FOURTH TEST: BARREL OF MONKEYS

1. Preview
2. Fruit Cake
3. The Sport of Rings
4. The Midwinter Draft
5. Day One
6. Down Syndrome
7. Day Two
8. The Writing's On The Ball
9. Casualties of Lore
10. Day Three
11. Goad Warrior
12. Day Four
13. Roll Player
14. Day Five
15. Spin Shitty
16. Bucken Dickhead
17. Tired and Demotional
18. Protest Match Special
19. Blubble Standards
20. Spankee

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PREVIEW #

Snowtown barrel, that is. And welcome to Adelaide, Michael C. Hall of teevee's Six Feet Under.

So, India will have the same side, give or take a spinner and an opener. Straya will have the same side, give or take a spinner and an opener. The difference being that the changes might unbalance India whereas they should re-balance Straya. Still:

• Straya $1.85
• Draw $2.50
• India $7.00

The bookies obviously don't take bets from India. Those odds seem rudely weighted towards the home team. Sure, Perth will be a huge spur for Straya and they will have their selections and pitch awareness sorted. And I'm positive they won't let India win by bowling part-timers to pick up a mishandled over rate. Still can't get my head around that. Again: to protect Ponting from suspension Straya let India win. Bizarre. If that happens again I will agree with Spanky: Ponting must be sacked. But while I see Straya playing better, India are enormous confidence players and front runners, so Perth should be a huge fillip for them.

Either way, SACA pitch doctor Lally Burdett should serve up another belter with a garnish of day five action. So I just hope Straya shelve the stupid and grind out some big runs, because India will like batting here, too. Straya can't afford any Agarkar dumbness like day four in 2003.

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FRUIT CAKE #

Speaking of Spanky, he's taking the piss, right?

Recalls, retirements to add extra spank

AUSTRALIA must not be waylaid by nauseating nationalists convinced that the defeat in Perth was caused not by a combination of absent friends and wayward bowling but by a sudden bout of politeness. Nor must it take heed of backslappers arguing that India's celebrations and appealing at the WACA Ground matched Australia's excesses in Sydney.

That is to confuse joy with rage. Likewise, the umpiring was acceptable and even-handed. Only lamingtons imagine otherwise.

Funny how most of his sh1t-stirring occurs in the privacy of his own boudoir. Surely, he'd be reluctant to be so flagrantly antagonistic in the commentary box.

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THE SPORT OF RINGS #

Nothing to do with cricket. Not even current. Connolly and Bruckner in a cage match over the Olympic games:

Clock ticks down to fortnight of turgid TV DON'T you love those countdowns to big events we newspapers run. You know the sort. This many days until the NAB Cup … that many days until the AFL premiership season … and, my personal favourite, a truck-load of days until the next Olympic Games.	220 days until the Olympics and millions who care TWO hundred and twenty days to go until the Beijing Olympics and, unlike my esteemed colleague Rohan Connolly in this column yesterday, I can't wait. Having the greatest sporting event in the world only once every four years just makes the anticipation all the more exciting.

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THE MIDWINTER DRAFT #

Scyld Berry says England should load up on spinners and prepare dodgy wickets for next year's Ashes. He also suggests England should draft in Bowled Sacky Sacky Bowled Mushtaq.

India's success gives England hope for Ashes

In planning their strategy for 2009, England need to think about slow, turning pitches, negating Australia's advantage in pure pace and playing to their own strengths of swing and left-arm spin. If Panesar needs a second spinner, the possibilities are Graeme Swann, maturing as England's first-choice spinner in one-day cricket, or Saqlain Mushtaq, Pakistan's off-spinner who has become a naturalised British citizen and offered his services to England. But that would depend on the lengths that England's new selection panel are ready to go to in pursuit of the Ashes.

Why should England be the only country to "benefit" from bringing in players from other countries? Sure, we had Keppler Wessels, but I didn't want him. And England have picked Basil Dolly, Alan Lamb, Robin Smith, Kevin Pietersen, Tony Greig, Andy Caddick, Marty McCague, Graeme Hick, Alan Mullaly, Gerain... anyway, you get the picture.

Charlie Croker: "I've got a great idea."

Whenever a player who has played first class cricket in one country wants to play for another country, he must enter a draft in which he must go to the bottom team on the ICC Test Ladder. For instance, KP should have gone to Bangladesh. If a player wants to leave the bottom side, he must go to the next one up the ladder.

This draft will be called the Midwinter Draft in honour of Billy Midwinter who played for both England and Australia from 1877 to 1887.

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DAY ONE #

Just one more wicket. Just. One. More. Wicket. That was all it would have taken for Straya to claim the upper hand on day one. But thanks to Flatty's bumbled sitter off Dhoni late in the day, India can claim day one honours. Gilly's shocker was contributive, too. In one respect it allowed Laxman further time at the wicket, sucking Strayan momentum; and in another more general respect, dropped catches eat at the fielding side. And its supporters: f*^k! It's a testament to Strayan professionalism that they rarely let drops affect their performance; they just cost.

India 5/300? Well, that looks about par for a first day in Adelaide, but it could be better than it seems. If India knock up what everyone seems to think is a respectable Adelaide score of 400+ then Straya will be under some real pressure given their troubles with both the swinging AND spinning ball. India has a much more potent and varied attack than many touring predecessors. Now their clever use of Irfy at the top of the order means they have an attack of five bowlers, all who have been handy-to-excellent at different times in this series, so they present a major threat when Straya bat.

And with TLM and Dhoni Kebab still at the wicket, 400 will be the very least India are aiming for.

So it will be up to the Aussie bowlers to try to cut through the last five Indian wickets. Here's hoping the excellent Lee, the almost excellent Johnston and the weirdly under-bowled Clark can do the business. Hogg, too. The Tongue went for plenty off TLM yesterday, but oddly enough, I reckon he bowled alright. Strayans might pine for the Warne days, but even Warne struggled against India; they eat spinners.

Should I comment on the umpiring? Well, alright then. They seem to be playing a numbers game on elbees. Ganguly was stiff, although I can see why he was given out. I read somewhere that he hit it, but on the replay last night, the ball clearly hit his pad before it flicked his glove. Still, if the Raj was out, then so too were V-Slog, Wall and TLM.

For the record: It is theoretically easier for an umpire to judge an elbee when the ball hits the batsman on the crease because the umpy has a better idea of where the ball is going in relation to the stumps.

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DOWN SYNDROME #

The very last line of this article by Sambit Bal says it all:

"This is not the first time India have out-caught Australia."

Permit me direct to you to a post I wrote in January 2004:

DROPPING IS CATCHING

After watching Stewart MacGill in klutz overdrive, this might be the right time to link to an article in today's Telegraph on Australia's catching woes:

MAYBE it's just bad luck. Maybe it's because Australia have remodelled their slips cordon. Maybe it's just the pressure. Whatever the reason Australia have succumbed to a rare dose of butter fingers in their Test series against India and it is threatening to prove decisive.

What the online article doesn't contain is the following chart:

BRISBANE
Martyn....Sehwag....16 (45)
MacGill....Ganguly....103 (144)

ADELAIDE
Ponting....Laxman....65, 138 ( 148)
Gilchrist....Dravid....9 (72)
Ponting....Dravid....20(72)

MELBOURNE
Katich....Sehwag....66 (195)
Langer....Sehwag....73 (195)
Lee....Ganguly....9 (37)
Gilchrist....Agarkar....0 (0)
Gilchrist....Tendulkar....12 (44)

SYDNEY
Katich....Chopra....8 (45)
MacGill....Tendulkar....149 (220)
MacGill....Laxman....172 (178)

The last two were added by me after today's clown fest.

No matter the reason - lack of practice, bad technique, pressure, injury, suspension, luck - the article reveals a poor record that seems to tie in with Scott Wickstein's observation that John Buchanan might be doing something wrong because the article goes on to say:

The Australian team does not train as hard as it used to but this may not necessarily correlate to poor infield catching.

But it may.

I'm of the opinion that over the last few years of dominance, Australia has taken it's catches whereas the opposition have dropped theirs.

When it comes to costly misses, I always think back to Steve Waugh in the West Indies in 1995. As we all know he made 200 in the decisive test, but what's often forgotten is that he was dropped an absolute sitter by keeper Courtney Browne (he was about 40). At that stage Australia were three down and still trailing and it's debatable whether they would have managed a big enough lead to snatch the series.

