After Grog Blog

BLACK & WHITE LINE FEVER

The AGB Anti-Nastyism Code.

Doubtless I'll look like a tool, and I'm absolutely positive I'm making a rod for my own back, but here goes.

Imagine my surprise this afternoon when I logged onto the internet (no, that doesn't mean I [email protected] my bathers) and had a good read through the comments on the Fourth Test post.

Cue the excellent Algy... sorry, Ginger.

As a long time lurker here, thanks Tony for your insightful and witty posts and Pat, thanks for your articulate and historical response to Boo's strange assertion that Roy 'brought it on himself'.

There were several comments made here over the course of the test(s) in relation to the Indians (and Serbians weirdly) which made me uncomfortable and lowered the tone somewhat. I enjoy this blog and the comments, precisely because there is generally intelligent and witty discussion taking place which enhances my enjoyment of the cricket. I'm pretty sure there are more suitable forums for petty name calling and stereotyping on the www.

Lots of people who run blogs step in toot sweet to put the kybosh on nastiness. Not me. I like nastiness. But there are limits. My limits.

(Often too toot sweet, in my opinion. It's like the kyboshers are revelling in their power to kybosh. Or maybe they are pinheads who want to prove how righteous they are. Or putting the clamps on a dissenting opinion. Or losing an argument. Or just maybe they are right.)

Those limits, though, relate less to what you say and more to how you say it.

Keeping it topical, I don't have a problem with anyone calling the Indians "curry munchers". But I have a big problem with anyone calling them "effing curry munchers". You Indians are welcome to call us Strayans whatever nicknames you have. Goondahs, was it? Dunno what it means, it might even be nasty, but if that's your sledge of choice, go for it. And feel free to call me a monkey. On the other hand, don't call me an "effing monkey" or a "hunting goondah!" Get my drift?

Similarly for sledges in code. Notorious Biggy crossed the line the other day when he wrote "Packer Black Hunts". I write it now to make a point, but comments like that will be scratched. For nob-vious reasons.

Thing is, if I was to sledge Biggy he probably wouldn't care because he has been reading this blog for years and would know I was having a lend of him, not having a lash at him. By the way, I have no idea what "Kerry Packer weeps" means, you effing hunt.

Nor do I have a problem with whatcha might call robust exchanges:

13th Man: "You deserve my contempt"

Boo: "And you're beneath mine."

But making a point TOO forcibly is asking for trouble. By all means say you don't respect Indians, if that's your thing. I mean, I don't respect Carlton fans, people with tattoos, Big Brother housemates, the wankers who pick the music played on 774ABC radio, Jews, Muslims, Catholi...

Anyway, walking the fine line between abuse and sh1tstirring is a juggling act. Or a balancing act. It's certainly matter of tact.

The difficult bit from my end is what to do if someone gets out of hand. Nabakov reckons this blog is like a pub: I'm the landlord and you commenters are the booze addled pissheads... I mean, patrons. Anyone who mucks up gets put in a friendly headlock as a hint to keep their shit together. He's right. Up to now my preference has been to ignore the hot-heads and hope they suss the tone of the blog, get a feel for the place and either fvck off or pull their own head in without my tuning them. More often than not, we all end up on friendly terms without me banning them or closing off a thread. I have never banned a commenter. I have never closed off a thread because of a sh1tfight. Nor do I have a list of approved words like the ICC or the AFL. All I've done in the five and a half years of blogging is edit the occasional obscenity.

So keep one thing in mind: IT IS THE TONE THAT COUNTS, FVCKERS!

Got it?

Good.

You don't have to be an effing weather man to know which way the hunting cookie crumbles.

SPANKEE

Here.

What am I doing? Not sure. I want to keep all the Test Match posts and comments in one place. Boynton mentioned something about "the nature of blogging" and "readers might miss your updates" and how I needed to better identify new Test Match posts. And Peter M. emailed about RSS.

FOURTH TEST: BARREL OF MONKEYS

1. Preview
2. Fruit Cake
3. The Sport of Rings
4. The Midwinter Draft
5. Day One
6. Down Syndrome
7. Day Two
8. The Writing's On The Ball
9. Casualties of Lore
10. Day Three
11. Goad Warrior
12. Day Four
13. Roll Player
14. Day Five
15. Spin Shitty
16. Bucken Dickhead
17. Tired and Demotional
18. Protest Match Special
19. Blubble Standards
20. Spankee

******

PREVIEW #

Snowtown barrel, that is. And welcome to Adelaide, Michael C. Hall of teevee's Six Feet Under.

So, India will have the same side, give or take a spinner and an opener. Straya will have the same side, give or take a spinner and an opener. The difference being that the changes might unbalance India whereas they should re-balance Straya. Still:

• Straya $1.85
• Draw $2.50
• India $7.00

The bookies obviously don't take bets from India. Those odds seem rudely weighted towards the home team. Sure, Perth will be a huge spur for Straya and they will have their selections and pitch awareness sorted. And I'm positive they won't let India win by bowling part-timers to pick up a mishandled over rate. Still can't get my head around that. Again: to protect Ponting from suspension Straya let India win. Bizarre. If that happens again I will agree with Spanky: Ponting must be sacked. But while I see Straya playing better, India are enormous confidence players and front runners, so Perth should be a huge fillip for them.

Either way, SACA pitch doctor Lally Burdett should serve up another belter with a garnish of day five action. So I just hope Straya shelve the stupid and grind out some big runs, because India will like batting here, too. Straya can't afford any Agarkar dumbness like day four in 2003.

******

FRUIT CAKE #

Speaking of Spanky, he's taking the piss, right?

Recalls, retirements to add extra spank

AUSTRALIA must not be waylaid by nauseating nationalists convinced that the defeat in Perth was caused not by a combination of absent friends and wayward bowling but by a sudden bout of politeness. Nor must it take heed of backslappers arguing that India's celebrations and appealing at the WACA Ground matched Australia's excesses in Sydney.

That is to confuse joy with rage. Likewise, the umpiring was acceptable and even-handed. Only lamingtons imagine otherwise.

Funny how most of his sh1t-stirring occurs in the privacy of his own boudoir. Surely, he'd be reluctant to be so flagrantly antagonistic in the commentary box.

******

THE SPORT OF RINGS #

Nothing to do with cricket. Not even current. Connolly and Bruckner in a cage match over the Olympic games:

Clock ticks down to fortnight of turgid TV DON'T you love those countdowns to big events we newspapers run. You know the sort. This many days until the NAB Cup … that many days until the AFL premiership season … and, my personal favourite, a truck-load of days until the next Olympic Games.	220 days until the Olympics and millions who care TWO hundred and twenty days to go until the Beijing Olympics and, unlike my esteemed colleague Rohan Connolly in this column yesterday, I can't wait. Having the greatest sporting event in the world only once every four years just makes the anticipation all the more exciting.

******

THE MIDWINTER DRAFT #

Scyld Berry says England should load up on spinners and prepare dodgy wickets for next year's Ashes. He also suggests England should draft in Bowled Sacky Sacky Bowled Mushtaq.

India's success gives England hope for Ashes

In planning their strategy for 2009, England need to think about slow, turning pitches, negating Australia's advantage in pure pace and playing to their own strengths of swing and left-arm spin. If Panesar needs a second spinner, the possibilities are Graeme Swann, maturing as England's first-choice spinner in one-day cricket, or Saqlain Mushtaq, Pakistan's off-spinner who has become a naturalised British citizen and offered his services to England. But that would depend on the lengths that England's new selection panel are ready to go to in pursuit of the Ashes.

Why should England be the only country to "benefit" from bringing in players from other countries? Sure, we had Keppler Wessels, but I didn't want him. And England have picked Basil Dolly, Alan Lamb, Robin Smith, Kevin Pietersen, Tony Greig, Andy Caddick, Marty McCague, Graeme Hick, Alan Mullaly, Gerain... anyway, you get the picture.

Charlie Croker: "I've got a great idea."

Whenever a player who has played first class cricket in one country wants to play for another country, he must enter a draft in which he must go to the bottom team on the ICC Test Ladder. For instance, KP should have gone to Bangladesh. If a player wants to leave the bottom side, he must go to the next one up the ladder.

This draft will be called the Midwinter Draft in honour of Billy Midwinter who played for both England and Australia from 1877 to 1887.

******

DAY ONE #

Just one more wicket. Just. One. More. Wicket. That was all it would have taken for Straya to claim the upper hand on day one. But thanks to Flatty's bumbled sitter off Dhoni late in the day, India can claim day one honours. Gilly's shocker was contributive, too. In one respect it allowed Laxman further time at the wicket, sucking Strayan momentum; and in another more general respect, dropped catches eat at the fielding side. And its supporters: f*^k! It's a testament to Strayan professionalism that they rarely let drops affect their performance; they just cost.

India 5/300? Well, that looks about par for a first day in Adelaide, but it could be better than it seems. If India knock up what everyone seems to think is a respectable Adelaide score of 400+ then Straya will be under some real pressure given their troubles with both the swinging AND spinning ball. India has a much more potent and varied attack than many touring predecessors. Now their clever use of Irfy at the top of the order means they have an attack of five bowlers, all who have been handy-to-excellent at different times in this series, so they present a major threat when Straya bat.

And with TLM and Dhoni Kebab still at the wicket, 400 will be the very least India are aiming for.

So it will be up to the Aussie bowlers to try to cut through the last five Indian wickets. Here's hoping the excellent Lee, the almost excellent Johnston and the weirdly under-bowled Clark can do the business. Hogg, too. The Tongue went for plenty off TLM yesterday, but oddly enough, I reckon he bowled alright. Strayans might pine for the Warne days, but even Warne struggled against India; they eat spinners.

Should I comment on the umpiring? Well, alright then. They seem to be playing a numbers game on elbees. Ganguly was stiff, although I can see why he was given out. I read somewhere that he hit it, but on the replay last night, the ball clearly hit his pad before it flicked his glove. Still, if the Raj was out, then so too were V-Slog, Wall and TLM.

For the record: It is theoretically easier for an umpire to judge an elbee when the ball hits the batsman on the crease because the umpy has a better idea of where the ball is going in relation to the stumps.

******

DOWN SYNDROME #

The very last line of this article by Sambit Bal says it all:

"This is not the first time India have out-caught Australia."

Permit me direct to you to a post I wrote in January 2004:

DROPPING IS CATCHING

After watching Stewart MacGill in klutz overdrive, this might be the right time to link to an article in today's Telegraph on Australia's catching woes:

MAYBE it's just bad luck. Maybe it's because Australia have remodelled their slips cordon. Maybe it's just the pressure. Whatever the reason Australia have succumbed to a rare dose of butter fingers in their Test series against India and it is threatening to prove decisive.

What the online article doesn't contain is the following chart:

BRISBANE
Martyn....Sehwag....16 (45)
MacGill....Ganguly....103 (144)

ADELAIDE
Ponting....Laxman....65, 138 ( 148)
Gilchrist....Dravid....9 (72)
Ponting....Dravid....20(72)

MELBOURNE
Katich....Sehwag....66 (195)
Langer....Sehwag....73 (195)
Lee....Ganguly....9 (37)
Gilchrist....Agarkar....0 (0)
Gilchrist....Tendulkar....12 (44)

SYDNEY
Katich....Chopra....8 (45)
MacGill....Tendulkar....149 (220)
MacGill....Laxman....172 (178)

The last two were added by me after today's clown fest.

No matter the reason - lack of practice, bad technique, pressure, injury, suspension, luck - the article reveals a poor record that seems to tie in with Scott Wickstein's observation that John Buchanan might be doing something wrong because the article goes on to say:

The Australian team does not train as hard as it used to but this may not necessarily correlate to poor infield catching.

But it may.

I'm of the opinion that over the last few years of dominance, Australia has taken it's catches whereas the opposition have dropped theirs.

When it comes to costly misses, I always think back to Steve Waugh in the West Indies in 1995. As we all know he made 200 in the decisive test, but what's often forgotten is that he was dropped an absolute sitter by keeper Courtney Browne (he was about 40). At that stage Australia were three down and still trailing and it's debatable whether they would have managed a big enough lead to snatch the series.

On the flip side, in recent losses Australia have dropped a bundle in Sydney against England, Martin Love dropped a sitter in slips off Omari Banks in the West Indies record chase and now against India, Australia have been nigh on inept.

It shouldn't be forgotten that Rahul Dravid took a blinder to get rid of Martyn in Adelaide. The kind of catch that can - and in this case has - gone a long way to decide a series.

Australia's attack will weaken over the next few years and the team will struggle with the increased pressure inferred by the expectation of fewer chances. This means that they must firstly remember that "catches win matches" but more importantly that "dropped catches LOSE matches". And do something about it!

With respect to Wicky's comment above, here's Bruce yesterday with a paved paradise, a parking lot, a pink hotel, a boutique and a swinging hot spot.

I am adding to my push for Brazen Hussey to be introduced with a call for the return of Bobby Simpson as the fielding drills coach. Sure this baseball fella has them cutting off balls better and throwing harder with more accuracy - but I don't think there is a baseball equivalent of the cordon.

Part of the bad old days malady was the dismal slips catching that followed the retirement of Greg Chappell. Then Bobby flogged AB, Tubby, Junior and others until they became as close to the backyard cricket automatic wicky as I may ever see in my life.

*strains of Big yellow taxi should accompany that last part*

Straya certainly have to do something. It seems to me nothing has changed since 2004. Don't forget they put down some costly howlers in the 2005 Ashes. In fact, Strayan catching has been deplorable for pretty much the whole 21st century.

Anyway, on to this series. Now might be the time to avert your eyes. Or in the words of a newsreader about to read a footy score: "If you don't want to relive the pain, look away now."

First Test: First Innings

7.1	Johnson to Dravid, no run, dropped, the batsman pushing forward away from his body and a thick edge flies low and hard to Jaques at fourth slip who can't hang on with his right hand. Dravid on 0, made 5 (5)

Second Test: First Innings

18.6

Clark to Laxman, FOUR, dropped, Laxman tries to pull a short ball down leg side and gets an edge on it, the ball flies towards Gilchrist's left, he dives and gets a bit of glove on it but the ball beats him and runs to the fine-leg boundary, it would have been a spectacular catch. Laxman on 49, made 109 (60)

24.4	Clark to Dravid, no run, did Gilchrist drop that? Dravid jumped back and tried to glance a slow short ball down leg side, he might have got a bit of glove on it but Gilchrist didn't collect a simple chance, it did come off the glove Dravid on 18, made 53 (35)

30.6	Lee to Laxman, 1 run, dropped, Gilchrist has put down another one, a genuine nick low to his right and the batsman gets a life, Lee will be disappointed after finding the edge from a press forward Laxman on 77, made 109 (32)

102.3

Clark to Harbhajan Singh, 1 run, dropped, Gilchrist lets another one go, Harbhajan tried to pull another short ball, the ball lobbed in the air towards Gilchrist who pedaled backwards and got both gloves to it, he still couldn't hold on Harbhajan on 29, made 63 (34)

Second Test: Second Innings

14.2

Johnson to Dravid, no run, dropped, Symonds grasses a sitter at first slip, Johnson hit the perfect length and line across the right-hander, Dravid was squared up on the back foot as he fended at the ball, the outside edge flew comfortably to Symonds who is at first slip because Hayden is injured, the ball popped in and popped right out Dravid on 18, made 38 (20)

35.1	Symonds to Ganguly, no run, dropped, Michael Clarke at first slip, that one just flew to his left, but was a genuine chance Ganguly on 43, made 51 (8)

Third Test: First Innings

27.2	Lee to Dravid, no run, oh Clarke's dropped it! Dravid goes fishing way outside off stump, gets a thick outside edge, very late into the shot as the ball comes onto him quickly, but Pup drops it at first slip, squeezing at it as he moves to his left and spills a sitter! Dravid on 7, made 93 (86)

Third Test: Second Innings

16.5	Lee to Sehwag, no run, dropped! Regulation gully catch as Sehwag flashes a driven edge off a wideish one, and the usually reliable Michael Hussey crouches to catch, but spills it Sehwag on 43, made 43 (0)

69.5	Lee to Laxman, 1 run, oh Clarke's dropped another! Laxman flashes a square-drive, having a real go at a wide half-volley, and Clarke cant hold on above his head at gully, jumping and getting fingers on it but letting it go Laxman on 60, made 79 (19)

Fourth Test: First Innings

63.3

Lee to Laxman, no run, Gilchrist drops a sitter! Laxman poked his bat out at one outside the off stump and a healthy edge flew through at a comfortable height for Gilchrist who moved to his right to take the catch, it popped in and popped right out, Hayden looks bewildered at first slip, the crowd lets out a loud groan Laxman on 37, made 51 (14)

80.6

Johnson to Dhoni, 2 runs, now Hayden drops a sitter! Dhoni drives hard at one that angles into him and gets an outside edge that flies at a very comfortable height to Hayden at first slip, he can't believe he's dropped it himself, it dipped on him at the last minute and he only got fingertips to it Dhoni on 3, made 16 (13)

96.4	Lee to Kumble, no run, dropped, Kumble gets an inside edge on to the thigh pad as he tries to defend off the back foot, the ball goes quickly towards Jaques at short leg and goes straight through his hands Kumble on 7, made 87 (80)

136.5

Clarke to Sharma, no run, dropped again! Clarke bowled the loosest full toss which Ishant patted back tamely at head height towards the bowler, Clarke got his hands up in time but grassed a sitter, Ponting is not amused Sharma on 4, made 14 (10)

141.6

Lee to Sharma, no run, dropped but it was a difficult chance, Ishant pushes at the ball away from his body and the outside edge flies to Ponting's right at second slip, he dives full length and low to his right but can't hold on, on a better day it might have stuck, fantastic effort Sharma on 10, made 14 (4)

150.5

Johnson to Sharma, no run, dropped, but another difficult chance, Ishant drives hard and away from his body, the outside edge flies quickly to Hussey who jumps up and gets both hands to it, he can't hold on and the ball runs towards third man Sharma on 14, made 14 (0)

Fourth Test: Second Innings

2.2	Lee to Sehwag, no run, dropped, Sehwag slashes away from his body at a wide ball and hits it with the toe end of the bat, the edge flies straight to Clarke at second slip, it's a sitter and he grasses it, it came right at him at a comfortable height too. Sehwag on 2, made 151 (149)

Far as I can remember, the only catch India have missed in this series is TLM dropping Clarke in Perth. And yet, here we are, once again boasting about how great our fielding is compared with the dreadful Indian fielding. Excuse me while I have a momentary tantrum: BOLLOX!

