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Spanky is a stupid c**t .... possibly the most stupidest c**t i've ever heard pronounce on cricket

Wow, there's a Test in Adelaide, and I have my ticket to go, and yet, and yet...

I dont' give a shit.

Really underwhelmed by the prospect of seeing Australia play India. I've just grown so averse to the Indians that I don't care- I just want them to go home. I'm looking ahead already to the tours of Pakistan (if that happens) and the West Indies. Thank god next summer we have New Zealand and South Africa.

Scott, I think I can partially understand. Just wanna say, Indians aren't bad people..immature, yeah...but keen and good natured...I wished H. Singh wasn't playing...he deserves to finish a ban...pity

Scott, this Test is important. We need to win it and win it well - or the Indians will be whining and moaning about how they would have beaten us had it not been for Bucknor. I don't watch to watch the Indians. They've ruined it for me. Their whining, carping and bad sportsmanship have left me unable to appreciate or congratulate their performances. But...

I want to see Australia crush them in Adelaide.

Next summer, when Andre Nel and McCullum are chirping away, the Indians will just be a distant whine.

Bit harsh, Joe. Might just have to tidy that up.

India have a solid look. They had to get rid of opening-watchman Jaffer and if Irfa comes off as an opener, it's a very strong line-up.

2 sloggers (let's be honest here) opening the batting - and Johnson gets the new ball over Clark. Not happy, Punter.

Wicket Irfy, caught Gilly, bowled Johnston.

I always knew you could do it, Mitch.

For a guy who bowls a lot of tripe, he has a knack for getting wickets. Since we're stuck for a nickname for him, we could do worse then Botham.

Aren't we saving that for when Roy starts bowling? Was the lbw for Dravid close?

Rauf Mauf evening up?

I'm at work and can't see it.

'I'm at work and can't see it'

Sounds like something Morgan would say!

Wicket! Wall, caught Ponting, bowled Johnston.

Botham/Mitch/Johnno - I never doubted you for a second. BTW, Cricinfo, 'Ponting at second slip takes the easiest of catches', subtle dig at Oz's poor slips fielding? Or am I getting as oversensitive as the average Indian?

Oversensitive, I reckon.

But only just.

Rauf seems to be keeping the gun in the holster today.

V-Slog, caught Flatty, bowled Lee.

Good man, that Lee.

Very good man. Good cricket so far. Almost, but not quite, worth watching instead of the most attractive group of semi-finalists in grand slam history.

Does anyone watch women's tennis for the tennis?

Ummmmm..... Boynton might be reading so, yes.

Well, that depends who is playing doesn't it Nick?

A 40 minute pasting dealt out by a player whose court craft can more or less be summarised as "hit the ball as hard as you can" needs some added incentive to watch. Men's tennis can be just as bad.

Meanwhile, the Raj is out. He is a whiner isn't he? Though it turned a fair bit, so he may have been unlucky.

Wicket! Gangles, elbee Hoggee.

Raj is Bunny's hoggy or Hog... you get it.

I see you tried to argue with that Homer at Cattleaxey files, Tony. Bad idea, he drags you down to his level of idiocy and then beats you with experience. I just give him gentle mockery these days.

Spanky is a slightly more eloquent Homer. But they both hate an Australian win.

I hadn't read that Spanky wanted overseas born pederasts to have preferential voting rights over Australians by birth. I look forward to one or more of the Aboriginal groups taking him to court over his vilification of native Australians.

I suddenly realised there was not much point arguing with him, so I pulled the pin.

You can't help but wonder that if Spanky hates Straya as much as he appears to, why does he live here?

He's got cushy jobs at the ABC and with the Fairfax Press. And he likes the weather. I think he's been in Sydney and picked up the Sydney snobbery- he assumes that everyone outside the North Shore/Eastern Suburbs set are Westies.

I bet you he votes Labor too. Heaps of ALP types have this sick 'anyone but Australia' attitude.

I agree with Connolly. Well said Rohan. I'd prefer a ladder no-disqualification match however and at least if Brukner injures himself he can at least analyse his injuries.

So...England are going to doctor their pitches and draft in players from another country to help them win, despite already fielding a United Nations XI. And Australia aren't playing in 'the spirit of cricket'? Get fvcked.

C'mon, Tone - how can you say you didn't want Blood Vessels? What a champ! That debut knock in Brisbane against the Poms was a pearler - and he was nearly as old as Huss when he made his debut.