On the flip side, in recent losses Australia have dropped a bundle in Sydney against England, Martin Love dropped a sitter in slips off Omari Banks in the West Indies record chase and now against India, Australia have been nigh on inept.

It shouldn't be forgotten that Rahul Dravid took a blinder to get rid of Martyn in Adelaide. The kind of catch that can - and in this case has - gone a long way to decide a series.

Australia's attack will weaken over the next few years and the team will struggle with the increased pressure inferred by the expectation of fewer chances. This means that they must firstly remember that "catches win matches" but more importantly that "dropped catches LOSE matches". And do something about it!

With respect to Wicky's comment above, here's Bruce yesterday with a paved paradise, a parking lot, a pink hotel, a boutique and a swinging hot spot.

I am adding to my push for Brazen Hussey to be introduced with a call for the return of Bobby Simpson as the fielding drills coach. Sure this baseball fella has them cutting off balls better and throwing harder with more accuracy - but I don't think there is a baseball equivalent of the cordon.

Part of the bad old days malady was the dismal slips catching that followed the retirement of Greg Chappell. Then Bobby flogged AB, Tubby, Junior and others until they became as close to the backyard cricket automatic wicky as I may ever see in my life.

*strains of Big yellow taxi should accompany that last part*

Straya certainly have to do something. It seems to me nothing has changed since 2004. Don't forget they put down some costly howlers in the 2005 Ashes. In fact, Strayan catching has been deplorable for pretty much the whole 21st century.

Anyway, on to this series. Now might be the time to avert your eyes. Or in the words of a newsreader about to read a footy score: "If you don't want to relive the pain, look away now."

First Test: First Innings

7.1	Johnson to Dravid, no run, dropped, the batsman pushing forward away from his body and a thick edge flies low and hard to Jaques at fourth slip who can't hang on with his right hand. Dravid on 0, made 5 (5)

Second Test: First Innings

18.6

Clark to Laxman, FOUR, dropped, Laxman tries to pull a short ball down leg side and gets an edge on it, the ball flies towards Gilchrist's left, he dives and gets a bit of glove on it but the ball beats him and runs to the fine-leg boundary, it would have been a spectacular catch. Laxman on 49, made 109 (60)

24.4	Clark to Dravid, no run, did Gilchrist drop that? Dravid jumped back and tried to glance a slow short ball down leg side, he might have got a bit of glove on it but Gilchrist didn't collect a simple chance, it did come off the glove Dravid on 18, made 53 (35)

30.6	Lee to Laxman, 1 run, dropped, Gilchrist has put down another one, a genuine nick low to his right and the batsman gets a life, Lee will be disappointed after finding the edge from a press forward Laxman on 77, made 109 (32)

102.3

Clark to Harbhajan Singh, 1 run, dropped, Gilchrist lets another one go, Harbhajan tried to pull another short ball, the ball lobbed in the air towards Gilchrist who pedaled backwards and got both gloves to it, he still couldn't hold on Harbhajan on 29, made 63 (34)

Second Test: Second Innings

14.2

Johnson to Dravid, no run, dropped, Symonds grasses a sitter at first slip, Johnson hit the perfect length and line across the right-hander, Dravid was squared up on the back foot as he fended at the ball, the outside edge flew comfortably to Symonds who is at first slip because Hayden is injured, the ball popped in and popped right out Dravid on 18, made 38 (20)

35.1	Symonds to Ganguly, no run, dropped, Michael Clarke at first slip, that one just flew to his left, but was a genuine chance Ganguly on 43, made 51 (8)

Third Test: First Innings

27.2	Lee to Dravid, no run, oh Clarke's dropped it! Dravid goes fishing way outside off stump, gets a thick outside edge, very late into the shot as the ball comes onto him quickly, but Pup drops it at first slip, squeezing at it as he moves to his left and spills a sitter! Dravid on 7, made 93 (86)

Third Test: Second Innings

16.5	Lee to Sehwag, no run, dropped! Regulation gully catch as Sehwag flashes a driven edge off a wideish one, and the usually reliable Michael Hussey crouches to catch, but spills it Sehwag on 43, made 43 (0)

69.5	Lee to Laxman, 1 run, oh Clarke's dropped another! Laxman flashes a square-drive, having a real go at a wide half-volley, and Clarke cant hold on above his head at gully, jumping and getting fingers on it but letting it go Laxman on 60, made 79 (19)

Fourth Test: First Innings

63.3

Lee to Laxman, no run, Gilchrist drops a sitter! Laxman poked his bat out at one outside the off stump and a healthy edge flew through at a comfortable height for Gilchrist who moved to his right to take the catch, it popped in and popped right out, Hayden looks bewildered at first slip, the crowd lets out a loud groan Laxman on 37, made 51 (14)

80.6

Johnson to Dhoni, 2 runs, now Hayden drops a sitter! Dhoni drives hard at one that angles into him and gets an outside edge that flies at a very comfortable height to Hayden at first slip, he can't believe he's dropped it himself, it dipped on him at the last minute and he only got fingertips to it Dhoni on 3, made 16 (13)

96.4	Lee to Kumble, no run, dropped, Kumble gets an inside edge on to the thigh pad as he tries to defend off the back foot, the ball goes quickly towards Jaques at short leg and goes straight through his hands Kumble on 7, made 87 (80)

136.5

Clarke to Sharma, no run, dropped again! Clarke bowled the loosest full toss which Ishant patted back tamely at head height towards the bowler, Clarke got his hands up in time but grassed a sitter, Ponting is not amused Sharma on 4, made 14 (10)

141.6

Lee to Sharma, no run, dropped but it was a difficult chance, Ishant pushes at the ball away from his body and the outside edge flies to Ponting's right at second slip, he dives full length and low to his right but can't hold on, on a better day it might have stuck, fantastic effort Sharma on 10, made 14 (4)

150.5

Johnson to Sharma, no run, dropped, but another difficult chance, Ishant drives hard and away from his body, the outside edge flies quickly to Hussey who jumps up and gets both hands to it, he can't hold on and the ball runs towards third man Sharma on 14, made 14 (0)

Fourth Test: Second Innings

2.2	Lee to Sehwag, no run, dropped, Sehwag slashes away from his body at a wide ball and hits it with the toe end of the bat, the edge flies straight to Clarke at second slip, it's a sitter and he grasses it, it came right at him at a comfortable height too. Sehwag on 2, made 151 (149)

Far as I can remember, the only catch India have missed in this series is TLM dropping Clarke in Perth. And yet, here we are, once again boasting about how great our fielding is compared with the dreadful Indian fielding. Excuse me while I have a momentary tantrum: BOLLOX!

It's almost got to the point where we should dump our fielding drills and have round-the-clock catching practice. Or maybe there is a wider, yet seemingly absurd implication: India have it right for Test cricket. It could be that our fielding is now so heavily geared to the one-day format with the running and the diving and the sliding and the throwing, BUT with the expectation something is always about to happen, that we have neglected to work on our Test match waiting game where you need to take a chance out of the blue.

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DAY TWO #

Our catching was rubbish, a lot of our bowling innocuous our tactics inflexible and the India tail wagged, but you know what? Apart from the catching, which really, really, REALLY! makes me fume, I'm not upset. After all, we've retained the BG trophy, which is something I thought we'd struggle to do at the start of the tour. If the honchos had scheduled India a few lead up games, like Kumble reportedly asked for, we probably would have lost the series. Sucked in, BCCI.

Nor would it be just me who is sitting sanguine. I'll give it London to a brick there are heavy-hitters in CricAussie who doubted our ability to hold onto the BG. Why? Well, because of the obvious retirements, that's why.

We are smack bang in the guts of a rebuilding phase and here is seriously depleted Straya, missing guns and trialling up-and-comers, still capable of matching it with a very good India containing Tendulkar, Kumble, Dravid, Laxman and Ganguly.

And therein lies an all too often ignored fact: India are about to cop it in the arse from retirements, too.

Parolerboy, only playing by the grace of the judiciary, is in the papers today boasting about how good India are, how "no team has challenged the way we have challenged Strayans" and skyting about how they are world champions because they won the T20 World Cup even though it wasn't the world cup, and yet they are also about to lose their greats.

Enjoy the rebuilding, pal.

