MELBOURNE ALL OVER

Go ahead, you're talkin' to Mocca.

G'day, Mocca, it's Joe here, from Eltham.

Hiya, Joe. How's the petrol station?

Ohhh, y'know, pretty good, I s'pose. Run outta mixed lollies.

You mean those bags with the teeth and too many milk bottles?

Yeah, that's them.

Bugger me. How you off for marella jubes then?

No worries there.

Bewdy. Love 'em.

Listen. You gonna come up here to see us?

Dunno, Joe, the Eltham's a fair hike from Richmond. Might manage to get up that way with the G'Day G'Day Gang next year.

Look forward to it. Gotta go. Some bloke in a turban can't work out the bowser.

Cheers, Joe. Joe's been workin' that station for years, grew up there. His dad used to play hockey with my dad. Top bloke. Everyone called him Sticks... you know, because he was from the sticks.

Ok... love to talk to you, wherever you are. Next is Geoff from Franger; that's Frankston, down the road a bit. I prefer Geoff to Jeff, don't you? Hello there, you're talkin' to Mocca.

G'day, Mocca. Just thought I'd give you a bell before I set off down the Peninsula.

Blimey. That's some trek, must be half an hour at least. Got your GPS? Yeah, of course you have. Tell me, how's the beast goin'? Geoff drives one of your authentic big rigs, a Conny - that's a Ford Econovan. What you got on board?

Haulin' for Ferguson Plarre. Big rush order for Mother's Day. Gotta get a batch of tiddly oggies to Rosebud Rotary.

Chop, chop then. See ya, Geoff.

See ya.

G'day, you're talkin' to Mocca.

Hi, Mocca, it's June from Sunshine here. Remember me?

No.

I met you at the Croxton Park Hotel in 1988.

That's a fair while ago, June. Lotta water, and all that.

Twenty years or more.

Sigh. That it is.

You were in a band, playing the trombone.

The trom. Grand instrument. What you doin' today?

I'm waiting for a train at Clifton Hill.

I love trains.

Me, too. But the 9:57 to Epping's just been cancelled.

It's a funny old world, doll. You must be cold out there.

I am. I love autumn, though. They call it "fall" in America, you know, cos of the leaves.

I do know. I'm always interested in the seasons... hey! Look at the time. It's comin' up 10. Thanks, everyone. Be uplifted.

Comments

[Francis Xavier Holden]

Sings: "Theres no better time to be an Australian than 9.49 am on Sunday morning".

Cos then I know there's only one minute of feckin Mocca all over (my pants)left

[Francis Xavier Holden]

Or 11 minutes if you are a pedant.

I'm sorry I'll read that again:

"Theres no better time to be an Australian than 9.59 am on Sunday morning"

[Mocca]

I knew a bloke up the Thomastown. Thommo, the locals call it. Great place. It's where they invented Moccas, y'know. Not me, the shoes. Anyway, this bloke - John, was his name - only spoke only in typos. Crazy fella, but sharp as a Keon Park duck... tack.

[Professor Rosseforp]

Are we talking Macca? There you go. Kel, what was that man's name, you know, I'm not sure, things were different, anyway there you go. Dick Smith. Australian manufacturing, I don't know. There you go.
I always like it when he rudely cuts people off so that we can have the news -- but we then 3 minutes of bird calls over muzak.
Not that I listen to Macca.

[carneagles]

I have a sister who lives about 20 miles outside Dublin, and for a while there my mother was taping Australia All Over off the radio and mailing it to her. That all ended when my sister politely explained that whilst she might get homesick every now and then, she was not - and would never be - that homesick.

[ThirdCat]

A little piece of me dies every time I am reminded of that man and that show.

[Laura]

eerily accurate. A tiny bit worrying how accurate actually.

[Mocca]

It is a bit.

Speaking of eerily accurate. Got a letter the other day from Neil in - Kel, are you listening? - Donvale. Is Donvale named because it is between Springvale and Doncaster? Could be. Or maybe because it's near Doncaster but on Springvale Road. Melbourne has loads of suburbs named after adjoining suburbs. Warranwood: between Warrandyte and Ringwood. If you know any more ring in. There's even Donburn which is between Donvale and Blackburn. How about that. A suburb named after the adjoining suburbs, one of which is named after other adjoining suburbs.

Where was I? That's right... eerily accurate. My mate Topper - we call him that because he always has a better story than you - knows a bloke called Eerily Accurate.

[Harry]

Knew a girl called Mirella once. We called her Jubey. That was probably unkind. Strange girl.

True story.

[Tony T]

At the risk of doing a Macca: same here.

[Helen]

Great stuff, Tony, it's like David Foster's dialogue. If you haven't read Dog Rock / The Pale Blue Crocheted Coat Hanger Cover, get to a second hand bookshop, stat. (His books are never in print but I think he's the Aussie talk writer bar none.)

[Professor Rosseforp]

I'll have to check out David Foster, but if he can catch the nuances of the Australian language like Robert G. Barrett, he would be wonderful to behold. There you go.

[Tony T]

Thanks, Helen. Consider it ordered.

I read the first Barrett book. It was good for a chuckle, but halfway through the second I'd had enough.

* It: The Pale Blue Crocheted Coat Hanger Cover.

[Professor Rosseforp]

Tony T., if you are going to give him another go, Robert G.'s book, "The Godson" is well worth a read -- he had learned how to put a story together by that stage.