It's almost got to the point where we should dump our fielding drills and have round-the-clock catching practice. Or maybe there is a wider, yet seemingly absurd implication: India have it right for Test cricket. It could be that our fielding is now so heavily geared to the one-day format with the running and the diving and the sliding and the throwing, BUT with the expectation something is always about to happen, that we have neglected to work on our Test match waiting game where you need to take a chance out of the blue.

******

DAY TWO #

Our catching was rubbish, a lot of our bowling innocuous our tactics inflexible and the India tail wagged, but you know what? Apart from the catching, which really, really, REALLY! makes me fume, I'm not upset. After all, we've retained the BG trophy, which is something I thought we'd struggle to do at the start of the tour. If the honchos had scheduled India a few lead up games, like Kumble reportedly asked for, we probably would have lost the series. Sucked in, BCCI.

Nor would it be just me who is sitting sanguine. I'll give it London to a brick there are heavy-hitters in CricAussie who doubted our ability to hold onto the BG. Why? Well, because of the obvious retirements, that's why.

We are smack bang in the guts of a rebuilding phase and here is seriously depleted Straya, missing guns and trialling up-and-comers, still capable of matching it with a very good India containing Tendulkar, Kumble, Dravid, Laxman and Ganguly.

And therein lies an all too often ignored fact: India are about to cop it in the arse from retirements, too.

Parolerboy, only playing by the grace of the judiciary, is in the papers today boasting about how good India are, how "no team has challenged the way we have challenged Strayans" and skyting about how they are world champions because they won the T20 World Cup even though it wasn't the world cup, and yet they are also about to lose their greats.

Enjoy the rebuilding, pal.

I mean, how good will India be without those five champions? And even here in Adelaide, if Straya had held their catches, India's very strong batting line up would have been out for under 400 on a road.

Sure, India have got a billion people ready to step into their retiring champions shoes, or so we are repeatedly told, but you don't readily replace the kind of experience they are about to lose. What's good for the mallard is good for the muscovy. If Straya are currently doing it tough without Warne and McGrath, how good will India will without their champs?

Who would you back to get their actor together quicker? Crazy India and their bizarre structure that is just as likely to wreck a player's career as it is to develop a potential champ, or Machine Straya and their robust club, state, Test pathway.

******

THE WRITING'S ON THE BALL #

And I don't mean Kookaburra, A.G.Thompson, approved, 156g, solid hi... ahem.

It means I agree with Nick. It was ordinary the way Gilly laughed off his bumbling. Maybe that's what's wrong with the Strayan catching: they are too busy laughing and f**king around on the field and not busy enough concentrating on the business of catching.

And just by way of supposition. Are the Strayan catching problems down to Gilly? I mean, does the keeper set the tone? Could it be Gilly's Party Patel imitations are rubbing off?

Anyhoo, just by way of getting-the-first-one-in, two weeks ago here at the AGB:

Wee Wee wouldn't have got to 100 if Gilly had his sh1t together. After performances like yesterday, he's running the risk of being compared with The Grates: Party Patel, Geraint Jones and the down-and-going (as opposed to up-and-coming) Matt Prior. Lucky Wee Wee didn't make 200 or you'd be comparing Gilly to Courtney Browne who once dropped a sitter off Steve Waugh, or the bloke who dropped Brian Lara when Lara made 500.

Gilly is at an awkward stage of his career. Apparently he wants to go to England in 2009, but is that feasible? Well, if he scores big in the near future, and doesn't drop any more sitters (don't bank on it) he'll hold his place. But at 36 going on 38 by 2009 he isn't getting any younger, or more importantly, better.

The selectors need to ask themselves whether Gilly will be better in 2009 than, say, Brad Haddin? That's unlikely, both for batting and keeping. Gilly's career path is on the way down, while Braddin's is on the way up. Have those career trajectories crossed yet? I suggest they have. They certainly will have by 2009.

There is nothing worse - apart from lots of other bad things in the world: drought, flood, bushfire, Silverchair - than sports people hanging on too long. Does Gilly want to hang on too long? Will the selectors allow him to hang on too long? He has a few credits in the bank, although he cashed a few in yesterday, but not that many that the selectors can afford to have him clogging up the chain of succession. At some point soon they will have to make the big call: "Mate, we need to have a chat."

Unless Gilly the famous walker, walks.

The papers have caught up. Jonny Pierik in the Hun:

Healy warns Gilchrist pressure is building from state level

WICKETKEEPING legend Ian Healy yesterday warned Adam Gilchrist he must retain his high standards or his glittering career could soon be over.

Gilchrist's future has become a major issue after his stunning blunder on day one of the fourth Test against India in Adelaide when the champion gloveman grassed an easy catch that should have dismissed V. V. S. Laxman.

Alex Brown in the Age:

A record haul but butter gloves put heat back on Gilchrist

ON THE day he broke the world record for Test dismissals, Adam Gilchrist found himself under immense pressure to defend his place in the team following a difficult series with the gloves and a strong challenge from long-time understudy Brad Haddin.

Just before accepting a catch from Anil Kumble to close the Indian innings "his 414th dismissal in Test cricket, passing South African gloveman Mark Boucher" Gilchrist's predecessor Ian Healy told Channel Nine that Australia's incumbent keeper was racing the clock to improve his game.

******

CASUALTIES OF LORE #

Richard Hinds in today's Fairfax (thanks, Amanda) puts a sensible perspective on the Sydney hysterics, but leaves no doubt as to who are the main hystericalists:

Reason a casualty of fervour.

Of all the changes that have taken place during my time away (a period in which the editor tells me this spot was occupied by "some decent journalism for a change") the most unexpected was the sudden division of Australian sports fan into two distinct categories.

There are, on one side of the great divide, those bellowing ultra-nationalists draped in their Cronulla capes who say the only thing wrong with the behaviour of the Australian cricket team in the Sydney Test was that Brett Lee didn't give the Indians a bit more chin music.

On the other are the guardians of the Spirit of The Game or, disregarding more than a century of abuse, cheating and bloody confrontation, what they imagine that spirit to be. Those who cringe at the sight of the baggy green and spend their spare time kneeling apologetically outside the Indian Embassy begging for forgiveness.

If you choose your cultural stereotypes from the opinion columns or the letters page, there are no longer shades of grey in the grandstand. Just black and white. Which comes as a bit of a surprise to those of us who regularly watch sport with passionate, knowledgeable and (in the pre-Howard sense of the word) are patriotic Australians who fall into neither camp.

People who have risen to their feet to applaud Sachin Tendulkar at every venue this summer.

People who harbour suspicions that the sacking of umpire Steve Bucknor after extreme pressure from the Indians will influence subsequent decision-making. Not because they are irrational, flag-waving fools who would never acknowledge that Australia got the best of it in Sydney. But because they have hands-on experience in how the political process works.

People who shake their heads when the occasionally abusive and recalcitrant Harbhajan Singh is described as an "intemperate Sikh warrior" when some equally abusive and recalcitrant Australians are cast as low-lifes and cheats. Not out of some reflex jingoism, but because it is just so blindingly obvious to them that there are hot-heads and clowns in every team.

People who just laugh when Adam Gilchrist, a man who has done more than his fair share to resurrect the image of the Australian team, is accused of cheating because he appealed for a catch, which he was supposedly well placed to see, that came from Rahul Dravid's pad. No better placed, they'll say, than Anil Kumble was to see Andrew Symonds nick the ball on to his pad in Perth before the Indian skipper launched the heartiest of appeals.

They cringed when the Herald's esteemed columnist Peter Roebuck wrote this week - facetiously, you pray - that immigrants should be the only ones allowed to vote because they love their adopted country more. No doubt his mail bag is overflowing with bile from the Oi, Oi, Oi crowd after he declared the Australian captaincy vacant. But, even in jest, that suggestion was offensive to the very many reasonable Australian fans.

And, as rapidly as things change, those fans are still not as hard to find as recent debate suggests.

******

DAY THREE #

What do you say about a day in which Straya scored 3/250? Graft? Ok then: day three was a day of graft.

You are probably wondering why Straya didn't graft it last week. Well, we've covered that. Straya strolled out to bat last week in Perth and all of a sudden the WACA nut case, sorry, the WACA pitch started playing tricks and the bowlers started zinging the ball around all over the place. In short: the Aussie batsmen were bushwhacked. However, once they realized what was going on, they got their collective heads and arses at the recommended elevations for due diligence and ground out a pretty reasonable score in their second innings.

The same approach seems to have carried forward to Adelaide. (Carried forward? I hope that doesn't sound too nu-business.) The ball isn't moving around as much in the air as in Perth, but ever since V-Slog's first over before lunch there's been enough spite evident in the SACA tracka to encourage the Aussie batsmen to go the graft, rather than go the doctor.

The three batsmen out yesterday were bowled. I wonder how often in the history of Tests all batsmen out on one day were bowled. There was probably one day when there was one wicket which was bowled, but... but this is a pretty stupid reach for stats. Anyhoo, only one of the bowleds was down to the track, and even that dismissal required the assistance of a dumb shot. The other two bowleds came courtesy of superb reverse swingers.

Whatever the situation, though, you'd hope the Aussie batsmen keep on grafting on. There is a long way to go before Straya are anywhere near in a satisfactory position. Quick wickets this morning are a possibility against India's good bowlers and sensible fields which indicate India are once again playing to Straya's hubris, so here's hoping the Aussie batsmen don't do anything stupid. For the anatomically inclined: heads down, arses up, noses to the grindstone, backs into it, minds on the job.

That said, the great man Gilly will do whatever the great man Gilly feels like doing. A rapid hundred, chock full of sixes would be a fitting farewell, but he's just as likely to go out there and get bowled through the gate for a teary-eyed duck. Be interesting to see if Spanky leads a three-cheers from the commentary box as Gilly comes to the wicket. Quite a gig being an opinionista. Imagine having to call a bloke cheat one week and a champion the next. I mean, you can look like a tool, can't you.

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GOAD WARRIOR #

With the aforementioned hubris in mind and its implication that India have been successful in goading Straya into stupid cricket, you would be right in assuming that this article snagged my attention:

Sehwag and Hayden trade verbal blows

A day of attrition was followed by a round of verbal volleys with both camps criticising the other for not pushing for victory. While Virender Sehwag criticised Australia for their defensive approach Matthew Hayden felt India's bowlers had been too negative with their lines. Sehwag said Australia were "scared of defeat" but Hayden countered that by referring to "India's wide tactics".

"They're not going to win, they're scared," Sehwag said on a day when Australia managed 260 runs for the loss of three wickets. "They are playing so defensively. They just got 260 in a day on a flat track; that's not like Australia. Last time they scored more than 400 in a day at Adelaide. I think they're scared of defeat."

Were India surprised by Australia's approach? "Yes, it was a surprise," he said without hesitation. "There is something wrong in their batting line-up or thinking. It didn't matter whether we set a field for attacking or defensive cricket, they were not playing too many shots. It was very frustrating with the wicket being so flat. We were waiting for the bad shot."

Good to see a bit of colour and movement on the sledging side. Ponting and Parolerboy were at it again yesterday, too. It just wouldn't be right if Straya and the Injuns weren't getting stuck into it.

But! As Spotty Cake Pat mentioned yesterday: "Australia do not have to win this Test."

If V-Slog sucks Straya into going the tonk, I'll chuck a fit.

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DAY FOUR #

What is it with the Channel Nine commentators? They are experienced cricket people. They know the difference between a leg bye and The Long Goodbye. As players and captains they were successful, some famously so. Yet their prognostications yesterday bordered on madness.

Heals was adamant Straya should declare on or about India's score. Heals, Mr Tubbs and Slatts recited "it's time to up the run rate" as if they had speech impediments. The whole commentary team fixed on this or that declaration target. The overall tone was one of great urgency; that Straya were racing against some imaginary clock to post India with a target from which to mount a last day charge.

FFS, why? Why was Straya under any obligation whatsoever to do anything other than bat for as long as they could, thus putting India out of the match? Australia don't have to win this match. India do. And the longer Straya batted the less chance there was of India doing that do. Big deal if Straya batted into Monday, steadily building a daunting lead. The further they went ahead, the more likely it was that India would have just one option: defend for a draw, like they DIDN'T do in Sydney.

Still, the stupid commentary wouldn't have bothered me too much if it didn't look as if their corrosive fumes hadn't somehow permeated the Strayan dressing room. Sure, Gilly might have tooled out, smacked a rapid 50 or 100 and we'd be away. But he didn't. In fact, Gilly's batting, like Roy's, Johnston's and Clarke's (I didn't see Lee get out) was cavalier. You'd have thought Roy in particular would have taken the hint to pull his head in after numerous accidents trying to cut too close to his body. Johnston tried to clear Instant at long on. Clark tried to clear mid-wicket. Maybe they were just sick of batting, but they didn't need to go about it the way they did in the hour after tea. Yes, the bowling was good and most of the remaining batsmen were tailenders...

Almost every other tail-ender in the world has his ears so clogged up with testosterone that they ignore the batman-at-the-other-end's supplications for sensible shot selection.

"Look," says Recognised Batsman, "I'm on 94; can you just defend this next over for a bit, mate?"

What the tail-ender hears:

"Lash 'em around the park. You the man! You the man! HONK! HOOONK!"

... but they were taking a cue. If Ponting had said to play it steady, they might just have, you know, played it steady. Instead, what we got was a dopy blend of hit and mis-hit as Straya chased unnecessary quick runs.

And where are we now? India in with a chance, that's where. Not a huge chance, but still a chance. That's more than they would have had if Straya hadn't, for the sake of this explanation, got sick of batting.

Now the destiny of the game is in India's hands. Again: they have to win. So there's every chance they will go out there tomorrow, knock up a lead of around 200, declare and stick Straya in on a day five Adelaide wicket. Or they might get all out with a lead of 200. Either way it amounts to the same thing: India setting a day five target. A target that Straya will be obliged to chase hard after, perhaps recklessly, because "they are doing it for Gilly".

