After Grog Blog

ROT SOCKS

In the past Melbourne have been called the Fuchsias, the Red Legs and the Hot Socks. The fuschia is named after German botanist Leonhart Fuchs. Rot is German for red. Rot is English for rubbish.

It all adds up.

That ought to satisfy the inquisitive among you.

Before you turn away.

Melbourne. The Demons.

I think - I'm not sure - that if Melbourne win three or less matches this year we still get a priority pick. We miss out if we win more than eight games across two years. I can't see the Dees winning one match, let alone four. Still, I would rather we tanked last year's last game, if only to stop Carlton getting Judd. It wasn't Kruezer Carlton were set on, it was Judd (or more correctly, his people) who they'd been talking to since mid year.

Rumour: Not that Melbourne could have afforded Judd. He's being paid one million dollars a year by Visi for six hours a week's work consulting on "environmental matters". Nice "work" if you can get it.

Now. Everyone needs to stop listening to pretty much everything said or written in the media.

Melbourne does have a game plan. It mightn't be as readily identifiable as, say, the German Blitzkrieg, Stonewall Jackson's end-around at Chancellorsville or Steve Bradbury skating at the back of the field to avoid falling over, but it's there nevertheless, and was starting to become apparent in the first half. It's just that our execution was dreadful. It's a long time since I've seen a league side miss with so many handballs, let alone kicks. Give a contender like Hawthorn or a team of downhill skiers like the Bulldogs too much cheap footy and they will massacre you. (That's massacer, not massacree, Arlo.)

Our game plan looks roughly similar to Geelong 2007: have most (give or take full back and full forward) of your players move up and down the ground bunched within a kick of where the ball is at any one time. This means you always have loads of players around the ball who can a) put maximum pressure on the other side when they have the ball; and b) "run and carry" the agate down the ground en masse when you get your hands on the ball. It's what Geelong do perfectly. Melbourne's not insignificant problem is that we don't have Geelong's players. No Ablett, Bartell, Ling, Corey, Enright, Kelly; all hard running, strong over the ball, experienced, talented players. Melbourne, on the other hand, are a light, young side not yet used to said plan or physically capable of such a contact-intense style of footy.

After 10 years of Daniher - who looks as though he did a bang up job with a sh1t list - and with a significantly different game plan, it's going to take a while to get our act together. Hopefully, Bailey, who strikes me as nobody's fool, will take this year to look at all his players and sort the men out from the chaff.

Chaff.

• Bode: hack.
• Weetra: too light, too slow, too scared.
• Garland: doesn't look up to it.
• Peterd: too light.
• Whelan: too injured, too old.
• White: too old, dudded by the ruck rule change. Any chance he could sue the AFL Rules Committee for restraint of trade? Or, what is it, "being prevented from adequately doing his job"?
• Yze: too old, hasn't been near a pack since 1997 and even that was a mistake.
• Green: too old, too slow, having a sook (let's ditch the stupid leadership group).
• Neitz: too old, although a free run with injury might see him playing some good footy.
• Miller: Can't play.
• Robertson: Can take a hang... sometimes. Mostly he's a fair to steady forward. If he'd gone to the Dogs last year on a three year contract, we would have been ahead on the deal.
• Davey: I would have dropped him after round one. Like Weetra, he's scared. And now, with numerous injuries since 2004, he's lost a yard of pace. And his tackling has always been soft, despite being able to catch up with players.
• Dunn: Too slow. Soft.

I excluded the other usual suspect, Cam Bruce, because he can play. What's more, can every dullard and dead sh1t please stop droning on about how Bruce was left to fester on Brad Johnson. Bruce has played on Johnson before, and flogged him, and Melbourne have won. Playing Bruce on Johnson is a perfectly legitimate tactic.

Not sure about Rivers. Supposedly he went alright for Sandy, but is he ever going to play again or does he have a chronic case of the Gary Lyons? Still, he's got a touch of Chris Mew. You know, the unassuming key defender type who can always be relied upon to blanket the other side's key marking forward. Carroll, Bell and Wheatley would be better if Rivers was out there.