And when they realised he was no good as a one day opener, so dropped him to number 6 ("Hmm - he can't score quickly, so let's put him in late in the innings...") - classic cock-up!

Dropped! Gilly's put down Lux a shocker.

Give it away, Gilly.


Right now!



Still f**ken fuming here!

And Gilly wants to keep playing. Want's another summer. Wants to quit on his own terms.

He's f**ken kidding himself, the team, the whole f**ken country!

He need to look at his keeping, look at the sitters he's put down this year, and conclude "I'm past it. Time to go."

Have you ever seen a keeper drop such a sitter? I mean, apart from Gilly's last dropped sitter.

Laxman will make a hundred now. We will lose.

Gilly will be playing next summer - in the XXXX beach cricket. 100 Tests and out.

What a kick in the balls for Bing - it would have also allowed Hogg a few more overs to bowl at Kebab. Shame Gilly, shame.

Things are not looking good here. Gilchrist dropping sitters and Tendulkar hitting sixes.

Tendulkar - now that's a man who will tell the selectors he'll quit when he's good and ready. Will Gilly emulate his predecessor and go out on a bad note?

If you add Tendulkar's highest score and Leaxman's highest score, and all the catches we've dropped this series....it's 551 - bad omen. We will lose, and India we claim they were robbed for the next 100 years.

Bloody hell. I couldn't bear watching Hantuchova's Novotna impression on the tennis, and I see a drop worthy of a part-time fourth grade keeper. And someone wanted to put him in the slips last week? If Gilly plays on as a bat it'll be fine leg to fine leg.

This is shite. Laxman carving runs over mid-on when we should be pressing into the tail.

On another note... you left out Ed Joyce Tony. Worth a mention because, like Lamb, Smith, Hick and co. he only played for England in the absence of an alternative. I'd (seriously) like to see players from the non-test sides able to play test cricket (no qualification period). But only while their home country doesn't have test status. After that they can pack off home.

Can you imagine if Saqlain became a naturalised Australian? Would he get into the team? If he did, Spanky would be beside himself (a state of affairs probably figuring high in his dreams).

Wicket! Lux , caught Gilly(?!?!?!?!?), bowled Bing.

Great work, that man Lee.

Bing might just have saved Gilly's career which has been careering downhill this series.

Ugly dismissal. Eyes off the ball. Lobbing back to the keeper.

Not sure it will save him. If Gilly had dropped that, Ponting would have taken the gloves off him on the spot.

Can you see it, Russ? I've got the news here.

3 Mobile Tone. Screen is small, and they only have one ad on repeat (the ford backyard one), but it is handy sometimes.

Bing bowled short, rose beautifully off the pitch, which Laxman would have admired had he not been swaying to the leg side while turning his body and gloves towards the ball, and his head back and away. Ball met gloves and looped, high and slow, into the gloves of Gilly. Much bum slapping and hugging between Lee and Gilly ensued (although I suspect Lee was doing a Freddie - 'quit now you bastard').

Dropped! Now Flatty has dropped a sitter of Kebab.

F%$#*. Useless useless useless.

This is rubbish. We don't deserve to win this series. We WON'T win this series the way we are playing. The fielding is appalling. Gilly drops a catch that any self respecting keeper will take easily. Hayden is standing too tall to a slips catch into his pouch and puts it down. It is completely shit-house. The bowlers are really doing a great job today - all series - and it hasn't been backed up.

It's the 1980's all over again.

Great players, one and all, but are they hungry anymore? Lee is, because he's underachieved in a winning side. Ponting looks a little jaded, although that might be batting against Harbajhan, but Hayden and Gilchrist - what do they have to prove? Hayden would have been Cricketer of the Year last year - thumping all comers, and, in retrospect, Gilly should have ended his career with his magnificent World Cup Final. Ponting can lead - but will Gilly and Hayden follow?

We seem to be afflicted by serious dropsy... just curious - was Tendulkar dropped? Or just the rest of the Indian batting line-up?

We only dropped two, SL, but they were appalling fumbles.

Gilchrist dropped Laxman an absolute sitter. Heals and Tubby must have felt sorry for Gilly, because they spent ages replaying the drop and trying to convince us it was harder than it looked.

Hayden then dropped Dhoni a sitter, but I didn't see it so here's Crooky:

Johnson to Dhoni, 2 runs, now Hayden drops a sitter! Dhoni drives hard at one that angles into him and gets an outside edge that flies at a very comfortable height to Hayden at first slip, he can't believe he's dropped it himself, it dipped on him at the last minute and he only got fingertips to it.