How many of you lot want to see Straya bat in those circs? How many of you want to see Straya bat at all? Some commentators even had the bare-faced to give it the "today is the last time you will ever see Gilly bat" treatment.

Then, just to garnish this sh1t sandwich, Clarke goes and drops another sitter. I couldn‘t believe it. Did he even get his hands to it? Did he bother to watch his own dismissal as sticky-fingers Laxman comfortably snagged a difficult wide one. If I hear another commentator blab on about how "Straya set incredibly high benchmarks for fielding" I'll be forced to pen a menacing letter.

Thing is, the commentators are not imbos. They are worse. They are intentionally selling us a lemon. It's in their interest to have Straya make a game of it, not have them play India out of the match and cruise to a draw, or possibly an Aussie win. They would like nothing more than for India to make a game of it on day five.

Tony could then sell another picture, $500 unframed: Sydney Reversed!

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ROLL PLAYER #

At the Straya v. India Test in Adelaide in 2003, the SACA booked Greg Mahatma Coat Ritchie to provide light entertainment. Do you think they've still got the same booking agent?

Charges for monkey-mask pitch invader

A SPECTATOR wearing a monkey mask is facing charges after sprinting on to the Adelaide Oval during Andrew Symonds' innings yesterday.

His intrusion on to the playing surface temporarily halted play and came moments before Symonds was dismissed.

"This is a police matter," said Cricket Australia's anti-racism officer Peter Young. "Trespassing is a serious issue. No one wants a repeat of the (Terry) Alderman situation where a player ended up hurt."

The intruder ran between India's fieldsmen and rolled across the turf before being restrained by security personnel.

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DAY FIVE #

What goes around runs aground.

V-Slog might care to prostrate himself before the time-honoured excuse: "I was taken out of context."

"I think they're scared of defeat."

Who wasn't absolutely certain that India would declare around tea around 200 in front and then hope Straya would self-implode "doing it for Gilly" as they chased an ambitious target?

Certainly it never crossed anyone's mind that India would toss the chance of drawing the series 2-2 and would bat out the whole day before Kumble meekly conceded "We'll call it a draw." Yet when I came in to check the television about an hour after Tea, firmly expecting to see Straya at the crease, I was astonished to see that it precisely what happened.

Even Bruce, who was closest to the pin, wouldn't have thought India would bat on and on and on and on and... who is the wuss now Sloggy?

Then there were fatheads ringing up radio stations - I know, I know - and making the odd comment around the blogs that India's conservative batting on day five should somehow be equated with Straya's conservative batting on days three and four. There was even one honker rung up SEN suggesting that the reason Gilly suddenly retired was because he had had an argument with Ponting over the way Straya batted.

That's not to suggest the day's cricket was entirely dull. Things were livened up substantially by a brilliant exchange on BJ & The Boys when AB asked Ravi Shastri about Rollerboy's upcoming appeal hearing. Ravi stepped towards the camera, looking as if he was going to punch someone as he went ballistic nationalistic about the pride of being an Indian and how they have a long history of fighting racism, but didn't come close to mentioning Rollerboy or any details directly relevant to the case. I can't recall exactly how AB closed off the topic but it was somewhere in the vicinity of "ummm, yeah" while Flemmo backed away squeezing out a slightly scared giggle. Gold.

Speaking of the appeal: how do you think it will go? My earlier suspicions were confirmed when it emerged from the hearing documents that Tendulkar hadn't heard the exchange. What's the bet the reason India don't want the stump mike recordings presented as evidence is that if the stump mike didn't hear anything, then Tendulkar couldn't have heard anything either.

Still, you should never get between Big Cricket and a squibb. Rollerboy will either get off, have his penalty reduced to a reprimand or accept a charge that is altered to general abuse.

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SPIN SHITTY #

The ballyhoo this week is rightfully all about Gilly. No problem with that; it’s a deserved ballyhoo. But what the Gilly rumpus has done is slightly, although not completely, obscure another more pressing issue for Aussie croquet: spin.

Sehwag exposes Australia's spin crisis

VIRENDER SEHWAG has saved India and his career with a century in Adelaide yesterday that raised serious questions about Australia's spin bowling and catching.

Gilly has been a lesser force for around three years now. It’s no great disaster that he’s no longer there to get Straya out of the sh1t or apply the gracey coup to a flagging attack. Now Braddin is playing better cricket than Now Gilly, so the keeper swap is not going to unduly hurt Now Straya.

Not so the spin department.

Warne’s loss is still the greatest problem for Straya and nowhere is it more obvious than in a comparison between this Adelaide and last Adelaide. Straya won against England in 2006 because Warne imposed himself on the contest. The match should have been a draw. This time around we lacked Warne the Enforcer. Not that he would have been able to push India around the way he pushed England around. The Poms squibbed it. A couple of quick wickets and they were in Shark G.W. territory. This India would not have choked like that England choked.

Warne’s ability to crowbar a wicket on the dullest pitch is the greatest reason we will miss him. Not one of our spinners since has looked even remotely like scaring enough batsmen to collapse an attack. Stuey MacGill was rubbish against the Shrees and Hogg, Symonds and Clarke were innocuous to passable against India.

Hogg has probably played his last Test, which is disappointing because I like him. While Clarke and Symonds will have to do bit part duty until “something turns up,” as Micawber would optimistically say.

But it’s Roy that worries me most. His action, as always when an offy is looking for extra tweak, is diabolical. The same goes for all the suss offies:  Murali, Harby, the rest of the malefactors. Doubtless they will defend it by saying they were within the 15 degree limit, but I’d give it very short odds that more than a few of their offies were over 15 degrees. It’s why the new rule is a joke. How can anyone say with any official conviction – whether they be umpires, TV people, match refs, ICC overlords, whoever – that a bowler is chucking. “Was that 14? 13? 25?” But if the rule were back to what it was in the G.O. Days, you could tell straight away that a bowler was on the nose.

Everyone’s pretty much in agreemen… sorry, this is a sports piece. Everyone’s pretty much in agreeance that Murali was lame last November and since Christmas Harby has fired blanks at everyone but Ponting. Could this be because they were strongly conscious of the attention paid to dodgy actions in Straya and as such weren’t capable of extracting dangerous turn with pronounced elbow action? Does playing in Straya neuter them? I mean, Channel Nine might heavily tailor their slo-mo footage so as to mask chucking, but in normal motion it’s still pretty obvious when someone is bending the rules. Nine can’t edit their ball-by-ball footage like they can the slo stuff, so we viewers get a good look at what’s what. And while Murali and Rollerboy were less than effective, is it not a coincidence that Roy, who hasn’t yet been called, decided to push his luck with his own pronounced bend and was an effective bowler?

Doubtless The Cooler has had Roy in his workshop tuning Roy’s arm to get just the right amount of bend. And maybe he hasn’t exceeded the 15 degrees. Maybe. I doubt it.

New Chucking is a rort.

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TIRED AND DEMOTIONAL #

Be f**ked! Larry Tait is exhausted and has dropped himself from... well, all cricket:

Shaun Tait quits cricket indefinitely

Australian fast bowler Shaun Tait has quit cricket indefinitely, citing emotional and physical exhaustion.

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PROTEST MATCH SPECIAL #

So Rollerboy’s protest was successful; there’s a shock.

“I honestly believe Harbhajan said an obscenity, not racial abuse.”

~~ Dean Jones

“The noble Deano.” Quite obviously Deano is not looking to protect any commentary gigs on the subcontinent. Nor is he sucking up after his terrorist episode. “For Deano is an honourable man.”

The next step in the process is clear: Harbhajan should immediately instigate proceedings against Ponting, Symonds, Hayden and Clarke for their false accusations of racism.

No?

Yeah. No.

You know who is the real culprit here? The ICC.

Well, Mandy Rice TonyT, you would say that, wouldn’t you?

Yes, I would. Not because Big Cricket* squibbed it over the appeal. Not because Big Cricket squibbed it over Morgan getting sacked. Not because Big Cricket squibbed it full stop. Big Cricket is the culprit because their judiciary process was a cock-up from the off. Mike Proctor knew it and approached Mal Speed to say he didn’t have the legal expertise to deal with the case. Pity Mal didn’t take the hint. Instead he told Proctor to get stuffed and get on with the case and the rest, as they say, is bollox.

As Petrocelli would say, the screen turning a toilet cleaner shade of blue: “I will now recreate the night of the crime.” While he’s doing that, I will revisit Sydney, Day Three:

Elsewhere on-field, Harby was cited for sledging Sideshow. Judging by Roy's reaction and Harby's subsequent contrition, Harby DID say something nasty. It was allegedly racist, according to today's blabs, but they don't say what was said. Tendulkar talked in circles, which doesn't usually bode well for the defence, but unless the umpire heard what was said or the stump mikes picked it up there is rock all chance of Harby being found guilty. And he'll probably say he was mis-heard, anyway.

And that’s the way it should have played out. Proctor: “Sorry, boys, it’s one side’s word against the other and without corroborating evidence nothing can be proved. Case dismissed.”

Not that TLM is without complicity for saying Harby didn’t say monkey. As the above excerpt points out, he talked in circles, which indicated he hadn’t heard the exchange but was trying to put in a good word for Rollerboy. He later said outright that Harby wouldn’t say anything nasty because “He is a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers and that.” Later still, after seeing where TLM was standing, I wrote he couldn’t have heard it because he was out of earshot; it transpired that was the case. But this whole rumpus escalated based of TLM texting the BCCI to say they should go bull goose defending Harby.

And, of course, it should never be forgotten the BCCI pulled a monumental dummy spit. Pity their massive clout meant they could get their way. It would have been brilliant had the ICC told them to get lost; the ensuing rumpus thing would have been a thing of wonder.

Dreams aside…

Because Big Cricket farked it up to start with, the whole cricket world was turned downside up.

You can see why the Aussie players are fuming, too. Talk about backed in the stab! Big Cricket demands the players report any instances of racial abuse, the players do so, Big Cricket backs away at a million miles per hour. It will be a long time before any Strayan player ever again bothers to report anyone.

What odds will you give me that the next player reported for racial abuse is a Strayan? What odds will you give me that the next player to lodge a racial abuse complaint will be an Indian?

Not that I’m 100% behind the Strayan players. More like 95%. Yes, a new process had been correctly followed by the Strayans. Yes, we all know Harby said monkey. He said he said “Mar Key” or something like that, to which us sensible, eloquent people respond “Suuuuuuuure you did.” But despite our Craven New World with all its associated sensitivities, procedures and wank-for-all, it’s still, you know… dobbing.

Transcript of audio picked up from the Nine Network stump microphone and used as evidence in Harbhajan's appeal:

Symonds walks up to Harbhajan at the end of an over.

Symonds: "Go and yell at your teammates .... You called me monkey again."

Matthew Hayden: "Twice. You've got a witness now champ."

Hayden approaches Harbhajan.

Hayden: "That's the last time."

Harbhajan: "No listen he started it."

Hayden: "Doesn't matter mate, it's racial vilification mate. It's a shit word and you know it."

Soon after, Michael Clarke approaches umpire Mark Benson.

Clarke: "It's not the first time. He done it in India and got into strife. That's the second time he's done it."

Captain Ricky Ponting walks up to Benson and gestures towards fellow umpire Steve Bucknor.

Ponting: "Go and tell him. Go and tell him straight away."

* Big Cricket: collective noun. Plural: Bigs Cricket.

1. Any or all of the ICC, BCCI, CA, affiliates, families, friends, bookies.

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BLUBBLE STANDARDS #

Good article from Peter Lalor on cry-babies and double standards:

Cricket caves in to India’s demands

In the past two Tests, the Indians have reaped the rewards of their petulant outburst following the Sydney loss.

After that game, Indian captain Anil Kumble complained that "only one team was playing with the spirit of the game", while his board put a hold on the tour until an umpire was replaced. Another senior player anonymously labelled Australians "cheats" and "liars". In the aftermath, umpires have been frozen with terror when a bowler appeals and have allowed some questionable tactics by the visitors.

Kumble and other Indians suggested Michael Clarke could not be trusted because he failed to walk when he edged a ball in Sydney and then claimed a catch that looked doubtful on replay.

In Adelaide on Monday, Sourav Ganguly hit a ball that was clearly caught by Michael Hussey but the batsman refused to walk. Replays showed he was out and only then did the batsman leave.

Had the batsman been an Australian - let alone Clarke - India would have reacted with outrage.

When Clarke was batting, Harbhajan, Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Dinesh Kartik appealed excessively in the belief that Kartik had taken a bat-pad chance.

Harbhajan's sustained appealing was backed up by Kartik, who appeared to wag his finger at the umpire and later spat heatedly on the ground near Clarke.

In the meantime, Dhoni began to sledge Clarke who had to pull out of facing the next ball because the wicket-keeper was still talking as Harbhajan came in to bowl.

It might have been hard but fair, it might have been mental disintegration, it might have been many things, but imagine what it might have been if it had been the Australians appealing.

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SPANKEE #

Spanker spanked. Who doesn’t love it when one journalist has a dip at another; especially when “another” is Peter Piker:

Follyline: one man’s opinion

IF you are unsure about the rights and wrongs of the Bollyline cricket crisis, you are not alone.

Take comfort in the fact that one of the game's leading commentators, Peter Roebuck, has written about this summer's cricketing controversies with a level of confusion not seen since an English batsman last faced up to Shane Warne.

THE EX-PATRIOT

Heath Ledger is dead. The Guardian:

Heath Ledger 1979 - 2008

On the very day of the Oscar nominations being announced for 2007, the Australian actor Heath Ledger was found dead in a Manhattan apartment. Born in Perth, in western Australia, Heathcliff Andrew Ledger would have been 29 this April 4th. First reports of his death mentioned drugs in evidence, but no one really knows enough yet to say anything except how great the loss is. Ever since he played Mel Gibson's son in The Patriot (2000), it was apparent that his striking handsomeness went hand-in-hand with high ambitions as an actor, courage in the roles he took and a fierce intelligence.

*****

ThaDude: It's Western Australia, not western Australia. It's the name of the state, which makes it a proper noun. Please fix.

Crosby99: For crying out loud, a young man is dead and you are arguing over a point of pedancy.

Vealmince: That's 'pedantry'.

IT AIN'T HALF BAKED MUM

Planning a cricket holiday? You might as well make a project of it:

In 2004 an unknown cricket team went to India in search of one last glorious innings. They made history in the Kingdom of Bhutan.

Like so many kids, they once dreamt they'd be famous cricketers, representing their country. But funnily enough, things didn't work out that way.

So 20 years later, on the cusp of sporting oblivion, they return to the game they loved as boys and form The Guild Cricket Club - former backyard heroes assembled on the strength of their collective imagination.

Building to an historic showdown in the Kingdom of Bhutan, Beyond The Backyard is the story of a bold quest for a little sporting glory.

If you happen to be looking for something to watch on your electric television box next Thursday night at 9:30, you could do worse than tune in to Beyond The Backyard on Your ABC.

Made by Josh Moore and Duncan Imberger, Beyond The Backyard is about Melbourne's The Guild Cricket Club; a well balanced squad of sixteen all-rounders, one wicket-keeping all-rounder and one big all-rounder (modelled on Sorth Efrica, no doubt) who toured India and Bhutan.

An end of season piss-up in Surfers, it's not.

On a long and winding rail from Mysore to Thimphu, the Baggy Reds were bounced by Javagal Srinath. Got chucked at in a street. Failed to "respect the local cuisine." Visited the holy cesspit of Varanasi. Wrapped their tongues around Changlinithang. And "turned the corner" against The Goat Herders.

BTB is worth a look for one thing in particular: 10 year old Davinder Singh. Watch him and you will see why Bangalore Sunsets Coward is always going on about the potential of Indian cricket.

Warning: contains glove-touching.

