SWISS AMISS

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[Tony T.]

Just an observation. But WADA and the rest of the sports drugs mobs must feel like a right bunch of dickheads. I mean, they virtually NEVER get their tests right. Only Justin Charles, I think Arnie admitted he used to take steroids, Heroin Marion Jones came clean after being investigated for seven years... any others?

Martina Hingis confesses to positive cocaine test

MARTINA Hingis has announced her retirement from tennis after admitting she is under investigation for a positive test for cocaine.

"I have tested positive but I have never taken drugs and I feel 100 per cent innocent," Hingis said.

"The reason I have come out with this is because I do not want to have a fight with anti-doping authorities.

"Because of my age and my health problems I have also decided to retire from professional tennis."

In a statement later released by her management, the 27-year-old said she found the accusation of drug-taking "so horrendous, so monstrous, that I have decided to confront it head-on by talking to the press".

"I would personally be terrified of taking drugs. When I was informed (about the test) I was shocked and appalled."

[Tony T.]

Can you catch a failed drug test off a toilet seat?

[Tony T.]

A search: martina hingis boyfriends. They're probably looking for Pete Doherty.

[Professor Rosseforp]

Thanks for the pic of Martina -- I think it's probably the same one Danii Miinogue showed to her plastic surgeon, and said, "Make me look like this".

[Tony T.]

In return Martina changed her name to Hingii.

[James Dudek]

Is cocaine really a performance enhancing drug?

[Yobbo]

Apparently it enchances your performance in the sack.

[nick]

Enchances! Love it. Hasn't hurt Ben so far.

[Tony T.]

Ben Cousins: role model? What are the enchances of us finding out who this "young AFL player" is?

Cousins gives AFL no choice

HOPEFULLY at some stage today, a young AFL player will take time to absorb what so-called party drugs have done to Ben Cousins.

Hopefully the player, who is clearly running out of control himself, will analyse the Cousins story and become aware his career, too, may soon be finished.

While there is ample evidence to suggest as many as three players per club, on average, are regularly dabbling with illegal substances, the name of one is constantly referred to by those who work in and around football.

It seems the only person not aware of the potential dangers is the player himself, which is why he simply has to learn from the sad demise of Cousins.

[nick]

I was thinking Dermott, but then I saw 'young'. Maybe Ben wrote it himself, during a moment of clarity.

[nick]

If Ben and Martina became an item, would Straugneee be the result?

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2007/10/31/1193618974100.html?s_rid=theage:top5

[Professor Rosseforp]

Isn't Hingii the plural of Hingis? As in the Scottish one haggis, twor haggii.

[Yobbo]

HOPEFULLY at some stage today, a young AFL player will take time to absorb what so-called party drugs have done to Ben Cousins.

Hopefully the player, who is clearly running out of control himself, will analyse the Cousins story and become aware his career, too, may soon be finished.

The drugs haven't hurt his playing ability at all though. His career is only finished because of the AFL's attitude to drugs, not because what drugs have done to him.

So this should read "take time to absorb what the AFL has done to Ben Cousins".

[Nabakov]

I have heard tell that cocaine can sometimes be quite a useful performance enhancing drug for tennis players. You're trailing 3-4 in the final set, your body's tired and aching and your confidence is ebbing. A quick toilet break (or wiping your nose with a "lucky" sweat wristband) and voila you're back and physically and mentally fired up for the final half-hour, provided though you don't waste 15 minutes of what's in your tank on an excitable and garrulous conversation with a linesperson over a disputed call.

I'm certainly not going to mention Vitas Gerulaitis or Ilie Năstase for starters but this kinda thing was apparently not uncommon in the seventies and early eighties on the pro and exhibition circuits. But then tapered off as the health risks became more apparent, drug testing more common and players got more professional about their diet and exercise regimes.

Of course, if you're a wealthy, famous, glamourous and well connected young person who's current career is winding down, who knows how you may chose to party hearty these days? If I was in Martina's position now Tony, you'd would have to had photoshopped in not a spoon but a dustbuster set to um..."blow".

[carneagles]

Bah, it's only the Eagles we hear about. Anyone else and it's injunctions-a-go-go, baby.

Call me a cynic, I've been called worse.

I've only heard this second-hand, but apparently HG Nelson dropped a comment on the radio the other day about an ex-AFL star's retirement bearing strong similarities to Hingis's retirement. Anyone hear that?

[Tony T.]

Because I'm a wealthy, famous, glamorous and well connected young person whose current career is winding down, I was doing something else and missed HG's comments. Wonder who he might have been talking about. I bet every fan of every club is thinking "I hope it's not So-And-So." I certainly have a likely suspect at Melbourne.