I mean, how good will India be without those five champions? And even here in Adelaide, if Straya had held their catches, India's very strong batting line up would have been out for under 400 on a road.

Sure, India have got a billion people ready to step into their retiring champions shoes, or so we are repeatedly told, but you don't readily replace the kind of experience they are about to lose. What's good for the mallard is good for the muscovy. If Straya are currently doing it tough without Warne and McGrath, how good will India will without their champs?

Who would you back to get their actor together quicker? Crazy India and their bizarre structure that is just as likely to wreck a player's career as it is to develop a potential champ, or Machine Straya and their robust club, state, Test pathway.

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THE WRITING'S ON THE BALL #

And I don't mean Kookaburra, A.G.Thompson, approved, 156g, solid hi... ahem.

It means I agree with Nick. It was ordinary the way Gilly laughed off his bumbling. Maybe that's what's wrong with the Strayan catching: they are too busy laughing and f**king around on the field and not busy enough concentrating on the business of catching.

And just by way of supposition. Are the Strayan catching problems down to Gilly? I mean, does the keeper set the tone? Could it be Gilly's Party Patel imitations are rubbing off?

Anyhoo, just by way of getting-the-first-one-in, two weeks ago here at the AGB:

Wee Wee wouldn't have got to 100 if Gilly had his sh1t together. After performances like yesterday, he's running the risk of being compared with The Grates: Party Patel, Geraint Jones and the down-and-going (as opposed to up-and-coming) Matt Prior. Lucky Wee Wee didn't make 200 or you'd be comparing Gilly to Courtney Browne who once dropped a sitter off Steve Waugh, or the bloke who dropped Brian Lara when Lara made 500.

Gilly is at an awkward stage of his career. Apparently he wants to go to England in 2009, but is that feasible? Well, if he scores big in the near future, and doesn't drop any more sitters (don't bank on it) he'll hold his place. But at 36 going on 38 by 2009 he isn't getting any younger, or more importantly, better.

The selectors need to ask themselves whether Gilly will be better in 2009 than, say, Brad Haddin? That's unlikely, both for batting and keeping. Gilly's career path is on the way down, while Braddin's is on the way up. Have those career trajectories crossed yet? I suggest they have. They certainly will have by 2009.

There is nothing worse - apart from lots of other bad things in the world: drought, flood, bushfire, Silverchair - than sports people hanging on too long. Does Gilly want to hang on too long? Will the selectors allow him to hang on too long? He has a few credits in the bank, although he cashed a few in yesterday, but not that many that the selectors can afford to have him clogging up the chain of succession. At some point soon they will have to make the big call: "Mate, we need to have a chat."

Unless Gilly the famous walker, walks.

The papers have caught up. Jonny Pierik in the Hun:

Healy warns Gilchrist pressure is building from state level

WICKETKEEPING legend Ian Healy yesterday warned Adam Gilchrist he must retain his high standards or his glittering career could soon be over.

Gilchrist's future has become a major issue after his stunning blunder on day one of the fourth Test against India in Adelaide when the champion gloveman grassed an easy catch that should have dismissed V. V. S. Laxman.

Alex Brown in the Age:

A record haul but butter gloves put heat back on Gilchrist

ON THE day he broke the world record for Test dismissals, Adam Gilchrist found himself under immense pressure to defend his place in the team following a difficult series with the gloves and a strong challenge from long-time understudy Brad Haddin.

Just before accepting a catch from Anil Kumble to close the Indian innings "his 414th dismissal in Test cricket, passing South African gloveman Mark Boucher" Gilchrist's predecessor Ian Healy told Channel Nine that Australia's incumbent keeper was racing the clock to improve his game.

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CASUALTIES OF LORE #

Richard Hinds in today's Fairfax (thanks, Amanda) puts a sensible perspective on the Sydney hysterics, but leaves no doubt as to who are the main hystericalists:

Reason a casualty of fervour.

Of all the changes that have taken place during my time away (a period in which the editor tells me this spot was occupied by "some decent journalism for a change") the most unexpected was the sudden division of Australian sports fan into two distinct categories.

There are, on one side of the great divide, those bellowing ultra-nationalists draped in their Cronulla capes who say the only thing wrong with the behaviour of the Australian cricket team in the Sydney Test was that Brett Lee didn't give the Indians a bit more chin music.

On the other are the guardians of the Spirit of The Game or, disregarding more than a century of abuse, cheating and bloody confrontation, what they imagine that spirit to be. Those who cringe at the sight of the baggy green and spend their spare time kneeling apologetically outside the Indian Embassy begging for forgiveness.

If you choose your cultural stereotypes from the opinion columns or the letters page, there are no longer shades of grey in the grandstand. Just black and white. Which comes as a bit of a surprise to those of us who regularly watch sport with passionate, knowledgeable and (in the pre-Howard sense of the word) are patriotic Australians who fall into neither camp.

People who have risen to their feet to applaud Sachin Tendulkar at every venue this summer.

People who harbour suspicions that the sacking of umpire Steve Bucknor after extreme pressure from the Indians will influence subsequent decision-making. Not because they are irrational, flag-waving fools who would never acknowledge that Australia got the best of it in Sydney. But because they have hands-on experience in how the political process works.

People who shake their heads when the occasionally abusive and recalcitrant Harbhajan Singh is described as an "intemperate Sikh warrior" when some equally abusive and recalcitrant Australians are cast as low-lifes and cheats. Not out of some reflex jingoism, but because it is just so blindingly obvious to them that there are hot-heads and clowns in every team.

People who just laugh when Adam Gilchrist, a man who has done more than his fair share to resurrect the image of the Australian team, is accused of cheating because he appealed for a catch, which he was supposedly well placed to see, that came from Rahul Dravid's pad. No better placed, they'll say, than Anil Kumble was to see Andrew Symonds nick the ball on to his pad in Perth before the Indian skipper launched the heartiest of appeals.

They cringed when the Herald's esteemed columnist Peter Roebuck wrote this week - facetiously, you pray - that immigrants should be the only ones allowed to vote because they love their adopted country more. No doubt his mail bag is overflowing with bile from the Oi, Oi, Oi crowd after he declared the Australian captaincy vacant. But, even in jest, that suggestion was offensive to the very many reasonable Australian fans.

And, as rapidly as things change, those fans are still not as hard to find as recent debate suggests.

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DAY THREE #

What do you say about a day in which Straya scored 3/250? Graft? Ok then: day three was a day of graft.

You are probably wondering why Straya didn't graft it last week. Well, we've covered that. Straya strolled out to bat last week in Perth and all of a sudden the WACA nut case, sorry, the WACA pitch started playing tricks and the bowlers started zinging the ball around all over the place. In short: the Aussie batsmen were bushwhacked. However, once they realized what was going on, they got their collective heads and arses at the recommended elevations for due diligence and ground out a pretty reasonable score in their second innings.

The same approach seems to have carried forward to Adelaide. (Carried forward? I hope that doesn't sound too nu-business.) The ball isn't moving around as much in the air as in Perth, but ever since V-Slog's first over before lunch there's been enough spite evident in the SACA tracka to encourage the Aussie batsmen to go the graft, rather than go the doctor.

The three batsmen out yesterday were bowled. I wonder how often in the history of Tests all batsmen out on one day were bowled. There was probably one day when there was one wicket which was bowled, but... but this is a pretty stupid reach for stats. Anyhoo, only one of the bowleds was down to the track, and even that dismissal required the assistance of a dumb shot. The other two bowleds came courtesy of superb reverse swingers.

Whatever the situation, though, you'd hope the Aussie batsmen keep on grafting on. There is a long way to go before Straya are anywhere near in a satisfactory position. Quick wickets this morning are a possibility against India's good bowlers and sensible fields which indicate India are once again playing to Straya's hubris, so here's hoping the Aussie batsmen don't do anything stupid. For the anatomically inclined: heads down, arses up, noses to the grindstone, backs into it, minds on the job.

That said, the great man Gilly will do whatever the great man Gilly feels like doing. A rapid hundred, chock full of sixes would be a fitting farewell, but he's just as likely to go out there and get bowled through the gate for a teary-eyed duck. Be interesting to see if Spanky leads a three-cheers from the commentary box as Gilly comes to the wicket. Quite a gig being an opinionista. Imagine having to call a bloke cheat one week and a champion the next. I mean, you can look like a tool, can't you.