THIRD TEST: WAC WAC WACA DOO

1. Preview
2. Crick Veneer
3. Gabba Gabba Hey What?!?
4. Day One
5. Sorry Day
6. Crises? What Crises?
7. Pepper Spray
8. On The Wrong Track
9. Day Two
10. Tit For Tait
11. Hawkward Silence
12. Day Three
13. Day Four

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PREVIEW #

Apart from the obvious, what do Paul Reiffel, Merv Hughes, Craig McDermott and Mike Whitney have in common? Hint: It's not umpiring, Test selecting, homemade porn or crap reality TV; as far as I know, anyway. No? Well, that quartet represent the last time Straya took four fast bowlers into a Test. That match was against India at the WACA and was notable for the fact that Victorian Wayne Phillips was controversially included after local boy Geoff Marsh was dropped against Allan Border's wishes.

Today Straya are again set to go into a WACA Test against India with four quicks and a new opener. Although it remains to be seen whether Chris Rogers plays more than Phillips' one Test.

"If there's a small chance something might go wrong, you'd better worry about it."

~~ Norm Geras, Men of Waugh

Everyone has been eagerly anticipating India being mugged by four Strayan quicks. It's a mouthwatering prospect, to be sure, but a word of caution: I remember another Perth Test. This one was against the Windies in 1993 when, hot on the heals of an agonizing loss in Adelaide, Border won the toss and batted on a minefield. Apparently, AB wanted to make a statement. Well, he made one alright: "We were sh1t!" Straya got rolled for rock all and beaten by an innings inside three days.

I'm not saying the Indian quicks present the same sort of threat that Curtley Ambrose and this chums did back in 1993, but you should be careful what you wish for. To prevent the WACA track drying out, the ground staff have given it a lot of water so it's possible whoever bats first will do so on a juicy green-top. Remember, it's not that long ago that India bowled first and had us 6/140, so their quicks are capable of putting us under pressure.

If Straya bowl first they have to get it right. The 1992 quartet might not be the most illustrious in the annals of the caper, but at least they were capable of putting the ball in the right spot... sorry, in good areas. The 2008 version is a less predictable unit. Sure, they might be better in the long run and The New Brett Lee and Stuey Clark can - touch wood - be relied upon to keep their sh1t together, but Mitch Johnston and Larry Tait are hardly household names in frugality.

I was at a cricket clinic in 1983 where WA medium pacer Wayne Clark was talking about bowling on the WACA. He said the secret of WA's success was that their bowlers never tried to overdo it. "Just put nine out of ten balls on a good length in the corridor and wait for the batsman to nick it," he said. "It's as simple as that." Let's hope that's a lesson not lost on today's quicks. Gruesome thought: Mitch Johnston was about one year old in 1983.

Then there's batting last on the WACA. Apparently it has been helpful for spinners on day four in the Puras, which means batting on day five in a Test could be awkward. If the Aussies take in four quicks, India will be the only side with a key spinner. Two if they pick Rollerboy, which they might be tempted to do if they think it will keep Ponting on the hook. I've got a hunch, too, that playing two spinners in Perth, especially two who get as much bounce as Kumble and Rollerboy, would be a good move on a hard deck.

Anyway, it could be a good toss to lose.

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CRICK VENEER #

Jake Niall in The Age:

Under the civilised veneer, cricket is no gentlemen's game

ENGLISH cricket's 19th-century colossus, W. G. Grace, reputedly once picked up a dislodged bail and placed it back on the stumps after he was bowled. "Windy day, isn't it?" he remarked to the umpire, who, unmoved, sent Grace packing.

Dr Grace was notorious for employing gamesmanship. From what one can gather, the physician did not play cricket according to anything like the Hippocratic oath. He did whatever he could get away with.

W. G.'s approach is worth noting as Ricky Ponting's team stands accused of violating the "spirit of the game" with its unsporting behaviour in the second Test. Belligerent and ungracious as they might have been, the notion that the Australians transgressed a longstanding "spirit" of cricket — the charge made by the Indian captain and innumerable critics — is nonsense.

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GABBA GABBA HEY WHAT?!? #

I once wrote that I thought John Howard was not an authentic cricket tragic. The same must be said of Kevin Rudd. I suspected as much last week when he fluffed his lines and called the sightscreen the sightboard before hastily correcting himself. But this one takes the baked confection:

Howard loves cricket, Rudd too

The Prime Minister repeated the story of his first Test cricket experience as a 17-year-old who had come to town by train to stand on the Hill at The Gabba in Brisbane to watch Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson in full flight against the English.

Mr Rudd remembered the chant "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if Thommo don't get you, then Lillee must", but mostly he remembered 42-year-old Colin Cowdrey - called to duty from England to halt the carnage - walking onto the field and going up to Thomson to shake the hand of the man who was going to hurt him..

For a start it goes "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if Lillee doesn't get you, Thommo must." Second, I can't precisely remember whether it was a journalistic invention or a caption for a cartoon, but it would have appeared after the first Test at the Gabba. Third, no one to my knowledge chanted it at the Tests. Fourth, Colin Cowdrey missed the first Test at the Gabba; he was drafted in for the second Test at the WACA.

Rudd to aide: "Get me some cricket memories, will you."

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DAY ONE #

The WACA squibbed it, shaving off Monday's green grass. Soft. For weeks we'd been led to believe the strip was going to be a speed merchant's dream, but what do we get? A road. It's typical of them to run away from giving us some action. The WACA and Channel Nine will be happy to get their five days of cricket, but I feel gypped.

The reviews in the comments are spot on the money: Dumb shots from Laxman and Dravid turned a positive day for India into a positive day for Straya. But the pitch played well yesterday and the hot sun is not going to make batting any easier, and with one new player and others struggling for form, Straya could well struggle.

In short: it was a good day's cricket. In shorter: mostly.

The 'flingers were fine. Lee and Clarke were excellent. Johnston was good. Clarke and Roy were handy. Tait was rubbish. I don't know if his selection was predicated on the WACA pitch being pace friendly, but his selection looks dodgy now. Until he can learn to keep putting the agate on the spot, he should be strutting his stuff in the Puras. Were I a selector I would have been suspicious of what the WACA groundstaff were up to and taken an expanded list to Perth. If the pitch was green and hard, let Larry loose, but if the pitch was anything else bring in Ashley Noffke. He gets runs, he gets wickets, he can play, he's 30 and ready to roll.

The 'wielders did a reasonable job. Dravid and TLM were excellent. Laxman and the Raj looked fine until they got out. Laxman to a stupid shot and Raj to one of those catches that stick or don't stick. Jaffer needs to get runs in the second innings or he will be dropped. V-Slog is rubbish. I don't care if he has an average of almost 50. Stand, count, swipe is park cricket. His average is an insult to all the great batsmen that have gone before and a testament to the lack of good bowling in the world today. And before you jump in, Straya had a stop gap attack in 2003/04.

The Strayan fielding was top class as usual, except for Clarke's bungle off Dravid. Maybe it was because Gilchrist and the cordon misread the pitch, but they didn't seem confident the ball would come through clean. Either way, Clarke missed a sitter. What is it with the Strayan catching this summer? Especially off Dravid. Rarely in the documented history of the caper can one batsman in one series have benefited from such largesse. We are playing the Wall back into form brilliantly. By the time we get to India in October he should be mentally ready to smash us.

This match reminds me of the third Test against UnZud in 2001. Back then the Kiwis batted first and ran up 7/293. Just like today two batsmen got scores: Vincent 104 and Fleming 105. Astle and Parore were in at stumps, but on resumption it was expected Straya would clean up the tail quick stix and set about knocking off the deficit. Instead, what happened? Astle and Parore made tons and the Kiwis were eventually out for 534. Then when Straya batted they needed Shane Warne's famous 99 to squeak past the follow on. This match has the same sort of feel. India are 6/297 with Irfa Kitt (an all-rounder like Astle) and Dhoni Kebab (a belligerent keeper like Parore) at the wicket. Both can bat and are well capable of knocking up a challenging target.

By the way, Kiwis will tell you they were unlucky not to win. Balls! They were saved from Straya pulling off a great win when Steve Waugh was run out backing up after Gilly smashed the ball back down the pitch and it deflected off Vettori's hand and onto the stumps. Had that partnership stayed together Straya would certainly have won.

Anyhoo, if Straya had managed to find even a couple of edges instead of all the plays-and-misses and if Clarke had held Dravid - if, if, if - India would have been all out by tea. But now, if Straya don't run through India quickly this morning, they could be looking at real trouble.

******

SORRY DAY #

Enough of this nonsense:

Australians lose aggressive appeals

AUSTRALIA'S cricketers went from bad boys to choir boys after apologising for appealing against India's batsmen in strange scenes at the WACA Ground yesterday.

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CRISES? WHAT CRISES? #

John Benaud is my favourite cricket writer:

The ICC are producing a game devoid of charm

Cricket is always having crises. Books are written and entitled, inevitably, 'Cricket At The Crossroads'. You'll recall Bodyline, the World Series Cricket breakaway... and in between the occasional tuppenny bunger, like pathetic over-rates, chucking and so on. Generally, there's a good guy and a bad guy, and in the above real-deal controversies Douglas Jardine and Kerry Packer were nasties.

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PEPPER SPRAY #

Belated, but it was good to see Gideon Haigh give a serve to Angry Sunny:

Gavaskar's double role

Sunil Gavaskar is bomb-thrower and bomb-defuser put into one, who somehow manages to operate as the chairman of the ICC's cricket committee while also acting as peppery columnist and media provocateur.

The usual excuse for misbehaviour on the cricket field is that it was done in the spur of the moment, in an excess of competitiveness, under the pressure of the situation. It doesn't always render such incidents forgivable, but it sometimes makes them more understandable: after all, these are young men strung up to concert pitch fighting for their livelihoods and in the name of national honour.

******

ON THE WRONG TRACK #

How come we were led to believe the WACA track was dynamite?

Ponting duped as Indians make hay

On a very hot Wednesday, everyone was in their Sunday best and on their best behaviour. Over the years, the intelligence networks in Australian cricket generally have worked very effectively.

But on this occasion something went awry and it will be interesting to see who fesses up to Ponting. Someone needs to. For weeks now there was expectation that the WACA pitch would revive memories of the halcyon days when Rod Marsh stood nearer to Gloucester Park paceway than to the batsman to take Dennis Lillee at head height.

At the same time, it was common knowledge that this Test would not be played on one of the four recently re-laid pitches but on one of the three still to be renovated by curator Cameron Sutherland.

Officials denied suggestions that the position of television cameras was a key determinant for this and said the re-laid area, on which the Twenty20 international with New Zealand was played last month, needed more time to settle.

But still cricket folk had visions of the ball flying about as it did when Shaun Tait was so frighteningly quick against the Kiwis.

******

DAY TWO #

That was fun, wasn’t it. Straya’s single most dismal day’s cricket since… well, India 2001. Even in the 2005 Ashes we played better as we fought out every match.

You got the impression the Strayans, after rolling India in the first hour, thought they would come out and cruise to a hefty target. They looked, if not outright overconfident, then certainly blasé. Hussey, Hungry and Roy all got out to ambitious shots right when due diligence was called for. What’s wrong with head down, arse up? Grafting is good when the bowlers are bowling well.

It looked to me that once again the Indians had succeeded in “playing to our arrogance”. They just put the ball in good areas and waited for us to get ourselves out. Not that I want to seem like I’m playing down the excellent Indian bowling. If your tactic is to wait for mistakes, you’ve still got to put the ball in the right spot, or you’ll be waiting a long time. Just because the Strayans batted like boobs, doesn’t mean the Indians didn’t bowl beautifully. There was doubtless some chicken and egg: we batted poorly because of India’s good bowling. RP and Irfy looped it around, Karma put it on the spot and got some handy bounce and dart, and Kumble brought himself on at exactly the right time to put the brakes on Symonds and Gilchrist. He set some sensible fields, too, challenging Roy and Gilly to play audacious strokes if they wanted to keep going at a run a ball. This led to Roy’s dismissal, caught cutting a close one, which is always a risky proposition at the WACA; especially off a top-spinning bounce-bowler like Kumble.

As for the Strayan bowling at the end: phht! What a load of tripe. But you knew that was going to happen, didn’t you. How often does one side come out and bowl grenades, getting nicks and miss-hits galore, then the other mob wanders out and can barely induce a play-and-miss. I expect the same today. This Perth pitch seems better suited to India’s swing that Straya’s pace and bounce.

But are we surprised? Are we f~~k! Look at the recent AGB cricket posts and you will see a litany of references to Straya’s impending mortality. No one wins for ever. Eventually you lose. Especially to a side as capable as India. All this talk of Straya extending their streak into the twenties was so much dashed balder. The reality is we were going to lose sooner or later. Excuse my indulgence, but sooner according to me just about every time I ventured an opinion.

Then there’s the flip-flops. We are either great or in trouble. Maybe it’s the journalistic imperative to “get the first one in”. Adsy linked to Crasher’s doom-and-gloomer in the Herald Sun: “Is this the end of one of the greatest cricketing dynasties of all time?” It’s almost as if the streak is the dynasty. You win 16 out of 16 and it’s a dynasty. You win 16 out of 17 and you’re gawn. Like Adsy goes on to say, “We get rolled (in one innings only mind you) for the first time in about four years, and its all over bar the shouting.”

ANY side would have struggled against India yesterday. They bowled bloody well. To put yesterday’s performance beside the 2005 Ashes and conclude that Straya have a weakness against good swing bowling is like saying flies have a weakness against Mortein. Everyone struggles against good swing. They key as a bowling team is to replicate it again and again. Bob Massie, anyone? India might think they will continue to dart the ball all over the place - and to be fair, confidence your gear is working feeds off itself - but it's not as simple as that. India could go out on to the SACA next week and barely move the ball off the straight. The same sort of thing happened for the Strayan batting yesterday. They waltzed out onto WACA thinking they could drive and cut with impunity. They couldn’t. While Straya have gone for years in Perth not having to worry about the ball moving around, yesterday they suddenly had to content with considerable swing. Of course they struggled. That’s another thing about streaks: eventually you are going to get ambushed.

But in short: out with the nice, in with the nasty.

******

TIT FOR TAIT #

******

HAWKWARD SILENCE #

Hawk’s been relegated from laughing stock to… well, John Pierik didn’t even bother with it.

Chris Rogers' debut knock turns sour in Third Test

Rogers began the day in high spirits after claiming a superb diving catch at point off Stuart Clark to dismiss Indian captain Anil Kumble during Australia's rash of wickets in the opening hour.

However that joy evaporated when the left-handed opener made only four before he was given out lbw by Pakistani umpire Asad Rauf.

Replays showed the swinging Irfan Pathan delivery would have speared past leg stump.

******

DAY THREE #

There’s not really much to say about day three. Apart from the obvious.

Tait was dreadful. Something had been nagging at me since the start of the Test when we discovered the pitch wasn’t going to be a screamer. Last night I finally realized what it was: Why was Tait playing? That’s not a hindsight question. Pretty much everyone agrees that taking four speedsters into a Test is asking for trouble in all but the most favourable conditions. Yet once everyone knew the pitch was, if not dead, then certainly less than a minefield – Ponting would have batted first, after all – they still picked Tait. Call it a reverse Edgbaston, but shouldn’t they have plumped for Hogg? Sure, he was not great in Sydney, but he wasn’t dreadful and would have been bound to find something in the pitch that Tait hasn’t been able to; he can bat, too. Nope. I’m very puzzled with Tait’s selection.

Then there’s Straya’s failure to capitalize on early breakthroughs. Suspicions were proved correct by reports today that Ponting bowled Clarke and Symonds for extended periods because Straya had to pick up the over rate so that Ponting wouldn’t get suspended. Had Straya been able to break through in the second session, the game might have been up for grabs. Instead momentum was allowed to drift strongly towards India as Roy and Clarke dawdled through the best part of a session. That a side can allow its game to be so heavily compromised by a slow over-rate is madness. And apart from anything else, it’s a good reason for playing Hogg.

The pitch is interesting. Initially we were led to believe it was a speed track. That notion was dispelled after a couple of overs when we discovered it was a day one road. Then as the match unfolds we see the pitch deteriorate to the point where it is difficult to get settled on. So all in all, you’ve got to say it’s a pretty good Test pitch. I just wish we knew that at the start. The chunkheads on Inside Cricket need a good hard look at themselves.