Fortunately we didn't drop TLM.

I'm annoyed that I didn't get to see a single ball bowled today. Is the pitch the usual belter?

If so, then we probably have a par result for both sides at 5/305. Could have been worse, could have been better for both sides. TLM remains the M. The cordon is starting to turn into a problem area.

I am adding to my push for Brazen Hussey to be introduced with a call for the return of Bobby Simpson as the fielding drills coach. Sure this baseball fella has them cutting off balls better and throwing harder with more accuracy - but I don't think there is a baseball equivalent of the cordon.

Part of the bad old days malady was the dismal slips catching that followed the retirement of Greg Chappell. Then Bobby flogged AB, Tubby, Junior and others until they became as close to the backyard cricket automatic wicky as I may ever see in my life.

*strains of Big yellow taxi should accompany that last part*

Pretty even day. Ive started a new general aussie cricket blog at www.griggsoncricket.blogspot.com

Lunchtime in London, here....

Roebuck's really plumbing the depths, isn't he? What's he on about? What's he on? And which editor let that piece of copy pass across their desk unravaged? What the hell does he mean when he says

"It is debatable whether people born in this country should be allowed to vote. It is no achievement to emerge from a womb. They could just as well be in Winnipeg. Australia is best loved by its settlers."

??? I'm looking for some snide humour somewhere, or SOMETHING that tells me that he's being ironic, but I think I'll be looking for awhile!

I would be offended, but I'm too gobsmacked that he got away with writing it. And that Murdoch and Co. actually printed it! WTF???

What's he trying to achieve in saying something like that? Is he heading for a breakdown or something?

Probably woke up my neighbours this morning with howls of derision when Hayden dropped Dhoni. Glad I was still asleep for Gilchrist's effort. It's funny though - but for a few dropped catches, I actually think he's had a pretty decent series with the gloves. But he's there to take 'em, so it'll be remembered as a bad one.

I hadn't read that Spanky missive till now and, Mein Got! he is seriously on the brink. Methinks that hereabouts one had mistaken seeming lunacy for an Englishman's wit, that hitherto where condescension was found thereabouts also could be found an inkling of understanding of his plight.

It's time for an email, and a text or two, to Grandstand bearing his now sullied nickname to finally implode his brain.

Email to Grandstand:

Subject: Too Long in the Langours

Dear Sirs,

It is with much supplication that I write to you, bearing upon your wisdom as only a non-native of Winnipeg must do. Though I have hitherto been a lamington and even, as some hereabouts describe, a "backslapper", I must press upon you my dire need for the wisdom of Spanky, to whit as follows:

After the third Test I felt much joy at our defiance in defeat but am now racked with guilt that it may in fact have been just a misperception of misplaced incipient rage. I feel that my "game is up" so to speak.

Having emerged from the womb some score or two ago I am wondering if I am regressing to a state of mind as if settlement of this country were only weeks ago. As a result I have an uncontrollable urge to beat my chest. Whatever can I do?

I pace the floor to and fro like the bedeviled spirit of some misbegotten english pederast, yet all I can think of is catching bass. I am confused to say the least!

Yours in contempt of myself,


PS. Just what is the acceptable length of one's langours thereabouts?

Gold!! Absolute GOLD.

Three huzzahs for Pat, what?

Wicket! Kebab, caught Roy, bowled Beefy.

Botham Johnston with an exquisite shit-gets-wickets ball.

Spanky has often been a very fine writer. Tho' I disagree with a few points he's made this summer.

But Carrot has it I reckon: if Spanky's piece wasn't utterly insane, who is the editor that let it through the gate?

And I do believe it quite unhinged. Time for Fairfax to employ the rotation selection system with cricket writers?

Wicket! TLM, caught Hoggee, bowled Lee.


Dropped! Hungry just dropped Kumble.

Why am I not surprised?

It's that two handed catching technique that Hungry employs?

VC: There are plenty of Spanky article where he's written good stuff about cricket. He has a good grasp of the game, a feel for its nuances and often spots things the other journos either miss, or overlook.

But every now and again he snaps and writes like a maniac.

Symonds & Hogg bowling together.

If this is all about over rates again, I'll... I'll write a robustly worded letter to CricAussie.

I wish this bloody partnership would snap! Has TLM got some sort of voodoo doll, and is playing through these two hacks? This partnership will kill us in the fourth innings with the ball and they're killing us in the first innings with the bat.

Wicket! Rollerboy, caught Gillee, bowled Roy.