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GOAD WARRIOR #

With the aforementioned hubris in mind and its implication that India have been successful in goading Straya into stupid cricket, you would be right in assuming that this article snagged my attention:

Sehwag and Hayden trade verbal blows

A day of attrition was followed by a round of verbal volleys with both camps criticising the other for not pushing for victory. While Virender Sehwag criticised Australia for their defensive approach Matthew Hayden felt India's bowlers had been too negative with their lines. Sehwag said Australia were "scared of defeat" but Hayden countered that by referring to "India's wide tactics".

"They're not going to win, they're scared," Sehwag said on a day when Australia managed 260 runs for the loss of three wickets. "They are playing so defensively. They just got 260 in a day on a flat track; that's not like Australia. Last time they scored more than 400 in a day at Adelaide. I think they're scared of defeat."

Were India surprised by Australia's approach? "Yes, it was a surprise," he said without hesitation. "There is something wrong in their batting line-up or thinking. It didn't matter whether we set a field for attacking or defensive cricket, they were not playing too many shots. It was very frustrating with the wicket being so flat. We were waiting for the bad shot."

Good to see a bit of colour and movement on the sledging side. Ponting and Parolerboy were at it again yesterday, too. It just wouldn't be right if Straya and the Injuns weren't getting stuck into it.

But! As Spotty Cake Pat mentioned yesterday: "Australia do not have to win this Test."

If V-Slog sucks Straya into going the tonk, I'll chuck a fit.

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DAY FOUR #

What is it with the Channel Nine commentators? They are experienced cricket people. They know the difference between a leg bye and The Long Goodbye. As players and captains they were successful, some famously so. Yet their prognostications yesterday bordered on madness.

Heals was adamant Straya should declare on or about India's score. Heals, Mr Tubbs and Slatts recited "it's time to up the run rate" as if they had speech impediments. The whole commentary team fixed on this or that declaration target. The overall tone was one of great urgency; that Straya were racing against some imaginary clock to post India with a target from which to mount a last day charge.

FFS, why? Why was Straya under any obligation whatsoever to do anything other than bat for as long as they could, thus putting India out of the match? Australia don't have to win this match. India do. And the longer Straya batted the less chance there was of India doing that do. Big deal if Straya batted into Monday, steadily building a daunting lead. The further they went ahead, the more likely it was that India would have just one option: defend for a draw, like they DIDN'T do in Sydney.

Still, the stupid commentary wouldn't have bothered me too much if it didn't look as if their corrosive fumes hadn't somehow permeated the Strayan dressing room. Sure, Gilly might have tooled out, smacked a rapid 50 or 100 and we'd be away. But he didn't. In fact, Gilly's batting, like Roy's, Johnston's and Clarke's (I didn't see Lee get out) was cavalier. You'd have thought Roy in particular would have taken the hint to pull his head in after numerous accidents trying to cut too close to his body. Johnston tried to clear Instant at long on. Clark tried to clear mid-wicket. Maybe they were just sick of batting, but they didn't need to go about it the way they did in the hour after tea. Yes, the bowling was good and most of the remaining batsmen were tailenders...

Almost every other tail-ender in the world has his ears so clogged up with testosterone that they ignore the batman-at-the-other-end's supplications for sensible shot selection.

"Look," says Recognised Batsman, "I'm on 94; can you just defend this next over for a bit, mate?"

What the tail-ender hears:

"Lash 'em around the park. You the man! You the man! HONK! HOOONK!"

... but they were taking a cue. If Ponting had said to play it steady, they might just have, you know, played it steady. Instead, what we got was a dopy blend of hit and mis-hit as Straya chased unnecessary quick runs.

And where are we now? India in with a chance, that's where. Not a huge chance, but still a chance. That's more than they would have had if Straya hadn't, for the sake of this explanation, got sick of batting.

Now the destiny of the game is in India's hands. Again: they have to win. So there's every chance they will go out there tomorrow, knock up a lead of around 200, declare and stick Straya in on a day five Adelaide wicket. Or they might get all out with a lead of 200. Either way it amounts to the same thing: India setting a day five target. A target that Straya will be obliged to chase hard after, perhaps recklessly, because "they are doing it for Gilly".

How many of you lot want to see Straya bat in those circs? How many of you want to see Straya bat at all? Some commentators even had the bare-faced to give it the "today is the last time you will ever see Gilly bat" treatment.

Then, just to garnish this sh1t sandwich, Clarke goes and drops another sitter. I couldn‘t believe it. Did he even get his hands to it? Did he bother to watch his own dismissal as sticky-fingers Laxman comfortably snagged a difficult wide one. If I hear another commentator blab on about how "Straya set incredibly high benchmarks for fielding" I'll be forced to pen a menacing letter.

Thing is, the commentators are not imbos. They are worse. They are intentionally selling us a lemon. It's in their interest to have Straya make a game of it, not have them play India out of the match and cruise to a draw, or possibly an Aussie win. They would like nothing more than for India to make a game of it on day five.

Tony could then sell another picture, $500 unframed: Sydney Reversed!

******

ROLL PLAYER #

At the Straya v. India Test in Adelaide in 2003, the SACA booked Greg Mahatma Coat Ritchie to provide light entertainment. Do you think they've still got the same booking agent?

Charges for monkey-mask pitch invader

A SPECTATOR wearing a monkey mask is facing charges after sprinting on to the Adelaide Oval during Andrew Symonds' innings yesterday.

His intrusion on to the playing surface temporarily halted play and came moments before Symonds was dismissed.

"This is a police matter," said Cricket Australia's anti-racism officer Peter Young. "Trespassing is a serious issue. No one wants a repeat of the (Terry) Alderman situation where a player ended up hurt."

The intruder ran between India's fieldsmen and rolled across the turf before being restrained by security personnel.

******

DAY FIVE #

What goes around runs aground.

V-Slog might care to prostrate himself before the time-honoured excuse: "I was taken out of context."

"I think they're scared of defeat."

Who wasn't absolutely certain that India would declare around tea around 200 in front and then hope Straya would self-implode "doing it for Gilly" as they chased an ambitious target?

Certainly it never crossed anyone's mind that India would toss the chance of drawing the series 2-2 and would bat out the whole day before Kumble meekly conceded "We'll call it a draw." Yet when I came in to check the television about an hour after Tea, firmly expecting to see Straya at the crease, I was astonished to see that it precisely what happened.

Even Bruce, who was closest to the pin, wouldn't have thought India would bat on and on and on and on and... who is the wuss now Sloggy?

Then there were fatheads ringing up radio stations - I know, I know - and making the odd comment around the blogs that India's conservative batting on day five should somehow be equated with Straya's conservative batting on days three and four. There was even one honker rung up SEN suggesting that the reason Gilly suddenly retired was because he had had an argument with Ponting over the way Straya batted.

That's not to suggest the day's cricket was entirely dull. Things were livened up substantially by a brilliant exchange on BJ & The Boys when AB asked Ravi Shastri about Rollerboy's upcoming appeal hearing. Ravi stepped towards the camera, looking as if he was going to punch someone as he went ballistic nationalistic about the pride of being an Indian and how they have a long history of fighting racism, but didn't come close to mentioning Rollerboy or any details directly relevant to the case. I can't recall exactly how AB closed off the topic but it was somewhere in the vicinity of "ummm, yeah" while Flemmo backed away squeezing out a slightly scared giggle. Gold.

Speaking of the appeal: how do you think it will go? My earlier suspicions were confirmed when it emerged from the hearing documents that Tendulkar hadn't heard the exchange. What's the bet the reason India don't want the stump mike recordings presented as evidence is that if the stump mike didn't hear anything, then Tendulkar couldn't have heard anything either.

Still, you should never get between Big Cricket and a squibb. Rollerboy will either get off, have his penalty reduced to a reprimand or accept a charge that is altered to general abuse.

******

SPIN SHITTY #

The ballyhoo this week is rightfully all about Gilly. No problem with that; it’s a deserved ballyhoo. But what the Gilly rumpus has done is slightly, although not completely, obscure another more pressing issue for Aussie croquet: spin.

Sehwag exposes Australia's spin crisis

VIRENDER SEHWAG has saved India and his career with a century in Adelaide yesterday that raised serious questions about Australia's spin bowling and catching.

