WORLD CUPDATE XVIII: THE DARK SIDE OF THE FARCE

I knew things were about to go boss-eyed around 11:30, that's when I received a text from my brother: Rain! A snag, yes, but who knew the final would culminate in such a fiasco. Even if, in a perverse way, it served to cap the debacle that was WC2007. It was bloody funny, too. The great pity is that it turned what should have been Gilchrist's Match into an embarrassing joke.

Nor were the omens auspicious. Sam Newman didn't think we would win the World Cup because it is rigged against us. Tim Lane wrote that it would be better if the Shrees won, but he was probably having an off day given he also compared cricket to the 1986 Edinburgh Commonwealth Games. The Demons got belted - again. And I had a chronic guts ache, so last night I wasn't able to do a mozz post. It was this, and not so much the guts ache, which played on my mind all night. Those of you uneducated in the way of the mozz will think I'm mad, those of you savvy in these matters know exactly where I'm coming from.

TEEM OF OFFICIALS

Morgan, Alarm, Bowfingers and Rudy have given us plenty of grief. To be fair, they've also given us a pretty good recent run. Naturally, as soon as you give them the benefit of the doubt they bite you as they joined with Jeff Crowe to make a complete balls up of this morning's light business yesterday night.

HEAD-TO-HEAD

The Aussies are the better side, but the match-ups suggested we might struggle if the Shrees got amongst our top order exposing Shameless and Sideshow to Murali. Not sure if Hussey has ever faced him, not sure if he's faced anyone lately, and Roy bombed in 2004. Clarke would have had minimal exposure, too. Thankfully, Gilly saved his best for the final.

THE STREAK

Twenty-three wins on the trot was hanging over our head with Damoclean menace; surely we had to lose sometime.

DREADGBASTON

Punter may have been tempted to bowl when he won the toss. Rain, sweaty covers, greeny top. But we know he's never again going to put the other side in.

DO THE DUCKYLOO

Then, just when you thought things were about to arrive at their loonnng-awaited conclusion, God chucked in a 24'', chrome-vanadium, adjustable spanner (with Advanced TorquePlus Fastening!) - it was raining and the match revisited the 2003 final.

DOPES ROPED

Really, though, if we'd lost it would have been a rank injustice, or Sammy Newman was onto something and not just being paranoid. 

SUCKERS TO BE PUNCHED

Going by orthodox wisdom Australia are gawn. Haven't won in ages, injuries galore, bowlers couldn't hit the front of a sightscreen, can't defend, fielding is sloppy, Yarprica on a roll, Engerland full of confidence, Un Zud hooped on cock. It all adds up to a combination of crisis, panic stations, disarray, trouble AND strife.

To listen to the pundits' flack you'd think Australia had lost each match by an innings. Geese. Australia have merely refused to show their hand through a tedious series of slightly strenuous practice matches in which key players have been rested and possibles trialled, thus lulling their too-quick-to-gloat adversaries into a lethal trap. Come in spinners.

Did no one see the smiles on the Aussie faces as the Kiwis went the tonk in the Chadlee? Sure, they would have liked to win, who doesn't. But did they really care? Is the Pope a German. I mean, who can take Craig McMillan seriously when it matters? Those were the cheery - and not even slightly embarrassed - smiles of sportsmen quietly confident their plans were about to bear fruition.

It will be satisfying indeed when Sorth Efrica shit themselves in the semi final; NZ have their usual overexpectations deflated by an outsider; and England fail to get out of the group stage, dudded by too many reverse sweeps.

Never. In. Doubt.

FYBERSPACE

Comments

[Bruce]

When Gilly bats like that, no mozz is required. It was outright carnage.

Shameless has faced Murali. He joined the tonk fest at the SCG and nearly got Murali's first ton with the ball.

[Yobbo]

Watson is just so fucking terrible. The worse he gets the more Ponting loves him. Not only is he bowling ahead of Symonds, Clarke and Hogg, he is now BATTING ahead of Hussey and Clarke.