'Bout. Effing. Time.

One wicket brings two - which is what we'll be crying about when India take the new ball. We are stuffed. It's going to be 2 all - and then off to India for Mumbai redux in the rematch. Sh1t sh1t sh1t.

Wicket! RP, caught Botham, bowled Clarke.

Completely agree with your sentiment, Nick, especially the Sh1t sh1t sh1t. We are gawn. You watch: we will go out there and India will go through us like a dose of bad curry.

Dropped! Clarke just dropped as sitter C&B of Instant.

CricInfo says Ponting was not amused. He's not the only one; this is just getting too gruesome for words. I may as well just fold up these cricket posts here and now.

Ohhhh, the pain!

136.5 Clarke to Sharma, no run, dropped again! Clarke bowled the loosest full toss which Ishant patted back tamely at head height towards the bowler, Clarke got his hands up in time but grassed a sitter, Ponting is not amused

is it just me who gets the shits with Channel 9 not showing the cricket for the 1 hour that I'm home to watch it?

Use it or lose it.

Andrew, the way things are at the moment, I don't want to watch it.

551 anyone?

At this rate, they'll beat the 705 they racked up last visit. Gee it's painful when Clark has an off day.

45 extras. Jeebus!

I can't believe that I bought a ticket to watch day 3. In my defence, I bought it in October when I didn't realise Australia was going to fall apart to 1980 style standard so quickly.

Who will play the Allan Border role of our team, I wonder?

Ponting will do a Costello at this rate, and Mr Cricket will have to take us through the dark days, aided by his younger brother. Chappelli is a bit like Malcolm Fraser come to think of it.

Another dropped catch! This time it's Hussey. Geez.

Is it too much to ask to wrap up the tail before they add another 200 runs!!!??? Another! Farking! Drop!

Is there anything more embarrassing for a fielding side than taking the extra half hour before a break with 9 wickets down and failing to take the wicket to bring on tea?

So far there are 160 runs added by 8,9, 10 and 11.

'Is there anything more embarrassing for a fielding side'

er...about 16 dropped catches this series?

Wilting with the bat after 2 days in the field?

Losing to a pack of whiners like India?

Sending an SOS to 2 overweight leg spinners for the next series?

Carrying a wicketkeeper whose best keeping days are behind him?


Sigh, I missed most of the last two sessions but the bits I saw were pretty ordinary.

On the plus side, the pitch is obviously a road, so we should make runs. But I wonder about our concentration, given the number of dropped chances. At least two players need to put their heads down and score big hundreds. Most likely we'll carry a 100-200 run deficit and have to fight out a draw on day 5.

In the negative, take your pick: dropped chances, an inability to get out the tail, and a failure to take the decisive moments when they were there (namely the first session today). That all those things were Warne's specialty can't be a coincidence.

We're going to get rolled in the first dig. Our batsman are over-rated, because they simply can not perform under pressure- Remember 2005! I don't expect us to reach 200 in the first dig.

And Gilchrist takes the World Record with the last catch. That's a pretty good time to retire (hint hint).

Haha, wouldn't it be deliciously diabolical if Kumble's 'spirit of the game' dig was a fiendish little bit of 'mental disintegration' itself? Steve Waugh, eat your heart out mate.

Was Rollerboy dropped? At tea Glenn Mitchell said he was, but I don't remember that. And there's no sign of it on Crooky.

Just cracked my first stubbie. Those 6 dropped catches killed us. Need big inns from Hayden.

Need big innings from everyone!

Gilly was laughing on the sports reports on TV tonight about how he dropped a couple on the eve of 300 catches, and again near 400, and again today.

That sense of humour should be a big bonus in retirement.

None-fer at stumps - praise be to God/Buddha/Zoroaster/whatever-tickles-your-fancy!! It was a small prayer - desperate, but small. "Please, God, let us be none-fer at stumps". Let Hungry & the Rev walk in the sheds after the last ball, pull off the runners, peel off the socks, maybe have a beer or a cuppa, a rub down and an ice bath, talk to Punter & Cricket about the pitch, tomorrow morning, tactics for quick singles, whatever. Then come out, well slept and refreshed, for whatever the day offers. If they can just get there....

Once again, I'm backing a draw. Couple of big hundreds, make about the same as the tourists, dead second innings, Les Burdette strikes again.