Gilly has been a lesser force for around three years now. It’s no great disaster that he’s no longer there to get Straya out of the sh1t or apply the gracey coup to a flagging attack. Now Braddin is playing better cricket than Now Gilly, so the keeper swap is not going to unduly hurt Now Straya.

Not so the spin department.

Warne’s loss is still the greatest problem for Straya and nowhere is it more obvious than in a comparison between this Adelaide and last Adelaide. Straya won against England in 2006 because Warne imposed himself on the contest. The match should have been a draw. This time around we lacked Warne the Enforcer. Not that he would have been able to push India around the way he pushed England around. The Poms squibbed it. A couple of quick wickets and they were in Shark G.W. territory. This India would not have choked like that England choked.

Warne’s ability to crowbar a wicket on the dullest pitch is the greatest reason we will miss him. Not one of our spinners since has looked even remotely like scaring enough batsmen to collapse an attack. Stuey MacGill was rubbish against the Shrees and Hogg, Symonds and Clarke were innocuous to passable against India.

Hogg has probably played his last Test, which is disappointing because I like him. While Clarke and Symonds will have to do bit part duty until “something turns up,” as Micawber would optimistically say.

But it’s Roy that worries me most. His action, as always when an offy is looking for extra tweak, is diabolical. The same goes for all the suss offies:  Murali, Harby, the rest of the malefactors. Doubtless they will defend it by saying they were within the 15 degree limit, but I’d give it very short odds that more than a few of their offies were over 15 degrees. It’s why the new rule is a joke. How can anyone say with any official conviction – whether they be umpires, TV people, match refs, ICC overlords, whoever – that a bowler is chucking. “Was that 14? 13? 25?” But if the rule were back to what it was in the G.O. Days, you could tell straight away that a bowler was on the nose.

Everyone’s pretty much in agreemen… sorry, this is a sports piece. Everyone’s pretty much in agreeance that Murali was lame last November and since Christmas Harby has fired blanks at everyone but Ponting. Could this be because they were strongly conscious of the attention paid to dodgy actions in Straya and as such weren’t capable of extracting dangerous turn with pronounced elbow action? Does playing in Straya neuter them? I mean, Channel Nine might heavily tailor their slo-mo footage so as to mask chucking, but in normal motion it’s still pretty obvious when someone is bending the rules. Nine can’t edit their ball-by-ball footage like they can the slo stuff, so we viewers get a good look at what’s what. And while Murali and Rollerboy were less than effective, is it not a coincidence that Roy, who hasn’t yet been called, decided to push his luck with his own pronounced bend and was an effective bowler?

Doubtless The Cooler has had Roy in his workshop tuning Roy’s arm to get just the right amount of bend. And maybe he hasn’t exceeded the 15 degrees. Maybe. I doubt it.

New Chucking is a rort.

******

TIRED AND DEMOTIONAL #

Be f**ked! Larry Tait is exhausted and has dropped himself from... well, all cricket:

Shaun Tait quits cricket indefinitely

Australian fast bowler Shaun Tait has quit cricket indefinitely, citing emotional and physical exhaustion.

******

PROTEST MATCH SPECIAL #

So Rollerboy’s protest was successful; there’s a shock.

“I honestly believe Harbhajan said an obscenity, not racial abuse.”

~~ Dean Jones

“The noble Deano.” Quite obviously Deano is not looking to protect any commentary gigs on the subcontinent. Nor is he sucking up after his terrorist episode. “For Deano is an honourable man.”

The next step in the process is clear: Harbhajan should immediately instigate proceedings against Ponting, Symonds, Hayden and Clarke for their false accusations of racism.

No?

Yeah. No.

You know who is the real culprit here? The ICC.

Well, Mandy Rice TonyT, you would say that, wouldn’t you?

Yes, I would. Not because Big Cricket* squibbed it over the appeal. Not because Big Cricket squibbed it over Morgan getting sacked. Not because Big Cricket squibbed it full stop. Big Cricket is the culprit because their judiciary process was a cock-up from the off. Mike Proctor knew it and approached Mal Speed to say he didn’t have the legal expertise to deal with the case. Pity Mal didn’t take the hint. Instead he told Proctor to get stuffed and get on with the case and the rest, as they say, is bollox.

As Petrocelli would say, the screen turning a toilet cleaner shade of blue: “I will now recreate the night of the crime.” While he’s doing that, I will revisit Sydney, Day Three:

Elsewhere on-field, Harby was cited for sledging Sideshow. Judging by Roy's reaction and Harby's subsequent contrition, Harby DID say something nasty. It was allegedly racist, according to today's blabs, but they don't say what was said. Tendulkar talked in circles, which doesn't usually bode well for the defence, but unless the umpire heard what was said or the stump mikes picked it up there is rock all chance of Harby being found guilty. And he'll probably say he was mis-heard, anyway.

And that’s the way it should have played out. Proctor: “Sorry, boys, it’s one side’s word against the other and without corroborating evidence nothing can be proved. Case dismissed.”

Not that TLM is without complicity for saying Harby didn’t say monkey. As the above excerpt points out, he talked in circles, which indicated he hadn’t heard the exchange but was trying to put in a good word for Rollerboy. He later said outright that Harby wouldn’t say anything nasty because “He is a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers and that.” Later still, after seeing where TLM was standing, I wrote he couldn’t have heard it because he was out of earshot; it transpired that was the case. But this whole rumpus escalated based of TLM texting the BCCI to say they should go bull goose defending Harby.

And, of course, it should never be forgotten the BCCI pulled a monumental dummy spit. Pity their massive clout meant they could get their way. It would have been brilliant had the ICC told them to get lost; the ensuing rumpus thing would have been a thing of wonder.

Dreams aside…

Because Big Cricket farked it up to start with, the whole cricket world was turned downside up.

You can see why the Aussie players are fuming, too. Talk about backed in the stab! Big Cricket demands the players report any instances of racial abuse, the players do so, Big Cricket backs away at a million miles per hour. It will be a long time before any Strayan player ever again bothers to report anyone.

What odds will you give me that the next player reported for racial abuse is a Strayan? What odds will you give me that the next player to lodge a racial abuse complaint will be an Indian?

Not that I’m 100% behind the Strayan players. More like 95%. Yes, a new process had been correctly followed by the Strayans. Yes, we all know Harby said monkey. He said he said “Mar Key” or something like that, to which us sensible, eloquent people respond “Suuuuuuuure you did.” But despite our Craven New World with all its associated sensitivities, procedures and wank-for-all, it’s still, you know… dobbing.

Transcript of audio picked up from the Nine Network stump microphone and used as evidence in Harbhajan's appeal:

Symonds walks up to Harbhajan at the end of an over.

Symonds: "Go and yell at your teammates .... You called me monkey again."

Matthew Hayden: "Twice. You've got a witness now champ."

Hayden approaches Harbhajan.

Hayden: "That's the last time."

Harbhajan: "No listen he started it."

Hayden: "Doesn't matter mate, it's racial vilification mate. It's a shit word and you know it."

Soon after, Michael Clarke approaches umpire Mark Benson.

Clarke: "It's not the first time. He done it in India and got into strife. That's the second time he's done it."

Captain Ricky Ponting walks up to Benson and gestures towards fellow umpire Steve Bucknor.

Ponting: "Go and tell him. Go and tell him straight away."

* Big Cricket: collective noun. Plural: Bigs Cricket.

1. Any or all of the ICC, BCCI, CA, affiliates, families, friends, bookies.

******

BLUBBLE STANDARDS #

Good article from Peter Lalor on cry-babies and double standards:

Cricket caves in to India’s demands

In the past two Tests, the Indians have reaped the rewards of their petulant outburst following the Sydney loss.

After that game, Indian captain Anil Kumble complained that "only one team was playing with the spirit of the game", while his board put a hold on the tour until an umpire was replaced. Another senior player anonymously labelled Australians "cheats" and "liars". In the aftermath, umpires have been frozen with terror when a bowler appeals and have allowed some questionable tactics by the visitors.

Kumble and other Indians suggested Michael Clarke could not be trusted because he failed to walk when he edged a ball in Sydney and then claimed a catch that looked doubtful on replay.

In Adelaide on Monday, Sourav Ganguly hit a ball that was clearly caught by Michael Hussey but the batsman refused to walk. Replays showed he was out and only then did the batsman leave.

Had the batsman been an Australian - let alone Clarke - India would have reacted with outrage.

