TONY TEE'S TOURIST SEIZIN'

Recently caught Steven King's Desperation, a fillum in which tourists lob into the desert town of Desperation only to be nabbed by a psychotic local sherrif. That sounds fine, doesn't it, but as with much of King's gear, it drifts away to a flaccid morality lesson. Ron Perlman is typically great as the sherrif - "So, you're an organ donor... is that wise?" Trust me; it's better on film. - but Desperation fades away to a quasi-religious wank-fest lecture involving mining, earth spirits, exploitation and retribution. Not so much different to a lot of King's material, I suppose; it's OK in moderation, or when it's better balanced like Salem's Lot, which is gold (even the Aussie mini-series is pretty good), but too often King sets up his stories brilliantly, only to have his endings fall on their mystic arses.

But it's not Desperation per se that I'm on about here - check it out if you've nothing better to do - it's low budget schlockers. You see, I'm well enough educated, know lots about lots of things, have a pretty tightly tuned bullshit detector, have seen many, many so-called better movies to make comparisons with, yet here I am in my forties, well into my harumpfage, and I'd rather watch the likes of Desperation than pretty much any of the noted fillums that regularly appear on Foxtel, which is where I watch my movies.

Tell me "I simply must see Sommersault", brandish anything even slightly worthy in my dial and, to quote Terry Wallace, "I'LL SPEW UP!"

But why?

Why do I prefer ostensibly stupid movies like Deadbirds, Wrong Turn, John Carpenter's Vampires, and The Hitcher to anything that might get a glowing review in the weekend glossies? Surely it can't be as simple as me being simple. I mean, I like your important movies, your big movies, your famous movies, your foreign worthies, too, but nowadays you can stick them while I settle into the classics: Shock Waves, Impulse (the little ripper with Tim Matheson, not the nonsense with the over-rated Theresa Russell) or 2001 Maniacs.

Comments

[nick]

Obviously your predilections run to writing eruditely about the simple rather than simply watching the erudite.

ps : I thought The Hitcher was great. Not as good as Blind Fury. Which was not as good as Blade Runner (but that IS a classic).

[Tex]

"but Desperation fades away to a quasi-religious wank-fest lecture involving mining, earth spirits, exploitation and retribution"

Sounds a lot like the book then.

Does it have the child-hero in it? I hate fucking child heroes. Little kids faced with demonic enemies would be shitting their undies and hiding behind daddy, not teaching the cowardly stupid adults to look deep within themselves.....

[Tony Tee]

N: Hitcher is indeed a top flick. While Rutger is a memorable baddie in Bladerunner, he's your more authentic VERY bad guy in Hitcher.

T: Reading here and there it seems the film and book, which I haven't read, are similar but not too similar. And there is a fucking child hero. In this case a scripture quoting super-goodie. The movie would have been significantly improved if he was the first one to get the chop.

[Uncle J Rod]

Any film with "John Carpenter's" before the title is gold.

Classic line in Vampires. A master vampire who walks in the day time, unstoppable, unless we stop him.

[Tony Tee]

There are few directors that could match John Carpenter's Gold between '76 and '84: John Carpenter's Big Trouble in Little China, John Carpenter's Starman, John Carpenter's Christine, John Carpenter's The Thing, John Carpenter's Escape from New York, John Carpenter's The Fog, John Carpenter's Halloween, John Carpenter's Assault on Precinct 13. Chuck in Elvis the Movie which is pretty good, and Dark Star which is cult royalty.

[Tony Tee]

Although Starman was a bit sappy and Big Trouble didn't quite work as an Indiana Jones Escapes from New York type of thing.

[Uncle J Rod]

I like Big trouble, probably only cause Kurt just pisses off and cant be bothered with Kim catrall at the end.

Starman is a bit shit.

His film in the recent masters of Horror JC's ciggarette burns is pretty cool too if you ever get a chance to see it.

[Francis Xavier Holden]

Just scored the original John Waters Hairspray at Sanity for $8

[Uncle J Rod]

They still have sanity stores, who knew.

[Tony Tee]

Masters Of Horror is good value; hats off to Foxtel.

FX, Hairspray, Sanity. I'm struggling with that mix.

[Nabakov]

Yes, a salute to the weird little genre-bending horror/chiller/thriller/fantasy/SF direct to Vid/DVD movies out there fathered and stepfathered by the likes of John Carpenter, Roger Corman, Robert Solo, weirdo europudding consortiums et al.

Here's a few for starters

http://imdb.com/title/tt0114367/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106452/
http://www.amazon.com/Redline-Rutger-Hauer/dp/B00002NDLT
http://iafrica.imdb.com/title/tt0280962/usercomments?start=11
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0419677/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0390384/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080057/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075930/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089153/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099740/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243759/
http://imdb.com/title/tt0381966/
http://imdb.com/title/tt0059742/
http://imdb.com/title/tt0079714/

None of them are great filmic masterpieces and a lot fall apart at the end but they are all (Except for one. Can you spot it?) movies full of unforgettable moments that big budget and/or "serious" filmmakers would never have conceived of. With the possible exception of a young Stan Kubrick or Dave Fincher.

And yes John Carpenter and Kurt Russell was one of the best screen director/actor partnerships ever, up there with Ford and Wayne, Huston and Bogart, Hitchcock and Stewart, Herzog and Kinski, Burton and Depp or as Cronenberg and Mortensen is now shaping up.

[Nabakov]

And Boorman and Marvin.

[Nabakov]

And Brett Ratner and his anus.

[Tony Tee]

Well, obviously The American Astronaut.

"In space... noone can hear you sing."

[Ann O'Dyne]

Kool Kurt.

Snake Plisken.

that's all I'm gonna say.

[Snake]

Call me Plissken.

[Tex]

"The Thing" is one of the best movies ever made

[Tony Tee]

Correct. See here.

[Nabakov]

Another testament to the all round awesomeness of The Thing is that people who actually work in the Antarctic regard it as a brilliant (and pretty accurate) movie too.

The rest of the big dead place site is also worth wandering around. Apparently hammers are the weapon of choice for those that go crazy there, the chaplain gets spoked by pagan snowmen and disco clothes are popular for booze and sex binges.

[Tony T.]

Another fillum set in Antarctica is Alien vs. Predator.

Most people probably think it's merely an exercize in kerching cash-in, but it's really quite good and certainly better than the IMDB's 5.4 rating. Skips along nicely, doesn't drag on, good action scenes. It certainly gets the TT seal of approval.