There's also the massed opinion that Melbourne should have already off-loaded all their veterans. Balls! At the end of last year we took the risk of exposing our depth and having to play youngsters in 2008 by getting rid of Johnston, Pickett, Ferguson, Bizzell, Brown and Ward. Are we also going to dump Neitz, McDonald, Yze, Green, Holland, Bruce? Not likely. You can't dump every old or underperforming player in one hit, it needs to be a staggered arrangement.

That's not to say the future is all rose coloured beer and skittles. Our recovery is going to take a while.

Courtesy of lousy drafting we have a huge hole in the 23 to 28 age group. But you can make excuses for that. It's not as if we've had access to a Judd, Hodge, Riewolt, Franklin, etc.

• 1997: Travis Johnston (Priority Pick) gave good service for a drunken fvckwit. Jeff White (Pick 1) has been very good without being great.
• 1998: Finished too high up the ladder for a side looking to rebuild after/on the impending loss of Lyon, Stynes and Viney. Chris Lamb (Pick 13) lacked agility for a key defender and needed back-up to play some reasonable games in the second half of 2002.
• 1999: Draft penalties after Joe Gutnick confessed to salary cap shenanigans meant another soft pick. This time Brad Green (Pick 19).
• 2000: More Joe's confession pain. Compound that with a second place finish which left the Dees out of the good players again. Although we still snagged... sigh, sob, thump the table, Scott Thompson (Pick 16).
• 2001: Luke Molan (Pick 9) broke his leg in 145 places then did his knee.
• 2002: Again finished out of the good picks and only a smart move to get rid of Shane Woewodin snagged Daniel Bell (Pick 14), who can play, while Nick Smith (Pick 15) was a highly rated junior and a not-unreasonable pick in the mid teens.
• 2003: Not looking like the best draft of all time, but at least Colin Sylvia (Priority Pick 3) and Brock McLean (Pick 5) aren't complete duds. Not yet, anyway.
• 2004: Another high finish. But with the Tigers, Hawks and Bullies all getting priorities, the draft was difficult for Melbourne whose first pick, Matthew Bate (Pick 13), was again in the teens.
• 2005: Ditto 2004. Another good finish meant that with, this time, Carlton, Collingwood and Hawthorn getting priority picks we did well to get Nathan Jones (Pick 12) in the teens.
• 2006: Teens again. James Frawley (Pick 12).
• 2007: Finally we had access to a top pick in Cale Morton (Pick 4) who looks like he might be something.
• 2008 - I just hope we win three or less and also that Carlscum don't tank again and jump in front of us. It would be ridiculous were we to continue to be dreadful but STILL get bumped by Carlscum in the talent race.

So, if we are going to blame anyone, we should blame Joe Gutnick's stupid guilty conscience; Neil Daniher for coaching an average team to reasonable ladder positions; and Daniher/Cameron/Fagan for not making assorted - NOT wholesale - hard calls on Yze, Green, Bruce, White, Wheatley, and whoever else you deem to be an overrated player making up numbers.

2008 can be nothing other than one of rebuilding. Rebuilding? Actually, planning permit, tendering, building permit, construction design, building, commissioning, signing off. About seven years.

Get. On. Board. This week Geelong are $1.03 the win. That means if you put $1,000,000 on Geelong and they manage to get up, you will win $3,000.

LA GRAND DELUSION

Leapster gets stuck into the NYT book/list of The Best 1000 Movies Ever Made. I wish I'd written the post.

THE 137 GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME, PLUS 863 UNMITIGATED CALAMITIES

or

How 100+ years’ worth of technological development, craftsmanship, creativity and genius led inexorably to the invention of National Lampoon’s Animal House.

Don't agree with an opinion expressed therein? Hate mail to the usual address. Or in the comments. It's your decision to make.

HOW ARE WE?

Get stuffed, we.

KINDA KINKS

Tonight. Ray Davies and band at The Palais.

The wish list:

Victoria, Australia, Brainwashed, Mr Churchill Says, Autumn Almanac, Shangri La, Driving, All Of My Friends Were There, Picture Book, Johnny Thunder, Last of the Steam-Powered Trains, Do You Remember Walter, 20th Century Man, Acute Schizophrenia Paranoia Blues, Dead End Street, Alcohol, Lazy Old Sun, Sunny Afternoon, Days.