The day in general? Well, despite early Strayan breakthroughs, you always felt India had their noses in front. At no stage did it look to me like Straya were about to take the ascendancy. That was down to the first innings batting. Unhealthy deficits will do that to you. Despite Straya often coming from behind to win Tests, you always had the feeling India’s batting depth – especially when Laxman, Dhoni and RP only had to face part time spin – and the fact India would bowl last meant that India had the whip hand. The only way that feeling could have changed is if Straya went through India in the first session.

Oddly enough, I’m strangely relaxed today. Were Straya chasing 250 I’d be sh1tting bricks, but with the game pretty much out of reach, I’m sanguine. Not quite to the point of “it would be good to lose one” but certainly to the point of “it would be good to end the streak”. India may regret not picking Rollerboy, but their bowling has been good anyway and no one has looked settled on this pitch. If you are going to chase down a large target you need a good track and this ain’t it.

Regarding the streak. I hate the fact that it distorts match priorities. Individual Test matches are enough of a rollercoaster without having to worry about future matches. Not that I want it to end for the same reason Charles Happell wants to end the streak.

Defeat the perfect way to wipe Australia's cricketing slate clean

The Sydney Test, which ended in rancour, bitterness and racism allegations, would – in this correspondent’s eyes – be an appropriate spot for the Australian run to end. That would be the watershed moment. They could then draw a line under that unhappy experience and their boorish reputation, wipe the slate clean – both with their behaviour and their consecutive wins’ record – and start afresh.

I do find it interesting, though, that the streak is bracketed by Tests at the WACA.

Finally, we’ve been saying here for ages that Straya will face plenty of struggles in the coming seasons. Bowlers win matches and we’ve just lost two superstar match winners in Warne and McGrath. Straya will spend more time in the field and we can no longer afford to bat like millionaires. We’ve also lost important batsmen and are about to lose more. Nor is there a great deal of depth in the Puras; not obvious depth, anyway. In short: we’ve been realistic and appreciate the challenges ahead. But, Crash, maaaate… put down the beater:

India clouds Australian air of invincibility

FASTEN your seat belts for the day that could change the cricket world.

If India wins today, it will be redefined as a Test nation and also will redefine the Australian team.

If India can storm the castle that's been unchallenged for 16 Tests, you can bet within months other nations will be bursting through the barricades and crash-tackling an Australian side to soon tour Pakistan, India and the West Indies.

Hungry, revenge-hunting locals will be waiting for it.

Even if India doesn't win, the word is out on the street . . . Australia is gettable.

If the Aussies can stumble in Perth, they can stumble anywhere. This is a massive day for the game . . . don't miss it.

PS: Why does News have alternate headlines for online and off line? The above is offline, the online is Does India know how to win a Test match?

******

DAY FOUR #

So the streak is no more.

Let’s not beat around the tea tree, India played better than Straya to win the Perth Test.

Square. And. Fair.

There’s been a lot of “they were due” talk surrounding Straya’s loss. I don’t buy it. That Straya have twice been able to win 16 on the trot has much more to do with a talented list, dynamic game plan and determined mind set and much less to do with the fact they were, as “they were due” might imply, simply on a roll. You don’t win 16 straight Tests because you’re a downhill skier – not that downhill skiers are famed for their rolling or Test cricket – you win them because you’re good. Bloody good, when you consider how tough it is to win one Test, let alone 16. And anyway, if India were rubbish in Perth, they would have lost and there’d be no “they were due” talk about Straya.

Eventually, though, you are going to come up against a side that gets it’s act together like India did in Perth. Toss in something I mentioned in the post for the second Test: all it takes is one bowler or batsman to have a blinder, one bad decision, rain at the wrong time, a dropped catch. Take New Zealand in 2001. Do you seriously think they were as good as Straya? Yet they nearly pinched a rain affected series on the back of an ambush in Perth.

In Perth, India, with a better side than the 2001 Kiwis, beat Straya. That the result was a shock shows just how badly the hard of thinking misread international cricket in general, and this series in particular. India might have been flogged in Melbourne, but their bowling was reasonable. They improved on that in Sydney to the point when one more early first innings wicket would have seen Straya routed. That form line coupled with an inherently talented list suggests that if things went their way in Perth, they should have been a better chance than the betting money indicated.

No, Straya lost, not because “they were due” or even because they played bad, but because India played better where it matters most: in the bowling. RP and Irfy maintained excellent, sustained swing to nullify our lefthanders. Instant Karma was sensational. There has been a lot written about his mystical duel with Ponting and how Karma won a brilliant victory against the bruised Aussie champion. Blah, blah, blah. Karma was dead set unplayable. The way he bowled, jagging the ball back at Ponting, getting bounce, having the ball hold its line, moving the occasional one away, would have made any right hand batsman in the history of the game struggle. Kumble was Kumble, bowling steady spells of accurate spin on a friendly pitch.

India’s fielding was an improvement on the first two Tests and Kumble set some good fields. Certainly they were better set up than the haphazard affairs in Melbourne. The deep midwicket to Ponting was a solid idea. Do you reckon Gary Kirsten might have had an influence here?

Nor do I buy the line that India performed a great feat by winning in the dominant Aussie stronghold of Perth. “WACA, Perth, was India’s haunted house, Australia’s impregnable fortress,” wrote India’s Sunday Express. Far as I can tell, this WACA wicket and the Perth breezes were better suited to India’s swing and spin, than Straya’s speed and bounce; especially after the Strayans ballsed up their initial selection by picking four quicks. I look forward to India in October when the BCCI order wickets tailor made to suit Straya. I mean, it would be the hospitable thing to do. And as for Dennis Lillee’s advice suddenly turning the Indian bowlers into super-seamers, well, I’m not having that either. With conditions to suit and two ostensibly identical left-arm away-swing bowlers, it doesn’t matter which end they bowl from.

The key word, though, is ambush. Straya might know the Indian attack reasonably well. Kumble, better than well. But all of a sudden they faced a largely unheralded if capable attack which was darting the ball around all over the place. Any side struggles when suddenly confronted with the unexpected. That so many Strayan batsmen got out driving in the first innings is testament to their being initially unaware the ball was looping around. Then, of course, once Straya had fallen so far behind on the first innings, they were always well behind in a contest that was increasingly likely to be decided on a deteriorating pitch.

The same happened in the 2005 Ashes when suddenly England had a potent attack which moved the ball around. Ironically, India had the same ultimate problem as England: despite playing out of their skins and having Straya well below their game, they still struggled to put the Aussies away.

Whatever the wash-up, though, it was a good Test on a good Test pitch. Both sides gutsed out their batting, both sides fielded well, but India bowled better for longer. India were able to get consistent performances from all four bowlers with garnish from V-Slog, Straya really only got extended service from Lee and Clark. Johnston was handy in patches, and has a future. Not just a bowler, for that matter. I think he could come close to bowling all-rounder status. His hitting on day four wasn’t the rank tonking of a park hack; he was comfortable in defence and well balanced in attack, keeping his head still and swinging clean through the ball. His Bradmanesque average will come down quicker than Hussey’s but his batting cold be a real asset in the future.

I don’t want to dwell on the controversies too much, but here’s Mike “Bangalore Sunsets” Coward in today’s Strayan:

What a wonderfully different world we inhabit at the end of this Test match. This is how the glorious game is meant to be played and won and lost.

Gone is the rancour, resentment and mutual disrespect which so blighted the Sydney Test and cast a pall over the series.

Apart from the racial incident, I’m struggling to see how the two Tests can be so divergently viewed. Both had bad umpiring, sledging, over-appealing and overt celebrations. Both had acts of provocation. Sydney had Rollerboy’s celebration and Perth had Irfy’s I-can’t-hear-you gesture to the WACA crowd.

There might be animosity directed at the Strayans for their so-called arrogance in victory, but I’m tipping that if India won 16 straight their heads would be so big and their strut so strutty, that at least half the ICC member countries would declare war.

Still, Mike’s last paragraph is sensible:

History suggests Australia will be difficult to defeat in Adelaide and India must prove it can maintain a standard of excellence against a formidable opponent whose pride has been wounded.

In Adelaide, if the Indians keep swinging the ball like they did in Perth they’ll be hard to beat. Hell, if they continue to bowl like they did in Perth, they’ll be a handful for a long time. October’s not looking good. That said: the Aussies dealt with the swing better in the second innings in Perth, putting their heads down and sticking it out on a skittish pitch so they ought to fare better on the SACA than the WACA.

Flatty will be back for One Test Rogers. Hungry will be better for the exposure although back-and-across is dubious against the out-swinger. Ponting’s not going anywhere. Hussey put away the loose drive. Clarke looked as comfortable as I’ve seen him under pressure until he did a Mark Waugh, which is not a good sign for future Puptain Nemo. I’m still not convinced by Roy’s batting, but he’s one of those blokes you have in a side because he can do anything and if he’s good for 50, that’s good for me. Gilly is Gilly. And the tail is handy.

And there’s every chance that this time round Straya will come out breathing fire… well, warm breath, anyway.

PS: Sorry about the delay, but I’ve been a bit busy the last two days.

JOHNNO, THE HUMANITY

Test cricket. Local football. Athletics. John Harms turns the full weight of his short sentences loose on Strayan sporting culture.

Losing our way

We long for sport to reflect the best of humanity - to be civil, even noble. But that is only possible if we know what nobility is, writes John Harms.

PEOPLE find sport meaningful. I have no doubt about that. Especially in Australia, where many of us have grown up with it. We know sport. We love sport. We think about sport. We are enlivened and enriched by sport. We are disappointed by sport. Not everyone. But enough of us to make sport a central element of Australian culture. Enough of us to ensure that last week the debate generated by a cricket match was carried out on the front page of newspapers and at the top of TV and radio news bulletins.

Despite Harms' style and tone often being a bit much, there's much in what he writes. But, still. I can just see him sitting on the Offsiders couch, smiling to one side, then the other, and saying "We love Sheeds, don't we."

Sheedy: No killer instinct without cracking eggheads

SOMETIMES people who are very good at their job seem arrogant. I spoke to the Australian cricket team many years ago when it was struggling under Allan Border and Bobby Simpson.

We bagged the team about non-performance -- and now it is a winning team we bag it because of the way it wins or because the players are supposedly arrogant.

It is a sad perception, because what they've got is killer instinct.

It means they go after the win and that upsets a lot of people in today's world.

For those who don't come from the civilized Aussie Rules states, Kevin Sheedy was a successful player and coach who understands the key maxim of football: it's all about big blokes knocking over other big blokes. Sheedy the player was a ruthless, sledging, sniping winner. Sheedy the coach encouraged his players to be the ruthless, sledging, sniping winners.

THE INCREDIBLE

From the Saturday Age General Knowledge Crossword:

There are seven letters in Dorothy, right?

COLLAPSE OF MEMORY

Do you remember Straya collapsing against England at the MCG in 1986? I do:

Hughes c Small b Edmonds 8

PEST BLOG POST OF 2007

SECOND TEST: STREAK TALK

1. Preview
2. Day One
3. Day Two
4. Day Three
5. Day Four
6. Day Five
7. Bats and Balls Taken Home
8. Fair Necessities
9. Cross Dressing
10. Three-Fer
11. Monkey Magic
12. Benefit of the Stoush
13. Text!
14. Balance of Tirade
15. Smack Flip
16. Born out of Fredlock
17. Tit for Tandoori
18. Done for Descent
19. Reffing Useless!
20. Inconvenient Struth
21. The Plastic Spanky
22. Time Bandit
23. Smack Flip with Half Piking
24. Fossil Fools
25. Four-Fer
26. Another Fvcker
27. Cash for Nomment
28. Selling it like it is
29. Streetfighting Man
30. Hard But Fair Suck
31. Spank You Very Little
32. All Sook Up
33. Offence Post
34. Moses Exposes
35. Lemon Pledge
36. Who Cares Whits

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PREVIEW #

One Test at a time:

We won't be caught with our pants down

THERE is increasing talk about this Test team equalling the record of 16 consecutive victories we set under Steve Waugh, but none of it is coming from our dressing room.

That's the way I want it to remain when we fly into Sydney today to start preparing for the second Test against India.

I haven't had to talk to the guys yet about staying focused as we approach this significant milestone. It depends how much it is spoken about in the next couple of days. If I hear little whispers around the dressing room I will have to address the matter.

It's fun to take the piss, but it's good news Ponting wants to put the screws to the players. It's also good news the players aren't getting ahead of themselves; according to Ponting, anyway. Although Punter's claim that he hasn't "had to talk to the guys yet about staying focused" is fluid if you accept that some of the players might read newspapers; even The Australian.

Keeping focus is a challenge for any sports-person or sporting team on a roll, whether it be Steve Redgrave or the New England Patriots. The same goes for cricket.

I haven't done an official tally - nor do I plan to given that I'd rather shoot from the lip than have my hunches dispelled by cold hard fact - but if you count up the number of times "Straya" and something like "getting ahead of themselves" has been mentioned at the AGB, the final figure would be well in excess of 30:

Steve Waugh predicts Aussie dominance

STEVE Waugh last night declared Ricky Ponting's new band of Invincibles could win as many as 30 straight Tests if they maintain their blistering form.

"There is no reason why they can't," Waugh said. "The way they are playing at the moment, they are dominating. They are winning matches by big margins, but cricket is a funny game.

"We thought we were going to win 17 in a row in Kolkata (in 2001) and it didn't happen."

Is that a concession Straya got ahead of itself back in 2001? Maybe, maybe not. One thing's for sure, if Straya weren't so assiduously chasing the streak back then in Calcutta, they probably wouldn't have lost that Test. They certainly wouldn't have batted like they did on the fifth day. And if they weren't looking for "a quick kill" to get an extra day's rest, then they might not have enforced a follow on that went spectacularly wrong. The same sort of overzealous cricket occurred when Straya lost to England at the MCG in 1998 when they went for the win on day four, rather than have to come back to coup the grace on day five.

The dilemma of how to deal with a streak is best described by that noted cricket pundit, Danny the Psycho, in Withnail & I: "If you're hanging on to a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision: let go before it's too late, or hold on and keep getting higher. Posing the question, how long can you keep a grip on the rope?"

Going into the Calcutta Test, on the back of a big win at Mumbai, Straya would have fully expected to win again; especially after enforcing the follow on. Then, when things went wrong, they still continued to play for a win.

Could they have done otherwise? It would have been difficult to change tempo from all-out attack to match saving defence; especially when a draw would mean the end of the roll.

Yet, despite his experience back then, Steve Waugh is making with the Big Statements: "Straya could win 30 in a row." After Adelaide we play Tests in the West Indies, India and maybe Pakistan. Is it really possible we'd win all those Tests? Is it even possible we'll win all the Tests here, this summer? You'd have to conclude 30 is unlikely.

THOSE WHO IGNORE HISTORY ARE DOOMED TO IGNORE IT.

Tim Lane's assertion that Straya needs to win more Tests overseas tends to fly in the face of recent history.

I don't know where Tim's been for the last few years, but lately we've won everywhere except England in 2005; and that was a fluke at odds with the four Ashes victories in Ye Olde Dart prior to that. The last time we played in India we won, too.

(On reflection, that second comment could be the work of a subby letting the gist get the better of him.)

Is Waugh's BS representative of overconfidence or arrogance? No. Most likely it's a combination of goal-setting and what Nathan Forrest called "keeping up the scare."

But whatever it is, at least Tugger acknowledges things can go wrong: "When you least expect it, cricket comes back and bites you."

THAT is the real challenge for Straya going to Sydney: to guard against the one that bites you. If they can. Sure, Straya blitzed in Melbourne, but the Indians are nowhere near as bad as their First Test form; and as Calcutta proved in 2001, things can change. A great deed, a mistake or just dumb luck can turn a match on its head, whether it be via the toss, a bowling spell, a dud decision, a dropped catch, the weather, a blinding innings, sending the other side in on a road.

AGB BIG BASH POP QUIZ

Name the teenag... errr, commentator:

1. The 'Backs must consolidate here.
2. Bowlers need to hit the strings.
3. Kentucky Fried Cosgrove.
4. They are amped here, the Blues tonight.
5. New Year's Eve and a few bubbles. Gotta be done, folks.
6. Good burgle.

So, how does all that look for Sydney? Well, Straya are going in with the same side, while India must make changes.