This is slightly dated, but interesting:

"In their past ten Tests in Adelaide, Australia averages a mammoth 517 per first innings, however they keep opponents to a first innings average of 382 in reply. The difference of 135 is a mammoth difference when taking into consideration the ten-year time span and is a major reason as to why the Australians have won eight and lost just one Test over that span."

Anyone think we can do this again?

Oh, dear! Notice the word "catching" is never mentioned?

Harbhajan Singh c A.Gilchrist b A.Symonds

"Ahhh, Pigsy, you wanker.."

0/62 at day's end. If the tail hadn't put on 160 odd we'd be very well placed. There isn't really much in this game. Much will depend on whether India take the chances we give, in contrast to how we haven't taken the chances they gave.

If we were fielding a young side (and a few of the players probably count as young), I'd probably be feeling quite good about this series. The mistakes - those "if only" errors that may and have been costing us - could be chalked up to experience and we'd move on. But the mistakes are coming from the experienced core. The same group that let us down so badly in 2005, when commentators were harping on about them being too old.

Looking ahead, with something like 16 tests and god knows how many one-dayers over the next 12 months (across 4 tours), if standards are slipping now, what will we be like by next summer? And even worse: by the Ashes that follows? England has suffered through this kind of schedule for the past few years and their injury-wracked side is a disgruntled disinterested mess. Taken all together, regardless of when Gilly and Haydos actually retire we should seriously consider whether the squad needs to be bigger and whether some players shouldn't tour/play so they can both be rested and so we can blood some new talent.

Very disappointed to hear this from Gilly - after admitting to dropping the standard in the field in an innings where Australia dropped - what, 7 catches?

"I'm probably the main culprit," he said. "In Sydney I dropped about three or four and another one here [on day one]. That was disappointing. Sometimes they stick, sometimes they don't, and it's not something that's a great concern."
"In a nutshell, it comes down to concentration," he said. "Are you switched on for every ball? Very rarely, if ever, can I remember dropping a catch or missing a stumping, and when asking myself whether I was concentrating 100%, have I been able to say yes. Normally I've had something on my mind and wandered off. You just get exposed."

Retirement - "It'll be my decision,"

Gilly seems to be oblivious to the fact that, if Australia lose this Test and draw this series, it will be in no small way due to his sloppy keeping and poor catching. I can't believe a man who should be in the side to catch a cricket ball can state that dropping catches is not a great concern.

I said it before - shame, Gilly, shame. Warnie walked out a winner. Steve Waugh didn't, and I wonder whether Gilly will.

Tony, further to your points about Indian planning, I thought the Indians had wandered into this series underdone, unfit and unthinking. However - they've caught everything. The Indians commonly say that they are not as athletic as the Australians - and maybe they are just playing to their strengths. Australia may have saved 30 runs in the field with dives, and gained 30 runs while batting with good running, and they've handed it all back and more with poor catching and a huge number of extras. Dhoni's really worked on his keeping, and Kumble is playing like a man with 600 Test wickets. Tendulkar has gone back in time to 1998, and Ganguly is playing as well as he was in 2004. Their bowling attack has obviously had a good look at the Poms circa 2005. I think they've worked Ponting out as well. He averages 70 against all comers....except Rollerboy and when the opposition get under his skin. Did Kumble et al manufacture all the Second Test BS to gain an advantage? I think they did, and they won a Test because of it. I can't believe that all that BS didn't affect Ponting's batting and leadership. What are the odds that the BCCI and Sunil have been in the ICC's ear about over rates? 'Make an example of the top team and the top captain'...

Richard Hinds in the Herald was a pleasant read over the omlette this morning. The link says "tennis" but the beef is cricket.

Dick Hinds - is that a real name or Spanky's pseudonym. I hope you read the SMH online.

Last night, after Federer's defeat by Novak (and after Novak praised the Serbs in the crowd and accused the Australians of not supporting him).

'Who do you think will win the final, Roger?'
'Don't care'


Shock news!

Now THAT'S a surprise.

I hope Wicky decided to go after all....

Now that was a solid start.

Amazing what a bit of patience will do. 'Dos didn't seem keen to chase 2 feet outside off against rollerboy and looked very comfortable. Still need to bat till this time tomorrow.

Somewhere between Dick Hinds & Spanky lies sanity.

That was an old-fashioned solid start indeed. I love how the stands at the Adelaide Oval reflect the hats worn by many of the punters. I loved Hungry's stroke for the half century, and the fact that the Nine cameras were perfectly positioned for it.

No R.P, no contest, shame really....

Golden mozzing by Foojitsoo Taylor claims Hungry's wicket.

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