You Really Got Me? No. Waterloo Sunset? Heard it a million times. Lola? Bogan anthem.

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ST KILDA TRIANGLE PRESERVATION SOCIETY #

Here's a stat for youse: On the Wednesday before Easter in 1973 my mum, my brother and me went to see Jesus Christ Superstar at the Palais in St Kilda. On the Wednesday before Easter 2008, my brother and me (and Nabakov) went to see Ray Davies at the Palais in St Kilda. If that amazing coincidence is not a good enough reason to preserve the Palais and Luna Park from the developer's wrecking ball, then my name's Grollo.

(Compounding the co-incidence, and for completion, I should also add that on the Wednesday before Easter in 1999 me and my mate Will saw the dreadful John Spencer Blues Explosion at The Palais, but no one, least of all me, likes to admit to mistakes. No idea what insane fit of caprice made me go see that tuneless fake funk hack.)

As always with going to see old favourites, I harboured doubts about whether Davies would be a let down. The Stones (2003) were dreary while the Who (2004) were a lot better but still not great; not Warren Zevon Stand In The Fire great, anyway.

Also, as Nick Lowe says: "people change, that's the long and short of it". Seeing a band 20, 30 or 40 years after they were great and maybe trying lo leverage some superannuation, as well as 20 years after you liked them most, after they gave you that original gut reaction, is a dicey proposition.

(Update! Sorry, forgot to mention that I was also slightly worried Davies would do something similar to his 1982 tour downunder when the Kinks were going through their dreadful heavy rock phase. As it happened, Nabakov's friend Glen saw them on that tour at the Entertainment Center in Perth and agreed they were shocking. However, my brother saw Davies in Ipswich England in 1999 and described a show somewhat similar to last night's.)

The Palais was a better option than either Rod Laver Arena or Vodaphone Arena; both crappy sports venues. The format was different, too. Davies' show was broken up into two one hour halves with a twenty minute intermission in the guts.

Early doors the signs weren't propitious. The sound for the first few songs was dreadful. Interestingly, out of the (roughly) ten tracks played in the first half, the best three were all off his 2006 solo album Other People's Lives. After The Fall, Next Door Neighbour and the Tourist were all terrific. From the other seven, Celluloid heroes went alright, and 20th Century Man, which I was looking forward to, was promising, but Davies and the band fvcked around with it, playing it too fast, and messy. A pity. The great strength of the song is the tight tempo and slow build up.

After the break there was a small acoustic set; just Ray and his guitar offsider Milton doing three songs. Given that I can't remember what they were - I think Sunny Afternoon or Dead End Street was one - they can't have been magnificent, or anything, but they weren't too shabby as far as I remember, which I don't.

After that trio the show hit top gear. Five beefed up songs starting with Set Me Free and ending with All Day And All Of The Night closed the second half. Milton should have used the blue guitar all night. Although I've never been a huge fan of All Day, it was the best song of the night; a gutsy, tight, balls and all ripper.

Days, and smacking suspiciously of a personal taunt, Lola and Waterloo Sunset were the encore. Days was the second best song of the night. Broken into three parts which consisted of an acoustic opening, a more-or-less standard middle and a rocked up third. It was ambitious - maybe too ambitious given the acoustics of the Palais - but it was a winner. Lola dragged on a bit, but despite my previous remark, it was fine. And Waterloo Sunset was also ambitious given its intricate structure, but Ray made it work just fine without the studio bells and whistles.

Disappointingly, there was nothing from Arthur or Village Green and only Waterloo Sunset from Something Else and only 20th Century Man from Muswell Hillbillies. They are my four favourite Kinks albums.

Aaaaaand: "You Really Got Me? NO" Doesn't even give a reason why don't want to hear it, except perhaps to suggest that you are too cool to listen to anything that made the Aus top 10." Spoken like a true non-Kinks fan, Yobbo you tin-eared fvcker. Not that I have to give a reason, but I didn't want to hear it because I have heard it a too many times and there are oodles of better Kinks songs. Nor did I even know what a Top 10 was when these songs were released. All my Kinks music appreciation started at least ten years after their zenith.

FAT CITY

Jacky Fristacky - surely, that's not her real name - in yesterday's Age:

Policies leave the city choking on traffic fumes

As architect and urbanist Lewis Mumford warned, trying to cure traffic congestion with more road capacity is like trying to cure obesity by loosening the belt.