India need to have lash at the Strayan bowling, like England did back at... gulp, Edgbaston. There is no way they can open with Dravid. Bringing in Verandah Slog would be a risk, but even if he got a quick 30 they would be better off; better still if Dravid is able to hold the middle order together. But if you bring in Slog, who do you drop? Wasim Jaffer recently made a double ton so he would be stiff to miss, but he's shown rock all here. It's a pity for India they haven't been able to further develop Gautam Gambhir and Dinesh Karthik because I reckon they both go alright. That means Yuvy Shwing is the most likely to go. He has the potential to cut loose, nor did he bat any better or worse than some of his co-leagues, but his attitude and atrocious fielding must have him in the selectors' sights.

As for the bowling, neither side was likely to change their attack too much until Zack Khan was rushed to hospital last night. India have put Irfan Pathan on standby and seem to have resisted the temptation to rush either Munaf Patel or Instant Karma into the side. That said, RP Singh didn't really provide much of an edge in Melbourne and if you had a better righty, you'd play him. Then again, given Sydney is said to be a bit tasty, maybe they'll drop Harby for a quick, even though he has Ponting's number.

FUCK NUT LOOSE BUSTARDS

LOL.

Whichever way the two sides line up, though, if India continue their slow batting and fail to improve their fielding and running between wickets - in short: their professionalism - and if Straya keep their balance right between attack and defence, between confidence and overconfidence, and manage to keep the clamps on India's batting... well, fingers crossed they won't let the streak throw them out of stride.

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DAY ONE #

Great work by Roy and The Tongue, but...

Symonds admits umpire saved him when on 30

AUSTRALIAN batting saviour Andrew Symonds admitted last night what 22 players and millions of viewers already knew - he should have been out for 30.

Symonds' heroic knock of 137 not out rescued Australia from serious trouble in the second Test in Sydney against a resurgent India, but not without a controversial helping hand from umpire Steve Bucknor.

"I was very lucky. I was out when I was 30 and given not out," Symonds said after Australia ended the day at 7-376.

Is there any point me adding to all the stuff written in today's papers? Yeah, why not. On the up side, Straya got away with two, which was good; on the downside, Straya got dudded on one, which was bad. (Ponting getting shitty when he was "not" out was badderer. If you're going to accept a good call, you've got to accept a bad one. It won't be a miscarriage of justice if he gets fined like Yuvy Shwing SHOULD have been in Melbourne.) But all the speculation, carping and finger pointing borders on the ridiculous unless the umpires are given the same chance to assess decisions as the rest of us looking at the television. Until that time we're stuck with the status quo and Roy's genial acceptance.

"That's cricket though. I could sit here and tell you about some bad decisions as well. That's the game. It's one of those things."

Whether he'd be so sanguine were he on the wrong end of a howler is debatable, but in essence he's right.

Not that I'm philosophically against the further use of technology, just practically. I don't see how its introduction for LBW, caught-behinds and bat-pads wouldn't be every bit as contentious as the replay coverage of low catches. Not every time, mind, just enough times to encourage significant conjecture about the decision making process.

According to John Pierik in today's Herald Sun "Channel Nine's 'snickometer' confirmed the edge, and gave viewers the correct call." That should maybe read "Channel Nine's Snickometer 'confirmed' the edge, and gave viewers the 'correct' call." It's all about the punctuation, because there is no way Snicko would be conclusive enough time to 'confirm' a 'correct' edge every time.

The same for Hawkeye. TV adjudication worked out OK when they trialled its use to assist with LBWs during the 2005 super test, but they only went to Hawkeye after the decision had been made.

The fluidity of it's application would be an issue, too. How often? When? Where? How long would it take? If over rates are slow now, how much slower would they be with endless referrals "upstairs"?

And believe it or not, Tony Grieg is right now talking sense on the matter.

By the way, yesterday's was a great day's cricket.

******

DAY TWO #

What is it about Wee Wee Luckshmun and the SCG? He is a pretty good batsman around the orb, albeit one with more than the occasional kink in his career, and then he comes to Sydney and looks a million bucks. Is he the reason India don't want to water the outfield? I mean, if you have a touch player, who drives and glides the majority of his runs, wouldn't you want a pool table outfield. Couple that with a belter pitch and you're laughing tea cakes.

Still, Wee Wee wouldn't have got to 100 if Gilly had his sh1t together. After performances like yesterday, he's running the risk of being compared with The Grates: Party Patel, Geraint Jones and the down-and-going (as opposed to up-and-coming) Matt Prior. Lucky Wee Wee didn't make 200 or you'd be comparing Gilly to Courtney Browne who once dropped a sitter off Steve Waugh, or the bloke who dropped Brian Lara when Lara made 500.

Gilly is at an awkward stage of his career. Apparently he wants to go to England in 2009, but is that feasible? Well, if he scores big in the near future, and doesn't drop any more sitters (don't bank on it) he'll hold his place. But at 36 going on 38 by 2009 he isn't getting any younger, or more importantly, better.

The selectors need to ask themselves whether Gilly will be better in 2009 than, say, Brad Haddin? That's unlikely, both for batting and keeping. Gilly's career path is on the way down, while Braddin's is on the way up. Have those career trajectories crossed yet? I suggest they have. They certainly will have by 2009.

There is nothing worse - apart from lots of other bad things in the world: drought, flood, bushfire, Silverchair - than sports people hanging on too long. Does Gilly want to hang on too long? Will the selectors allow him to hang on too long? He has a few credits in the bank, although he cashed a few in yesterday, but not that many that the selectors can afford to have him clogging up the chain of succession. At some point soon they will have to make the big call: "Mate, we need to have a chat."

Unless Gilly the famous walker, walks.

Yesterday's other big issue was also the day before yesterday's other big issue: umpires and technology. The day after yesterday's papers are full of it.

Andrew Stevenson in the Age:

TV, or not TV: that is the question

ON TUESDAY, having scored more than 100 runs after a clanging umpiring error from Steve Bucknor, Andrew Symonds called for the human element to be retained in cricket, saying he didn't want to see every decision referred to a TV umpire.

Jake Niall in the Age:

It's time to set alight a technological revolution

MAYBE the non-dismissal of Andrew Symonds is the spark that will light the technological revolution in umpiring. One can only hope so.

Jon Pierik in the Herald Sun:

India lodge formal complaint against Steve Bucknor

ANGRY Indian cricket board officials last night demanded action be taken against umpire Steve Bucknor after a series of poor decisions in the second Test at the SCG.

Iain Payten in the Herald Sun:

Neutral umpires to stay

CRICKETS lawmakers are set to stick with neutral umpires and will only consider bringing in technological assistance if it is foolproof.

Malcolm Conn in The Strayan:

Dissension is catching after Procter's gaffe

A HORRIBLE day by officials yesterday began before a ball was bowled to begin the second Test at the Sydney Cricket Ground.

Befuddled match referee Mike Procter made the staggering admission at a pre-match breakfast in front of 480 guests that he had made the wrong decision by not finding India batsman Yuvraj Singh guilty of dissent during last week's first Test in Melbourne.

It doesn't take a weatherman to see which way the ICC blows. Mal Speed's been in Proctor's ear telling him he set a "terrible precedent" - Jeez, Conn's laying it on with a trowel - and that he better fess up to his stupid decision not to ping Yuvy Shwing for dissent in Melbourne or else he will not be able to ping any future malefactors.

The confession's a get-out.

At the very least, expect Ponting and Instant Karma to be mentioned in diss-patches.

Speaking of weathermen; is the weather going to stop the streak? If it doesn't, then the SCG pitch probably will. Currently Centrebet are offering Straya 2.45 the win, India 15.00 the win and 1.67 for a... sorry, the draw.

Top Test, but.

******

DAY THREE #

While the first two days were particularly rivetting cricket, I can't agree with Carrot, day three was a drag. From my hopelessly biased perspective, anyway. Sure, Tendulkar made a carefully constructed ton, which was nice. The professionals can happily pen their TLM Master Class articles; and the people at the ground can say "I saw Tendulkar make a ton at the SCG" just like I can say "I saw NZ make 180 in a day at the WACA". But it was hardly a knock for the ages, and the rest of the batting was dreary, although I missed Ganguly's knock. Not that I want to see The Raj do well.

Gilly was in the lamelight again, dropping another one he should have caught. Optimistic would describe Andrew Stevenson's comment in the Age: "After an off day on Thursday, in which he grassed two regulation chances and missed a third almost impossible effort, Gilchrist rediscovered the form that has made him Australia's most prolific keeper, safely squaring away three." But the rest of the fielding was fine. The fielding positions were another thing, allowing far too many runs. What Ponting was able to achieve on the MCG on a slower deck with a slower and larger outfield, he wasn't able to replicate on the SCG, which meant India comfortably made 300 in the day. Johnston bowled too many overs of wide balls and half volleys, while Hogg and Roy didn't bowl enough. Obviously Ponting didn't want to risk Hogg against Tendulkar and Roy is apparently injured, but the Strayan attack lacked variety. Thankfully Brett Lee was able to take a five-for.

The upshot was a 69 run Indian lead on the first innings. Who leads after both sides have batted once is always an interesting scenario. If Straya led by, say, 10 runs you would be significantly more comfortable than if they trailed by 10 runs. It's only 20 runs difference, but it's an uneasy feeling when you trail on the first innings. Upon batting again, every time you look at the scoreboard you have to take runs off, rather than add runs. It nags.

What day three did do, though, is set up an interesting day four. Of course, by interesting I mean, I hope this doesn't go arse up. The optimistic narrative has it that Straya, on a pitch that has allowed a mountain of runs, should be able to knock up a reasonable day five target to try and maintain the streak. The negative narrative, the one most common hereabouts, has Kumble and Harby running through the Strayan line-up and setting India a comfortable fourth innings chase.

Finally, we've got a real game on out hands

(John Coomber, Herald Sun)

Ever since that day 12 months ago when Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath took their final bows at the SCG we've been waiting to see what would happen when Australia was put under serious challenge.

We are about to find out.

The exuberance of the Indians as they played their warm-down game of soccer in front of the MA Noble Stand after stumps last night showed how much they fancy their chances of knocking over the world champions on their own turf.

With a 56-run lead and a pitch likely to suit the twin spin attack of Harbhajan Singh and Anil Kumble, the Indians will go at the Australian throats on the fourth day.

Their objective is to get a couple of early wickets and put Australia under the sort of pressure they have been largely unaccustomed to in their decade and a half of dominance.

Next for India comes the need to bowl Australia out again before they can get too far in front. Chasing more than 200 in the fourth innings has always been tricky on this ground.

The wicket has lost some of its demons in recent years, but so too has the Australian atack. In days gone by everyone in the home team would have felt reassured by the presence of Warne and McGrath.

Brad Hogg and Mitchell Johnston are very different beasts indeed.

Elsewhere on-field, Harby was cited for sledging Sideshow. Judging by Roy's reaction and Harby's subsequent contrition, Harby DID say something nasty. It was allegedly racist, according to today's blabs, but they don't say what was said. Tendulkar talked in circles, which doesn't usually bode well for the defence, but unless the umpire heard what was said or the stump mikes picked it up there is rock all chance of Harby being found guilty. And he'll probably say he was mis-heard, anyway.

Off-field, Mal Speed cleared the way for Ponting and Instant Karma to be fined. To paraphrase: "Inconsistency? What inconsistency? I disagree with Idiot Proctor's finding in Melbourne. Dissent is dissent in any language and what happened to Yuvy Shwing is no precedent." Mind you, Speed said he had not viewed either incident. It's amazing how often sporting officials "haven't seen" contentious issues.

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DAY FOUR #

There should be a law against tense Test cricket. There is no way watching eight hours of what went on yesterday can be good for you.

And, as if the cricket wasn't tense enough, every single time I returned from a bout of channel flipping, there was an ad. Every. Single. Bloody. Time. This meant that I had to endure the pain of dreading another ad, or another, which meant there might have been wicket. It could have meant a drinks break, too, or a rain delay, but the Warne family don't emit No Wicket signals to put you at ease.

Yesterday was similar in intensity to days three and four in Adelaide last summer as the Strayans almost reeled in England's 551; alternately striving to attain, regain or maintain an advantage, but where a wicket at any stage would change the balance of the match. Thanks be to The Gilo.

JON IS CERTAIN

Glad Jon Pierik is not an umpire:

Umpire gaffes hurt as India tries to push for victory

Symonds lunged forward as he did not pick Kumble's wrong 'un and should have been given out lbw by Bucknor, despite Hawk-eye suggesting otherwise.

"Hawk-eye has been on the booze," former Australian captain Bill Lawry roared. "That's as close as you will get for a hat-trick ball."

And Bill didn't roar. He laughed.

In the end Straya made it to stumps 4/282, which sounds tidy, but which we all know is really 4/213 and far from safe. There is still a very real possibility India can run through our last six to give themselves a chance at a softish target. Not that you'd get that from the commentators who spent most of the day speculating on declarations. What, isn't the game itself painful enough without encouraging more pain through a generous closure?

With any luck Straya will just put their heads down and bat sensibly for as long as they can. Fv^k the streak. I hope it, or the commentators, aren't able to goad Ponting and the Strayan batsmen into foolhardy acts of bravado - that's what the Indians want - because the longer the streak goes, the more chance there is of it distorting the priorities of the game at hand.

Bat sensibly, get out of range, then think about a declaration, bat some more.

"Harbhajan was like a monkey that escaped its cage."

~~ Fox Sport News

What the hell is it with the experts? Are they being sensationalist, deliberately provocative, or are they just plain thick? On the one hand they want to clean up the game via an officially mandated variety of sledges; for instance, players are permitted to call a batsman a "crab" but they are bang out of line if they call him a "monkey". On the other hand they want to keep what's said on the field on the field. The two cannot exist side-by-side. You either encourage players and officials to report breaches, or you don't and pay lip service to any code of conduct. And for f**k sake stop going on about Pandora's bloody box!

Naturally, I'm using "monkey" as a topical example. Harby probably did say something rank, but there's no proof, just his word against Roy's, because it's turned out neither the umpires nor the stump microphones heard the exchange, so case closed. That's not to say Harby and Roy mightn't get in trouble for arguing. Harby should get suspended for his ridiculous celebration, too.

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DAY FIVE #

Let's get the formalities out of the way first: the Indians copped it from the umpires. Had all decisions through the course of the match been correctly judged, then the match would have taken a very different course. India might well have won. Mind you, the match might well have been a draw; Straya might well still have won; personally, I'm 100% convinced it would have been a tie.

A rough list of the roughies looks roughly like this:

• Ponting, caught behind
• Ponting, not LBW
• Symonds, caught behind
• Symonds, stumped
• Symonds, stumped
• Laxman, LBW
• Tendulkar, LBW
• Hussey, caught behind
• Symonds, LBW
• Dravid, not caught behind
• RP, not LBW

I included "RP, not LBW", even though I thought it was out, because of what happened to Symonds first ball in the second innings; either they were both out, or both not out. I excluded "Ganguly, caught Clarke" because I have no doubt he was out, despite what the cameras didn't show. And anyway, the teams had a pre-series agreement to accept the fielder's word. It's fair to say, too, that Symonds being judged MotM shows the match officials have a wicked sense of humour.

So, numerically at least, India got the rough end of the pineapple.

(Any chance Kerry O'Keefe will stop intentionally ballsing up Aussie sayings so as to make himself and Harsha Boggle laugh? It was borderline funny about three seasons ago, K, but fair suck of the source material.)

In short: the umpiring was disgraceful and, although I'm loathe to quote Mad Spanky, left a sour taste in the mouth.

But the way the Indian press, Indian players, Indian retinue and Indian fans are carrying on, you'd think Straya had invented bad umpiring and aggressive appealing specifically to dud India in this series.

Umpires EVERYWHERE have been making howlers for years. Doubtless gladiators copped the odd bad call in the Colosseum. "But he missed him!" Strayans have certainly copped bad calls in India. And fielding teams EVERYWHERE have been appealling for EVERYTHING for years. Kumble appeals for MORE than everything.

