things. We settled the matter then and there on the field. We needn't take it any further," he said.

However, Zaheer continued his onslaught at the post-match press conference after he was named man of the match for his all-round contribution. He claimed Australia could not defeat India without a recognised spin bowler.

"This match clearly shows that. On a fifth-day wicket the spinners couldn't do us any harm so that tells everyone what the spin attack is all about. Even the pacers, they didn't look like getting a wicket today, on a fifth-day wicket like this. I think we are in with a big chance. The pressure is on them now to take 20 wickets."

The big worry, though, is the pitches. Hands up anyone who thinks India will serve up three more lifeless decks.

Then there's Siddle. Sausage Siddle? Clark was accurate but lacked incision in Bangalore. The Indians won't have seen much, if anything, of the new boy. They would have had a plan for Clark, but the Vic quick might surprise them. If - yes, if -  he puts the ball on the spot, he could be a handful.

********************

IT'S THE CRICKET, STUPID #

WHAT DOES THE CROCODILE HAVE FOR 19 DOWN?

"Then Kolokolo Bird said, with a mournful cry, 'Go to the banks of the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever-trees, and find out.'"

~~ Just So Stories

Remember David Astle? Well, one thing guaranteed to piss off crossword mavens, apart from a clue which is a complete fiasco, is a wrong clue:

The answer is Limpopo: burst = pop, into wheels of fortune = limo. Pretty good clue, as it happens, except that the Limpopo is a banker in Africa, not South America.

ENLIGHTEN THE LOAD

The AGB won't load properly. Anyone else had trouble accessing this fine organ of record? I have. Sporadically. Over the last two weeks. Anyway. Typepad are working on it. And if not "it" then something. Or other.

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Of course, this will mean nothing, less than nothing, if you can't actually load the AGB to read it.

If you can't read the AGB, get stuffed.

FIRST TEST: CHEATY MONKEYS

Right, then. Bangalore is open for business... on a conciliatory note:

Aussies cheated, says Virender Sehwag

"We suffered the most in the catches pact during the last series," Sehwag told ESPN-STAR."There is no point in having such an arrangement when the Australians are claiming one-bounce catches. We'd have won the Sydney Test if they hadn't claimed catches off half-volleys in that game."

Indian 'insults' anger Ponting

"We suffered the most in the catches pact during the last series," Sehwag said. "There is no point in having such an arrangement when the Australians are claiming one-bounce catches. We'd have won the Sydney Test if they hadn't claimed catches off half-volleys."

Ponting insulted by 'cheating' claims

"We'd have won the Sydney Test match if they hadn't claimed catches taken off half-volleys in that game," Sehwag told ESPN-STAR.

Would it be impolite for me to point out the V-Slog never said Straya "cheated"? Sure, he "intimated" it. He might have even "implied" it. But he never actually "said" it.

Still... get over it.

COGITO ERGO SOME

Out: wild dogs. In: boofheads.

All we want now is a cracking contest

AS BOMBS explode in Delhi, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, as terrorists are arrested in Mumbai, as religious conflicts break out in Orissa, as banks go belly up, as Mugabe continues his wicked ways, so cricket has an even greater responsibility to provide entertainment and enlightenment.

Not the least disturbing aspect of last summer's contentious series was the sight of the game's two main powers indulging in bitter recriminations.

Some thought the Australians behaved like boofheads. Others were convinced the visitors had stirred the possum. Regardless, it cannot be repeated. Nor can the rude catcalls heard last time in India.

MATCHELL

Oh, goody:

"The cricket from India starts on Thursday, ably headed up by Jim Maxwell and Glenn Mitchell."

~~ Karen Tighe, or someone.

COMING SOON

Cricket.

POEUVRE

I don't know what I don't like, but I don't not like Bill Leak.

STEFFED!

Ken Piesse has stiffed Stefan Martin. The big Demon came second in the grand final sprint, not the Dockers' Baldrick Gribblesdon.

White's a hot sprinter

RICHMOND'S Matthew White is the fastest man in football.

He yesterday won the grand final sprint on the line from Fremantle's Garrick Ibbotson, despite starting from scratch, two metres behind the field.

Third was Geelong's Nathan Djerrkura.

"I was nowhere near the lead at the halfway mark," White said. "I just kept going for it."

White had impressed in the heats. Bulldog Jason Akermanis and Hawthorn's Zac Dawson were among those to make it through to the final, as was Melbourne Stefan Martin.

"NOTE: This story has been updated."

A QUESTION OF TASTE

"Louche"... in a football article? Hats off to Paul Daffey.

The inspiration for the unusual request was the mayhem that had broken out the previous week during the Picola and District League grand final at Strathmerton, north of Shepparton.

The source of the problem at Strathmerton was a group of revellers who had begun drinking during the grand final breakfast.

Lax security at the entrance to the Strathmerton oval meant the revellers could then bring jam-packed portable coolers into the ground. The revellers' behaviour grew more louche as the day wore on. Three streakers made their way onto the ground while fights broke out on the sidelines.

THE ASHES (Unframed)

Good show, I thought, Geelong are going to build him a new house:

Geelong has come to the aid of Cobden footballer Simon Morris who lost his house in a fire while he was playing in a preliminary final in the Hampden League.

The 31-year-old dairyfarmer-come-ruckman lost thousands of dollars worth of football and cricket memorabilia in the blaze.

An electrical fire started as Morris was warming up [Très drôle, Hutchy.] for the final against Warnambool, which they lost by 15 points.

"I lost everything, including my 1997 Cobden premiership jumper and medallion, a signed 2007 Gelong footy club premiership jumper and a Geelong team of the century jumper," Morris said.

"There was also a heap of cricket things including Don Bradman, Keith Miller and Invincibles prints.

But the Cats came to the party when they heard of Morris situation, sending a signed 2008 jumper his way.

Remember Withnail's sarcastic tone? "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about."

"Once we heard of Simon's plight we wanted to help him out and we hope it adds a ray of light to a really sad event," Geelong spokesman Kevin Diggerson said.

Morris said he was hoping one last stroke of luck would come from the blaze. The single man is hoping a little publicity will help him find a girlfriend.