Not one policy maker I know of advocates we simply "loosen the belt" and build more roads. Most every expert - real and actual expert, as opposed to vested interest shill - and every other non-expert, me included, advocates we "loosen the belt", "eat better" and "do exercise". In other words: get cracking on a shitload of different infrastructure solutions.

If Melbourne is going to get another million people by 2020, we don't need more rail and less cars or less rail and more cars, we need more road, more rail, more trams, more buses and more bike paths.

1: Outer Link. A freeway that connects East Link with the West Gate Freeway.

2: Carlton Tunnel. A tunnel from the end of the Eastern Freeway at Clifton Hill to the Tullamarine Freeway and on to the West Gate Freeway.

3. Punting Hoddle Tunnel. A tunnel that connects the Eastern Freeway at Clifton Hill to the Monash Freeway at Burnley. Heaps of people wanting to go from the south-east to the north and north-east (and vice versa) have to come into town, get off the Monash at Richmond and travel up Punt and Hoddle to the Eastern. Getting 'em off Punt Road and into a quicker tunnel has rock all to do with the fact that I live close to Punt Road, but that's a beneficial side-effect. Yes, I am aware there would be some duplication with a my Outer Link, but this is my pipe dream, so stick your objection up your gonga.

4. West Gate Tunnel. Much the same philosophy as my Punting Hoddle Tunnel. This one would take traffic from the inner west to the inner east and north-east.

5. Levelled Crossings. Dunno what it's like in the wilds of non-Melbourne Straya, but we have lots of level crossings where cars meet trains. When they are not causing accidents in which the cars most always come off second best, they are stopping traffic on roads all across Melbourne. The government should embark on a long term project to put underpasses or overpasses at all these pains in the arses. Just ask anyone who travels down the new Middlesborough Road how effective the removal of the Box Hill level crossing has been. Imagine the same stewed-prune-style loosening effect at Springvale Road in Nunna. Sigh... one can only dream.

6. The Underground. The radial train lines emanating from the CBD should be put underground to a distance of, say, 5 kilometers from said CBD. First, there would be a reclamation of wasted, ugly real estate; for example, the rail yards around Richmond and North Melbourne. Come one, I dare you: just try to tell me that covering the Richmond rail yards and turning them into a big park with trees and benches and a hard-to-say aboriginal name wouldn't be the greatest idea since Rowntrees Fruit Gums. Second, it would do away with the need to build underpasses and over passes at many level crossings, since many level crossings are within 5 kilometers of the CDB. Third, see 7.

7. Bike Paths. Once the railways are gone, there should be bike paths. It should be possible for anyone within a reasonable riding distance from the CBD to get there by treadly.

8. Cables. When you see a new suburb built, can you see the power lines? No, you cant, you can't. All new electrical distribution - as opposed to transmission - is done underground. They do this because it is environmentally better to look at, and electrically better protected. The down side is that faults are harder to fix. However, with sensible installation and modern fault finding, it's not hard to pull in a new length of cable to replace a damaged cable, and if you really must, you can dig a hole to fix a fault. Like I said, though, you put cables underground to minimise the chance of them being damaged. Anyhoo, before I got electrical on yo asses, if they are installing cables underground in new areas, it doesn't take much of a leap of logic to work out that they could do the same in the suburbs where all the cables are above ground on poles. True, cables don't have a whole lot to do with traffic management, but while I'm on a roll...

9. Commission Flats. They are knocking down tenements in Baltimore - I saw it on The Wire - so why can't they do it here? Who wouldn't like to see the commission flats razed? Horrible things. Of course, you would have to find somewhere for the current drug dealers... I mean, residents to live. Well, politics being the art of compromise, they could live somewhere else.

10. Ring Rail. Currently if you want to catch the train from Dandenong to Epping, two of our more salubrious locales, you have to catch a train into the CBD and out to Epping. Bollocks to that. There needs to be a train line connecting the all of our outer terminuses; a bit like the rim of a wheel.

