SMEAR CAMPAIGN

Exposed: the squalid underbelly of suburban Melbourne. But in my defence, I was bored...

Mystery dog poo dauber

A KEW East resident who had dog poo dumped on her front fence and driveway is not amused.

Colleen, who did not want to give her surname, awoke to find the piles of smelly dog excrement on Wednesday, November 14.

Colleen had put up a sign on her fence days earlier, after becoming fed up with dog droppings littering her property. She also left out some plastic bags as a helpful gesture.

"It's really upsetting and frightening that someone would do something like that," she said Colleen reported the incident to police.

"If it becomes an ongoing issue, we'd start looking at harassment type offences (such as) offensive behaviour, trespass and stalking," Boroondara Sen-Constable Greg Cotter said.

Colleen said she could not understand why anyone would be offended by her polite sign. But she said she would not be "intimidated or bullied" into not putting another sign out in future.

Boroondara Council local laws state a person "in charge of an animal" must carry a bag or similar to remove animal excrement or face a $200 fine.

Comments

[Tony T.]

Poo Dauber was in Mork And Mindy, you know.

[nick]

Hey, at least someone didn't shoot her! Isn't manure good for the lawn and the plants?

[Francis Xavier Holden]

I'll be happy to riot in the streets against dog walkers and their excrement.

It's mysteriously stopped now but some idiot with a huge dog (or at least a dog with huge turds) would leave a large moist barker's egg or two on my nature strip just where you get out of the car at night and inevitably get it squished into the grooves of the soles.

I was driven to peeping out blinds at night to try to nab the culprit but no luck.

I only reckon they stopped because their pit bull/alsation/rotty/pig dog/cross dog on a bit of string was shot by police whilst it was trying to eat someone's baby or elderly aunt.

[girtbysea]

Thanks Tone, that was food for the sole.

[Gareth]

I thought that picture was meant to run with the post below.

[nick]

Gareth : 'It's unfunny because it's poo?'
Surely not.

ps Catherine Deveny's article is below the turd, i think.

[Tony T.]

It all comes together:

Gaz: "I thought that picture was meant to run with the post below."

TT: "Just scoot across it, take a quick sniff, then look around for a patch of grass to wipe it off my foot."

Nick: "It's unfunny because it's poo."

Age: "Catherine Deveny has just released a collection of her columns."

She's a filth columnist.

[Tony T.]

Come to think of it, that picture up there would make a good cover for her book.

[Uncle J Rod]

Who would have thought blue bloods in kew would have a sense of humour.

[Nabakov]

This kinda crap gives me the shits. I can get pretty dogged about keeping it on a short leash.

Funning aside, dogs are great but also high maintenance and owners need to take responsibility for their pets' exuberant lifestyles. As I did with my collection of Giant Flesheating African Leopard snails.

I remember once sitting at some open air pub around Apollo Bay, enjoying the fresh salty seaside ambience, when a very large dog laid an enormous foul stinking barkers egg right on the pavement in front of us while its owner looked the other way like it was nothing to do with her.

A member of our party shouted "Hoy lady! What's your address so we can come around and shit on your doorstep later on tonight!" She pretended she never heard that while the dog cheerfully smiled, panted and wagged at us.

Dogs are the best people. Unlike many of their owners.

[Professor Rosseforp]

I noticed that when John Fahey was running against himself for some token anti-doping agency (perhaps not the first time that Fahey's name and "dope" were mentioned in the same sentence), his possible opponent had the surname Drut, which, as every snickering schoolboy knows, is POO spelled backwards.

[boynton]

Further to Nabakov -
Don't blame the dogs if your neighbours are giving you the shits.
(But if you go all petty with the signage, they probably will)

[Tony T.]

J-Rod: You'd be surprised; Kew East, Kew and especially Fa... no, I can't.

Nab: Razzing the Pretended Not To Hear person is one of life's joys.

Prof: Drut has a brother called Tihs.

B: I blame their chainsaws, not their dogs, signs and dog signs.