When Clarke was batting, Harbhajan, Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Dinesh Kartik appealed excessively in the belief that Kartik had taken a bat-pad chance.

Harbhajan's sustained appealing was backed up by Kartik, who appeared to wag his finger at the umpire and later spat heatedly on the ground near Clarke.

In the meantime, Dhoni began to sledge Clarke who had to pull out of facing the next ball because the wicket-keeper was still talking as Harbhajan came in to bowl.

It might have been hard but fair, it might have been mental disintegration, it might have been many things, but imagine what it might have been if it had been the Australians appealing.

******

SPANKEE #

Spanker spanked. Who doesn’t love it when one journalist has a dip at another; especially when “another” is Peter Piker:

Follyline: one man’s opinion

IF you are unsure about the rights and wrongs of the Bollyline cricket crisis, you are not alone.

Take comfort in the fact that one of the game's leading commentators, Peter Roebuck, has written about this summer's cricketing controversies with a level of confusion not seen since an English batsman last faced up to Shane Warne.

Comments

[joe]

Spanky is a stupid c**t .... possibly the most stupidest c**t i've ever heard pronounce on cricket

[Scott Wickstein]

Wow, there's a Test in Adelaide, and I have my ticket to go, and yet, and yet...

I dont' give a shit.

Really underwhelmed by the prospect of seeing Australia play India. I've just grown so averse to the Indians that I don't care- I just want them to go home. I'm looking ahead already to the tours of Pakistan (if that happens) and the West Indies. Thank god next summer we have New Zealand and South Africa.

[Indian]

Scott, I think I can partially understand. Just wanna say, Indians aren't bad people..immature, yeah...but keen and good natured...I wished H. Singh wasn't playing...he deserves to finish a ban...pity

[nick]

Scott, this Test is important. We need to win it and win it well - or the Indians will be whining and moaning about how they would have beaten us had it not been for Bucknor. I don't watch to watch the Indians. They've ruined it for me. Their whining, carping and bad sportsmanship have left me unable to appreciate or congratulate their performances. But...

I want to see Australia crush them in Adelaide.

Next summer, when Andre Nel and McCullum are chirping away, the Indians will just be a distant whine.

[Tony T.]

Bit harsh, Joe. Might just have to tidy that up.

India have a solid look. They had to get rid of opening-watchman Jaffer and if Irfa comes off as an opener, it's a very strong line-up.

[nick]

2 sloggers (let's be honest here) opening the batting - and Johnson gets the new ball over Clark. Not happy, Punter.

[nick]

Wicket Irfy, caught Gilly, bowled Johnston.

I always knew you could do it, Mitch.

[Tony T.]

For a guy who bowls a lot of tripe, he has a knack for getting wickets. Since we're stuck for a nickname for him, we could do worse then Botham.

[nick]

Aren't we saving that for when Roy starts bowling? Was the lbw for Dravid close?

[Tony T.]

Rauf Mauf evening up?

I'm at work and can't see it.

[nick]

'I'm at work and can't see it'

Sounds like something Morgan would say!

[nick]

Wicket! Wall, caught Ponting, bowled Johnston.

Botham/Mitch/Johnno - I never doubted you for a second. BTW, Cricinfo, 'Ponting at second slip takes the easiest of catches', subtle dig at Oz's poor slips fielding? Or am I getting as oversensitive as the average Indian?

[Tony T.]

Oversensitive, I reckon.

But only just.

[nick]

Rauf seems to be keeping the gun in the holster today.

[Tony T.]

V-Slog, caught Flatty, bowled Lee.

Good man, that Lee.

[Russ]

Very good man. Good cricket so far. Almost, but not quite, worth watching instead of the most attractive group of semi-finalists in grand slam history.

[nick]

Does anyone watch women's tennis for the tennis?

[Tony T.]

Ummmmm..... Boynton might be reading so, yes.

[Russ]

Well, that depends who is playing doesn't it Nick?

A 40 minute pasting dealt out by a player whose court craft can more or less be summarised as "hit the ball as hard as you can" needs some added incentive to watch. Men's tennis can be just as bad.

Meanwhile, the Raj is out. He is a whiner isn't he? Though it turned a fair bit, so he may have been unlucky.

[Tony T.]

Wicket! Gangles, elbee Hoggee.

Raj is Bunny's hoggy or Hog... you get it.

[Scott Wickstein]

I see you tried to argue with that Homer at Cattleaxey files, Tony. Bad idea, he drags you down to his level of idiocy and then beats you with experience. I just give him gentle mockery these days.

[nick]

Spanky is a slightly more eloquent Homer. But they both hate an Australian win.

I hadn't read that Spanky wanted overseas born pederasts to have preferential voting rights over Australians by birth. I look forward to one or more of the Aboriginal groups taking him to court over his vilification of native Australians.

[Tony T.]

I suddenly realised there was not much point arguing with him, so I pulled the pin.

You can't help but wonder that if Spanky hates Straya as much as he appears to, why does he live here?

[Scott Wickstein]

He's got cushy jobs at the ABC and with the Fairfax Press. And he likes the weather. I think he's been in Sydney and picked up the Sydney snobbery- he assumes that everyone outside the North Shore/Eastern Suburbs set are Westies.

I bet you he votes Labor too. Heaps of ALP types have this sick 'anyone but Australia' attitude.

[RT]

I agree with Connolly. Well said Rohan. I'd prefer a ladder no-disqualification match however and at least if Brukner injures himself he can at least analyse his injuries.

[nick]

So...England are going to doctor their pitches and draft in players from another country to help them win, despite already fielding a United Nations XI. And Australia aren't playing in 'the spirit of cricket'? Get fvcked.

[tONY]

C'mon, Tone - how can you say you didn't want Blood Vessels? What a champ! That debut knock in Brisbane against the Poms was a pearler - and he was nearly as old as Huss when he made his debut.

And when they realised he was no good as a one day opener, so dropped him to number 6 ("Hmm - he can't score quickly, so let's put him in late in the innings...") - classic cock-up!

[Tony T.]

Dropped! Gilly's put down Lux a shocker.

Give it away, Gilly.

Now!

Right now!

Fuck!

Off!

[Tony T.]

Still f**ken fuming here!

And Gilly wants to keep playing. Want's another summer. Wants to quit on his own terms.

He's f**ken kidding himself, the team, the whole f**ken country!

He need to look at his keeping, look at the sitters he's put down this year, and conclude "I'm past it. Time to go."

Have you ever seen a keeper drop such a sitter? I mean, apart from Gilly's last dropped sitter.

Laxman will make a hundred now. We will lose.

[nick]

Gilly will be playing next summer - in the XXXX beach cricket. 100 Tests and out.

[nick]

What a kick in the balls for Bing - it would have also allowed Hogg a few more overs to bowl at Kebab. Shame Gilly, shame.

[Scott Wickstein]

Things are not looking good here. Gilchrist dropping sitters and Tendulkar hitting sixes.

[nick]

Tendulkar - now that's a man who will tell the selectors he'll quit when he's good and ready. Will Gilly emulate his predecessor and go out on a bad note?

[nick]

If you add Tendulkar's highest score and Leaxman's highest score, and all the catches we've dropped this series....it's 551 - bad omen. We will lose, and India we claim they were robbed for the next 100 years.

[Russ]

Bloody hell. I couldn't bear watching Hantuchova's Novotna impression on the tennis, and I see a drop worthy of a part-time fourth grade keeper. And someone wanted to put him in the slips last week? If Gilly plays on as a bat it'll be fine leg to fine leg.

This is shite. Laxman carving runs over mid-on when we should be pressing into the tail.

On another note... you left out Ed Joyce Tony. Worth a mention because, like Lamb, Smith, Hick and co. he only played for England in the absence of an alternative. I'd (seriously) like to see players from the non-test sides able to play test cricket (no qualification period). But only while their home country doesn't have test status. After that they can pack off home.

[nick]

Can you imagine if Saqlain became a naturalised Australian? Would he get into the team? If he did, Spanky would be beside himself (a state of affairs probably figuring high in his dreams).

[Tony T.]

Wicket! Lux , caught Gilly(?!?!?!?!?), bowled Bing.

Great work, that man Lee.

Bing might just have saved Gilly's career which has been careering downhill this series.

[Russ]

Ugly dismissal. Eyes off the ball. Lobbing back to the keeper.