The big difference between now and the days before now is that EVERYONE EVERYWHERE can see almost EVERYTHING - except for the umpires, who only get to see events once in real time. Until the umpires can see what we see, any argument is just noise. According to Mal Speed the ICC have a working party in place to investigate the application of technical assistance, but until anything is actually implemented you won't hear any complaints out of me. Until WE get dudded, that is. Like we were in the 2005 Ashes. Now THAT was a disgrace.

HOLY ROLLER

The Oracle has spoken:

Chappelli: "The other thing I remember about heavy rollers... Les Favell, who was captain of South Australia, that I played under, and he always used to reckon that the heavy roller gave you about half an hour, flattened the pitch out for about half an hour. He felt, and he was an opening batsman... he always said 'Don't judge,' - this'd be in this situation where you're in the field - he'd always say 'Don't judge the pitch on the first half an hour. If it's not doing anything, don't panic, because something could start to happen after the half an hour.' In other words, after the effect of the roller had worn off."

Dick: "That's... spot on."

Apart from the umpiring, India lacked urgency and their performance from the end of day three onwards was rubbish. With a lead of 69 they had to keep the pressure on, but at the drop of a hat-trick, they fell back into a defensive mind-set. There is no way Straya should have been allowed to comfortably cruise to 7/401 in their second innings. Their fields on the morning of day five were complete rubbish. Where did they come up with such crap tactics?

Not that the Strayans were perfect. Their own fields were pretty ropey when India were getting late runs in the first innings; we always seem to struggle with tail-enders and, as Russ wrote, batsman out of touch. And speaking of batsmen out of touch, why are the Strayans so keen to get Dravid back into form? Their catching of him in particular, and the rest in general, was pox. My brother reckons Gilly will pull the pin after Adelaide. He could be right. Not that I particularly want to see Gilly call it quits, it's just that the time could be right for him to... ahem, walk.

The declaration was also questioned. I like the fact Ponting batted India out of the game because India are the sort of side that's likely to squibb it they can't get on a roll. Roll, geddit? Sure, the Dravid decision helped, but like I said, Ganguly was out and most of the rest crumbled. Whichever way the declaration turned out, and I'm glad it turned out good, at least Ponting didn't let the streak talk him into doing anything cavalier.

Nor was our bowling exemplary. Lee was great and Clark better than steady, but that it fell to Roy and Clarke to clean up India says a lot about Hogg and Johnston. If Hogg lacks an edge on day five in Sinney, how will he go in Perth? And although Johnston has some good stuff, he had little luck and was erratic. It will be interesting to see the make-up Straya take into the Perth Test. Does Hogg get wickets in Perth? Or do you take in four quicks and give Roy and Clarke the spinning duties? Or do you keep Hogg and just swap Larry Tait for Johnston? I'd love to see a four man pace mugging, but more often than not, a spinner is needed for variety late in a match.

The batting was so-so. Hungry might need to pull his head in, Clarke probably won't have another shocker like he did in Sydney, Gilly is Gilly, and Ponting will be happy if (yes, if) Harbhajan is out. But Reverend Flatty, Cricket, Roy and the tail were good for a swag of runs.

HEY HEY WE'RE THE...

The other big issue is Harbhajan's suspension. I was surprised he got found guilty given neither the stump microphones nor the umpires heard the exchange. And yet Mike Proctor pinged Harby three matches because he "was 'satisfied beyond a reasonable doubt that Harbhajan Singh directed that word at Andrew Symonds and also that he meant it to offend on the basis of Symonds' race or ethnic origin." Proctor should have pinged him for his monkey-roll celebration. Either way, I tip an appeal.

[Afterthought: Hot on the heels of Mal Speed tuning Mike Proctor for being a goose in Melbourne, Harbhajan picked the wrong day to not give up sledging.]

Talkback radio and web sites are full of the "monkey's not racist" line. The people spouting this bullsh1t are either stupid or dead set liars. EVERYONE (don't bin me for using big letters, it's my version of super-slo-mo, high-res footage) knows "monkey" is racist. Soccer fans in the UK used to chant it and wave blow-up bananas at black players, rednecks in the US call black people "porch monkeys" and "get back into the trees, you monkey" is old as Kilimanjaro. And apart from anything, how come it's never directed at the white players? How come it's only directed at Symonds? It's not because he has a punchline in a KFC ad. If anyone has the f**k-faced audacity to say to you the monkey sledge amounts to nothing, punch them in the mouth for me. Not that I'm inciting violenc... wait a tick, yes I am. Carry on.

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BATS BALLS TAKEN HOME #

Will India quit the series? That's what's just been reported on the rayjo wahless. Surely - surely! - the ICC, whatever you think of them, are not going to let India get away with such a monumental dummy spit.

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DONKEY BUSINESS #

I don't think there's much I can add to what's already been harangued, but it would be wrong of me to ignore Spanky making in ass of himself:

Arrogant Ponting must be fired

RICKY PONTING must be sacked as captain of the Australian cricket team. If Cricket Australia cares a fig for the tattered reputation of our national team in our national sport, it will not for a moment longer tolerate the sort of arrogant and abrasive conduct seen from the captain and his senior players over the past few days. Beyond comparison it was the ugliest performance put up by an Australian side for 20 years. The only surprising part of it is that the Indians have not packed their bags and gone home. There is no justice for them in this country, nor any manners.

The most galling thing about Spanky's load of Roebuck is that judging by the number of "hate Straya" callers to the 'lectric rayjo wahless this morning, he's got a supportive readership. It was one of those times I wished I could reach in and stuff the callers' phones down their throats. The number of callers who maintained the "monkey's not racist" lie was staggering. There was even one sh1t-eating smugster who thought he was being clever by stating quite definitively "Monkeys are not a race!" as if he were dispelling the combined great arguments of history. What a c0ck! His name was Terry, by the way.

******

Tim Dunlop:

Australia v. India

On paper the 2nd Test at the SCG between India and Australia was a great game.  Two excellent teams with some brilliant individuals efforts, and the game only decided in the last ten minutes after what looked like a riskily delayed declaration by the home team, and with a part-time bowler taking the last three wickets in what turned out to be the final over of the day.  Breathtaking stuff.

Tim Blair:

ARROGANT AND ABRASIVE

The Indian cricket team yesterday threatened to suspend its tour of Australia following a sequence of disputed decisions by neutral umpires, the charging (and three-match ban) of Indian spinner Harbhajan Singh over abuse of an Australian player, Indian demands that West Indian umpire Steve Bucknor not stand in the next Test and a senior Indian player smearing Australia as "a team that cheats and lies quite blatantly".

Helen at Catallaxy:

So, will Cricket self-destruct?

I decided to take the scenic route from Edinburgh to Oxford, which meant two days offline. During my absence, it emerged that cricket is in danger of imploding after the fall-out from Australia's victory over India in the second test.

Harry Clarke:

Indian cricket - what a sad bunch of losers

Peter Roebuck's call for Ricky Ponting to be sacked as captain of the Australian cricket team should be treated with contempt.

Excuse the crosslinking. It might look like the rankest self promotion... well, actually, it is, but there's still plenty of good stuff to read at the blogs that linked here.

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FAIR NECESSITIES #

Pinched from a Catallaxy comment by the always excellent Geoff Honnor, here is an interesting post on what it's like to be an African living in India.

The stain that just won't wash

Like many other students from Africa, John Patrick Ojwando chose to come to India, to Mysore, for higher education as it was cheaper here than in Europe or the US. Ojwando is from Kenya, which has a large Indian population, and so he thought India wouldn't seem too foreign. But it was only when he arrived here that he realised just how much of an outsider Indians could make him feel, and that Indians in India were in fact plainly racist.

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CROSS DRESSING #

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THREE-FER #

Chris Lloyd does a neat summary:

Monkey Business

Let’s start by admiting that a black man being banned for three matches for calling a dark brown Australian man a monkey is pretty peculiar. Next will be Ricky Ponting being banned for calling an English player a pommy bastard.

Three more:

Luncheon Meat: Bucknor had to go, not because the Indians said they would suck their thumbs in the corner, which was typical, but because he's past it. However, listening to Mal Speed shmooze on about needing "to seek a way forward and keep the spirit of the game at the forefront" and that Bucknor had been removed because the ICC wanted to "take some of the heat out" and unfortunately Bucknor was "meat in the sandwich", all while dodging even the slightest hint Bucknor is incompetent... well, he is a politician.

C0ckheads: They were ringing up radio stations - I've got to stop listening to talk-back - to say that "monkey" is less racist than yesterday's Herald Sun back page: Black Ban.

Streak envy: Why are India such a pack of screaming, wailing, effigy burning, donkey signing babies? With one billion people and 70% of the cricket revenue, THEY should be the ones on a 16 match streak.

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MONKEY MAGIC #

Andrew Symonds walks into an Indian bar.
Barman says "why the long arms?"

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BENEFIT OF THE STOUSH #

Shaun Cronin:

So who benefits from the Australia v India cricket stoush?

Some of you may have noticed that cricket has dominated the news for the past few days. The aftermath of the Sydney test has released a wave of recriminations, hyperbole and effigy burning not seen for many a year.

I particularly like Comment 30 from Jenny, which I will pinch:

I guess my view isn’t politicaly correct at the moment, but my view is that Ponting has done NOTHING wrong in the Sydney test at all. Let’s look at the charges:

[Failed to shake hands with Indians after the game]: Yes he did. They did the backslapping thing first which is absolutely standard after a wicket and particularly after the last wicket of a game. Suggest watch a replay rather than listen to the crap which passes for cricket commentary these days.

[Ungracious at press conference/after match interviews]: Nothing could be further from the truth. Ponting is invariably gracious towards opponents and was so on this occasion.

[Appeals]: It has been the case for 50 years at least that players appeal if there’s a chance of a wicket. Why not? That’s only commonsense.

[Walking after a nick]: With few exceptions this hasn’t been done for 50 years. Which in my view makes the umpire’s job simpler, since the umpire will otherwise be in the position of effectively calling a batsman a cheat if he gives out a player that hasn’t walked.

[Claimed catch - Clarke]: Clarke said he caught a catch and the replay did not conclusively prove him wrong. Ponting’s role was to make it clear to the umpire that Clarke believed he had taken the catch and should therefore be given out under the terms of the series agreement between Ponting and Kumble.

[Claimed catch - Ponting]: Ponting doesn’t dispute the ball popped out of his hand on impact. However, he believed he had controlled the ball in the air. Under the laws he’s wrong, but that’s a matter of interpretation for the umpires. Not cheating!

[Sledging]: One of the joys of sport at all levels. Some of the best has come from Englishmen, Jamaicans and South Africans. Not a problem so long as it’s not malicious. I’ve heard nothing to indicate the Aussies were being malicious.

So why is Ponting being attacked as being arrogant. I suggest the following factors are conspiring against him.

- Whoever followed on from Steve leprosy-colony Waugh was going to struggle for acceptance.

- Much of the cricket world including Australians is heartily sick of the Aussies winning and would have loved to see India win the Sydney test.

- For whatever reason, Australia has been getting the best of the umpire’s decisions in Australia for a few reasons, and for some reason I can’t quite fathom, that’s seen to be our fault.

- Cricket Australia pissed off some journalists this season by restricting press access. This is payback. - The media has become increasingly strident about many things in recent years in the ongoing circulation wars. So any dispute in the cricket is automatically exaggerated.

- Tall poppy syndrome.

That Tony T of Comment 39 is a dickhead, but.

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TEXT! #

Now that I have your attention: Warne avoids controversy!

Never mind the ‘Bollyline’, this is one of the great Australia sides

It is never nice to see cricket in the headlines for the wrong reasons. In a lot of ways I thought the Sydney Test between Australia and India was a fantastic game with an exciting finish. Not too many go down to the wire like that but, unfortunately, I guess it will be remembered for other events.

I am not getting involved in the “Bollyline” controversy because it would not help a difficult situation. People need to calm down. Suffice to say that it was not the first time that umpires have made mistakes, and it will not be the last. I hope that everything can be sorted out so we have another great game in Perth next week.

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BALANCE OF TIRADE #

Excellent article in CricInfo (thanks, Russ) from Suresh Manon:

Some balance, please

True, India were sinned against in the Sydney Test, but they're no innocents, and the reaction of the media back home has been consummately over the top.

If India's media are to be believed, the Indian players are angels, and anyone who thinks otherwise is an unpatriotic Gandhi-hater and should be condemned to watching Navjot Sidhu expressing his views on a dozen television channels.

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SMACK FLIP #

Beep. Beep. Beep. Well, maybe Spanky hasn't exactly flipped 180 degrees, but today's article has more than a feint aroma of "Hope I wasn't out of line with that crack about the wild dogs":

Australians not only ones with issues

BY NO means can the Indians escape censure for the unpleasantness that took place in cricket's dark hour at the SCG.

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BORN OUT OF FREDLOCK #

This one's for all the suckers blabbing on about the great sportsmanship of Freddie Flintoff after the Edgbaston Test in 2005 - I'm looking at you today, Chloe Saltau - cop a load o' this, youse bastards:

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TIT FOR TANDOORI #

Speaking of bastards - you knew where I was going with the previous update, didn't you, you clever monkeys - it's hard not to feel sorry for Tongue Hogg, caught smack bang in the middle of a cynical and devious retaliation.

PC world is smothering sport

BRAD Hogg has been nothing more than a silly bastard, but unfortunately he must pay the price.

If there is equality in cricket, he must be found guilty on the same lines that Harbhajan Singh was for calling Andrew Symonds a "monkey".

Yes, we all agree the cricket world has gone totally mad, but the parameters have been set by the politically correct world that is smothering the sport.

Yes, mad. You know what I think? Hogg will get found guilty, while Rollerboy Singh will get off.

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DONE FOR DESCENT #

Hoggy's going to say he was "taken out of context". Well, he is a sportman:

Hogg taken out of context, says Cricket Australia

BRAD Hogg's defence team will argue the Australian meant no malice and his gibe was taken out of context when his charge of racial abuse is heard next week.

The alleged offence has been reported under section 3.3 of the ICC Code of Conduct which refers to players or team officials "using language or gestures that offends, insults, humiliates, intimidates, threatens, disparages or vilifies another person on the basis of that persons race, religion, gender, colour, descent, or national or ethic origin".

Now there is a list guaranteed to make most every Professional Outragist drool.

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REFFING USELESS! #

Llooks llike Llittle Lleyton wants a piece of the action:

It's not cricket, says beaten Hewitt

FORMER world No. 1 Lleyton Hewitt said he could empathise with the cricketers after he felt he was the victim of "useless" umpiring decisions in his tight loss to countryman Chris Guccione yesterday. After the match, an outspoken Hewitt declared the standard of umpiring on the tennis tour as "pretty ordinary".

"I feel like the cricketers, I think," Hewitt said, after a few close decisions went against him. "What's going on with all the refs these days? They're useless."

It just wouldn't be a Seven Summer Of Tennis without Hewitt having a shot at someone.

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INCONVENIENT STRUTH #

Top article from the Strayan's Wayne Smith on famour cheats:

Symonds and Hair both victims of sport's inconvenient truths

NOSTALGIA ain't what it used to be.

But somehow, in a week that has seen Australian cricketers labelled as cheats for abiding by the umpire's decision and Australian Open tennis organisers setting up a hotline to catch corrupt players, the quaint sporting crooks of yesteryear have taken on an almost respectable glow. What the sporting world needs now is more Boris Onischenkos. Remember Boris, the Soviet competitor who rigged his epee to record hits he did not make during the fencing discipline of the modern pentathlon at the 1976 Montreal Olympics? It was cheating on an epic, not to mention epee scale and how he thought he could get away with it is anyone's guess. But for sheer villainry in the cut and thrust of Olympic competition, Bad Boris finishes a clear winner, with Boneheaded Ben trailing behind.

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THE PLASTIC SPANKY #

Bruce has a good idea. I'm not 100% sure it was Spanky who started the lie about the Strayans and Indians not shaking hands after the Test, but that doesn't matter, the award needs to be named after someone and Spanky makes a worthwhile honouree:

Was it Spanky's column where the lie started that no one shook anyone's hand after the match?

After the initial huddle broke up everyone shook Kumble's hand and the traditional lineup of the batting team meeting the fielders on their way off happened exactly as expected.