I mean, What The Fuck? He bowls straight up and down, is not among the best 40 batsman in the country, and dropped a catch that could have cost us the world cup. Hack Hack Hack Hack Hack. Please, for the love of god, can we get rid of him now?

[Lad Litter]

Three World Cups on the trot giving us a commanding four in total. And if those Aussie batsmen back in the '75 final hadn't been so keen on sucidal singles against Viv's arm, we might have five. At least back in '75 I was in no danger of falling asleep on the couch, watching our brand new colour TV.

[Lad Litter]

Three World Cups on the trot giving us a commanding four in total. And if those Aussie batsmen back in the '75 final hadn't been so keen on sucidal singles against Viv's arm, we might have five. At least in '75 I was in no danger of falling asleep on the couch, watching our brand new colour TV.

[bindi]

Tony your "suckers to be punch" post was inspired, ahead of its time, and shows the power of your unalcoholaddled mind to its best advantage.

Probably why I loiter here so frequently.

Sigh

[Mark]

Quite simply the best ODI innings I've ever seen.

I don't think the wicket was quite as easy as the commentators were making out... the ball didn't seem to be quite coming on to the bat - but Gilchrist was simply awesome.

[Scott Wickstein]

Why is it that all these leftwing types are always happy to see Australia get beaten? I contrast that with one of Richie Benaud's last interviews in England in 2005; Hack- Isn't it good for cricket for England to win the Ashes?
Benaud: (Withering) It's never good to see Australia beaten.

The self-flagellation of these leftist sorts always strikes me as odd. Must be something they pick up in school.

[nick]

Left + batting = beautiful.
Left + thinking = woeful.
Sri Lanka won in 1996. Was that good for cricket? Australia have dominated for the last 11 years. Message to the rest of the world - get your finger out!
Watson - never previously been a fan...but, if he can stay on the park, he is a bowling option, a good bat anywhere in the order, a member of a World Cup winning team, and (usually) a good field. Hopes, White et al (and they haven't had his chances) aren't close at the moment.
Anyway, which team are we going to win it with in 2011?

North
Jaques
Clarke
Ponting
Hussey
Symonds
Haddin
Watson
Lee
Tait
Hilfenhaus

Clark?
Bracken?
Cullen?
White?
Cosgrove (fit not fat)

[nick]

It's fashionable to hate your team...when they're smashing allcomers and have been for 11 years. Just forget about when we were at the bottom. Similar to other things really

[Scott Wickstein]

Another Question without notice- how many Man United fans are wondering if it's bad for football that they've won yet another Premiership title?

[nick]

When I left England in 91, I was a Man U fan - they had won very little. They were viewed with affection by a lot of non-aligned fans, much like Sydney are now (this is just my view and may be crap). I discovered the Crows and the Australian Cricket and forgot about soccer for a while. Man U won everything...and were the evil empire...until Chelsea came along. Que sera sera.

[nick]

ps: A selection of whingeing Poms and Lefties (I'm now an Aussie citizen)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/tms/2007/04/world_cup_final_your_verdict.shtml

"I suspect Australia would have gotten the better of Sri Lanka whatever happened, but would have been nice to have found out on a level playing field. It might not be the Aussie's fault, but one innings in the light on a dry pitch and one in the dark on a wet pitch is hardly fair - if only DL took that into account too."

"What a joke, Sri Lanka didn't deserve to lose in such a farcical manner as that. Even England could have done pretty well in the cup if their opponents were made to bat in darkness....!"

"This reminded me of the 2000 US Presidential election between George Bush and Al Gore... Thank God this match didn't take that long to decide, though. Chaos."

[nick]

"It was a deeply frustrating World Cup - the third in a row that has spectacularly failed to live up to its billing - and one that will be remembered more for events off the field than glorious deeds on it."

Jonathan Agnew.