Not sure it will save him. If Gilly had dropped that, Ponting would have taken the gloves off him on the spot.

[Tony.T]

Can you see it, Russ? I've got the news here.

[Russ]

3 Mobile Tone. Screen is small, and they only have one ad on repeat (the ford backyard one), but it is handy sometimes.

[nick]

Bing bowled short, rose beautifully off the pitch, which Laxman would have admired had he not been swaying to the leg side while turning his body and gloves towards the ball, and his head back and away. Ball met gloves and looped, high and slow, into the gloves of Gilly. Much bum slapping and hugging between Lee and Gilly ensued (although I suspect Lee was doing a Freddie - 'quit now you bastard').

[Russ]

Dropped! Now Flatty has dropped a sitter of Kebab.

F%$#*. Useless useless useless.

[Russ]

This is rubbish. We don't deserve to win this series. We WON'T win this series the way we are playing. The fielding is appalling. Gilly drops a catch that any self respecting keeper will take easily. Hayden is standing too tall to a slips catch into his pouch and puts it down. It is completely shit-house. The bowlers are really doing a great job today - all series - and it hasn't been backed up.

[Scott Wickstein]

It's the 1980's all over again.

[nick]

Great players, one and all, but are they hungry anymore? Lee is, because he's underachieved in a winning side. Ponting looks a little jaded, although that might be batting against Harbajhan, but Hayden and Gilchrist - what do they have to prove? Hayden would have been Cricketer of the Year last year - thumping all comers, and, in retrospect, Gilly should have ended his career with his magnificent World Cup Final. Ponting can lead - but will Gilly and Hayden follow?

[skepticlawyer]

We seem to be afflicted by serious dropsy... just curious - was Tendulkar dropped? Or just the rest of the Indian batting line-up?

[Tony T]

We only dropped two, SL, but they were appalling fumbles.

Gilchrist dropped Laxman an absolute sitter. Heals and Tubby must have felt sorry for Gilly, because they spent ages replaying the drop and trying to convince us it was harder than it looked.

Hayden then dropped Dhoni a sitter, but I didn't see it so here's Crooky:

Johnson to Dhoni, 2 runs, now Hayden drops a sitter! Dhoni drives hard at one that angles into him and gets an outside edge that flies at a very comfortable height to Hayden at first slip, he can't believe he's dropped it himself, it dipped on him at the last minute and he only got fingertips to it.

Fortunately we didn't drop TLM.

[Bruce]

I'm annoyed that I didn't get to see a single ball bowled today. Is the pitch the usual belter?

If so, then we probably have a par result for both sides at 5/305. Could have been worse, could have been better for both sides. TLM remains the M. The cordon is starting to turn into a problem area.

I am adding to my push for Brazen Hussey to be introduced with a call for the return of Bobby Simpson as the fielding drills coach. Sure this baseball fella has them cutting off balls better and throwing harder with more accuracy - but I don't think there is a baseball equivalent of the cordon.

Part of the bad old days malady was the dismal slips catching that followed the retirement of Greg Chappell. Then Bobby flogged AB, Tubby, Junior and others until they became as close to the backyard cricket automatic wicky as I may ever see in my life.

*strains of Big yellow taxi should accompany that last part*

[Brad Griggs]

Pretty even day. Ive started a new general aussie cricket blog at www.griggsoncricket.blogspot.com

[Carrot]

Lunchtime in London, here....

Roebuck's really plumbing the depths, isn't he? What's he on about? What's he on? And which editor let that piece of copy pass across their desk unravaged? What the hell does he mean when he says

"It is debatable whether people born in this country should be allowed to vote. It is no achievement to emerge from a womb. They could just as well be in Winnipeg. Australia is best loved by its settlers."

??? I'm looking for some snide humour somewhere, or SOMETHING that tells me that he's being ironic, but I think I'll be looking for awhile!

I would be offended, but I'm too gobsmacked that he got away with writing it. And that Murdoch and Co. actually printed it! WTF???

What's he trying to achieve in saying something like that? Is he heading for a breakdown or something?

Probably woke up my neighbours this morning with howls of derision when Hayden dropped Dhoni. Glad I was still asleep for Gilchrist's effort. It's funny though - but for a few dropped catches, I actually think he's had a pretty decent series with the gloves. But he's there to take 'em, so it'll be remembered as a bad one.

[pat]

I hadn't read that Spanky missive till now and, Mein Got! he is seriously on the brink. Methinks that hereabouts one had mistaken seeming lunacy for an Englishman's wit, that hitherto where condescension was found thereabouts also could be found an inkling of understanding of his plight.

It's time for an email, and a text or two, to Grandstand bearing his now sullied nickname to finally implode his brain.

[pat]

Email to Grandstand:

Subject: Too Long in the Langours

Dear Sirs,

It is with much supplication that I write to you, bearing upon your wisdom as only a non-native of Winnipeg must do. Though I have hitherto been a lamington and even, as some hereabouts describe, a "backslapper", I must press upon you my dire need for the wisdom of Spanky, to whit as follows:

After the third Test I felt much joy at our defiance in defeat but am now racked with guilt that it may in fact have been just a misperception of misplaced incipient rage. I feel that my "game is up" so to speak.

Having emerged from the womb some score or two ago I am wondering if I am regressing to a state of mind as if settlement of this country were only weeks ago. As a result I have an uncontrollable urge to beat my chest. Whatever can I do?

I pace the floor to and fro like the bedeviled spirit of some misbegotten english pederast, yet all I can think of is catching bass. I am confused to say the least!

Yours in contempt of myself,

Pat

PS. Just what is the acceptable length of one's langours thereabouts?

[Carrot]

Gold!! Absolute GOLD.

Three huzzahs for Pat, what?

[Tony T.]

Wicket! Kebab, caught Roy, bowled Beefy.

Botham Johnston with an exquisite shit-gets-wickets ball.

[via collins]

Spanky has often been a very fine writer. Tho' I disagree with a few points he's made this summer.

But Carrot has it I reckon: if Spanky's piece wasn't utterly insane, who is the editor that let it through the gate?

And I do believe it quite unhinged. Time for Fairfax to employ the rotation selection system with cricket writers?

[Tony T.]

Wicket! TLM, caught Hoggee, bowled Lee.

TLM VG.

[Tony T.]

Dropped! Hungry just dropped Kumble.

Why am I not surprised?

[Scott Wickstein]

It's that two handed catching technique that Hungry employs?

[Tony T.]

VC: There are plenty of Spanky article where he's written good stuff about cricket. He has a good grasp of the game, a feel for its nuances and often spots things the other journos either miss, or overlook.

But every now and again he snaps and writes like a maniac.

[Tony T.]

Symonds & Hogg bowling together.

If this is all about over rates again, I'll... I'll write a robustly worded letter to CricAussie.

[nick]

I wish this bloody partnership would snap! Has TLM got some sort of voodoo doll, and is playing through these two hacks? This partnership will kill us in the fourth innings with the ball and they're killing us in the first innings with the bat.

[Tony T.]

Wicket! Rollerboy, caught Gillee, bowled Roy.

'Bout. Effing. Time.

[nick]

One wicket brings two - which is what we'll be crying about when India take the new ball. We are stuffed. It's going to be 2 all - and then off to India for Mumbai redux in the rematch. Sh1t sh1t sh1t.

[Tony T.]

Wicket! RP, caught Botham, bowled Clarke.

Completely agree with your sentiment, Nick, especially the Sh1t sh1t sh1t. We are gawn. You watch: we will go out there and India will go through us like a dose of bad curry.

[Tony T.]

Dropped! Clarke just dropped as sitter C&B of Instant.

CricInfo says Ponting was not amused. He's not the only one; this is just getting too gruesome for words. I may as well just fold up these cricket posts here and now.

Ohhhh, the pain!

[Moses]

136.5 Clarke to Sharma, no run, dropped again! Clarke bowled the loosest full toss which Ishant patted back tamely at head height towards the bowler, Clarke got his hands up in time but grassed a sitter, Ponting is not amused

--
is it just me who gets the shits with Channel 9 not showing the cricket for the 1 hour that I'm home to watch it?

Use it or lose it.

[Tony T.]

Andrew, the way things are at the moment, I don't want to watch it.

[Tony T.]

551 anyone?

[nick]

At this rate, they'll beat the 705 they racked up last visit. Gee it's painful when Clark has an off day.