Don't be giving it any "running out of petrol" guff as an excuse for building less roads. Yes, we are running out of petrol. Next week according to some; around 2299 according to others. But people being what people are, you can have it London to a brick that as soon as petrol shortages become serious enough, Gyro Gearloose or his human clever-trousered equivalent will have come up with a suitable replacement. And just by the by, people like driving cars.

A thousand stuck-shut boom-gates at peak-hour on your "that's going to cost a lot".

SO FAR, SO WHAT?

There is a magazine in today's Age: Melbourne FC 150th Year Anniversary, 1858 to 2008. It is a bumper edition celebration of the history, heroes and future of the Demons.

Gary Marchant's
Top 5 Memories So Far:
1. Making a last quarter comeback as the underdog in the qualifying final against Carlton in 2000 and winning by nine points to advance to a semi final against Brisbane.

Gary might need to run his memories by a good subby. Me, for instance. Melbourne did indeed beat Carlton in the 2000 qualifying final, but they advanced to the preliminary final against North Melbourne.

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CRAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BABY #

Got you on my mind:

Sesquicentenaries

• Australian Rules Football: 1858 to 2008
• Melbourne Football Club: 1858 to 2008
• Melbourne Grammar School (my old school): 1858 to 2008

Centenaries

• Richmond Football Club: 1908 to 2008
• Rugby League: 1908 to 2008
• Victorian Football League/Australian Football League: 1897 to 1996.

No, your eyes don't deceive you; that last one is not a pismrint. In 1996 the AFL wanted to cram Fitzroy into their centenary celebrations at the same time they were cramming the Roys into a merger with Brisbane. Yes, technically it was the 100th year. But with every subsequent public anniversary, the AFL's celebration of their 100th birthday one year early looks more and more stupid.

MARY JANE

Dawn's not here, maaaaan:

Dawn Wells, Gilligan's Island's Mary Ann, caught with drugs

IT started with a surprise birthday for actress Dawn Wells, best known as the wholesome Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island, and ended with the actor being caught with marijuana in her car driving home.

TWOPPER WITH CHEESE

Since you remind me, here's my nomination for the best worst Aussie blog:

The Worst of Perth

A showcase of the worst examples of architecture, design, culture and humanity in Perth Western Australia. Posts may contain adult concepts and occasional coarse language.

TWOP is such good a blog, and so well executed, I was thinking of doing the same sort of thing here at AGB. TWOM has a nice wrong to it.

In keeping with ancient blogging lores and traditions, passed down only by word of print, I will claim the idea as my own.

WHAT A SILLY CLUNT

Gold from Gaz, hereby preserved for posterior:

The Perils of Calling it how you see it

Davis steps out, hits this high up in to the air, he will be caught. Oh no they've fucked it up the Tigers! Anderson went out to try to get it backward of square.

~~ Clint Wheeldon, ABC Perth

HIGH AFTERNOON

Ben Wade: "Byron acts pious. Few years ago, when he was under contract to central, I seen him and a bunch of other Pinks mow down 32 Apache women and children."

~~ 3:10 to Yuma

Dan Evans (Christian Bale) is a rancher with problems: drought, debt, a son who thinks Evans is a wuss, one leg. Evans wants to clear his debt and win the respect of his son. And who knows - maybe if he completes the task, his luck will change causing it to rain and his leg to re-atta... no.

Ben Wade (Russell Crowe) is an outlaw: hot women, charm, quick on the draw, quick on the drawing, everyone likes him... well, mostly everyone if you exclude the people who want to kill him, and he has been arrested pending transfer to Yuma prison for hanging.

There's Evans' debt sorted. For $200 he volunteers to escort Wade from Bisbee to Contention where Wade can be put on the eponymous 3:10 to Yuma.

As for the respect of his son. If Evans completes the task his son will finally look down to him. (That's a gag. You'll get it when you see it.) That's because Wade's gang will be trying to stop Evans getting their boss to Contention; and where Evans will be able to demonstrate singularly cartilage-popping athleticism for a one legged man.

This version is different to the 1957 film with Van Heflin (Evans) and Glenn Ford (Wade). The Yuma 2007 has much greater emphasis on the journey from Bisbee to Contention; more blood, bullets, stunts and pyrotechnics; more is made of Wade being transported to Yuma to be hanged; and a significantly different ending. In fact, the later version's day-new-mont is barely believable. The ending here doesn't seem to fit, or be even close to necessary. I'd like one of the people involved, or a savvy critic, to explain precisely why they decided to end the film like they did. (Second thought & possible spoiler: maybe Yuma 2007 is true to the book while the makers of Yuma 1957 did a Natural and squibbed it.)

