WORLD CUPDATE XVI: GRIN AND BOER IT

We're gone. I know it, you all know it, Dean Jones knows it. "Woke up this morning with a bad feeling; I just think we're going to blow it." That, on 3AW today, was met with a hearty "No way!" but he's merely echoing the thoughts of many Aussie fans. While the media fatheads can afford to be upbeat - win and they can beat up the final, lose and they can beat up an upset - the rest of us know something's about to go wrong. We bat first on a greeny. Flatty finally flops. Gilly continues his dud form. Punter runs himself out again. Clarke, well, gets out. Sideshow Roy hits a quick-fire 18. Shameless can't get going. Paper Cut holes out trying to resurrect the innings. The tail make donkeys of themselves. Shit gets wickets galore. Then South Africa bat, the pitch has settled down, we drop a few, and they do it easy.

Tell me I'm wrong.

The worst thing about this World Cup is that you miss most of the action. The best thing about this World Cup is that you miss most of the action.

If there's a bigger wanker in world cricket than Graeme Smith, I haven't seen him. People rabbit on about how arrogant, nasty and vile the Aussies are, but the idea of Smith smugging on about how they've gotten the monkey off their back is too much to bear.

On the upside - well done Sri Lanka for getting rid of Un Zud. Who here doesn't work with an irritating kiwi? Imagine going to work next week and having to put up with all that "we the bist, bro", followed by something on the underarm and, for good measure, chapter and verse about nitball and the 1976 Olympic hockey final. Hideous. No, despite Murali's continued theft of wickets, I can't bring myself to dislike the rest of the Shrees. Vaas, the two Jayas, Sangers, all class. Now it's down to them to do the right thing and thump Sorth Efrica in the final. Better still, beat them in dodgy circs.

Comments

[woody]

Put the pills away, Tone. There is no chance of the Aussies copping a loss today. The entrails of todays sacrificial chicken,allied to the evidence presented by my tealeaves state a 100 run victory if batting first or 7 wickets if batting second. Your boys simply have too many options. They just need to show some moral courage, and be..er, morally courageous.

[Tony.T]

Noted, Woody, although my entrails say different.

(They also say "it was not morally courageous to eat those dodgy fish & chips last night".)

[nick]

Further to my predictions for the group match between these two sides, I too have consulted the entrails of some non-specific animal from the local Chinese takeaway.

South Africa batting first.
Score 327
Kallis 104 (104)
Smith 86 (51)
Tait 0/92
Hogg 0/67
McGrath 3/56

Australia batting first.
Score 271
Openers fail.
Punter and Clarke recover.
No-one takes hold.
Late order slogging reaches the score above.
Symonds to rip his bicep.
Watto to be injured.
Hodge on as specialist fielder.

[Vindicate]

That'll do Smiths ego a power of good.

[Scott Wickstein]

Despair I can cope with; it's the hope that I can't stand. But yeah I think this is Pigeon's swansong as well.

[nick]

4 down for 27, can S.Africa emulate Australia against the Windies in 96 (recovered from 4 for 15 I think)....

[nick]

What a swansong!

[Amanda]

Heh. Chokers. Heh.

[nick]

I foresee a bad case of Small Chase Syndrome.

[Scott Wickstein]

Nice recovery by the Yarpies here. This isn't over by a long stretch.

[pat]

I was so worried I knew there was only one thing for it - I promptly fell asleep since last I wrote.

Time now 01:57 - score SA 8/107 LOFL You f*&*ng beauty.

[pat]

Woohoo - 9/130

[pat]

3 full tosses from Watson to Kemp - 3 fours. Is it so hard to make the ball hit the pitch?

[nick]

Kemp is an awesome hitter. Really reminds me of Klusener circa 1999. Let's hope South Africa don't remind me of that day in Sydney chasing 110-ish...

[pat]

150 to win. Judging by the commentary from Botham the Saffas got themseves out and judging what I have seen the pitch isn't doing too much. On that basis its a big case of nerves and an even bigger case of "Small Chase Syndrome" that stands between Oz and the final.

I've just started a novena to St Jude, patron saint of lost causes, just in case he decides to intercede on behalf the Saffas.

[Scott Wickstein]

Kemp's quite capable and we dodged a bullet there bowling them out for 149. I saw him tear India to pieces in Cape Town at the start of the year, he's able to hit the ball a long long way.

Another nervous small total chase coming up!

[pat]

Yep - he's got a big arse too. I remember Roy & HG making a chart of arse to batting ratios and there is some truth in the matter. I believe a big arse in the right proportions does give the batsman a centre of gravity conducive to big hitting.

The question now is, do I go to bed or do I stay up? I've got the ab-swing setup and Guthy Renker's Core Secrets Introductory kit so it's time to tone up those abs, interspersed with Coffee, cigarettes and some E-News. Even if we lose I'll look sthimply ab-ulous.

[Scott Wickstein]

I've been watching those fishing babes that they had on during the break. More entertaining then watching Yarpies bat.

[pat]

Shit - I missed that. Where's the babes?

[pat]

Is Billy Joel the new Guthy Renker? This 'concert' where he explains his music yadda yadda yadda (Nooo Joisey accent) seems to get alot of early hours airplay. Glad I'm not an insomniac.

[nick]

The plebs with channel Nein get pro-union claptrap...but those of us with the joy of Foxtel get a simply stunning young lady advertising beer. It's all good!

[nick]

Where's Tony? In bed having nightmares about the South Africans thumping the Dees by twenty goals, no doubt.

[pat]

Not only do I have to suffer channel Nein's indignities the receptions so bad the screen is covered in snow.

Just going through the FOW McGrath was on a hat-trick in the 9th over. SA lost 5 wickets in the first 10 overs. That would have been great to watch.

[pat]

Shit a brick! O'Donnell and Heals just gave us the most horrendous mozzing. Heals "Look to Gilchrisy and Hayden doing it by themselves". O'Donnell advertising "The Ultimate Hat Trick" autographed bat, 200 copies, for when we win the Cup. O'Donnell then said (or was it Heals) that we can get some practice for the final in a semi. Sheesh.

[pat]

And so it begins. Gilchrist you cockhead!

[pat]

Could everyone just flick channels for a tick to 10, place your hand on the screen close your eyes and join Benny Hinn in prayer. Please Lord, let our boys see this one through.

[pat]

1 for 70 somno pacis, 1 for 70 somno pacis, 1 for 70 somno pacis, ...

[pat]

Poor shot from Punter. He was looking so good. Great over from Nel but you could see that all he was looking for was the yorker. Damn.

[pat]

100 to go - 8 wickets in hand.

[pat]

Saffas choke again and never had Oz under pressure. Smith should be dropped from Captaincy as Heals suggests.

The final is the best match up and best outcome for the Cup. The Lankan batting is weak but their bowling is strong. Only the chucker, the mangled skunk and Vaas.

[Tony.T]

Well, sometimes I'm just too good for my own good.

Don't thank me.

[pat]

Your mozzing powers will be put to the ultimate test this Saturday. Keepup the good work.

[SB]

Praise the Lord!