Have a look at the end of Edgbaston 2005. (Can't do youtube links from work) There's no rush to shake hands there either and it is a good 40 seconds after the wicket that photo opportunity/sledge happened. Vaughn and others celebrate like men who have just won a really close test match - but I don't remember many column inches being devoted to calling for the sacking of the skipper.

I'm going to latch onto this one like Blair and his plastic turkey to see just how often this falsehood gets perpetuated.

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TIME BANDIT #

Most sensible people agree that Instant Karma used a lame delaying tactic when he came out to bat on Sunday evening. Wrong glove? Yeah, right. It was pathetic schoolboy stuff for which he got his come-uppance three balls latter. Yet, in all the lists of bad decisions that have been drawn up these last few days, one howler has been conspicuously absent:

Law 31 Timed out

(a) Unless Time has been called, the incoming batsman must be in position to take guard or for his partner to be ready to receive the next ball within 3 minutes of the fall of the previous wicket. If this requirement is not met, the incoming batsman will be out, Timed out.

(b) In the event of protracted delay in which no batsman comes to the wicket, the umpires shall adopt the procedure of Law 21.3 (Umpires awarding a match). For the purposes of that Law the start of the action shall be taken as the expiry of the 3 minutes referred to above.

At precisely 3 minutes and 20 seconds, was it too much to expect the umpires "time out" Karma? I think not. I mean, it was such a straightforward decision that I'm sure everyone would have handled it in the right spirit.

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SMACK FLIP WITH HALF PIKING #

More from Tim Blair on Spanky further squibbing it:

ROEBUCK RETREATS

Apparently it was all just some helpful tree-shaking:

Time to shake the tree. Sacking the captain was the only story remotely dramatic enough to bring everything out into the open. And so the article was written. It had almost been sent earlier in the match but a fever had taken hold and the thought occurred that mood might have been affected. But the point was valid. The leadership had failed.

And so the debate began ... A nerve had been touched and the important matters were going to be addressed.

I wonder how Roebuck would view a front-page column calling for his sacking.

Gold: Spanking the monkey.

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FOSSIL FOOLS #

Good article by Michael Vaughan - no, not that Michael Vaughan - in the Age.

When comment overflows, it's time to turn off the tap

IT'S time to call in the Pope or, better still, Doctor Phil, I reckon, to adjudicate (no dodgy decisions, please) on the appalling state of our nation … or is it just the cricket?

It must be at least their turn because it seems everyone else has had a crack.

Tony Greig. Such a credit to the game when playing, he is now a born-again goody-two-shoes who commentates and sells cricket pictures.

Don't forget dial-a-cricket-quote Neil Harvey, who it seems has a bad opinion of everything that's not about why he or someone in the 1948 team was such a great player. Has the man ever said anything nice about the game post-1948? I doubt it.

Let's include John Bertrand, Ron Barassi, Herb Elliott and Rob de Castella, fantastic cricketers one and all, and well qualified to tell it like it is … or not.

Here's Tony Grieg in Wednesday's Telegraph:

Greig returns serve to Ponting

Greig believes modern cricketers have an outdated view on walking and are being made to look foolish as they baulk at moving with the times.

He has urged players to follow Adam Gilchrist's lead and walk when they are out rather than rely on the umpire's verdict.

He believes modern technology which exposes incidents when players should be given out has the potential to tarnish the players' image when they refuse to walk.

"Players should rethink the stance they have taken in the past which to me is so old-fashioned," Greig said.

"So much has changed with technology since non-walking became a fait accompli. Umpires have been made to look very stupid.

"Ponting got an edge down the leg-side and was out (but didn't walk). Then he got a bad decision for an lbw and carried on about it. There are double standards.

"At the same time Ponting is trying to persuade opposition captains to take his word on catches . . . they are all over the place.

"All I can tell you is the best umpiring I have ever experienced and the best relationships between umpires and players was in England in county cricket where we had former first-class players like Mark Benson umpiring.

"You were considered to be a cheat if you didn't walk.

"That system worked best and of course it all broke down when you got to Test level because you were playing against Australia and they didn't walk.

Obviously moving with the times is a selective option. On the one hand Grieg wants the Aussie cricketers to move with the times on walking. On the other he wants what happens on the field to stay on the field.

Speaking of walking. No doubt it did "all break down" as you moved from County cricket to Test cricket. I have a book at Dad's (it's buried somewhere in a great pile) which covers the 1977 Strayan tour of England. You might remember that tour; that's the one where Tony Grieg moved with the times as he skulked behind the scenes recruiting players for World Series Cricket. Anyway, in that book there is a revealing picture which has Doug Walters looking less than plussed at covers and Rod Marsh looking astounded behind the stumps and mouthing what polite society calls a f^^ken expletive. Why? Well, because the other person in the picture, one Tony Grieg, had been given not out after getting a thick edge and was stuck fast to the crease. So much for walking. Doubtless Grieg would still deny he hit it.

Other fossils?

Neil Harv... ohh, what's the point.

Ron Barassi. The elder statesman of Strayan Rules was ferocious as both a player and a coach. Can you even begin to imagine he would "be nice" or "go easy" or "mind his manners"? Fat chance. As a coach he was a dead set lunatic who would have stuffed any Spirit of Football straight down the throat of an opponent.

John Bertrand. Sailing?!?

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FOUR-FER #

Normblog Geras, the blogosphere's angry young man, breaks it down:

Sydney Serenade

• Spirit of the game
• Racism
• Bad umpiring
• Not 'walking'

Read it? Told you he was a fiery customer. Anyway, here's my take:

Spirit of the game: I agree with Normblog that the Spirit of the Game has been too easily dismissed as empty rhetoric. Straya have made a conscious effort to tidy up their act. You can't just spout "Straya have always been shockers" because they've put in considerable effort to lift their game in recent years and, in fact, their behaviour in recent years is much better. One of my students plays first grade cricket here in Melbourne and has told me that considerable emphasis has been put on Strayan cricket cleaning up its act at all levels. Still, Ponting should have been fined for standing his ground in the Siddey Test first innings and shouldn't have tossed his bat or gotten shitty at the post-match presser. Mind you, a tossed bat is not as dangerous as a tossed stump through a door. And did anyone see Tassie's George Bailey toss his bat, gloves and helmet in Monday's 20/20 against Victoria? He was still on the ground. There's work to be done, but at least Straya are making an effort to do that work.

Racism: While my bullsh1t meter flies into the red when people start spouting the "monkey's not racist" lie, I have no idea what it's like to be vilified. So there's no point me going there except to say that it's a Pando... ahem, the authorities are making trouble for themselves by trying to cherry pick insults. And if anyone suggests racial insults be "swept under the carpet" check that person's back catalog of opinions to make sure they haven't let their dudgeon get the better of them over racial vilification in the AFL.

Bad umpiring: Yes, the umpiring in Siddey was terrible and was probably the root cause of all the drama. Still, it's been well enough documented save for one incident: Dravid's dismissal in the second innings. No, not the fact he didn't hit it. Everyone's been droning on about how Gilly is a cheat because he appealled, but what about Dravid? The Wall, too, was having a lend of the umpire. How so? Well, what was he doing? He was "pretending" to play a shot. He wanted the umpire to think he was making a genuine attempt to play the ball so that he couldn't be given out LBW for leaving a ball outside off stump. If Dravid had shouldered arms, clearly removed his bat from where the ball might have gone, then he would not have been given out. And apart from anything else, he "didn't miss it by miles" as everyone seems to have hyperbolied, he only just missed it. Stop trying to con the umpire, Rahul. Get your bat well out of the way and you won't get "dudded".

Walking: I played senior cricket for 15 years all over WA and Victoria and never saw anyone walk. End of story.

I'll toss in a bonus issue.

Chucking: Or the pursuit that used to be known as bowling. Off-spinners have always sailed close to the wind and Sideshow Roy and Harbhajan were no exceptions. When both were looking for that extra little bit of bite, they both gave their arm that extra little bit of flex. And it's not just the offies. Mitch Johnston, when he got front-on looking for a little extra ball-action, had a distinct Meckiffesque kink in his arm. It seems to me that Troy Cooley has put a lot of work into variations. Maybe this is related to what England were doing in 2005, maybe not. Either way, it looks as if Cooley's the first coach to start actively working within the 15 degree tolerance limits. Only a madman wouldn't.

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ANOTHER FUCKER #

Day Three:

Elsewhere on-field, Harby was cited for sledging Sideshow. Judging by Roy's reaction and Harby's subsequent contrition, Harby DID say something nasty. It was allegedly racist, according to today's blabs, but they don't say what was said. Tendulkar talked in circles, which doesn't usually bode well for the defence, but unless the umpire heard what was said or the stump mikes picked it up there is rock all chance of Harby being found guilty. And he'll probably say he was mis-heard, anyway.

Today:

Indians to argue Symonds misunderstood Harbhajan

HARBHAJAN Singh's racial abuse case took a bizarre twist last night with claims Andrew Symonds misinterpreted a derogatory Punjabi phrase which sounded like "monkey".

The tourists may argue at Harbhajan's appeal hearing that he called Symonds a "Maa Ki . . ." in his native tongue, which translates into "motherf-----".

And Tendulkar's waffle? What's the bet he didn't hear anything.

Also today from Murph:

'Bastard' not on banned words list

"BASTARD", the term for which Brad Hogg will be on trial in Perth, was not among the words listed by the teams as racially offensive before the Australia-India series.

The Indians would probably argue that although 'bastard' is not racial, it is still 'descentual'. Nevertheless, they are all over the place like a mad elephant's sh1t.

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CASH FOR NOMMENT #

Here's a thought:

Ian Chappell has been quiet lately. Experts have been throwing their opinions around, getting stuck into the Strayans, but Chappell has been noticeably shtum. Now, it's hard to imagine he would criticise Ponting for the way the Strayans currently play the game. More like, given his own mob's propensity for playing balls-and-all cricket, he would approve. Sure, he might criticise a field position, a batting line-up a bowling change, coaches, but he's said next to rock all about the way the Strayans play... ahem, hard but fair. Why? Could it be he wants to keep commentating on the subcontinent? In fact, can anyone point me to a commentator with a gig on the sub-continent who has supported Ponting?

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SELLING IT LIKE IT IS #

Nice line from Frank Devine in Friday's Strayan:

Pumped up by torrents of rupees and implausible praise-for-pay promotion by TV commentators.

So he was talking about T20, but only a $500 unframed fool would suggest rank shilling is confined to BashBall.

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STREETFIGHTING MAN #

When it comes to clear thinking in cricket, it's always best to wait for Brendan McArdle:

Big yield on odd regret

THERE were always going to be moments like this for Ricky Ponting; it was just a matter of when and where.

When he replaced Steve Waugh as one-day captain six years ago, two questions surrounded him. First, given that he was only 27, how was he going to last into his mid-30s in such a demanding job? Second, would his ultra-competitive instincts become a problem?

Ponting has answered the first question in overwhelming fashion. He is, simply, the best batsman, fieldsman and captain in world cricket.

The second issue is a complex one. The qualities that have made Ponting so successful — talent, toughness, quick-thinking and a large appetite for success — were never going to please everyone. The boy from Mowbray was always going to be lurking underneath, ensuring that any challenge would be met head-on.

Now, you would have noticed I'm as prepared to support the Strayan team as the next one-eyed fan. But that doesn't mean I've missed, intentionally or otherwise, Ponting's numerous indiscretions. Out of all the incidents I think the worst was the one where he chipped Fletcher because it smacked of "you c**ts have gotten to me." McArdle's right: it's time Stakeholders had a word with Ponting.

A quiet word.

What sh1ts me more than Ponting getting occasionally out of line, is the over-reaction by every Professional Outragist, issue monger, push-up merchant, soft c0ck and vested interest who has jumped on the bandwagon, saying the Strayan team eats babies. Especially in this Test.

It may be coincidental that when Straya play nice they lose and when they "take no prisoners" they win, but where are all those people who were screaming that Straya were too nice in 2005? I would rather Straya were not nice and winning, than too nice and losing; as long as they don't overdo it.

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HARD BUT FAIR SUCK #

Paul Marsh, the ACA chief executive, gives "hard but fair" a fair dinkum work out:

Australian players to continue to strive

MUCH has been said and written about the Australian cricket team this week. The Australian Cricketers' Association, as the representative body of past and current first-class cricketers in Australia, has been inundated with letters, emails and phone calls from all over the world.

Many have been positive but just as many have been negative.

Still, for a paid spokesman, he makes some good points.

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SPANK YOU VERY LITTLE #

The Strayan's David King on the reaction to the Spanky Roebuck columns during the week, as well as extra background on Roebuck including the interesting fact that Spanky's under-plussed with his spanking conviction:

Trouble in the outfield

In 2001, in Taunton County Court in Somerset, England he was convicted of assaulting three 19-year-old South African men who had been lodging at his bungalow and receiving cricket coaching.

Reports from the BBC said he pleaded guilty to common assault and was given three concurrent four-month sentences, suspended for two years.

Britain's Daily Telegraph said Roebuck had beaten the boys across the buttocks with a cane after they failed his fitness test.

The Daily Telegraph report said: "In a statement the victim said Roebuck told him: 'I'm going to cane you now. Then it will be over and I will forgive you and, if I don't cane you, I will feel differently about you."'

In his autobiography Sometimes I Forgot to Laugh, Roebuck said he pleaded guilty to the charges to end the legal ordeal and did not know the plea meant accepting as truth the statements of the young men.

He said the men had been pressured to make statements against him by his enemies from Somerset Cricket Club and the story had been leaked to the British papers.

In his autobiography, Roebuck described the events surrounding the caning of the young man, referred to as K, this way: "He was unfit and fell so far behind that I had to jump in the car and retrace our route to find him. When I did, we laughed about the fact that I would now not have to tell his parents that he had frozen to death in a ditch on his first day.

"When we got home I gave him a few whacks with a stick from a bunch that he had brought home before we had breakfast and went to the ground to practice. It was over in a few seconds ... Fairness demanded that the same process be followed for R. Unfortunately, he was spoilt and unable to accept correction, or so it would emerge."

Roebuck said he pleaded guilty to a lesser charge but hadn't realised the full implication of his a guilty plea.

"I had not grasped that pleading guilty meant accepting everything in the statements made by the complainants, not just the parts relevant to the supposed 'assault'. As part of the deal, we had to pretend that consent was absent. Of course it was nonsense."

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ALL SOOK UP #

Possum (thanks, Dave Le Barry) does a bang up job on the Indians:

Teh Spirit of Teh Game

The most ironic thing about this latest outburst of jingoistic politics-by-other-means from India is that the only group to come out of this sordid affair that even remotely appear to be living in reality, are the Australian Test cricketers themselves - demonstrating the very thing that they are so often accused of being removed from!

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OFFENCE POST #

Sourav Ganguly leads bad-boy race with 12 call-ups

THEY have protested their innocence throughout the racism saga, but besieged India is the worst behaved team in world cricket - according to official ICC data.

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MOSES EXPOSES #

Superb YouTubing from Andrew Moses; especially Ganguly's two-for-one.

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LEMON PLEDGE #

Crash is right: Straya's "pretentious Spirit of Cricket pledge" is a dud:

You can be bully boys or guardians - not both (Online headline)

Spare us the moral posturing of a silly pledge (Offline headline)

AUSTRALIAN cricket is confused as the national team tries to assume incompatible identities . . . bully boys and moral guardians.

Cricket Australia chief executive James Sutherland last week gave the Australians the right to continue their hard-edged approach with a "carry on sledging" themed press conference when he said the game was not tiddlywinks.

Fair enough. No surprises there.

Sutherland was guilty of misreading the mood of many fans not happy with the side's behaviour but at least he was encouraging it to be itself.

But yesterday in Perth the team renewed its commitment to the Spirit of Cricket pledge, penned in the final years of Steve Waugh's captaincy.

That is where the trouble starts.

As he goes on to say: "A collective effort to lift their game would have been good enough." Spot on.

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WHO CARES WHITS #

Since I don't really care whether Rollerboy Harby get's off his appeal or not, I thought Brad Hogg's getting off his charge might have been a good point to end this post.

That was until I saw someone had seen fit to drag a comment out of Mike Whitney.

The End.