The earlier film also showed why 1950s directors like Budd Boetticher and Anthony Mann are so highly esteemed. They didn't have the technological advantages - if they can be called advantages, and not short cuts - or the freedom of expression we call swearing and splattering with blood. But within around ninety minutes they told all that needed to be told.

Not that Yuma 57 is great and Yuma 07 bad. More like Yuma 57 is pretty good and Yuma 07 is better than average. Feel free to quibble about the relative scales. Maybe it's an expectation thing. I assume lots of Fifties films will be excellent, I assume lots of Naughties films will be rubbish.

Yuma 07 has been referred to as "the best western since Unforgiven". That's like saying the A Bigger Bang is the best Stones album since Steel Wheels. Unforgiven just goes. Come on, own up - you walked out at the end, blinking, slightly puzzled, "Was that boring?" and wondering what all the fuss was about. I know I did. And there have been barely any good westerns since 1992. (Check out an under-rated TV western called The Jack Bull.)

The cast is solid. Werner Herzog is right about Crowe: "his underplaying here is in many ways as hammy as if he were overplaying, and that's just fine." Bale is suitably grim as the one-legged rancher with something to prove. Ben Foster gives good psycho as Wade's offsider Charlie Prince. Peter Fonda is better than usual as a Pinkerton's man. In the extras he makes some crack about "Acting is what us actors do." Ironic coming from someone with as dreadful a track record as Fonda; he's been in some shockers. He should consider himself lucky to have been carried by the likes of Warren Oates, Harry Dean Stanton, Jack Nicholson, to name a few. My favourite role in Yuma 07 is Dallas Robert as Grayson Butterfield. I've never heard of him before, but he does a bang up job here as a stage coach owner who accompanies Evans to Contention. I dunno. Sometimes you just like a role and I like Butterfield.

Anyway, it's better than "if you've nothing better to do" but not as good as "you must see it."

SNORE POLL

ABC Grandstand?

1. Bollox
2. Boring
3. "We now cross to the Hopman Cup."

SPOKH TOO SOON

Whitey Flanagan in today's Age:

One of the Crowd

My good news story of the week? An interview with Harbhajan Singh as he was leaving. The Indian media's response to the one-day finals has not been encouraging — headlines such as "A Victory over Australian Pride and Prejudice" — but the Sikh who calls himself "a fighting cricketer" said he wanted to play again in Australia.

"It wasn't that everyone hated me," he said. "Whenever I went out, people would come and meet me." So that's how our summer of tumult ends. With Harbhajan Singh as the voice of reason.

Today's Herald Sun:

Harbhajan blasts Hayden, Gilchrist as rift widens

CONTROVERSIAL spinner Harbhajan Singh has further deepened the animosity between India and Australia, calling Matthew Hayden "a big liar" and Adam Gilchrist "no saint"...

Harbhajan said he was upset when Hayden and wicketkeeper-batsman Gilchrist both supported Symonds in the racial row.

"Don't talk about Hayden's credibility, he is a big liar," Harbhajan told the Delhi-based tabloid Mail Today.

"He (Gilchrist) is also not a saint. He, of course, pretends to be a saint - someone who doesn't say an offensive word on the field.

"But this is completely wrong. There are times when he doesn't let an opportunity go (to) waste," Harbhajan said, adding Gilchrist said nasty things on the field.

Next: A flat denial or extreme dudgeon at being so wickedly taken out of context, followed by a BCCI announcement that there's no case to answer.

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DENIAL #

It's a denial; at least according to the India Times:

Harbhajan denies remarks against Aussie players

JALANDHAR, March 7: India's ace spinner Harbhajan Singh on Friday denied having called Australian opener Matthew Hayden a 'big liar' and wicketkeeper-batsman Adam Gilchrist 'no saint'.

Harbhajan, who was at the centre of most of the controversies during the acrimonious tour of Australia, was quoted by a daily as saying "Don't talk about Hayden's credibility, he is a big liar".