I agree with a lot of the above, but..why is it only an issue when Australia win? There were great games in 99, less in 03, and 07 a joke...but as described above? Get fucked, get practicing, and put your money where your mouth is in '11.

[Samir Chopra]

A shithouse World Cup; a worthy champ. But the Aussies would do well to get rid of Shane Watson. Theres got to be better - come on, Aussies, Advance Australia Fair.

[Russ]

Gotta love the ICC officialdom. I bet they are feeling pretty pleased that they've got rid of Darrell Hair for his arrogance and stubborn adherence to the laws, and retained those umpires who are arrogant and exhibit a stubborn adherence to an incorrect application of the laws.

Nick, we'd need to White, you are a frontline bowler (and a spinner) short. Though it would be good to have a better spiner than White.

Samir, if there is someone better than Watson running around in 4 years time then that doesn't bode well for the opposition. He'd be one of the first names on the team sheet in any other side in the world.

[Scott Wickstein]

Russ- Moises Henriques.

[Bruce]

The ICC can thank its' luck stars that a class act like Jayawardene is the current captain of Shree Lanka and not a protege of Ranatunga. I am prepared to give them a little more credit as Shrill Lanka would have made them come back tomorrow as Rudi asked. WTF would the ICC do when they realised at some point between them deciding that the overs had to be played and starting play the next morning that the match was completed? Would they have gone and knocked on Punter's door at 11PM or something and handed him the trophy?

However bad it was, it could have been a lot worse had not Jayawardane been a class act.

[nick]

Jayawardene is a class act, and led his side well, with his brain and his bat. Sadly, the legacy of Ranatunga lives on with the chucker.

[woody]

Well my straightforward Aussie win was bang on (although I was 15 runs out on the margin). All credit to them, a terrific outfit. Gilly's innings was a thing of beauty. Forget all the whiners, domination by an excellent team is fine by me - forces the rest to raise their game, eventually.

However, has there ever been a worse world cup in any sport? I think not. 7 weeks long and smack in the middle of the rainy season. Fucking genius.

With a bit of luck the one day game is doomed leaving us gentlemen and scholars with the classic test scenario, and 20/20 for the crackheads who need a six every two deliveries.

[Scott Wickstein]

Actually its dry season over there. I've heard the downpours in August are terrific.

[Yobbo]

Russ, there are better players than Watson in Australia RIGHT NOW. Hodge should never have been dropped for him during the world cup for a start.

We don't need his bowling when players like Symonds and Michael Clark aren't getting a bowl. They are both better bowlers than Watson is.

Pace isn't everything. Symond's medium pacers are better than Watson's in both forms of the game, and on top of that he can bowl spinners if we play on a turning track.

We already have an all-rounder - Andrew Symonds. If they want an extra batsman they should pick a BATSMAN. There are plenty of good ones running around - North, Hodge, Jacques, D. Hussey, Thornley etc, most of whom can also roll their arms over.

Sticking with Watson is just hurting other better young players.

[Russ]

Yobbo, feel free to show me where I mentioned whether Watson should have been playing for Australia in the World Cup just gone? Symonds is 32 in a month. He may still be running around in 2011, but I doubt you'll get much bowling from him. He was fortunate to be playing in this World Cup.

Watson's bowling isn't great, but he'll replace Symonds unless there is someone better. We can't afford to depend on one or two part-timers for the fifth bowler. Better to have a bowler - however limited - and some support, than to be scratching around for anyone to buy a wicket when things are falling apart.

Recalling my comment though. If there is someone better than Australia will still be dominating, because Watson (despite his troubles) is still better than practically every other all-rounder in world cricket. That says more about world cricket than it does about Watson, but it doesn't make it false.

[kris]

I am sure, next time Gilli comes in to bat and hits couple of boundries, captains would be eager to have a look at his glove. Squash ball in a glove? and legal? got to be kidding me. Only he must know how many times he used it before to get cheap runs.

[Tony.T]

Tell it walking, Kris.