[SaggyGreen]

45 extras. Jeebus!

[Scott Wickstein]

I can't believe that I bought a ticket to watch day 3. In my defence, I bought it in October when I didn't realise Australia was going to fall apart to 1980 style standard so quickly.

Who will play the Allan Border role of our team, I wonder?

[nick]

Ponting will do a Costello at this rate, and Mr Cricket will have to take us through the dark days, aided by his younger brother. Chappelli is a bit like Malcolm Fraser come to think of it.

[Scott Wickstein]

Another dropped catch! This time it's Hussey. Geez.

[Bruce]

Is it too much to ask to wrap up the tail before they add another 200 runs!!!??? Another! Farking! Drop!

Is there anything more embarrassing for a fielding side than taking the extra half hour before a break with 9 wickets down and failing to take the wicket to bring on tea?

So far there are 160 runs added by 8,9, 10 and 11.

[nick]

'Is there anything more embarrassing for a fielding side'

er...about 16 dropped catches this series?

Wilting with the bat after 2 days in the field?

Losing to a pack of whiners like India?

Sending an SOS to 2 overweight leg spinners for the next series?

Carrying a wicketkeeper whose best keeping days are behind him?

bah

[Russ]

Sigh, I missed most of the last two sessions but the bits I saw were pretty ordinary.

On the plus side, the pitch is obviously a road, so we should make runs. But I wonder about our concentration, given the number of dropped chances. At least two players need to put their heads down and score big hundreds. Most likely we'll carry a 100-200 run deficit and have to fight out a draw on day 5.

In the negative, take your pick: dropped chances, an inability to get out the tail, and a failure to take the decisive moments when they were there (namely the first session today). That all those things were Warne's specialty can't be a coincidence.

[Scott Wickstein]

We're going to get rolled in the first dig. Our batsman are over-rated, because they simply can not perform under pressure- Remember 2005! I don't expect us to reach 200 in the first dig.

[Scott Wickstein]

And Gilchrist takes the World Record with the last catch. That's a pretty good time to retire (hint hint).

[Boo]

Haha, wouldn't it be deliciously diabolical if Kumble's 'spirit of the game' dig was a fiendish little bit of 'mental disintegration' itself? Steve Waugh, eat your heart out mate.

[Tony.T]

Was Rollerboy dropped? At tea Glenn Mitchell said he was, but I don't remember that. And there's no sign of it on Crooky.

[Brad Griggs]

Just cracked my first stubbie. Those 6 dropped catches killed us. Need big inns from Hayden.

[Scott Wickstein]

Need big innings from everyone!

[via collins]

Gilly was laughing on the sports reports on TV tonight about how he dropped a couple on the eve of 300 catches, and again near 400, and again today.

That sense of humour should be a big bonus in retirement.

[tONY]

None-fer at stumps - praise be to God/Buddha/Zoroaster/whatever-tickles-your-fancy!! It was a small prayer - desperate, but small. "Please, God, let us be none-fer at stumps". Let Hungry & the Rev walk in the sheds after the last ball, pull off the runners, peel off the socks, maybe have a beer or a cuppa, a rub down and an ice bath, talk to Punter & Cricket about the pitch, tomorrow morning, tactics for quick singles, whatever. Then come out, well slept and refreshed, for whatever the day offers. If they can just get there....

Once again, I'm backing a draw. Couple of big hundreds, make about the same as the tourists, dead second innings, Les Burdette strikes again.

[tONY]

This is slightly dated, but interesting:

"In their past ten Tests in Adelaide, Australia averages a mammoth 517 per first innings, however they keep opponents to a first innings average of 382 in reply. The difference of 135 is a mammoth difference when taking into consideration the ten-year time span and is a major reason as to why the Australians have won eight and lost just one Test over that span."

[tONY]

Anyone think we can do this again?

[tONY]

Oh, dear! Notice the word "catching" is never mentioned?

[tONY]

Harbhajan Singh c A.Gilchrist b A.Symonds

"Ahhh, Pigsy, you wanker.."

[Russ]

0/62 at day's end. If the tail hadn't put on 160 odd we'd be very well placed. There isn't really much in this game. Much will depend on whether India take the chances we give, in contrast to how we haven't taken the chances they gave.

If we were fielding a young side (and a few of the players probably count as young), I'd probably be feeling quite good about this series. The mistakes - those "if only" errors that may and have been costing us - could be chalked up to experience and we'd move on. But the mistakes are coming from the experienced core. The same group that let us down so badly in 2005, when commentators were harping on about them being too old.

Looking ahead, with something like 16 tests and god knows how many one-dayers over the next 12 months (across 4 tours), if standards are slipping now, what will we be like by next summer? And even worse: by the Ashes that follows? England has suffered through this kind of schedule for the past few years and their injury-wracked side is a disgruntled disinterested mess. Taken all together, regardless of when Gilly and Haydos actually retire we should seriously consider whether the squad needs to be bigger and whether some players shouldn't tour/play so they can both be rested and so we can blood some new talent.

[nick]

Very disappointed to hear this from Gilly - after admitting to dropping the standard in the field in an innings where Australia dropped - what, 7 catches?

"I'm probably the main culprit," he said. "In Sydney I dropped about three or four and another one here [on day one]. That was disappointing. Sometimes they stick, sometimes they don't, and it's not something that's a great concern."
"In a nutshell, it comes down to concentration," he said. "Are you switched on for every ball? Very rarely, if ever, can I remember dropping a catch or missing a stumping, and when asking myself whether I was concentrating 100%, have I been able to say yes. Normally I've had something on my mind and wandered off. You just get exposed."

Retirement - "It'll be my decision,"

Gilly seems to be oblivious to the fact that, if Australia lose this Test and draw this series, it will be in no small way due to his sloppy keeping and poor catching. I can't believe a man who should be in the side to catch a cricket ball can state that dropping catches is not a great concern.

I said it before - shame, Gilly, shame. Warnie walked out a winner. Steve Waugh didn't, and I wonder whether Gilly will.

[nick]

Tony, further to your points about Indian planning, I thought the Indians had wandered into this series underdone, unfit and unthinking. However - they've caught everything. The Indians commonly say that they are not as athletic as the Australians - and maybe they are just playing to their strengths. Australia may have saved 30 runs in the field with dives, and gained 30 runs while batting with good running, and they've handed it all back and more with poor catching and a huge number of extras. Dhoni's really worked on his keeping, and Kumble is playing like a man with 600 Test wickets. Tendulkar has gone back in time to 1998, and Ganguly is playing as well as he was in 2004. Their bowling attack has obviously had a good look at the Poms circa 2005. I think they've worked Ponting out as well. He averages 70 against all comers....except Rollerboy and when the opposition get under his skin. Did Kumble et al manufacture all the Second Test BS to gain an advantage? I think they did, and they won a Test because of it. I can't believe that all that BS didn't affect Ponting's batting and leadership. What are the odds that the BCCI and Sunil have been in the ICC's ear about over rates? 'Make an example of the top team and the top captain'...

[Amanda]

Richard Hinds in the Herald was a pleasant read over the omlette this morning. The link says "tennis" but the beef is cricket.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/tennis/reason-a-casualty-of-fervour/2008/01/25/1201157667061.html

[nick]

Dick Hinds - is that a real name or Spanky's pseudonym. I hope you read the SMH online.

[nick]

Last night, after Federer's defeat by Novak (and after Novak praised the Serbs in the crowd and accused the Australians of not supporting him).

'Who do you think will win the final, Roger?'
'Don't care'

Gold.

[tONY]

Shock news!

[SaggyGreen]

Now THAT'S a surprise.

[tONY]

I hope Wicky decided to go after all....

[Bruce]

Now that was a solid start.

Amazing what a bit of patience will do. 'Dos didn't seem keen to chase 2 feet outside off against rollerboy and looked very comfortable. Still need to bat till this time tomorrow.

[via collins]

Somewhere between Dick Hinds & Spanky lies sanity.

That was an old-fashioned solid start indeed. I love how the stands at the Adelaide Oval reflect the hats worn by many of the punters. I loved Hungry's stroke for the half century, and the fact that the Nine cameras were perfectly positioned for it.

No R.P, no contest, shame really....

[SaggyGreen]

Golden mozzing by Foojitsoo Taylor claims Hungry's wicket.