The spinner, however, made it clear that he had not made such comments.

"I did not make these comments. A lot has been written in the last few days, but I have not said such things", Harbhajan said.

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SPOKH TOO LATE #

Stakeholders Sutherland shuts the gate after the dolt has bolted:

Discipline Harbhajan: Australians

CRICKET Australia has finally abandoned diplomacy and demanded that India discipline Harbhajan Singh for his latest outburst after the spinner questioned the credibility of Matthew Hayden and the ethics of Adam Gilchrist.

Cricket Australia chief executive James Sutherland yesterday wrote to Indian board secretary Niranjan Singh expressing his exasperation.

"Enough is enough," Sutherland wrote. "Despite assurances that you have instructed him not to fuel this issue any more, Harbhajan continues to say whatever he wants. When will it ever end? Could you please deal with your player in regard to these comments."

WHAT BLANKET?

Just ban booze:

Not a fan of shameful crowd behaviour

SHAMEFUL cricket crowds and pathetic security have delivered a embarrassing blot on Australia, which is kidding itself if it thinks it does not have a serious problem on its hands.

Crowds here are now the ugliest in the world, and that is no small statement considering some of the behaviour from fans at Indian grounds.

TOO VEXY

Greg Baum's article today is too hard on Straya, but as a summary of the summer - An Indian Summary - it's worth a look.

Out with the old, in with the new

THE last unedifying kerfuffle of a vexatious summer obscured the enduring message to emerge from it. You might even argue, looking at yesterday's front page, that it fell between the cracks.

SYMONDS HITS THE FAN

THE CANTONATOR

Monkey acts and spitting were not enough. After being taunted by yobbos, Rollerboy should have kicked a member of the crowd.

Discuss.

THE BATTIFICATION OF ST MATTHEW

Homer links to Rebecca Wilson in the Sydney Telegraph:

Cricket Australia bow to bullies

WHEN we think of Australian sporting characters, opener Matthew Hayden is not exactly the man who immediately comes to mind.

Great batsman. Prolific run scorer. Good team man. But character? Hardly.

This week, Hayden knocked on the door and asked for entry into the hallowed hall where our great sporting characters reside.

Can I just mention that Homer runs the excellent Indian cricket blog: My Two Cents. Naturally, he's on the flip side of pretty much everything written here. But it's not just rabid Hindi - How's that for ya, Boo? - ranting. It's a tight blog written from the enemy... sorry, opposition perspective. Just beware the enormous links.

Anyhoo, Rebecca Wilson.

Most of her article is fine: instead of getting all high and mighty with Hayden, CricAussie should have pulled him aside for a quiet word in his shell-like; CA should stop sucking up; and the Indians are sooks and squealers. "Humourless as a box of hammers" is a nice mixed metaphor, too. But I agree with Homer that the bit about the castes was dopey, although I'm not sure why I think that. Maybe because it doesn't matter whether Rollerboy is rich, poor, a member of India's "burgeoning middle class" or even a real and actual intemperate Sikh warrior. It looks more like she chucked that in to give the article intellectual backbone. It doesn't. Nor was I aware a bully's favourite line is "Nobody likes you". Although, you really have to concede it contains an element of truth in regard to Hayden; he's not popular with the opposition.

Strangest, though, is her beatification of St Matthew the Character.

Reverend Flatty is a fantastic cricketer, but he ain't no saint. If he was he would have made a sacrifice. That's what Saint's do: stick to their guns then get executed. Flatty obviously didn't have to go that far, but he could have owned his statement that Rollerboy is "an obnoxious weed" because Rollerboy IS an obnoxious weed, and everyone knows it. But no. Flatty allowed CA to force him into an apology.

Not that it was much of an apology. Not that it was much of an offence; more one of time and place - discretion, if you like - than what was actually said. But it was your typical sporting apology: "I called him a cvnt, his mum a whore, his dad a faggot, his country a shithole... I didn't mean to hurt his feelings."

On second thoughts, maybe the sacrifice was to look like a goose on telly reading from a prepared statement.

Wouldn't it have been magnificent if, just once, a professional sportsman stood his digs and said "Hang on, this bloke is a fair dinkum dead shit. Barley Charley on your apology."